Would you consider her a friend?

[Anonymous]

my friend and my ex i wouldn't say were friends but they were cordial when we were together when we broke up my ex try to get with my friend at a party she called and told me what he did. later on i started questioning if i didn't date him would she had because i asked her she would said no i wouldn't date him because you dated him and you my friend. but om facebok everytime he made a new FB she was always his friend so if you my friend and he try to get with you why would you add every new page he gets

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely consider her a friend. Why? Because when your ex made a move on HER, she was loyal to you and told you. If she were a bad friend, not only would she have hooked up with him but would maybe be dating him now since HE is interested. But no, she respecting you not even just as a friend, but as a woman, so give her some credit. As for them being friends on Facebook, I bet money that he is the one who adds her. HIM, adding her, and I am emphasizing this because you are acting like that typical jealous woman who wants to blame the girl her man is interested in, as if that’s even her fault. Point that anger at him, honey. On top of that, I don’t see a problem with them being FB friends because she probably sees it as nothing. She has no issue with him so why not? Stop being insecure and acting like she’s a bad friend for something that isn’t her fault. Go ask him why he’s chasing her when he knows that’s your friend. Change your perspective.

[Asker]

I don't know i can see the loyalty in the first part but the facebook thing hits different and it wasn't always him it was her as well. with me i wouldn't be caught being friends with her ex's especially they way they did her cordial or not i dont see a point in it, its ok for her but its not healthy for me to stay friends with a ex i dont get that

[Opinion Owner]

But just because they’re friends on Facebook doesn’t mean they are literal friends who interact with each other. Like someone who has 300 friends on there, do you think they regularly interact with them all? Absolutely not. I think in your mind you’re putting a lot of emphasis on the “what if’s” and “why’s”, but she has proven herself to be a good, loyal friend to you, who would never entertain that man. I don’t know every aspect of this situation but with what’s provided, all I see is a big, glaring red flag at him. He’s the one who has really disrespected and did you wrong, even going as far as to pursue your friend. I think what you’re wanting is for her to do things to detour him, like not approving when he requests her on FB, and who knows maybe there is a bit of fear or jealousy there about something happening between them, otherwise you wouldn’t even care. But it isn’t her job to worry about HIS motives when she knows that hers are genuine. I truly believe that her approving his friend requests are because she has no problem with him and that’s as far as it goes, because I’ve seen shady, sneaky women and they would not have your back how she has. I don't know if you have feelings for him still or what, but honestly after you broke up and he is as disrespectful and conniving as he’s been, I would not care a drop about anything he does. I wouldn’t bother knowing what he’s doing with whom, he’d be in my past where he belongs.

[Asker]

you are right because when i dated him if amyone saod he did this amd that i was in denial and i think thats how it was with her necause the way she said if she would date him or not amd then with the facebook it made me think the what if's and its him i should be mad with not her i know i still have a lot of things to work on thanks for you feedback

[Opinion Owner]

Definitely, and don’t get me wrong, I understand where you’re coming from because I’ve been in your shoes before. But it also cost me a really great friend, and I don’t want to see you do the same. She’s done the right things, like rejecting him and telling you about what he did, as well as reassuring you that she would never date him because that is your ex. But now it’s time to hold him accountable, because if there’s anyone to be mad at, it’s him. He is so incredibly wrong for hitting on her, and for still pursuing her. That’s is a shitty guy and you can do so much better than a piece of garbage like him. Also, no worries, whatever happens with the situation I hope the outcome is peaceful❤️

[Asker]

when you wrote the second response i said this person is speaking wisdom esepcially when you said the insecure part i was because she mixed race and beautiful amd i think thats what made me mad at her more because i knew he was attractive to her more and i think thats what triggered a lot of the blaming on her when it should beem him sorry you had to go through that but hopefully i can learn and speak wisdom to someone else with a similar issue

[Opinion Owner]

You are beautiful! Don’t let anyone tell you different or don’t you ever think different. Her being mixed means nothing, but if he’s shallow in that way then you don’t want a guy like that anyway. Even in general it sounds like you can do way better than someone who’s so inconsiderate and disrespectful towards you, as to go after your friend. I honestly think it’s reassuring that she is the sort of friend that she is, and hopefully you two can remain cool going forward❤️

[Asker]

sorry to bring it up again but she was in two situations before. she and her friend not me was in college somehow they foumd out they were dating him at the same time they comfronted him amd of course he denied it they both dumped him and there was no contact what so ever. my friend and the other girl stayed friends. another time was similar to mines it happened with her sister the guy was dating her sister but he was trying to get with her and she told her sister and she dumped him amd my friemd never contacted him or became FB add ons. i know with them beimg sister its different but how come with those two she made sure she dead all contact with the guys but with my ex she still in touch. i just thought about it over the weekend i said once you heard that what would be your opinion

[Opinion Owner]

No it’s ok that it’s later, that’s what I’m here for any time lol. But I’m gonna lock I’m my previous statements bc now you’re overthinking, and I’m telling you this as I would any of my close friends,
Bc lying isn’t gonna help you. You’re pulling up past situations of other things. Your on the whole “one time this” and “another time that, then on top of that “another time was similar to mines”. It’s like you’re fishing for reasons to hang her up, and why? This is you fishing for reasons to justify him being shitty and keep him around. I have friends even now who do this, they will defend that shitty guy to the core but discard the friend who fell victim to his approach. Why is that fair? Why does she get a pass and you let your Emotions talk you into keeping him? It’s a horrible cycle, please rid yourself of it.

[Changiis07]

She seems honest if anything he sounds like the one trying to get at her. I would do the same I would not date them because we are friends but I would not decline a facebook invite because that's the type of person I am.