Just curious about what people think. In my opinion we are programmed to like people with specific appearance and it may significantly vary by person. I think it was made to give everyone an opportunity to find a boyfriend/girlfriend because different people have different preferences, so there is no any global beauty standard. What do you think?
Is having race preferences in terms of dating an act of racism?
Most common defnitions of "racism" involve someone having a conscious, preconceived notion about a particular race and treating every member of that race on the basis of that preconceived notion. My understanding of male attraction to females, based on years of observations, discussions with others, and things I have read, is that our physical attraction to a lady is NOT a conscious process. We don't look at a lady and ask ourselves 'do I want to be attracted to this lady?' We either immediately feel attracted, or we don't, and no amount of thinking about it will ever convince me to feel attracted to someone if my initial response is to not be attracted.
I never "decided" to be attracted to Caucasian women, or petite women, or women with smaller boobs, or any of the other things that seem to frequently pop up in the women I find attractive. I am Caucasian and I am attracted to Caucsian women. I am also attracted to Asian women, Hispanic women, and American Indian women. I am not attracted to black women. If a black woman enters the scene, I don't think "oh, no, I can't allow myself to be attracted to her." I simply don't feel attracted.
Although I am an old Southerner, I have fairly progressive attitudes about equal opportunities for all races, and being called 'racist' for something that is not a conscious process actually is counterproductive for anyone who REALLY wants to advance racial equality.
No. It's just a preference. Everyone has preferences. Nothing wrong with that. If anything having preferences is a good thing especially in a country where everyone is different
No, not at all. I hate it when people throw the word racism just to guilt trip others who are not attracted to them. It is a form of manipulation or defence mechanism. They just can’t deal with the rejection so they use race to make the other person feels bad for turning them down. There are people who don’t want to date certain races for so many reasons. Yes, they do exist but most of the time, I have noticed that regardless of your race, if you are attractive enough to stand out among the others, people don’t care much about your origin. I am Indian and I have seen so many member of my race complain about people not wanting to date them because they are Indians. For some reasons, I feel like deep down inside, they know it has nothing to do with their race. They want to make themselves feel better by saying people reject them due to their race, rather than look because it doesn’t hurt them as much. I never bother to respond to their pathetic posts because I can’t relate to their shit since I am able to attract so many non-Indian men.
No it is not. It is just preference. Meanwhile I like how some black guys look, I wouldn't want to date them as we are coming from two totally different cultures and my type is the tall, blond viking or a Spanish or French man. I am not patient enough to compromise and attraction was never politically correct whther you like it or not. And honestly, if someone think this is racist, well though, I don't care. My life, my dating choice.
No, it is not racist. However, it IS discriminatory because you're indirectly saying you think other races you're not attracted to are unattractive/unsuitable for you based solely on ethnicity. There's a reason you wouldn't want to date an otherwise decent person solely based on what color their skin is.
However, I stress it is not racist because that would involve an outright hatred of one race or personal superiority over another. People are allowed to want to date whoever they want.
I know some people will disagree with this because they don't want to look like a bad person (and I'm not saying it makes you one, at all), but let's be real here. If someone was a great catch and you dismissed them solely for not being white, or for being black or Hispanic, or for even white itself, then you're saying "I don't want to have anything to do with race X romantically, no matter who they are as a person." That IS discriminatory. Not racist, though.
People do this all the time in dating, though. With short men, with overweight women, with non-rich men, with older women, and so on. I even discriminate against certain types of women too, like single mothers, Muslims, and queer women; all of which I would not want to date.
I am not saying it is "bad," but it IS the very definition of discrimination. However, people do it all the time in dating, and this is why some people try to falsely label it as "racist" because to many people, discrimination and racism are the same thing. But they are not.
The key word here is "unfair distinction" between people, not hatred or superiority between races.
It is just that this question has been done to death.
We all know or at least should know what racism does and what racists attempt to do.
A racist doesn't believe they merely have preferences when it comes to beauty, looks or attractiveness.
A racist believes that there is an objective standard for beauty, that their race fits that supposed standard and everyone of every culture, race or clan should accept that standard.
Which leads to some really insane hypocritical beliefs.
I thought I liked dark haired mostly Italian etc. love blue eyes though. Then I got asked out by a black guy and he was very cute. I wouldn’t have thought but being with him as a freshman was Finn cause after we broke up only black guys would ask me (mostly his friends) until I met my boyfriend now who’s black and super cute.
You can't control a physical response (or lack therof). There is a whole industry dedicated to that fact. Even if it is racist, it is one of the few times where it's just a fact of life. It only becomes a problem if you then insist that other people also must have race preferences, even if though they "respond" just fine.
It's not racist to have personal preferences about the physical qualities of potential romantic partners.
Racism would be having negative feelings about every single member of a certain race. But a person could have a preference for blond, blue eyed romantic partners without having negative feelings about people of races or ethnicities who don't have those characteristics.
Biologically speaking, there is no such thing as race.
What you are alluding to is either physical presence i. e skin, hips, looks etc. Or perceptions i. e Japanese girl stereotypes, Asian girl stereotypes etc.
Very few people are actually overt racists in dating.
@Squaresquirrel I suppose the difference is in the extremes like
If we divide attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 10...
Then it is perfectly acceptable to for example find an 8-9 of x ethnicity more attractive then a 10 of y ethnicity... Here we have preference...
If however you find a 3 of x ethnicity more attractive than a 10 of y ethnicity... Then you clearly have some kind of deeprooted disgust or view of inferiority of the y ethnicity..
Yor response assumes that, e. g., the raing of 8/10 for an Asian female is objective and that we would all agree that girl is an 8/10. That is a seriously flawed assumption.
@OlderAndWiser Not really I mean yes in the small scale maybe someone I would judge an 8 others might judge a 9 or 7.. But someone I judge a 3 no one would judge like an 8... We can all look objectively even I as a straight man can judge whether or not a guy is attractive or unattractive...
@OlderAndWiser Sure on the smaller scale... But no offense if a woman found Danny Devito more physically attractive than Will Smith... Then I would definitely say they must have some racist view of black people.
"If however you find a 3 of x ethnicity more attractive than a 10 of y ethnicity... Then you clearly have some kind of deeprooted disgust or view of inferiority of the y ethnicity.."
The problem is that that person might be a 3 for you, but not for me. You (in general) don't get to tell other people who is a 3 and who is a 10. For example the woman with the neck ring is probably considered as an 8-10 in her tribe. Can you honestly say you would consider the same rating? Or are we supposed to be attracted to everyone someone ever declared more than an 8? "you clearly have some kind of deeprooted disgust or view of inferiority of the y ethnicity.."" Or simply you don't find it attractive, why does it have to be something negative?
It's the same thing as I like cakes. But I have preferences, I prefer coffee and walnut, or carrot cake and I never eat the red velvet cake as I don't like the taste and the texture. Does it mean it is a bad cake? No. I just prefer others.
But as I said in my own opinion. If it is considered racist,( I kind of think you are American, that's where race is such a big issue), I seriously dont care. It is a you problem. I am not attracted to non-white men. And my preference is honesty always. Not PC bullshit.
Like the other guy, you seem to confuse a cultural fashion with ethnicity.
And again like the other guy... Beauty is of course subjective on the smaller scale, but definitely objective on the larger scale, as in no one... And I do mean no one in the world would find Paul Dano more attractive than Chris Hemsworth...
And no, not being attracted to black people is not the same as not liking chocolate cake.
And if you are saying that you think Paul Dano is more physically attractive than Michael B. Jordan... Would I think you are racist? Yes, but to quote Chris Rock... Not burning cross racist, more like sorority racist. https://youtu.be/kqhVNZgZGqQ?t=327
As in you would have a problem if your daughter brought home a black boyfriend for Christmas, but still be self aware enough, to not admit that being the reason you don't want her dating him.
And you seem to not understand attraction is subjective and complex. Paul Dano? Seriously? You know, I don't find him attractive at all, but I equally don't find Michael B Jordan attractive. For me both of them are a 4 or 5. But I did find the young Steve Buscemi and the young Willem Defoe attractive because they have some really masculine quality. I would even choose Justin Bieber before dating for example a Nigerian guy. I met quite a few and the way they think about life, women etc is totally foreign for me. I would never date an Arabic guy either despite of them looking handsome. We are worlds apart and I will not compromise on my views like they wouldn't compromise on theirs. But as I said if someone thinks this is racist... whatever.
@Squaresquirrel Again you seem to be confusing culture with ethnicity...
" before dating for example a Nigerian guy. I met quite a few and the way they think about life, women etc is totally foreign for me."
Their ethnicity has nothing to do with their culture... Do you think a Nigerian who were adopted as a baby by an English couple is going to have the same views as the Nigerians who grew up in Nigeria... You might have a problem with different cultures views on different things, but again that has nothing to do with ethnicity...
"I would never date an Arabic guy either despite of them looking handsome. We are worlds apart and I will not compromise on my views like they wouldn't compromise on theirs."
This really confuses me? Because you have previously said you don't find non-whites attractive, but here you are talking about not dating arab guys even if you find them attractive... And you are saying its because of their views? Culture, Religion and general views on life and women is not something you are born with and is not in the DNA of your ethnicity... It's something you are taught growing up..
I suppose the definition of racism is basing your opinion of somebody according to their race. However, everyone has preferences. Some people may prefer tall people and find short ones undateable.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Not if it's just physical. Some people can't help but not be physically attracted to certain things like too short or tall. It's more racist to refuse to date someone just because they are a certain race even though they look like another race you prefer
there a global beauty standard and we all know what it is, but its' not comfortable to speak it out loud. When we try to force diversity into beauty pageants they lose meaning
no. racism is not affording every race equal rights. since nobody is entiteled to date you to begin with, it's not discrimination if you choose.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
certainly not. But expecting/demanding/trying to tell someone who they should or should not date based on race IS racist. Nobody has a right to tell someone who they should be attracted to. Desidoll is hot. 😍
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