I'm turning 30 in August and still single is my hope for kids fading away?

[Anonymous]

[HighValue]

Yes it is. If you really want kids, I'd suggest making finding the right person your primary focus for this year. Biologically after age 35 the chances of successfully getting pregnant AND the kid not having health problems (most commonly learning disabilities) sharply declines.

If you figure dating someone for a year, then living together for a year, then trying to have a kid (takes 1 more year), that is 3 years. Then you need a year off in between to fully recover. So at 30 you could have 2 or 3 healthy kids with someone by the age of 35. Each year past then, your chances of having a healthy kid will decrease significantly. It is still possible to have healthy kids after that age, but your chances are significantly less. Think of it this way, before you rolled a 10 sided standard dice, your chances of getting pregnant AND them being healthy were 3 in 10. (Most of the time sex doesn't result in pregnancy.) After 35 you are rolling two 10 sided dice and you have a 1 in 20 chance of a successful healthy pregnancy. Each additional 5 years, add another 10 sided dice. Ex. At age 40 roll three 10 sided dice and you have a 1 in 30 chance, at age 45 roll 4 dice and you have a 1 in 40 chance. Understand?

No amount of wishful thinking will change biology. And this is coming from someone that passed the CA state educator's tests on the first attempt. (CSET) I know what I am talking about.

And all of this is assuming you are healthy and don't have a past of drug use or heavy alcohol use. Women have their eggs for a long time and the things they do can affect their future children regardless if they have quit years prior or not. Men are affected too, just not as often, but it still does affect their reproductive abilities too. After age 55 a healthy man's chances start declining too, but at a more gradual rate.

I hope that helps.

[Asker]

Yeah once I get a job soon I will be spending these few months looking for someone. I gues it's doable I know a girl who got into a relationship late and got a baby at 33/34

[HighValue]

Why wait for getting a job before looking?
So you can pay your half when first together/ first dating?

Just don't do hook ups/casual sex because many actual good guys don't want someone that had behaved that way. And if you want kids/a family you would be seeking a good guy, not the hook up type that aren't serious.

[Asker]

Well I'm in Scotland the dating scene in non existent lol I would prefer to move 3 hours south where there is better people a lot of people up here sadly just drink all day

[HighValue]

Yeah, trying to find someone that isn't into drinking alcohol really limits the dating options. I think not wanting someone that drinks alcohol or does any drugs is one of the things eliminating most of the dating options for me too. Too many people are into that.

[Asker]

I'm hoping to nail a job soon I'm getting lots of interviews for marketing right now. There is better people down south with more in common and into sport. I lived in Canada for 2 years but the pandemic completely fucked the dating scene for 2 years

[VinnyMac]

I love how well thought out and honest you are with your answer. As a man I think I forget the importance of many of these things 🤔 . When my Fiancèe and I had our son she was 27 and I was 32, she just turned 30 this year.

[Asker]

@VinnyMac what do you mean?

[VinnyMac]

I suppose what I mean is that the advice given from HighValue is really great advice. Sorry for any of the confusion. That being said never give up hope of having your own children. I'm not as strong a believer as I once was in my faith, but biology is not the definitive answer here. God is bigger than biology. That may sound cliche or even downright stupid, but there are some people who've had perfectly fine children after a woman is 30+ years old. All kinds of things are possible in this world. Even I have a hard time believing that, but I've seen firsthand many, many examples that disprove Biology over and over again.
Is that God though or is it really maybe science? Many answers can be found through Science, but some things cannot. That being said everyone is so different and sometimes that sucks and seems not fair. Some questions only lead to more questions and bigger questions. Perhaps there are no right answers, but is Science. This opens up the debate of God vs. Science. Is one right and the other wrong? Or maybe they function together. Who knows. Sorry for that rabbit trail 🐇 . I'm no Preacher and I definitely don't have all the answers.

[Cjbruser]

Probably yes.
Unless you get extremely lucky and become a multi-millionaire somehow
I have given up since I turned 30-31. I lost my well paying job and career because my place of employment at the time I was 30 discriminated against me and laid me off unethically, I sued them however and settled out of court because I did not want to deal with the paperwork, heartache and shame anymore. And not too long after the SARS 2 Cov-19 scam and media and medical orchestrated panic has ruined the economy. I had been just one thing after another that prevented me from being happy. Maybe the cosmos itself just destined me not to have a long-term relationship with potential children, and it make me wonder why its happened too me.

Good luck trying to find a decent girl or women who has not already been used up by hookup culture, and the meat grinders of student debt and hedonism known as "colleges" and "higher learning", and most modern women will care much for you or give you the time of day unless you are very wealthy and have high status.

[Anonymous]

Not if you find a decent guy worth having a relationship and children with. They're out there. Finding one is the problem.

Who says you need a man though? There's fertility doctors, and although single motherhood isn't all it's cracked up to be, it's done everyday and can be a rewarding experience.

You can always post online seeking a man. Pick the best candidate. Use a contract, because most that will reply, won't want the financial responsibility of a child unless there's guarantees in writing. No guy wants a promise, and then when the going gets tight, the woman comes back and says help. Go from there.

Then, do it the old fashioned way, by direct injection, or use the fertility doctor. Either way, youll6 get a baby, and the question will take care of itself.

[Asker]

I would have to seriously start again soon. The pandemic didn't help at all tho I was in Canada on a working holiday and Canada had some of the most strict rules.

[Opinion Owner]

Again? As in?

[Asker]

Like as I dating I didn't date for 2 tears because of the virus

[Opinion Owner]

Well, you have to start somewhere. As much as I understand, posting on an advice site isn't getting you anywhere in the dating world. The majority of the advice you're going to get here is crappy advice from the snarky. inexperienced types. Get out there, (not online, but outside!), and get moving instead of wasting your valuable child bearing time here.

Good luck. 🙂

[cookiecrusher]

Yes, they are fading away every day.

From the type of man you would want.

What were you doing for the past 14 years?

Many women seem to think good men will stay single forever and wait while they bang around (have fun). And then the reality hits them around 30.

Bunch of shitty men and just hookups to choose from. No problem, they will date you for a while then move on to the next.

15% of great guys could be out here too, but they won't pick you over your competiton 😗

Just some harsh truths.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

I mean you still have time. 35 is when chances of birth defects become more of a possibility, and even those aren’t guaranteed or anything.

However, your dating pool is shrinking. Dating is a numbers game. Once you start adjusting for age, socioeconomic status, education, religion, whether or not they were previously married or have children, physical attractiveness or certain traits you like, geographic proximity, work schedules etc. you narrow your scope.

I’m not telling you to compromise or lower your standards (in fact I have no idea what your standards even are). I merely suggest that it is a numbers game and as we age the number of available suitors goes down.

But you still have time. Good luck.

[Phoenix-gb]

There is still time, but it is finite (sorry to say) though there is more now than there used to be. If it's something you really want (and believe me, I know the feeling 35M single and wanting a family myself) then you might need to look at your deal breakers and see if they are stopping you from meeting that person who you could have a family with.

[DARKCLOUD1945X]

30 is not a death sentence it is a physical age. Sure, there is a slight increase in birth defects and that can happen with each year but pretty small and yes, it is still there but that can happen at any age and for no reason apparent. Best I can say having kids at an older age keep in good health and see your Gyno.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

As for the light at the end of the tunnel it seems like you think it’s a freight train & in your case it is not. As for you 30 years young you are & as for being single that can change like the future.

[Berethor]

Yea.

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MyBiologicalClockIsTicking

[Fireguy17]

Not at all.
My niece was in her 30's for her first child, and she is thinking about having another.

[Wise4myage]

No, you have 10 more years if not more.

[Asker]

What age is it really bad to have kids

[Wise4myage]

I say early 40s. But get a doctors opinion.

[Asker]

That's not bad then I get so worried everyone has had a kid in their mid and late 20s

[Wise4myage]

Right, so don't stress out, ok.

[Wise4myage]

And happy birthday in advance, lol.

[Asker]

Living in Canada with the pandemic fucked my chances of dating. Im hoping I'll find someone soon

[Wise4myage]

You will, and good luck.

[Valso]

It's not yet. I know of women who had their first kid at 34. Even so, your chances of having a family are far greater than mine, lol

[Dontabesillybe]

Kids don't need step dad. My mum never had a boyfriend for years n I didn't care. Infact I prefer it cos step dad's are dicks

[LegendaryIcon]

im turning 33 next month, and still single. is my hope for kids, fading?

[Cjbruser]

I think so. Most decent women, at least the very few that are left are not going want to settle down until at most a couple years into a relationship, and by that point you are already in your late thirties. And by the time you are lucky enough to potentially have children, you have already become too old (probably 40's) to truly enjoy the time you have left to be with them and the products of your genetics.
We as humans only have so many alleles in our genetic codes, with every individual person being different. I could day at the age of 60 years for a underlying condition that is utterly out of my control and which I had no say in, and lets say for example I am lucky enough to find a decent women and have a child at the age of about 38. I will have only ever had enough time to spend with them 22 years at most. And that is what I find most heartbreaking. It is just never going to become true now, at least for me.

[Asker]

@Cjbruser what about a 29 year old women?

[LegendaryIcon]

if he's saying it's too late for me, then it's DEF. too late for you, at 29

[Cjbruser]

I hate to say it, but unfortunately for women who are about to turn 30+ and over, your smv (sexual market value) decreases with every year along with a women's fertility. Most men unfortunately are going to seek out the younger women in their 20's for relations, and some "Chad's" aka walking insecurity complexes with tiny penises are mostly only looking for a hookup or a "quickie".

Just try to socialize with men who enjoy having hobbies, working out, or practicing a skill or trade. These are in my experience the kinds of men who are actually wanting to have a potentially long-term relationship with someone if they are still single.

[Dchrls78104]

American singer Janet Jackson had a child at age 51.

[ohshee]

B positive

[HeartBreaker007]

I wouldn’t say so.

[PeterCharlie1991]

No course not