This is more like a conversation I’ve been meaning to have with everyone on here. I’m truly exhausted hearing how everything is women’s fault and women are destroying the dating market AND hearing everything is men’s fault and men are causing the problems.
So, my concern is why is everything in absolutes/ black & white where in life shit is grey and complicated as hell. Where the hell is accountability and acknowledging shit so we can better negotiate as we try to help each other.
Usually I sit back and just enjoy a good read of perspectives that you lovely people post but some of these users need a hug 🤗
Is everything always the other gender’s fault in dating?
@friendlydrugdealer That is the wrong question. In fact, that very question is the problem.
That question assumes there are 2 sides in which males are on one side and females the other. And if there are 2 sides, it naturally has to be one against the other in modern, privileged society.
SO what is the correct question? --- How do we get partners on the same side?
(I do also realize there are some other concerns like how we experience dating in the modern world and the endless absence of integrity) @Brainsbeforebeauty brought up that particular angle and I think the solution probably is capturing intent and personality molding, more on this later. The solution to figuring out a way to experience dating in a way that doesn't limit it is something I don't have a solution too but I think it is the least of the worries assuming it leads to face to face/in person.
💠 How do we get partners on the same side? 💠
[vision + personality molding.]
⚫️ A clear Vision captures definite intent. Key word definite. ⚫️ Vision creates threes sides while connecting 2 of sides. (female+male come together) ⚫️ Vision allows the 2 parties to know if they are a fit for long term. ⚫️ Vision creates motive and an outlet for romantic and sexual energy ⚫️ Personality molding is apart of the vision but it allows one to naturally become the people that not only can stay in harmony with each other but are aware on a conscious level how to do that. We know "together we stand, divided we fall" Plus if one wishes to realize their vision then they MUST change.
If a relationship falls it is due to lack of harmony. It always is. It isn't do to outside forces. It is because the people let those forces cause disharmony in the relationship. People do this because they're ignorant and because they lack a definite joint vision for their relationship.
💠 How do we create a joint vision for our relationship and how do we create attractive personalities that can maintain harmony in a habitual way? 💠
Well you sit down together and created a vision for your life together. You can start writing down the major things that you MUST have. For some, children are a must have. If your partner doesn't want kids and you must have them... That is not a good long term partner for you So you write out the must haves and then the minor haves. It is a joint vision and so if you two cannot agree then you're a not good fit for a long term couple.
If it is unclear, vision is how you want your life to look and be like. That is what I mean. Once the detailed, definite initial vision is created you may start to think of the people you two must become in order to realize this vision. The only difference between you and the person that is living the vision is habits... Thought habits and action habits. Beliefs ofc too. Beliefs work the same as habits. An attractive personality should be obvious when you think of the person you must become. An attractive personality is one that doesn't repel and one that can stay in harmony with another. One trait that makes up an attractive personality is courtesy. Another is a positive mental attitude.
Courtesy - The habit of respecting other people's feelings under all circumstances - The habit of going out of ones way to help any less fortunate person whenever and wherever possible - The habit of controlling selfishness in all its forms
There is more to it but that's the main solutions. I would probably bring up a formal biweekly or weekly meeting as well but I'm kinda done typing lol.
Rather them blaming the gender instead direct the blame at the individual.
If a man or a woman hurts you and messes you up. Then your problem is with that individual not an entire gender and the billions of men or women that belong to it.
No, I think both men and women are responsible for destroying dating... In my day "dating" meant you were dating/involved with one person at a time, you talked on the phone, you went on "actual' dates or hung out together with friends. Dating was a way to see if you could see, plan a future with this person. Dating these days seems to be a bunch of texts (not real communication in my opinion), video chats, hook ups, friends with benefits, dating multiple people at once, ghosting (God I hate that term), game playing, shit tests, cheating And again, it's both genders doing this, not just one or the other...
Why don't you just do it the old way then? I don't think dating is ruined. I think, as forever and always, people habitually choose the wrong partners. I think the methods by which we experience dating also is part of the problem like you said. I think the biggest problem is lack of joint vision and the taught ability to stay in harmony though.
So ultimately I think if you have 2 people who fit at the onset and have the conscious ability to stay in harmony with one another during the progressive realization of a detailed and definite vision then I think it will work. There is no way it cannot work. fit + steadfast-harmony + progressive realization of a detailed and definite joint vision
It is exhausting and it's makes me want to take some serious vacations from gag sometimes. I agree that we all need to take a good hard look at ourselves about what might have been wrong in our bad dating situations and take personal accountablity. I think in many situations the blame can be shared, not in every situation obviously but I think it's becoming too easy for people to just say "most men are this way" or "most women are that way". That attitude is not going to fix anything, it seems to just make it worse, just my opinion anyway.
Not always, no. I too get sick of hearing all that stuff about women's "market value" which is why I can't stand MGTOW and Red Pill. It's definitely true that a lot of women of today have terribly poor values and are full of Self and dishonesty, but there are a lot of dudes out there who have to change too. Especially with being selfish about sex, and being grown men who are still obsessed with video games, that is so gross.
Kind of? I think the majority of people suck. So if you're heterosexual, then yes. I mean, I'm unusual, I think. Maybe? Most women I've ever known in my life have treated me like sh*t. Just horribly. So I don't think my experiences are what most men have gone through. But if I was female and I had men who were abusive to me my entire life, I'd probably think the same way about men (still wouldn't be a feminist though).
Honestly, I could use a good hug from a "person with boobs" right now. I've never been hugged before. I imagine they feel nice.
Dating has ALWAYS been guided and in control by women. The men pursue. The women give their consent whether the date moves past step 1 to marriage. If dating has changed, it’s because a fundamental change in society has changed women and dating standards. Men can be dogs and jackals, but they will never get far with a woman unless the woman allows it. In short, men will go as far and skip as many hoops as a woman lets him. If it take 1 date to get sex, the man will usually take it. If it takes 5 dates to get sex, it’s up to the man if he’s willing to go that far for it. If she requires $10 or $1000 to be satisfied, the man has to accept those costs or find another girl. The women are in total control. If a lot of women lower their standards, it may make it harder for girls with higher standards to compete for high value men. Chivalry died not because of men, but because the women didn’t want it anymore. If women want to change the dating game, they have to look in the mirror first. Men will change and adapt to the requirements of women.
I hear you g. Finally, someone post good questions like this. Thumbs up.
Unfortunately, relationships are very rational. Some people just want to battle to the death to prove one is correct over the other. Its tiring for the couple in dispute honestly. This arguing thing, I'm sure you understand that it applies to examples beyond relationship such as friendship, family and work situations (and many more).
No one wants to admit that they themselves are wrong. A feeling of neglect, disbelief.
To answer your point - don't worry. It ain't your problem. We all here on this web to find answers, to learn, to spectate and have some fun. Too bad for people who complains heaps about "this guy/girl is nuts - I want to break up etc stuff" "its his/her fault- why I'm to be blamed" . This thing is honestly mundane and repetitive until oneself acknowledge that change is necessary to work for their relationship.
Brains before beauty summed up what I was about to say, that’s literally how dating is now… Then you add on other factors like mental illness, children, single parent households, being the child of a single parent, etc… that also seems to play a HUGE role in the way dating goes… Single parents aren’t taken seriously and are most often used just for causal sex… This is okay when both people are okay with this, however, many times women are being coerced into sex and that’s when it becomes a problem.. But many will argue and still say it’s the woman’s fault, so I would really like to read others opinions on this as well.
I would pay no attention to the guys/girls saying it is 100% the other genders fault. Like that doesn't even make sense logically, so much so it isn't even worth mentioning. I think capturing intention is everything. I'd say, If you want a serious relationship then don't have sex with other person until you capture their intent; their definite intent. And this doesn't mean just their words. If one walks away due to no sex then they didn't want a serious relationship or aren't ready for one. So by not having sex at the onset you can rid of people who you don't want or people who are not ready.
It is really simple. Play the winning way or don't play at all. Don't play with the odd stacked against you when you can play with them in your favor. Better to lose a guy after a few dates or weeks then to lose him and be heartbroken.
No, because finding the right partner is sometimes luck because you can be the best you think you could become but you can still be at the wrong place and time. I think it´s good to know how you could improve your dating behavior because many of us may live with some misconceptions about dating and the other sex. Many people underestimate the preparation dating can take because you need to be at a maturity level for dating but it also needs a certain level of knowledge of the other sex to avoid mistakes that can easily be done.
We are not living in a culture with clear rules and division of labor to keep the peace anymore in relationships. As such expectations and tolerances are almost certainly going to be out of wack leading to conflict.
Its always easier to blame the other person, then the one person you control, yourself.
In the end you either take responsibility for your own role and learn to establish and live under rules or your pretty much doomed to fight.
If they agreed with you on everything they would be you, and not terribly useful as partners.
Honestly? Here is a potentially unpopular opinion. I think in every conflict between people, the biggest fault lies with the one unwilling to communicate and cooperate. Having a fight with your partner? I don't care who started it. Whichever one wants to sweep the problem under the rug and pretend it's not a problem is THE problem. If you start shit and then wanna pretend it didn't happen, you shouldn't have started shit. If your partner starts shit and you want to ignore it, you're refusing to listen to your partner's concerns and feelings. Things don't go away when they aren't dealt with. Things get bottled up and explode when you leave them be. So that's what I think. If you are refusing to address a problem, you are the problem. Didn't matter what it is.
You hit it right on the head. "Together we stand, divided we fall" That's what think too but less aggressive. I simply call it vison&harmony. You call it communication and cooperation. Like you were saying people rarely stay in harmony with no another and that is the problem. But we have to take a step further and realize why that is. And the answer is vision and personality. Most people go into a relationship and spent almost no time on a detailed, definite joint vision. They spend no time mastering the traits that allow one to stay in harmony with another. And because there is no vision, there is no cooperative communication.
I think you will find yourself in a good relationship if not already because you know that they secret to any relationship is maintain harmony in a way that is natural or habitual. As we know habits control are lives so whatever must be done must be habitual. Most people seem to not know that. That is why "divide and conquer" exist. But I do think vision is where it starts. Otherwise it feels totally different. Only when it starts with vision can we be on the SAME TEAM through thick and thin. But if it does not start with vision... It is me vs you. In fact, it is almost impossible to maintain harmony without vision. It's like trying to maintain harmony without communication. And that is most people's problem... No communication like you said.
Exactly. And I genuinely think it comes down to the fact that a lot of people are also a bit too self centered without realizing it. Most people seem to be vaguely aware, in theory, that their partner has needs as important as their own. At the same time, when it comes down to it, many people seem to lack that awareness in the moments it matters most. They make assumptions and jump to conclusions instead of talking, and problems that had no reason to even exist in the first place turn into a relationship threatening divide.
99.9% problems in relationships can be solved with communication as long as both parties are willing, the problem is that oftentimes there's someone who just isn't willing. And it is worth asking yourself why that is happening, especially if you're the one on the receiving end of that lack of desire to communicate from your partner. It can mean anything from the fact that your partner IS trying to communicate in their own way and are as frustrated as you about the situation, to a possibility they are trying to use conflicts as a way of manipulating you, which can easily explain why they will essentially resist your efforts of trying to resolve things peacefully, since that's not what they want. At that point you have to seriously weigh the pros and cons and decide whether the relationship is worth it to you, depending on what it is you expect from it and from your partner.
The USA dating scene is an absolute disaster zone. We're telling men to not approach women or try to meet them. We're telling women it's great to be fat and they're beautiful at a BMI of 35. Boomers legalized no fault divorce and gave women incentive to divorce, cash out, and try their luck on Eat Pray Love. We came up with dating apps where women are given a hurricane of choice overload and can easily bang 100 guys a month if they wish, while a small percent of men clean up in casual sex and lots of angry incels and betas go stew over videogames while saying women are horrible shallow beasts and only losers go to the gym, while women get pump and dumped by top tier guys and become cold heartbroken things.
Some brains see things black and white no shades of grey.
I ageee those skills aren’t taught enough… we’ve lost our compass as humans… lost to the culture shift away from old world values. You see it on all domains of perspective… ability to listen and consider where another is coming from.
It’s a training issue. Fixed by more training.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Ironic you posted this question. Just a few hours ago I posted this:
It shouldn’t matter what you think, only that you deliver what you think in a respectful way to other people’s opinions. The entire world is desperate to be right, but I’m more interested in growth and finding middle ground.
All women and men are not at fault. But people continue to play the blame game. It's pretty much a nonstop cycle that keeps spinning. Though it's part of a bigger issue. People being unwilling to look at themselves and take person responsibility when they need to. People playing the blame game really need to bite the bullet, do a self inventory and be honest with themselves.
Keep in mind those complaining are infact those not having success in dating. Consistent lack of success would suggest they're missing the ball, so your answering will likely be skewed by people blaming something outside of their realm of control (the other side)
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Nah dating is great nowadays. Swipe right on some chick, send her some text messages while I watch TV for a few days, pick her up and get some chinese takeout, go home and bang her, rinse and repeat
Life is good. Thanks for becoming empowered ladies 😂
Yea it's pretty good right now which is why the question confuses me. I think what's happening is that it's not great for woman (mostly due to their own behavior) now they're trying to pretend like it's tough for everybody. Literally did what you just said (minus the Chinese food) on Friday night. My personal belief is it's never been a better time to meet and bang new chicks.
Yes! I don't see what all the complaining is about. You can meet more women than ever, you don't even have to actually talk to them cause they just wanna text, they're easier to sleep with, and they're kinkier than ever
It's because there's a huge industry centered around making men think there's some magic trick to getting women combined w/ the overall sissifycation of young men.
The point of the question was to bring together people who are consistently blaming the other gender for their dating experiences. Whether it’s on here or some dude/ girl in a bar ( whose probably just blowing off steam)
some people might finder more diffecty if they have learning disabties and they could be of taken of advantage. I had bad experince with some prevous partner that were cheater and lies. i also has bad experince with some yonger women friends that tried temp my previous partner to cheated on me. the yonger women knew that about that being in a relationships. didn't listen to me or my previous partner.
Because, trying to compromise is an exposure of vulnerability. People want to make the people they disagree with break down crying and enjoy the power of doing so.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
90% of problem in dating falls on women. Women control dating for the most part. The only sway and power men really have is to marriage. So all problem in dating right now comes from the decision made by women and what behavior from men they reward. If you disagree, you are either a female trying to deflect any self reflection or male simp hoping to score points with female side.
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