At what point is a dating preference discrimination, rather than just a preference? How do I know when I've crossed the line?

[awkward_author]

I identify as gay, but I'm more homoflexible if we're being specific. I'm not attracted to Neurotypical women and noticeably overweight/obese people. I also have a preference for lighter skin. Is this okay?

[Adam1978]

When it comes to dating you can't discriminate, everything is preferences. You can just price yourself out of the market. And that is only your own problem not the people you rejected. They can still find someone as long as their preferences aren't absurd.

[awkward_author]

Thanks, and I don't think my preferences are too restrictive, so that's good.

[Leonharted]

You like who you like. It's that simple. Nobody can talk you into feeling attraction towards people you're not attracted to. So long as you aren't trying to harm these people because of their characteristics, it's not hate.

[awkward_author]

Thanks. This kind of thing is confusing sometimes.

[Leonharted]

It's really not. It becomes hateful when you seek to hurt them mentally or physically without their consent, or seek to harm/destroy their property without their consent. Shy of that, the golden rule is to leave people alone. Charity is optional, and harm is prohibited. You having a preference doesn't harm anyone. You have no duty to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of others.

[awkward_author]

It's just confusing for me because I hear it is, but when I do, people don't explain why. Same for when people say it's not, so I thought I'd ask. If there's nothing wrong with it, why is there the belief that this kind of thing is fatphobic and racist? I don't really get it.

[Leonharted]

I'm going to give you a very special phrase that will help you out with this issue. Simply, and calmly state the following:

"I don't care what you think."

It's that simple. You don't need to respect the opinions of others. You know that you are sitting down and considering right from wrong. You're thinking long and hard about it, otherwise you wouldn't even bother to ask this question. And you're the one who is responsible for your happiness. If you follow their advice and are unhappy, do you think they are gonna turn around and sacrifice everything to make it right? Of course not.

So screw them, and screw their opinions. You got one life, don't waste it because someone bullied you into being miserable.

[awkward_author]

Thank you.

[Leonharted]

Any time, man. And may you find happiness.

[awkward_author]

Thanks.

[theothersider]

beauty is in the eye of the beholder and one can't help but love who they love. It is not discriminatory if you find certain features to be non attractive. Just don't be an asshole when turning some one down over it.

[awkward_author]

Thank you.

[Minahh]

I mean sure, in dating almost all preferences are ok. Discrimination is more like if you shame fat people or people from different race on purpose.

[awkward_author]

I don't shame fat people. However, if that person is someone I care about, I would feel a bit concerned if it's causing health problems, and they're not doing anything about it. Regarding race, everyone should be treated fairly. It's not something I take into consideration when choosing friends or anything platonic like that.