How should I go about looking for love?

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to
him,
Though the sword hidden among his
pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in
him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he
crucify you. Even as he is for your growth
so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and
caresses your tenderest branches that quiver
in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and
shake them in their clinging to the earth.
•
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto
himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred
fire, that you may become sacred bread for
God’s sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you
that you may know the secrets of your
heart, and in that knowledge become a
fragment of Life’s heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only
love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover
your nakedness and pass out of love’s
threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you
shall laugh, but not all of your laughter,
and weep, but not all of your tears. •
Love gives naught but itself and takes
naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be
possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say,
“God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am
in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course
of love, for love, if it finds you worthy,
directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill
itself.
But if you love and must needs have
desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook
that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own under-
standing of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart
and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate
love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with grati-
tude
And then to sleep with a prayer for the
beloved in your heart and a song of praise
upon your lips.
My point is that writing a poem or proverb would be better said as a less ambiguous statement of opinion. That is to say, say what you mean.
Quoting a poem or proverb because it's from a source of wisdom (like the Bible, the Art of War, Confucius, etc) is a different matter, because you're giving appealing to another's wisdom in the same form as it was written (direct quote).
Did you have advice on the topic? I'd love to hear it!
I found that poem by Kahlil Gibran very helpful in love relationships. There is much truth to what he wrote, and it was not my intention to sound ambiguous. My intention was that the asker take knowledge from it and to learn from it. I don't understand what you mean by " because you're giving appealing to another's wisdom in the same form as it was written (direct quote)." Please clarify.
What would I say to him? To wait and continue to try to find someone whom he likes and hopefully likes him back, and let that develop. Perhaps join some groups to open up his social avenues somewhat.
Stop letting your current result control your thinking, attitude, self esteem, belief. Persistence is unspoken and forgotten hero of our society. We're all blinded by 6 minute abs. Think about why it can happen for you and not why it can't. Think about how it will feel once you get what you want. And keep trying to make it happen. Whenever you get a result you don't like don't let it control you. Think about the result you do want and let that control you. Persistence is a forgotten hero of out times. The Natural Lifestyles is a great place for advice. RSD Tyler aka Owen Cook is a great place to get advice. The book "How To Raise Your Own Salary" by Napoleon Hill has a great chapter on Attractive Personality that can help if you make those traits habit.
Personally I always say you should ask yourself what kind of person do you want to be in love with. From there you can work on being the right fit to that person. I've given you practical advice but if you keep letting your results deflate you, it will be very hard. Remember people don't reject others always because of the other person.
What the anonymous girl whom I liked the answer to said - All this love will find you or keep on trying don't give up crap is just that - crap - Love is easy - Be as attractive as you can, be socially adequate (while being yourself of course), and go talk to whomever you like - Now she's already given you the steps you need to do in her last 5 sentences and you should do all of them - I'd also add to ditch the glasses if you could get contact lenses instead
Look for someone whom you find attractive, become their friend, but make sure thay know from the beginning that you are attracted to them. Be assertive without being aggressive.
Trying to develop a friendship does not destine you for the friendzone if you make it clear from the beginning that you are sexually attracted and see them as more than just a friend.
Opinion
14Opinion
Work on yourself and look the best you can possibly look. A lot of guys who ask questions like this, don't want to do anything to improve their chances physically. For some reason, guys don't think women are visual. WE ARE! So, if you are over weight, lose weight,... get a haircut, get rid of acne, whiten/straighten your teeth, dress better, smell better, work on your hygiene, work on your conversation skills, do whatever you can to improve.
Girls prefer immaterial things from the guys we want to accept it from. We don't care about that stuff when were into you. Your issue is you have to get her into you first. If girls didn't have an attraction level, then we wouldn't be rejecting any guys that approach us.
You're having a hard time with girls. If you weren't you wouldn't be reading books and researching surveys. It may not be your looks but there is something about yourself that you are struggling with that is causing you to have a hard time. That could be shyness, socially awkwardness, anxious, etc. etc. Whatever it is, it is a branch extending from low confidence.
Could be low confidence, as I don't see myself as particularly good at social interaction or having my act together in life, but I'm definitely being more bold than most guys, asking out girls who I think are cute and want to get to know. I've been much more social in college than my introverted personality would have me be. I'm not so much a fan of being friends first and trying to get a friend to fall in love.
Question for you: what's your take on introverted and shy guys looking for love? I know some who have found love (particularly my dad), but it hasn't worked for me.
Now I'm not on board with trying to change my introverted, curious, and argumentitice personality, because it's not too practical
For example, as an introvert, social interactions will drain my emotional energy--though I can still be social. This will probably true of the rest of my life, though how much it drains me may change.
So I'm asking: in your opinion, how can an introverted, shy guy find a girl to date and build a relationship with?
Maybe you personally don't like introverts much, so I'll ask you to step outside of your own personal preferences as you consider it.
That's good that you're not into going the friend route but things can get tough, hope you're able to stick it out.
My opinion on introverted/shy guys looking for love is it's not going to be easy. Most introverted/shy guys end up doing online dating. Most of them are too fearful of approaching a woman in person, because their fear of rejection is high.
I understand the introverted ways. Being social drains you because you are not comfortable in doing it therefore, causing you a lot of energy. The uncomfortableness could be a contribute to many things. The people, the place, you. In my opinion, it is all you but we can agree to disagree. When you are comfortable and you socialize it is most likely with those you are related to, have known for a while, or have come around long enough to create comfort for you to open up.
You don't need to change your personality. It will change (some) on it's own when you reach your comfortability of yourself.
My advice remains the same. Anything about yourself that you are second guessing, lacks confidence. When the confidence raises, those who are adjacent will show. They will not be hard to find. They will come and things will flow.
I like questions, do you have any more?
Well I guess something to understand about introverts is not that we are just awkward and unconfident, but that we just get drained from social interaction. Someone who is very introverted drains faster.
On the flip side, extroverts feel drained as they are in more boring situations with few or no people.
Furthermore, some people feel drained by conflict, and instead seek harmony.
I'm trying to illustrate here that personality traits are, in a way, a preference that motivates you live a certain way and decide how you orient yourself to the world.
So, as an introvert who hates risk (that means I'm high in a personality trait called neuroticism), I will not only dislike social interaction, but I'll be constantly aware of the risks associated with social interaction (ostracization, an awkward moment, telling a joke that offends someone, etc).
This goes to say that my personality would have me run from people, especially girls. But I have taken up the challenge and forced myself into social situations, and have pished myself to ask out girls in a few situations where most guys would fold for fear of rejection. And I'm proud of that.
HOWEVER, I've gotten rejected every time, or had a girl decide not to reciprocate conversation over text. The rejections are usually nice, because the girls are usually polite and supportive, even in saying no. And I don't take it personally, because there are another 3 billion guys she won't consider dating, so whatever.
Now after that long essay, I do have a question: what's the best way to sense if I'm doing something out-of-line before I do it? I've made most of my college friends in a christian ministry, and I'd like to find a girl to date in that circle; but I don't want to create a poor reputation as a "player" among my christian guy friends, or as a desperate guy among girls there. So yeah, how do I avoid getting a bad reputation, while being bold?
Also, how sure should I be of a girl before asking her out? I'm highly concerned about if it's right or wrong to ask a girl out when I'm thinking that I'm probably not going to date her. So like if I'm 99% sure I won't date a girl, it seems like playing with her emotions just to check out that 1% chance that I'll like her. It begs the question, how sure do I need to be to ask a hill out to not play with her emotions? Like, if I'm thinking a 30% chance I could find out that I like her after a date. I'm just concerned with keeping my conscience clear here.
Also, wanna DM instead? Seems easier.
I agree with you that introverts are not just unconfident and awkward but I do disagree with when the draining occurs. Introverts get drained from social interactions where they feel it requires work for them to get comfortable. When introverts are comfortable in social interactions, there isn't much draining happening. It's like talking to your best friend comes easy. Why? because there is a comfort level that has been established. It won't be so easy anymore if discomfort has arisen.
"On the flip side, extroverts feel drained as they are in more boring situations with few or no people.
Furthermore, some people feel drained by conflict, and instead seek harmony."
***I disagree here. Extroverts are most confident around people. The closer they become to having to deal with themselves alone the more uncomfortable they become. That is why they seek people and socialization because that is their safe place. For Introverts, their safe place is being by themselves and for extroverts their safe place is being with anyone but themselves.
So, as an introvert who hates risk (that means I'm high in a personality trait called neuroticism), I will not only dislike social interaction, but I'll be constantly aware of the risks associated with social interaction (ostracization, an awkward moment, telling a joke that offends someone, etc).
***Of course, you hate risks. They take you out of your comfort zone. It's like an alert going off. You're in worry because you are in fear. There's levels to this.
This goes to say that my personality would have me run from people, especially girls. But I have taken up the challenge and forced myself into social situations, and have pished myself to ask out girls in a few situations where most guys would fold for fear of rejection. And I'm proud of that.
***Or maybe you understand that if you want a girlfriend you have to take a chance and approach. Although, you may not want to, you know it's take a chance or play the waiting game. But all in all, you should be proud of yourself, it's not easy coming out of your comfort zone.
You can spot a rejection coming when things are not flowing. It's good that you do not take rejection to heart.
Now after that long essay, I do have a question: what's the best way to sense if I'm doing something out-of-line before I do it?
Let things come naturally. Don't get too excited. Don't force things. Don't try to be someone you're not. Meaning, if you're not naturally funny, don't try to make jokes. Avoid it. Don't get too anxious. When anxiety prone, you will tend to do weird things because you are extremely nervous and you cannot find balance.
I've made most of my college friends in a christian ministry, and I'd like to find a girl to date in that circle; but I don't want to create a poor reputation as a "player" among my christian guy friends, or as a desperate guy among girls there. So yeah, how do I avoid getting a bad reputation, while being bold?
Players are manipulative. They like to play girls. If you're not doing that, you shouldn't be perceived as a player.
Also, how sure should I be of a girl before asking her out? I'm highly concerned about if it's right or wrong to ask a girl out when I'm thinking that I'm probably not going to date her. So like if I'm 99% sure I won't date a girl, it seems like playing with her emotions just to check out that 1% chance that I'll like her. It begs the question, how sure do I need to be to ask a hill out to not play with her emotions? Like, if I'm thinking a 30% chance I could find out that I like her after a date. I'm just concerned with keeping my conscience clear here.
I think you shouldn't think so deep into it. I think you should go" I like this girl, I'm going to ask her out and I'll see how this goes". I think you're putting too much pressure on it. I say figure out ways that conversationally get you in with girls. Be friendly, or like a friend, but don't play one. if that makes sense. know when to involve yourself and when to distance yourself. When you're 99% sure you won't date a girl... is that from you not liking her much or from you thinking she doesn't like you much?
Love finds you. You don’t “look” for love. You simply become open to receiving it. So prepare for it by loving yourself.
1. You can’t love what you don’t know so get to know yourself,
2. accept and forgive yourself,
3. have faith you can accomplish your goals and
4. progress towards them without doubting yourself.
This is the path where you will find love and not just someone to settle with.
I wouldn’t know. I’d say don’t try and let them come to you. That’s what I do. Though I reject them all. I don’t want to be in love.
You read LIKE three books? Or did you read three books? 🙄
Books? Like what? How women do you know to greet by name?
You don't. You let it walk into your life. But for that, you must be worthy of it. Start off with patience. Then gratitude. And most definitely be in tune with your emotions and true self worth
Herpes of the mouth means that you're looking for love in all the wrong places
Las personas no deben buscar el amor. Deben crearlo. Con cada persona que te encuentres da lo mejor de ti. Y recuerda que no debes desmotivarte cuando pierdas a alguien, porque el punto de las parejas es lograr conectar con alguien completamente.
Love yourself, work on yourself.
Be a bigger, better, fitter, richer person.
Then move will find you…
Then *Love* will find you*
that's your problem brother, you are looking for it. you have to go through the motions first. you need to date as many people as possible
By growing out your hair, and defining your own standard.
Just hit the gym and work on your style right now. When you're in shape make a Tinder account
just by realizing girls like you the same you like them.
I have NO clue, just keep yourself out there!
Relax, love will find away to you.
Just be yourself
Go you YouTube and watch Darius m
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