Why is it so hard for me to reject guys I’m not into?

[Anonymous]

I am super introverted but have no good excuse for staying home and not putting myself out there. So I’ve tried a handful of first dates off a dating app, and after the first date i’m positive i’m not into the guy. but he usually wants to plan something for next time and i find it’s so hard saying there is no next time. what’s the best way to say it? i feel so awkward and mean.

[paradiseonearth93]

Just remind yourself it’s actually more mean to give someone false hope and to waste their time in any way. I used to be just like you and then I realized (because it happened to me, funny how that makes you see things differently...) that it’s so much kinder to another person to just tell them the truth in the kindest way to allow them to let go. Now when I’m not feeling it with a guy, I tell him just that. I say there’s something missing I feel I need with someone and I think they’re great and wish them the best but I don’t see it going further. I’ve had a couple guys get super angry with me and say I didn’t give them a chance and I have been cursed out, but I think they’re being very childish. They don’t realize the gift they’ve been given in someone being direct with them in order for them to find someone more worthy of their time. Once you do it a couple times, you realize how right it feels and now I can’t imagine ever leading someone on because I wasn’t brave enough to just tell them the truth. I live by the principle treat others as you wish to be treated, and that’s what I’m doing.

[Anonymous]

It’s you or them. It’s not ‘niceness’ to choose other people over yourself it means you’re having zero backbone. Niceness and kindness are not the same. Niceness is self sacrificing yourself to please others like you’re not important. You are important and it is important for you to meet your own needs and not allow men to control what you do. It’s dangerous as well because some situations will require you to say no. You’re not on this planet to suffer just so you can keep a smile on someone’s face. Learn to be honest and saying no is being honest. It might hurt but it doesn’t harm the person.
When someone says no to you it will hurt you but you will accept it because everyone has the right to decline. So there, you also have the right.
Say no proudly, it’s attractive too. And you then control your life more

[calvisius]

I'm introverted to and if it's the same reason as me is because you don't like to hurt anyone in any way so you try your best for them to be confortable and not be hurt because of you

[boggboss]

Because you have not learnt to express yourself just say what people want to hear thats vary dangerous when it comes to dating and can also be selfish hun u should work on that

[Asker]

yeah i realized that and the consequences so i’m trying to just be upfront and honest about how i feel now. once a guy really thought i liked him back but i was just enjoying the conversation and the fact that he liked me. didn’t have romantic feelings toward him.