Should I ask the guy I’ve been seeing if he’s seeing other girls? Is it wrong of me to ask as we’re only seeing each other and not exclusive?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month now and I like him so I want to know if he’s talking/seeing other girls, is it a good idea to ask him? We’re not in a relationship or exclusive, but we have been seeing each other and sleep together and stuff. I know he likes me as he’s always texting and calling me even when he’s busy, I’ve met a few of his mates and when I stay round his he makes me breakfast in bed and buys me my favourite chocolate and ice cream for when I go stay round. He also told me he’s told his mum about me too. However, the other day whilst with him some guy messaged me but I ignored it as I’m only interested in the guy I’m seeing and a few days later he asked me about the guy who messaged me, when I told him that I don’t speak to him and don’t want to and why didn’t he just ask on the day he said that it’s not his place to say anything as we’re not exclusive, and then said I can see and talk to whoever I want. So now I’m questioning if he’s seeing other people, do I ask him?

[PositiveNote]

I'm going to give you the best advice of all on GaG...

Learn how to ask questions without creating a defensive position from your guy.

Communication is something we all want (I would hope,) and guys are not against expressing themselves. Once we get to know you, we share things that we wouldn't share with anyone else in the world.

When approaching someone you know pretty well, remember to be courteous (this applies to guys, for sure!) A guy doesn't want to be challenged by a provoking question out of the blue. You have to soften up the hardened shell that guys have learned to have in order to protect themselves (mostly) from personal challenges from other testosterone-crazed guys. We expect a girl to be less challenging, but also inquiring. We want to give give info, not be demanded to give info about ourselves, our lives, our past history.

Every guy is different, so if I give you examples, you must realize that you have to adapt the words and style to you and to who you are expressing them to. One example fits all does not work... Here's one:

In a soft voice, but with eyes on him: Hey, we've been going out a lot and I have really so enjoyed it. I just want you to know that I don't have any other boyfriends, and just wondered where we are or where we'd like to go with our relationship? You know what i mean? I'm not wanting to pressure you in any way, and I'm not expecting anything in particular, but want to know what you are thinking?

Let me know how it goes. 💌

[Asker]

Oh yes communication is definitely want we all want! He’s shared so much with me already to do with his personal life, family life and upbringing and stuff but what’s not to say he doesn’t with everyone? That example is perfect! I’m definitely going to use it and adapt and style it!! Thank you so much! I’ll definitely let you know how it goes!

[Asker]

So I asked him and he said he’s speaking to other girls as we’re not exclusive, but he’s not been meeting up or sleeping with anyone else other than me…

[PositiveNote]

I hope that he responded in a pleasant way! I'm glad it gave you the tool to open your personal communication. Write me anytime you'd like some more ideas.

[PapaDad]

That's a perfectly valid question, and the answer might lead you to more.

And it is actually perfectly healthy to have truly platonic friends of the opposite sex. If either of you have a problem with that you might revisit where you're coming from. You shouldn't have to or want to hide friends from each other. If all goes well they should become mutual friends.

[Asker]

I don’t mean having female friends of course that’s not an issue as I have male friends! I just mean I want to know if he’s dating other girls like he is with me

[Daniela1982]

If you are just dating and not exclusive, it is common for people to be dating others as people are always looking for the best fit and you can't judge that without dating them. The problem is that when you are sleeping with someone they may be only there for the sex, and sex will never create a committed relationship by itself. So it does sound like he may be seeing others and probably doing what everyone else does, looking for the best offer. You may just be a friends with benefits. Only one way to find out is to ask. If it turns out he IS dating others will that be a deal breaker for you? You also have to remember that even if you become exclusive it doesn't mean that it will work out, or still be sleeping with others for that matter. People do lie and cheat. :(

[PositiveNote]

People lie and cheat? Shoot... I just knew it but refused to believe it!

[Daniela1982]

@PositiveNote Hmmm, you should have called yourself NegativeNote.

[Asker]

I know it’s common for people who are just dating to see others and that’s fine, but I would like to know if that’s the case. Just unsure if I should ask him or not? If it’s only for sex then why would he tell his mum about me, let me meet his friends and buy me my favourite things? Then again he could be doing that for everyone so who knows. If he is seeing other people then I think I’ll stop seeing him as nothing wrong with that as we’re not exclusive, but I like him and if he’s seeing other people as well there isn’t any point with me wasting my time. People do lie and cheat but you’ve got to be willing to trust and believe them otherwise it will never work

[PositiveNote]

@daniela1982 Wow... LOL On this comment, it would be more appropriate to make me IronicNote.
literarydevices.net/.../

[PositiveNote]

I totally agree with you! This would be a really good example of the differences of girls and guys. Women tend to think these things out. Men tend to just act. That is why so many men turn out disappointed in their relationships because we tend to give it little thought, assume the best, all the while our girlfriend is going crazy trying to answer all the questions in her head like this. This IS a very positive thing about women! @daniela1982

[PositiveNote]

The above opinion was for the Asker re: "If you are just dating and not exclusive, it is common..."

[KrisPW]

I definitely think it's time to ask. You need to know who you are sleeping with. If they are sleeping with others, you need to know that for your own health decisions. Relationship wise, it also sounds like you are ready to commit and be exclusive, there's nothing wrong with asking if he is at the same place in the relationship.

[Asker]

I’ll definitely ask then! I just don’t know how to actually ask him as I’m worried it’s going to come across as needy or clingy, and it might make him back off. I really like the guy so I’m definitely ready to make it exclusive and to commit so I just hope he is too

[KrisPW]

I don't think it's needy or clingy to find out if he's interested in being exclusive / committed to a relationship with you. And again, there are the health aspects regarding the potential for STDs being shared with you.

[Asker]

Okay I’ll definitely ask him then! Thank you!

[Sincerly_KittyCat]

Just ask if he is exclusive, if he isn't ask if he would like to be. Depending on his answer and your what you wish for, you should know what to do next.

[Asker]

I’ll do that thank you! If he says he’s seeing other people too then I’m going to step away.

[Xoxocutekitty]

Ask him if he's seeing other people and ask him to consider being exclusive simply because you are thinking about it.

Have a conversation what exclusive means vs girlfriend/boyfriend. He may not be ready to be your boyfriend, but you may gain peace of mind knowing that he is only getting to know you.

The worst he can say is yes I'm seeing other people and no I don't want to stop - in which case you have your answer and you can deal with it or say, thank you next.

[Asker]

I’m just not sure how to ask him if he’s seeing other people though. I’m worried it’ll come across and needy or clingy and scare him off! I’m definitely ready to be exclusive so it’s just me and him and no one else, but I’m fine with not being boyfriend and girlfriend just yet! If he is seeing other people and wants to continue seeing other people I will definitely be leaving that situation!

[Xoxocutekitty]

Clingy is only a word people use when they don't feel the same way. This is how many people date across the world. It is not 'normal', to date multiple at a time. Many date one at a time and it is expected. If you are willing to be exclusive you should just bring it up. If he can't handle a conversation, he isn't good enough to handle any relationship.

[Asker]

So if he sees it as me being clingy it’s because it doesn’t feel the same way? Not that he would tell me I’m being clingy anyway even if he did think it haha. I agree! I don’t think it’s normal to date multiple people at a time and that’s why I’m only seeing him and why I want to know if he’s doing the same. I’m definitely ready to be exclusive as I really like this guy so I hope he is too! Your right if he can’t handle the conversation then that just tells me all I need to know

[joe2511]

Yes, it’s okay to ask, especially since you’ve been having sex. It sounds like he wants a relationship with you based on what you wrote.

[Asker]

Well that’s what I thought, but then when he said I can see and talk to who I want it’s not his place to say anything it’s made me question if that’s what he’s doing? I understand him saying it’s not his place to say as we’re not together, but if he likes me and maybe later on wanted a relationship why would he tell me he doesn’t have anything to say if I see other people.

[Asker]

Also I don’t know how to ask him without coming across as being too forward or needy!

[joe2511]

I do not think expressing what you want out of a relationship is needy at all. I personally, wouldn't bring anything up about the comment and just say something that you really like him and you are ready to be in a relationship with him. It lets him know where you are and gives him the opportunity to express how he feels.

A guy who doesn't dig you will not tell his family about you, make you breakfast in bed and buy your favorite things when you come around. Just saying.

[Asker]

If it’s not needy then I’ll definitely ask him! I wasn’t sure if I should or not but I will now! I’ll ask him if he’s seeing/talking to anyone else and tell him I like him and want to be in a relationship, and hopefully he’ll want the same! Thank you!

I just think if he is seeing other people I will probably stop seeing him as I like him and don’t want to be involved if other people are too! Yeah that’s very true! I’m going to go for it and see what happens!

[martyfrazier80]

You should have asked that before you gave him the goody! Why not ask him? Not like he's going to tell you the truth but I would ask if were in a relationship or am just a booty call

[Asker]

I’m definitely going to ask him now and hopefully he does tell me the truth! I just have to believe what he says! Thank you!

[julieb1447]

I mean if y’all are sleeping together it’s probably good to ask where you stand with him.

[Asker]

I’ll definitely ask then, thank you!

[julieb1447]

You’re welcome 😊😊

[FakeName123]

You can ask. But expect to get an answer you dislike. Especially if you or he isn't ready to become exclusive (yet).

[Asker]

I’ll definitely ask then! I’m ready for an answer I won’t like, but if it is an answer I don’t like then that’s fine as we’re not exclusive but I’ll then step away. I would just like to know if he is or not as I like him

[Berethor]

Yes you can ask him, and why you are not exclusive in the first place?

[Asker]

Thank you I’ll definitely ask him then! We’ve just not made it exclusive yet as we want to see what happens, but it’s going really good atm but

[Twalli]

Ask if he wants to make it official. If he wants to, you'll know that from then on out he's probably not.

[slatyb]

Yes, you should. It’s a perfectly reasonable question. I would have asked before having sex.

[Asker]

I know I definitely should have! I didn’t think he was seeing anyone else at the time though but now I think maybe he is

[slatyb]

When dating, I’m patient and don’t pressure a woman to have sex before she’s ready. Mostly I wait until they are inviting me to bed. If they weren’t sure, they have asked me “Are you seeing anyone else?”

[sensible27]

I think he likes you. If something is making you uncomfortable talk no?

[Asker]

Well I thought he did too but not so sure now. Just don’t want to ask him that question as it might seem needy or clingy

[sensible27]

Well.. if it's important to you.. would you stay if you weren't exclusive?

[Asker]

I wouldn’t stay if he is talking/seeing other girls. However, if he’s not and he’s only seeing me but just not ready to be exclusive then I would stay as I’m not going to rush him to be ready to be exclusive

[rabbitzzz]

You can ask him. But if you don't like the answer and then start acting possessive. It will be a massive turn off.

[Asker]

I wouldn’t act possessive! If I didn’t like the answer and it turns out he is seeing other girls, then I would tell him that I like him and want to make it exclusive, and if he still wants to see other people that’s fine and I’ll wish him luck and move on

[FilmGuy93]

it's not wrong of you to ask. You just don't have any right to hold his answer against him.

[Asker]

Oh no I definitely wouldn’t hold his answer against him. If he says he is seeing other people, then I’ll tell him that I like him and would like to make it exclusive and if he wishes to still see other people I will wish him good luck and move on

[exitseven]

You can ask him but you can probably do it more tactfully than just blurting it out.

[Asker]

Any ideas on how to mention it?

[exitseven]

Ask him how serious the relationship is.

[Avicenna]

It’s perfectly legit to ask

[Asker]

I’ll definitely ask then. Thank you!

[Avicenna]

You’re welcome, and Good luck!

[RawIronhide]

Are you seeing other guys?

[Asker]

No I’m only seeing him! We’re not exclusive but I would rather not see more than one guy at a time, especially when I like him. Which is why I want to know if he’s seeing other girls

[RawIronhide]

Listen, don't ask him that. Your lady brain is screwing up the mojo. It's very uncommon for guys to be dating multiple women at once unless he's like a narcissistic Chad. You two have a good thing going and rather than enjoy it your brain is looking for a problem. Instead tell him you want to have a conversation about making your relationship exclusive. It's basically the same thing but outright asking if he's seeing other people sort of implies a level of mistrust and doubt. I wish y'all luck.

[Asker]

Okay so don’t ask him if he’s seeing other people, but instead tell him I like him and want to make it exclusive and then see from his reply what the situation is and go from there? Thank you!

[RawIronhide]

Sounds good. You're welcome!

[Hangry06]

It would make it seem like you're insecure

[Waldoe]

you need to ask, if you want to know...

[Asker]

I’m just not sure how to ask

[Waldoe]

just say "are we exclusive? or am I free to date others"

[Waldoe]

it will make him THINK...

[Asker]

But if he’s not talking to anyone other than me and then I ask him that, will that not make him think I’m not interested in him as I’m asking about myself being free to talk to others, and then he could go talk to others too from thinking I’m not interested?

[Waldoe]

well ask using your own words... it's the only way to find out what he is thinking... no on on GaG can even begin to guess

[LegendaryIcon]

what does "seeing each other" mean?

[Ismellahater]

Ask away

[Asker]

I definitely will. Thank you!

[BestWoman]

U should ask

[Asker]

I definitely will now, thank you!

[EaterPeter]

Yes and no

[Asker]

Why yes? And why no?

[EaterPeter]

You want to know whether you two are exclusive or not, right, then you must ask.

[Asker]

Okay so that’s the yes part, but you also put no? So how come you said no?

[EaterPeter]

Smart girl. Wait a minute.

[EaterPeter]

So no it's not wrong to ask. Only if you feel that way. Then I would wonder why you feel it's wrong to ask.

[Asker]

Thank you haha! I only feel like it’s wrong to ask because we’re not exclusive so it’s not really my business to ask if he’s seeing/talking to anyone else. I also feel like if I ask he’ll see it as me being clingy or needy

[EaterPeter]

I would not worry about being clingy or needy.

[EaterPeter]

If you're not a priority you're an option, are you ok with that?

[EaterPeter]

You get what you negotiate for. Are you worried what if he says yes? 🙂 we are exclusive

[EaterPeter]

Are you worried?

[Asker]

If it’s not going to make me seem clingy or needy then I’ll definitely ask! I’m definitely not okay with being an option which is why I want to know if he’s seeing other people. If he says he’s not seeing anyone else and we’re exclusive i won’t be worried I’d be happy as I like him☺️ just worried if he says yes he is seeing other people

[EaterPeter]

Then you live him. That's the chance you would have to take. Or you may ask how soon is too soon to be exclusive. For how long you two are seeing each other?

[EaterPeter]

leave him *

[EaterPeter]

Or at least warn him genuinely with intended action of leaving, I know it's frightening

[EaterPeter]

You know how to break new, don't you?

[EaterPeter]

Break news *

[Asker]

If he tells me he’s seeing other people then I will leave for sure! If he’s not but he’s not ready to be exclusive just yet then I’ll stay until he is, well unless that takes months and he still says he’s not then I’ll leave

[EaterPeter]

All the best

[EaterPeter]

Please don't fall in never ending loop

[EaterPeter]

People don't commit if they can get away without committing

[Asker]

Oh I definitely won’t fall into that loop! If he says he’s not seeing other people but not ready to make it exclusive then I’ll give it a little bit longer, and if he still says the same I’ll leave. I don’t want to be wasting my time so I know when it’s time to leave. Thank you!!☺️

[EaterPeter]

You're welcome

[EaterPeter]

!! 😊