Would you date someone who is covered in scars?

[Anonymous]

[TruthBringer]

No.

The reason for this is that people who have done self-harm do so because it is a clear indication of mental health issues, and not everyone is equipped to deal with it. Unfortunately, the underlying issues that drive a person to do self-harm often poison a relationship and cause collateral damage. Even if it’s not done on purpose. So in other words, those with mental health issues can easily affect the people around them. Anyone who does not have these issues or does not know how to handle them has EVERY RIGHT to want to avoid them.

A bit of a backstory: I’ve dated a girl with chronic depression and I ended up in a depression myself. I’ve spent more time making her feel better about herself than I was enjoying the relationship. It DRAINED ME. It took me a while to recover from that relationship. Now that I’m wiser and more experienced, I see why my parents were against me dating someone with mental health issues. Because it has affected other family members as well (I’ll get to this later).

I’m a strong believer that a ‘healthy’ person should date another ‘healthy’ person. And those with mental health issues have to focus on combatting their mental health issues. This way they can not only work on themselves but also avoid possible collateral damage. I’m not saying these people do not deserve love. They do just like the rest of us. However, just because someone deserves love, doesn’t mean they cannot be toxic to others, intentionally or unintentionally. I’ve noticed that people who are dealing with mental issues often turn their partner into a personal therapist. And that’s where the problems often start.

For example, I have family members whose lives got literally DESTROYED by mental health issues. Not so long ago, we heard one tried to commit suicide, she almost left her husband and kids behind. It’s time for people to start and realize that they should not expect people to fix others, especially those who try to loath in their own pity and only want to complain (another thing lots of people with mental health issues do. Is complain and not help themselves). Those who think that people who avoid dating such people are “ignorant” or have no empathy, are ironically ignorant and selfish themselves.

So people can get mad at people like myself for staying away from those having self-harm scars. But if preserving my emotional and mental health makes me a bad person, then so be it. No one owes anyone anything, especially not something as personal as a relationship.

[VanillaSalt]

Depends on the scars.


I have many some I’m embarrassed I got cause it’s from something stupid and some I’m proud of cause I got them helping others. I got scars on my face from when I picked pimples. On my sides from my heavier days. In my feet from being where I wasn’t supposed to doing what I wasn’t supposed to.


I got a scar under my right eyebrow from an exploding window helping a woman out of a burning car. All over my hands because I work hard at my job.


Scars are just easy material for conversations. If a woman’s face was heavily scarred I might have an issue but not so much not dating her as making surgery to fix it a priority. Looks are important after all but most issues can be fixed with enough effort. If not then Ide probably be to invested yo back out at that point. Looks are important but not that important.


That being said. Imperfections arnt meant to be shown off. Cover that up and show bit by not as they come to know you otherwise good luck.

[Lucy68]

Scars or not we're all still beautiful creatures in this world. I have scars both physically (some are from a near fatal car accident that happened in October) while others are emotional (I have had past...). If my significant other have scars I would still love them with all my heart. Like I stated scars or not we're all beautiful creatures in this world❤️

[lycanthrope3]

agreed

[lilyanony1]

Scars like that are scary as they look self inflicted.
How recent are they?
Have you dealt with you're issues?
Would I want to even take the time to know?
I have enough things going on in my life to not really want to be looking after someone like that!

[OlderAndWiser]

Whether I dated such a person would depend on how the scars happened. Surgery? Self-harm? Accident?

[Asker]

Self Harm

[OlderAndWiser]

If there was one incident and it happened years ago, I could accept that and try dating the lady. If this represents numerous episodes of self-harm and the most recent is within the past few years, I would respectfully decline the opportunity.

[DJB72]

What's your definition of too recent? 5 years? 10?

MDE or Major Depressive Episode can be triggered even 20 years later or may be fully resolved in 6 months. It's impossible to tell.

Not dating someone who has emotional illness in the past is highly judgmental. Would you date someone who has had cancer but is in full remission?

It's time we recognise that mental health issues are not a weakness, just a different kind of ill health.

[OlderAndWiser]

@DJB72 Dating is full of judgments, and that is the way it should be. We meet someone and start making judgments about their physical desirability, our common interests, compatibility, and if you are dating to find a long term partner, you judge them on how you think they would be as a future spouse and parent of your future children. Those are all judgments.

However, those judgments are not condemnations. If I reject a woman because I am not attracted to her, I am not being criicial of her in general; I am merely saying that I am not attracted to her. If I think her personality is not a good fit for me, I don't conclude that she is a horrible person and should be condemned to a life of solitude. She may be a great match for someone else. . . but not for me.

It is right, necessary, and proper to make such judgments and those who castigate me and others as "judgmental" are merely trying to escape paying the price for their own conduct. No one made you carve up your arm in a way that tells the rest of the world that you are mentally ill; YOU did that and now you want to berate anyone who looks at you and has a reaction to such bizarre behavior.

If that is what you must do to feel better about yourself, condemn me. But that is not helping you in any positive way.

[DJB72]

@OlderAndWiser rejecting someone because you're not attracted to them is one thing. Not being able to handle a resolved history of self harm is a bit different.

I'm not meaning to condemn you. Just as someone who has a history of self harm I'd hope you wouldn't condemn me either. (Obviously not as a romantic interest)

[OlderAndWiser]

@DJB72 I don't condemn people for their past but it would still dissuade me from pursuing them. My decision to not pursue them is not a punishment that I am doling out; it is a decision that me and that person probably will not be compatible in the long run. I can make categorical statements about some historical traits that will effectively end any possibility of me pursuing a woman, such as her having a relatively recent history of drug abuse, or being mentally retarded.

[AmandaYVR]

Those look like self-inflicted, so no.

[funtime_01]

I dated a girl one time who had self harm scars all over her arms and legs, like that, it literally brought a tear to my eye. I just kissed them, kissed her and held her for a while. So yes, I would date someone like that. Some girls and guys just struggle massively mentally, whether that is because of life, circumstances, pain, insecurities etc. Also, if that is you, are you okay?

[Asker]

Well I suppose that shows more. compassiona than the vast majority have.
No but who is

[funtime_01]

It does. Throw me a message if you like, sounds like you could use a friend

[Asker]

I would make a horrible friend right now. But I certainly appreciate the sentiment

Just confirming for. myself what I already suspected, my dating prospects with mental health prospect are slim to pretty much none.
Better to know than to help

[Asker]

Hope

[funtime_01]

My brother has mental illnesses and he struggles still does severely with it, so I understand. It's no problem, the offer is always there. Someone out there will love you, you sound like a decent person. I wish you all the best in the world, I truly do.

[DJB72]

I was lucky. I suffered major depressive illness after my dad died, including self harm and multiple suicide attempts. Only one cut left a visible scar. That was twenty years ago. I've had tough times since, but never got back into such a dark place again.

Yes, if I were single again I'd be ok with dating someone who has scars.

[Anonymous]

Nope I battled my own mental health issues being with someone who does this would be a trigger for me and send me back into a very dark place I don’t ever want to go back into plus I would be constantly on the edge and fearful to the point I wouldn’t be able to sleep or eat because I would be worried I would say something to upset them and they go and harm themselves because of it

[TruthBringer]

A very wise decision! Especially since you know your limits and the consequences. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for this decision. You don't owe them anything, especially not as personal as a relationship

[Opinion Owner]

@TruthBringer I try my best to help people who are like this and who have their own mental health issues because I know first hand getting professional help is not easy like people think it is even if there is help most times it’s not helpful at all where I live the mental health system is seriously broken they have many workers in the system who don’t give a damn about people people beg and beg for help and they are pushed out the door without ever receiving the help they need there was a guy here who went to the hospital for help for his mental health issues the hospital let him walk out without a care in the world no doctor bothered to see him nurses didn’t care they didn’t even call for a psychologist hours later a woman was murdered if the mental health team actually listened and actually done their job that woman would still be alive today

Although I do try my best to help people especially people who are battling their own mental health issues I also know I have to look out for my own mental health

[TruthBringer]

@Anonymous Yes, we can try and help people as much as we can. At the same time, we have to maintain healthy distance in order not to be affected ourselves. We can help, but we shouldn't drown with them. I've been in a relationship with a chronically depressed girl and I know first hand how DRAINING that is. Long story short, I ended the relationship but still ended up in a depression myself that lasted a period longer than the relationship itself.

When it comes to the health care, I don't have much faith in that ocnsidering it is known for trying to milk people for their money. After all, healthy patients means no more money for them to make. Not saying everything is corrupt, but anyone with some brains and insight can see money is prioritized over the patient.

I expect that you receive backlash for choosing to prioritize your own self-preservation by not wanting to date someone with mental health issues. Either here or elsewhere. I had to deal with it myself. But don't let anyone make you feel bad for choosing to stay away from situations and relationships you know will make you unhappy.

[Phoenix98]

If they are self inflicted scars then no.

I would prefer not to honestly I lost my best friend to suicide and it was very difficult for me dealing/seeing him the way that he was up until his death.

So the thought of having to go through that again and with someone I could potentially love.. I just would rather not.


If they are just scars gotten from injuries or accidents, stuff like that then no it wouldn't bother me.

[ItsMeElliana]

I probably would, if i have feelings for em, but if they still self harm and do it more, ill try my best to not let them do it but if they still do it i think id become distant and start losing feelings... just looking at that picture hurts my heart as to how someone could do that

[Киттйлинк]

self inflicted scars? no way. I do not need a person with mental problems as a life partner but I would try to help them if they accept my help. Depression and suicidal personalities turn me off I cannot see a partner in such people, especially now that I am going through rough time I can't add extra negativity.

I hope that person got help. He's sick.

[DaveJord]

Not those type of scares it os apparent they are masochistic or into self mutilation... either because they feel they deserve to be punished or take pleasure in causeing pain.

People who don't or can't love themselves rarely if ever can truly love someone else. Or eventually will extend that sense of pleasure in pain to others.

[jaybee281]

I have 2 scars on my left leg and 6 on my back - they were all on accident - I wouldn't mind it at all if it's like that - And I know other women never minded mine - But your question is much more related to self harm than scars.. And that's a problem

[Msputiton]

It depends why they got them.
If they are doing reckless and illegal things to get them no.
It tells me they could be trouble.
If a bad accident or mistake caused it.
Np

[XXblack88]

Depends if the self harm scars are from there teen years and they don't do it any more sure why not? If they are currently doing to it themself no I don't want too walk on egg shells not knowing what's going too trigger them.

[Starla1234]

Naturally occurring scars, yes I would, self harm scars, no most likely not

[bamesjond0069]

If they are pretty self harm scars i don't have a problem with its appearance. If its like the pic above fuck no. One of my long term fuck buddies had really pretty scars down her thigh. didn't bother me at all.

Now for long term commitment there are more important considerations than physical scars that come from self harm.

[AaronKrieger]

Sure, if it's like the ones in the image. I'm covered in scars all of my arms mostly. You forget they're even there especially when they fade over time, since no one is just looking at their hands/arms all day.

[YesICan]

No i would not date someone like that. If it was from an car accident or something sure, but self-inflicted? Nope, i don't want to wake up one day with my nut sack missing and blood all over the bed.

[StrawberryShake]

Do you know anything about mental health? Just because someone's self-harmed doesn't mean they're going to be a psychopath and injure other people... You are sick.

[YesICan]

@StrawberryShake Ah yes, I am sick for assuming that there would be a possibility to get hurt by someone who clearly gives zero fucks about their own well-being? Go take your meds watch some hentai, furry. Just cause you're down bad and no one likes or you saw a few "deep" quotes about mental health doesn't mean that you know much about it.

[StrawberryShake]

Yup, your whole response shows just how much of an idiot you are. I hope you do get your balls cut off ☺️

[YesICan]

@StrawberryShake "I hope you do get your balls cut off "

Ah yes, hoping someone gets seriously injured cause your feelings got hurt, I can only imagine how irrational you are in real life if just a few words get to you like that lol. Now go on, go make up some gender types with your purple-haired friends (that is if you have any).

[jess05]

I don't see why not. As long as they had a good personality, and were confident being who they are. 😊

[dustybiker]

Most everyone has scars. Scars are stories. Life experience.

[Fireguy17]

Self inflicted no, otherwise yes.
I have a number of them.

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend told me she’s been through a lot and cut herself to isolate the pain, put her mind elsewhere.
But my love for her overweight her scars tremendously, I feel like I matter so that I could be there and talk, let her vent instead of isolating her pain.
If someones scars hinders you from having a relationship, then you’re not the one to help the person recover from what caused them.