Was it wrong of me to stay with my ex after she lied about her age?

[Anonymous]

I’m going to make this post short because I don’t like talking about it. We also aren’t dating now, I although looking back I do regret it a bit, I still did have a lot of fun memories and such

I ended up matching with this girl on tinder 3 years ago, I guess where I’m from a lot of girls use tinder when their 16 and just lie on the app, I guess that should give you an idea of where I’m from and shit. ( disclosure I’m 21 and she’s 18 years old now which isn’t a big deal)

Anyways 3 years ago we match and hit it off, she's 16 and I’m 18 which I didn’t think was a big deal, not a lot of people cared. We hang out and I lose my virginity to her and all is cool and shit.

I think about 1-2 months in she tells me she’s 15 and she feels horrible and I’m scared because I’m like wtf we had sex that’s bad and not okay, fortunately enough for me 15 and 18 is legal where I’m from and a lot of people also did shit like that, I remember when I was in freshman year of highschool this one grade 9 got with a lot of 11th and 12th grades just as an example. And my parents and her parents just didn’t care so it was like okay and a lot of people she knew also did that. So not saying it was perfectly fine it was just like a lot of people are doing it, I’m fine.

Even thought it’s been years, I guess now I’m freaking out knowing she was actually 14 (because she lied) when we first started talking which makes me feel gross, and then realizing she had just turned 15 and I still dating her on and off, like I said before I wasn’t aware and I do feel very weird.

I’ll say that where I’m from 14-15 year olds can date someone who is 5 years and younger, I just feel uncomfortable about the whole situation and it’s just dawning on me and I wish I could take it back

I’m afraid of how people will see me and get cancelled I guess, I’m looking for some kind voices so please don’t roast me for my mistake

[kyleelyn199723]

Well for one, I am a woman and I can see you aren’t the issue here, I know some would think you are the problem but the bottom line is she lied. I probably wouldn’t have continued to see her though after she admitted her lie. If she lied about that, you have to question if she has lied about anything else now

[Asker]

it's more so that she ended up being 14 when we first started talking and that makes me uncomfortable, does it make me gross or anything that a continued to see her

[kyleelyn199723]

@akitahuskyboy I think it’s gross that she lied and her parents were not supervising her at 14 years old.

[kyleelyn199723]

If it wasn’t you, it would probably be another guy so

[Asker]

the details of it are long and such so I won't go into it, I'm just having a hard time being in my thoughts because it makes me feel bad, but at the time I was just thinking other people I know have been in relationships with this gap, but now i feel so weird

[kyleelyn199723]

Well me and my man are 10 years apart, but we are legal. Personally I wouldn’t be with this girl for bigger reasons than the age making you feel bad.

[Asker]

I'm not with her, haven't been for a year or so, but am i a shitty person or gross or something

[kyleelyn199723]

No you are not a shitty person. You were betrayed by someone.

[Asker]

But isn’t it weird that we dated, I’m finding it Hard to like myself after figuring out she was 14 and I was 18 even though I didn’t know cause she lied. That’s not an age gap I’m comfortable with, like why do I feel so off

[kyleelyn199723]

You couldn’t help that she lied, but maybe you do need to find ways to better protect yourself from this happening again.

[Asker]

i just find it weird we stayed together after, and that when we started talking she was 14, am i thinking too far into this

[t-8900]

Seniors and Freshman dated in my high school. Honestly not a huge deal. At least not imho. You're both not at that mental level yet for a huge power dynamic swinging in your favor. Idc what people say. At 18 my ass was still a kid.

[Asker]

It just makes me feel like a gross human, knowing she was technically 14, I really wish she didn’t lie, I mean she was in grade 10 and I just graduated so I don't know if that’s a big deal

[t-8900]

not really. to me once you hit that 2-0 you gotta stop dating girls unless they are 18 and seniors at the very least.

[Asker]

fair enough, it just makes me feel weird

[t-8900]

understandable.

[Asker]

does it make shitty or gross for staying with her

[t-8900]

@akitahuskyboy not really. You were both teens plus she still lied. Age is a # and people lie about it. Our biology and our morals dont always line up. Its wise we draw the line though so we prevent predators from coming at girls. You were 18 but, it is what it is. If you were 20 and she's a freshmen thats a serious no. The power dynamic is tipped too far in one's favor and that's when bad things can happen.

[Asker]

I mean everyone has told me it’s not a big deal and it’s really helping but I don't know I can’t shake this feeling about myself

[t-8900]

It's not dude. You did nothing wrong. She lied but you were following basic biology. It's really on her for lying.

[Asker]

fair enough, hopefully i can move on from this