How to date when you're not confident in how you look?

[Anonymous]

I'm 24 and I've never dated anyone. Never been on a date before nor was ever asked out by a guy. I think it has a lot to do with my confidence. I'm quite on the heavy side (5'6 220 lbs) and I never felt comfortable in my own body. I don't feel pretty at all. If someone says they're interested in me I quickly reject them thinking they're only doing it because of a bet (happened before) or they're just making fun of me. At this point I don't think I can trust any guy who says they like me and that's the problem. I don't know how to be confident enough to date someone. Any advice?

P. S I'm not seeking for any diet advice. I have been trying to lose weight but it's a struggle because of my ed, which is a topic I don't want to get into. Thanks in advance.

[Markm3212]

you need to have confidence and trust in people. if someone says that they like you, believe it, if you dont you will be here in 5-10 years time saying the same thing having turned away mr right as you didn't believe him due to one silly immature little boy all those years ago.

weight has nothing to do with it, i have a couple of lady friends that make you look small lol. they ooze confidence and get guys all the time.

some guys like non skinny women, so when they say they like you go for it. love hurts some times, but if you dont give it a chance then you will never know and be lonely.

better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. with hurt and pain you can appreciate the good and nice, it helps us see it and builds us as people.

[Asker]

I understand, thank you for this. I guess I was just afraid because in my mind I keep questioning why would someone be interested in me. I seriously need to work on my confidence

[Markm3212]

yes as confidence is appealing to people and those that are confident, attract people.

i recon that you are a lot better looking than you give yourself credit for. there will always be morons out there that will be negative as you dont look like a anorexic unhealthy stupid um i mean super model lol, but at the end of the day you dont want to be someone like that who is shallow and vain.

maybe and just an idea, maybe post a pic of yourself and see what comments come back? risky i know as you will get a lot of people stating the obvious, as you mentioned above, but what you could do is take note of the nice comments and get some kind of better impression of yourself? but up to you i know that this will be hard and could back fire.

but next time someone pays you a complement accept it for what it is, dont look for reasons to blow it off and believe in yourself that they mean it. i would rather go through life being gullible and being happy that i took what some one said for real than going through life unhappy, that i didn't believe every comment that came my way. unfortunately, you will always get people like what happened to you before, but they are jerks and not worth worrying about and you dont want to let life pass you by because of them.

[MCheetah]

I don't know. You aren't making any efforts to meet anyone. And at the same time, you're telling every interested guy (despite you admitting you are very much unattractive looking, plus short and heavyset) to f*ck off and leave you alone. At that point, you are your own worst enemy. Honestly, you remind me of a female me (I'm short and overweight too), but I am actually making efforts to improve myself, while you don't seem to be (I said "seem," based on what you wrote; I don't know you though) I'd work in reading self-help books and all that, and see if that doesn't help you.

https://b-ok.africa/book/5249148/049ecd.

[nandana_n]

It has happened to me before 🙂 once this guy asked out as a dare in 8th grade but it was a bet.. I wasn't intrested in that guy but it still hurts because they did this cruel 'joke'. I don't know I'm still friends with some of the people who made that joke , they may have forgotten about it but I still think about it
I'm extremely short (5'0) at 17 and was supper skinny and flat. My confidence level was literally non existent. People should really stop making jokes which hurts others

[Asker]

I'm sorry you had to go through that :( It sucks but please don't end up like me. You're beautiful and you should be confident with yourself.

[Sirenboobzilla]

Change something about yourself. Be it your hair, color or your makeup, maybe a cute top you may be afraid to wear outside. Get those little bits of confidence. And eventually bite the perverbial bullet and let someone get to know you

[Asker]

I will, thank you. I'm definitely going to work on myself first.

[Wgatap999]

www. Thetree4life. Com Power Plus drops. I have a friend who is 5'8 inches tall and a month ago was 325. She's now down to 278.6. look it up and call them and ask for Brent or Melissa his wife. 5'6 220 your still beautiful ❤️. You have to believe in yourself and say enough is enough.

[Jamie05rhs]

I'm sorry, but I'm going to give you the harsh truth. You need to lose weight. Period. You're not even within the healthy range.
If you do this, not only will you feel better physically, but you will have more confidence because you will be pleased with the results.
No more excuses. Talk to your doctor and make a plan.

[Asker]

The thing is even when I was smaller, back when I was around 170-180 lbs I still felt the same way as I feel now. I felt big and ugly. The started my ED. I was never confident. And that I think is the problem, I need to be confident regardless of my weight. But I honestly don't know how.

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay, well you do have a good point there. But I'm only trying to help you make progress. So I think you should take my advice as well as the advice of the others here. I think both together will be your golden ticket.

[harryt1738]

I'd focus on making connections as a friend first and then exploring any romantic interests after. Looking for a relationship straight away is difficult and adds unnecessary stress.

[Asker]

That's true. I do have guy friends in friend group but I've never felt comfortable enough to be alone with a guy before. I always feel so insecure and nervous even as friends.

[harryt1738]

Yeah that's a problem you should try to address before even thinking about a romantic relationship. You need to be comfortable with the opposite gender to begin with before any meaningful connection can happen.

[Asker]

Yeah, I've had a lot of negative experiences with guys so often times I associate interacting with guys with something negative. I know not all men are the same so I'm gonna work on it. Thank you so much.

[boggboss]

U don't if you are comftble how u look dating would be a terrble idea u will end up self sabotaging and allowing your insecurities to destroy anything that could have come from it

[Asker]

Yeah that's what I'm thinking too.

[boggboss]

Are u getting therapy to help with the issue u have as I honestly would say u need to work on them before dating there are plenty of people that try to date whilst being insecure about themself and end up being used and hurt further

[Asker]

I'm not getting therapy but I am working on my issues. It's hard but I'm really trying. I know it's not a good idea to date when I'm dealing with personal issues but sometimes I long to be with someone too. I don't know it's hard 🤷🏻‍♀️

[boggboss]

No I completely get that but imagine now getting with someone that with how the dating scene is already hard to get someone trustworthy and worth that commitment but because u are not happy with how you look you then constantly question why he finds u attractive or anytime he speak to a women u feel looks better then yourself causes u to think he will leave u which in turn causes a rift

[laura123iu]

lol i feel the same way, i dont believe it when a guy tells me they like me. you just have to be yourself, im not so confident either and i doubt the guys you'll go out with will be either. everyone has insecurities.

[PrettyPriya]

Have you thought about changing your look? Maybe something clothing/jewelry/makeup? Sometimes that can give a big confidence boost.

[Asker]

Yes I love doing my makeup and I've been experimenting with clothes to find my style but for some reason when I'm around guys I always feel so ugly and unattractive. Like I'm never gonna be pretty enough to be considered "date-able"

[PrettyPriya]

Ok, I think you are definitely down the right path with finding your style. I know that I always feel a bit more confident from something I think looks good on me.

As far as the mindset, that is just something you have to work on. You are going to need to figure out how to open up to someone and give it a chance.

I see in your description, you had a bad experience. Don't let that ruin the possibility of a guy genuinely being interested.

[Asker]

Yes, I've had a lot of negative experiences with guys ever since I was a teenager. I have always been the butt of the joke, the ugly fat friend, etc and that has greatly affected my self esteem. Of course I want to believe that someone out there is genuinely interested in me but it's hard when I can't even love myself.

Anyway, thanks for your advice. I'm definitely gonna work on this and I guess that starts with loving myself first.

[PrettyPriya]

You are most welcome, and you are 1000% correct that you have to get happy with yourself first. That is just something you have to work on. Maybe leaning on friends and family for support.

I wish you all the best of luck. Should you ever want to talk, or even vent, feel free to PM me. I'm a good listener.

[Asker]

I really appreciate it thank you so much! 🥰

[sage2021]

Sorry I don't give my opinion to anonymous asker's anymore.

[Asker]

It's fine. Thanks though

[loves2learn]

Lots of guys are into bigger women. You should give them a chance.

[InferiorElegy]

For females it's a lot easier to date even if you're insecure because guys will still want you. As an ugly guy there's absolutely no hope. So all I can say is suck it up and go out there.

[Anonymous]

By becoming confident in how you look! That's how!

I don't think you are actually that big, certainly not enough to be a dating issue.

You can message me and I can give you some tips if you would like

[Asker]

Yeah I'm starting to think it's not really about the weight, I need to learn how to be confident regardless of my weight or how I look. The problems is I don't know how

[jimmy2]

You sound like a keeper