Me & my boyfriend Have been together for 5 months now, its not that long but we do speak about our future with eachother, we both have diffrent outlooks on the future his being that he does not want to get married but would love me as a longterm partner. Mine being that I want marriage and kids and everything to be excited about, i was upset that he didn’t want to get married in the future till i listen to his reason why, because most marriages fail nowadays and once the ring is on the relationship is no longer the same and can sometimes split a couple apart rather then building it more, he also doesn’t wanna get into all the fuss about who gets to keep what. So he told me he wants to get married just not lawfully, meaning that our relationship remains the same basically.
I was quite satisfied with this seeing as he still does want to get married just with precautions. I’d day sit down with your partner and talk about it instead of waiting for him to do something out of the blue one day. If he doesn't want to get married all around that is perfectly okay it will only become a problem if you start to get whiney about it. Some men are just not open to marriage and if you feel thats not for you and you suddenly fall out of love with him for that that’s pretty harsh.
Ask him his reasoning is he does come to a conclusion that he's not opposed to marriage. That being said there are some guys who slowly fall out of love with their partner along the way and begin to have a ball & chain relationship with you they may not be asking you to get married because they are not sure you’re the one they want to spend the rest of their life with. I promise you 7 years it not even that long some people get married after being together for a couple decades 😂.
You just meed to sit down with him and find out what he wants in the future then you can move forward with that.
I think more than 3 or 4 years is too long. Is he building her a house? A boat? What's the holdup?
Stats say if you haven't tied the knot or made some kind of commitment after 3 to 5 years, it'll never happen. It's a stall. Someone else on here had been with someone for 3 years, they were headed to grad school and he broke up with her because he was on another path.. or some such excuse.
The common wisdom is people show their colors from 6 months to 2 years. If the hammer's going to drop, it usually does by then. When you're languishing in some nether region, neither moving forward or cutting bait after then, a talk might be worth your time if you want something more serious.
Often someone will stay with a person simply to "have a person." Not from any deep love or commitment. Then someone else comes along and zowie, they see stars. They were just marking time with the initial person. Horrible for that person.
Yeah I don’t understand her and she was begging him not to leave
Sometimes people can't see that forest exists and are stuck on one tree!!!
Have you ever seen Man in love?
He could possibly marry you in week or two... so and I :)
If I really adore you i would be spontaneous- and never make such mistake guys do -promise things and not making it happen by making her wait... if a girl wants a guy to get married her it means she is so in Love- she thinks you are best, and it is best kind of feeling u can get from a girl u love 😊😍
it's a rare feeling! And not to be wasted but appreciated.
2 reasons why he can't wait to finnally get married her: she is tottaly fun! & he is crazy about her😍2. He is so in love that the an idea of loosing her makes him sad deppressed so he wants to start beautiful family with her asap. So every time he looks at her daughter he sees how she reminds of his beloved wife:))
If those two don't apply to guy- he will always hessitate... He might not sure about her in long term-l if a girl has a habit or everytime she upset she is goes to a parties or pubs after work alone... sleep overs at her 'girl friends' -Coming back drunk.
... personally I couldn't stand an idea-image in my head of my future WIFE -mom of our kids at the bar chatiting/laughing with other guys.
GUYS... trying them luck on her. The idea That one day when she is drunk and unhappy she might kiss another guy... or worst-falls in love.
Woman is to be trusted. If a guy don't trust her-he will never want to get involved with RING exchange in the church if he is religious.
He just don't want that pain... after divorse.:)
And the reason you don't understand 'why she didn't leave his ass..." is because u never trully experienced love in your heart , yet;)
There are 2 different type of love:1 the sub-conscious love
2. conscious love.
The first one is difficult to get over just because it's so deep inside you and u can't think of negative about him/her for long I call this type of love "We love only once, love-unconditional love".. even u devorse u still love them a lot.
2 one is conscious love. It looks like the first one but Till first worst argument! And Bad words coming your way.
First one can last while second one... u always have to work on it.
U just love someone and u always find reason 'why'not to love someone when u upset. Holding grunges.
Willingness to get better, heal each other wounds is called healthy true love.
To experience this type of love it takes trust that there out there is a Man for you... dreaming to finally meet you, too:) And if u loose that imagine of This true love! u loose HIM too... he won't be able to find... recognise you:)
What do you mean I’ve never truly experienced love in my life do you know me? I’ve been in a relationship for two years now and ever since the beginning we’ve both known that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. Our parents are different and won’t let us move in unless we’re married which is why marriage is important to us
Almost*
As a guy who only dated for dating sake, my now wife, changed my views in our dating relationship. From the get go, she made it clear that she was dating with intention for marriage. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," I said. "Slow down there. We're just getting started and you want to talk about marriage?" She smiled gleefully and replied, "Yup, is that a problem? If so, we don't have to date. I just need you to know my motives for giving this a shot." It was at that moment in our relationship that I knew I was going to marry this woman. She's awesome in every way. In. Every. Way. I have never met a woman with such deep conviction of what she wanted and why she wanted it. She stole my stubborn and selfish heart, wringed it out and gave it back new. Today, we're happily married 12 years. Faithful and loyal to one another.
Watch this short video for a deeper dive into why this is so important for woman - and men.
Opinion
52Opinion
So we have this fascinating divide. Men are pointing out legal stuff is not at all in their favour if they marry. Women largely say no marriage = no commitment.
For the record, I intend to marry as soon as, and I am willing to get the prefabricated government marriage package with all the downsides. Mostly because I expect my future wife to pause her carrier and take risks as well to spend time on children.
But lets propose solutions instead of dismissing the concept of marriage. You can get either or both the following options and clearly show you are ready to commit in serious way.
1. Lets say its a shitty deal, plus the government can change the conditions of your own marriage contract long after you sign it. Sucks, right? You can however legally get a custom package instead. It can cover eveything from sharing property to children to inheritance, name change... All you need. You can publicly insist on calling your wife a wife. In very few instances is there a need to "admit" its not quite the universal one-size-fits-all contract sanctified by the legal mafia called euphemistically the government.
2. You dont need a contract to have a big ceremony. Invite friends and family. Promise great things to each other, put on a big show and ask everyone present to bear witness and remind you of your pledges of undying love, should you seem to forget later. All the fancy dresses and rituals you could ever want are included. Dont let anyone tell you you can't have those just because the government has been naughty fora while!
What the shttt? Just a couple of questions…
Was this consecutive 7 years or were there breaks?
How old were you when you met? If you’ve met in HS it’s not weird that it’s been 7 years. But if you guys are in your mid to late 20’s or early 30’s then hon, wth… but still…
Have you guys talked and agreed not to marry or wait until a condition was met to do so?
Was there infidelity?
Are you guys financially stable? Home? Car? Stable job?
Do u guys agree on whether or not to have kids? Where to live? Who’ll be more child involved?
Agree on politics? Religion? Way of life?
This is not about me it’s about a show the woman is 30 and wants to have kids with the man that she’s been with for seven years but he doesn’t want to marry her
If nothing is happening by year 2, I am gone. It is clear the guy is not really interested in marrying you. You rarely see a guy who wanted to and does. I have and know guys who did, but for me, that is a big no-no. A guy who wants to get married talks about it and actually do it. They would include you, they would be the planner, they would take the lead, and they would not lead you on.
Men don't want marriage anymore, in general.
And women made it this way. Not all women, not good decent women, but plenty of women have been using men for validation, food dates, as walking wallets, gold digging, manipulating with kids and generally show lack of respect.
Don't get me wrong there are plenty of shitty men treating women badly, so we aren't perfect either.
Also signing a contract where the other side is rewarded for breaking it, while the first pays great penalties. No thanks, that's just retarded, no matter what the occasion.
And for women who think marriage means love or it means something or makes a relationship last longer needs to wake up from the fairytale.
Work towards giving men a fair deal and marriage numbers will start to rise again. Don't just ruin a good relationship for strange currently popular ideals.
You mean men don't want commitment?
Not from shit women from the USA , you don't need to be married in order to show commitment. Why in the fuck would I get married when a women can take half the money I earned by myself? My close friend was worth half a million dollars before meeting his ex wife who took his house and half his money when she cheated on him
My boyfriend since the first month of us dating told me that he wanted to marry me I guess he’s just more old fashioned than other guys. I’m glad that we both share similar goals though
Starwitch, i am in a 10 year commited relationship. All the women i have been with i have been exclusive with. I don't like a plain hookup, i commit to a person, all our break ups have been healthy.
What i am saying is that i don't have a commitment problem.
Now, lets say you go to a bank, to loan money for a beautiful home. Everything seems fine, you read the contract and it states that at any point the bank can jump out of the deal, even after the loan is finished and will own half of your home plus you have to keep making your monthly payments to preserve the banks lifestyle.
Sorry, no, that is just dumb.
And men are finally getting tired of the BS.
So ladies, instead of trying to shame us into marriage, like that's going to work on any gender. Listen our quarrels with it and try to make some changes.
^^^^ I hope you don't withdraw early you might lose interest. (Snickering)
https://youtu.be/Z6EsNyIRG-g
Well that really depends on the relationship. Sometimes you can be together and doing things building a life together. So the wedding may be a little to big an expense to manage.
Other times you could just going through the motions as your too afraid to find someone else.
Neither prepared to commit out of fear.
Or maybe its different values, you want marriage and he doesn't. (and a little peer pressure)
But staying whilst making yourself miserable to me seems like torture.
I'd have to really have a serious chat with myself about what I want and discuss it with him too.
In the west especially marriage is happiness for women
A Misery for men.
There is nothing in it for men to get married.
Even relationships alone are enough to put off most normal men.
You guys are young still.
As men grow older they’ll tolerate less horse shit from women.
Who the hack wants to sleep beside the same woman who nags him to death?
Fk that! A alone man is a happy man.
And a nice Pitt bull dog in a cabin of a beach house is all a man needs.
Soon Japanese sex robots will be so Advance that men are going to go out of their ways to ignore women and sex all together.
Different people different views 😂 believe it or not this is a dream for some people and no not all women are the same lol
There are women with chill personalities and then their are women that are kinda crazy lol. Nah I don’t I just always ask him if he ate and stuff
I’m not like that because I grew up around a woman like that and I know how annoying that is I’m more the person that gets ordered around 🤦♂️
Why do you feel this way?
Well it depends on when I started dating the guy. For example, I started dating my current boyfriend when I was 17, we will have been together for 7 years when we're 24 (if we get that far). 24 is very early to get engaged (to me), especially since we'll still both be studying to get our degrees by then. But in the case of the woman being 30, I would probably have brought marriage up before it got to that point. 19 is a bit early to explain to him that you want to get married one day, but at, say 26, after dating the guy for 3 years, I'd probably ask where he sees the relationship going.
@pink_and_inlove well if you stayed with him for 7 years already you must still be in love with him and he with you. You don't need a little piece of paper from the government to prove that you both love each other. Marriage just complicates things anyways and puts unnecessary pressure and expectations on the relationship. You're both In love and happy, don't fix something that's not broken with Marriage. Plus you've been with him 7 years knowing from the start he doesn't want marriage. You've had pleanty of time to ask him to marry. And don't give me that , "a man has to be the one asking" crap. You are both equals you could've and still could. But known that he doesn't want marriage and you asking would put a strain on your relationship and after spending all this time together it sounds it would be a total waste. You should just stay happy the way things are.
This isn’t about me it’s about a show
Personally I don’t believe in marriage as it is right now. I’m all for commitment, but a government contract that can be changed or used against you at any time is not about commitment.
My uncles wife cheated on him, left him for a rich doctor. Made him pay both child support and alimony for years. After the child support ended and their kids became adults he tried to run away with his new wife but they went after him and he spent years in prison. Now that he’s out he has to make backpayments to her, he can’t leave the state and he’ll be paying her and her rich boyfriend indefinitely. That’s so absurd it’s infuriating.
Make the laws fair and equal and more guys will consider marriage.
hell no. if he doesn't put a ring on it in two years, he can kiss my derriere as i walk out the door. as a matter of fact, if we haven't discussed marriage at all by around the 8 month mark or after 1 year, that is a red flag for me. i need a man that can commit and be willing to start a family with me, not a little baby who wants a second mommy to wash his dirty socks while offering nothing in return. having babies is very important to me, and i need a man that can commit and offer me loyalty. that means marriage. and women don't have any time to waste, because unlike men, we aren't able to have kids when we are 100 years old.
I think age does factor in a lot. With my first long term relationship when I was 19, we talked about marriage as a future concept and I said I didn't want to get married until my mid-late 20s. My partner agreed. So if that relationship had worked out we'd be going on 4 years now and I would still be at least 3 years away from expecting/wanting to propose or be proposed to.
At 23, I'm sticking with my mid to late 20s rule. If I met someone I really liked today and we started dating, I would still want us to be together for at least 4-5 years before marriage was seriously considered/proposed.
30 is trickier if the couple wants kids after marriage. I don't so that eliminates that rush, but I can see some people getting fed up with waiting
Same thing happened happened between my now EX and I. We were together 8 years. Whenever marriage came up in conversation it would literally turn into an argument. I think it ultimately failed because we both crossed each other’s boundaries beyond repair and we had zero respect for each other. It is what it is. I’m now in a relationship with a guy who wants to get married to me and has made that very clear. I’m making sure this time around I respect his boundaries and respect him as an individual so that I don’t make the same mistakes I did in my last relationship.
Wasting woman's youth should be crime. Unfortunately youth is one of the aspects that determines the woman's value on the dating market while nobody care about men's age. You should discuss about it in the first place about his views about marriage. If he does not want to marry you in the first but you still stay with him, then it is your fault. However, if he still did not marry her after many years although he told her that he likes to marry then he is at fault. No man who wants to marry makes his girl wait almost 10 years. Would he like it, if she made him wait for sex almost 10 years?
What if you’re not ready yourself? I mean I’m really young and being on and off with someone in a serious relationship for seven years where both know that eventually we’ll get married but are not ready yet. I won’t get married until I’m mentally prepared.
I’m talking about the woman that is 30 lol in the show
Getting marriage or not shouldn't make any difference towards how both partners feel towards each other. The love for each other shouldn't be affected. If you're together forever, why does it matter if you're married or not? It shouldn't be a requirement from anyone. The love for each other is the most important thing above everything else in a relationship.
No offense but this question and your reaction is being ungrateful. They're still together and (hopefully) love each other, those are the most important things.
Quote:
And now she’s begging him not to leave saying that she can’t live without him noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Need more information. He's leaving her now? If he is than that would explain why he said to wait longer to get married. Sounded like he wasn't sure about her.
Getting married*
Does she know his feelings about marriage in general? Has she ever asked? Plus, if she can just leave because of that, that personally tells me how committed SHE is. But every relationship is different and it can sometimes take a lot of time to know if marriage is right or not. There should be no "time" commit on it. Personally I don't believe marriage is necessary either to "prove commitment". It doesn't "prove" anything. And far "riskier" for the man in general if it ends in divorce. It can literally ruin the rest of his life financially. And women wonder why guys are reluctant?
People take it as not being serious. I don't know what the KDrama is, but looking at it another way, he's been committed to her for 7 years. So what's the big deal?
If the relationship has waned big time, or some cheating, or they think finding other people is too much work because they are afraid of dating, or stockhome syndrome, then yeah the relationship passed its expiration point.
But if the couple are just as passionate as the day they started dating, then marriage is just a bonus.
Also why did he tell her to wait 5 years? That's a really long time lol
By that point they are just too comfortable or they don't really care about the other person and could just be using them.
I got mixed up with some like that when I was young used me as a nanny a house maid and a bed warmer. I was dumb. Wised up and left
I stuck around with my ex for 12 years, and then only got married out of a difficult to explain financial reason. Not only did it take the excitement out of getting married (shotgun courthouse wedding. Yippee), it caused a lot of bitterness in the end four years later. At first I was excited cause it was all I wanted, but I realized that it wasn't important at all.
Gotta ask yourself, why the big need for it? Is it the name change? The status? Pressure to do things "the right way"? My first marriage is going to be my last, and as long as I snag a dude that will eat bacon while playing video games and listen to heavy metal with me, I'm happy as a clam☺️
When I first met my boyfriend he told me right away that he didn't want to get married, he just believes that you can be together as a long term relationship without getting married. As a little girl I had notebooks filled with wedding ideas, bridal gowns, etc... but I was honestly okay with the fact that I wasn't going to get married if I stayed with him. We've been together for 5 years now and I'm still happy and in love with him.
I'd stay because even if the guy would not ask to marry there is still love so just because there's no marriage proposal does not mean there is not love but just wait because I believe that soon that guy will give a marriage ptoposal.
as another has said and you confirmed they should have been up front. transparency is everything. I make it a point in the beginning:
-I want marriage
-I want at least 3 kids
-You need to be okay with me making 50-70K a year
-You need to believe in and stay committed to a monogamous relationship
-If you cheat we're DONE. I won't take you back no matter what you say/do because I've been betrayed too much in my life and people have abused my trust and kindness WAAAAY too much.
Only if we had been dating since HS and were still under the age of 21. But if we’re 21+, im not trying to date more than 3 years without marrying
This woman is 30
Yea she's wasting her time
Failed marriage is crippling for men… I date with no intentions of marriage. I refuse to be a statistic. When the laws change and divorce isn’t incentivized marriage with become a priority for me… but that’s going to take at least another few dozen women getting hit with alimony before laws change.
It actually depends. If he says why and gives an answer. Like a real/proper answer fine if not then I think I will leave him..
See if a guy likes u then he will marry u.. if ur of legal age to marry... If he does not then well that means he is not interested to be by your side 4ever or to support like an actual husband and only wants to have fun and all
It kind of depends on each other their stances on marriage. I'm sure the topic of marriage would come up after 7 years.
Has she expressed she wants to get married? Has he stated he doesn't ever want to marry?
All of that would matter. Maybe neither of them care about marriage.
Most people would be long gone by then. A few exceptions actually stay, and definitely the kdrama character stayed otherwise there's no "drama" it's just... k.
Lmao she wasn’t even the main 😂
I think most girls just end up dating someone, anyone, without much in terms of feelings, and he sticks around for the perks - be it food/sleeping together/having someone to talk to or rely on.
Very few pick and choose - or think about it/look for a matching intellect
Thats why most kids grow up without 2 parents.
@TheSpaceGnome pretty much. Property got elevated to being the primary means of living, thus, you could lose your significant other to keep property.
At a certain point, if half of his money is worth more than what he will bring in as income later - and you don't really like him - it's the time to dump him.
That led to property contracts/nuptuals - the moment those were introduced the number of new marriages got decimated.
The laws need to be changed so that upon divorce, neither party owes the other money or property in court.
Nope if a guy hasn’t married me in 2 years I’m gone. No point of staying with a guy who won’t commit! She’s become codependent on him and he’ll take advantage of her like he’s being doing. Silly her !
Marriage is for women and gay people. A real man doesn't want to play dress up and spend thousands of dollars on flowers and make long term promises.
Women should be the one's prosing since they're the only ones who actually want a marriage. A man never gets anything out of it anyway.
Depends. I was with a girl that long but we were in undergrad when we started dating and dated through grad school. We didn’t want to get married at the time. We did get engaged and ended up calling it off. We are still super tight so we will see if we try again ever.
I mean, marriage isn't that important to a lot of people, my sisters is likely not going to marry at all, they just have a partnership. As long as you communicate and agree, I don't see it as a problem.
It was that girl’s dream though
She wanted to get married and have kids and I guess in Korea having kids without marriage is a big taboo
They still have terms for people that get pregnant before marriage i forgot what it’s called though but they’re way more old fashioned than the west
I don't really know, as marriage has never been desirable to me. But if she wanted it, and he hasn't provided something that major, then yeah, she has a right to leave. But it doesn't make him messed up, as his opinion on marriage is subjective and he doesn't have to desire it.
I really can't judge different people and what they're going through. Every relationship is different. I would however never wait if there was no legitimate excuse. Otherwise I believe he would just be pushing me around.
Is this kdrama in English?
How does it work?
It has English subtitles
She stuck around because she has a mad crush on him. Some people are just plain fools when it comes to love.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/1_UM9AaUb4k I'm not the marriage type so yeah, I think I'd wait.
No. Im a true believer of the phrase “if he wanted to, he would”. Don’t waste your time if he hasn’t even proposed to you after 2 years. Not worth it.
It means she hasn't asked him either. So I have no sympathy.
If she would leaves before even asking herself then she's the insane one, and thus, fuck her.
She did she told him while she was crying that she wanted to get married
That's almost the same thing as just leaving. It's still a similar level of insanity to reach that level of breaking down and crying before doing it.
He is a Cozy fat Cat in the Corner who Doesn't want to Budge or Be Nudged. He likes the Way things Are by Far. Yesssssssssssssssssss, TRUE!!! xx
Why do you have to be married?
There are other ways to show commitment without spending $1000's on a wedding.
Didn’t you know that you could just get married by law and not have to pay much? That’s what I want to do
It's only a drama, kiddo. Don't read too much into it.
As for that dynamic. It seems a worse of both worlds relationship, but neither is willing to concede.
Eh she probably made him wait for sex so now he's making her wait for marriage. What's the issue? I mean if she really loved him she would wait right?
Nah she didn’t make him wait
I highly doubt it would take them 7 or more years to say "I do". By that time I already know if my partner is spouse material, so if our relationship isn't going anywhere then I'm moving on with my own life.
Maybe he doesn’t want to get married 🤷🏼♂️ he should let her know
Yeah in my opinion that is exactly why they should’ve states what their goals were at the beginning of a relationship
i think i'd bring up the subject and clarify intentions before i wasted the next few years of my life.
7 years is a long time with free sex and no commitment.
You don't have to get married. It's just a piece of paper and a few perks from the government. Ultimately, it holds the same weight as a long term relationship.
She should just offer to sign a prenuptial agreement. Then he should no longer be hesitant.
Yeah, if a woman wouldn't marry me after 5 years, I would move on and take some time for myself
7 years is a bit much. On that same token he might be afraid to get married because of what the courts do to men during divorce.
To get married, you must first graduate from college and have a job.
I’m not talking about me
That's Chad he takes her prime and leave her she will have trauma and broken Heart forever unless she get therapist. Women can't help it they will always go for that till they reach 30 and hit the wall later they go to TikTok to vent and ask where are all the good guys
Pink and inlove love that name.
I don't like practical people, I would have stayed with him if I were her, but as I am clearly not I can just respect her decision.
There is no reason for any man to ever get married in the West.
well marriage really isn't a necessity these days. In fact it never was really. some of the happier couples are unmarried.
Jokes on her sadly.
The guy knows within a year.
Dump if he wastes your time.
There is no longer any benefit to a man getting married, many men are opting out.
My girlfriend is with me in fifth byears and live in one roof.
That’s Basically a situation of why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free
My wife and I dated for 4 years before we got married. It was a joint agreement to wait
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