Why Do I Feel Attracted By Older Men?

[Anonymous]

I'm 23 and a 2nd year university student while also working a part-time job and I also do some student services work voluntarily on campus. I made friends with a much older guy about 18 months ago who is currently in his last year of his uni degree. He's 31 so 8 years older than me, and he works full-time but also makes time to do some student services work, which I do too which is how we met. He is single, no kids, had a relationship with a woman for 6 years that ended about two years ago and has his own place. He's kind and funny, charming, popular, has a harmless affectionate nature and I've really started to like him. We've been friends for over a year now and see each other on the regular and some uni friends of ours and us would do dinner or lunch, drinks or see the odd movie together but that's about it outside uni. I tend to secretly crush on affectionate older men a lot but never dated one. In my previous job I had for 4 years I had secret crushes on some older guy bosses I had. No one knew tho. Never acted on them. Seems I have a thing for older men. I don't know if it's an authority thing and some kink? I secretly like having an older guy care about me and act nurturing and affectionate. I have started to really like this uni friend over the last couple months but try not to make it too obvious. I keep up with my hobbies, my degree, my paid job and my volunteer work but I always really, really look forward to seeing him and shamelessly admit I put extra effort in to my hair and makeup some days. Once or twice a month we'll get a meal and a drink on campus or in the city together and I always feel so heard and well understood by him rather than guys my own age. I have dated a couple guys and I've had a previous relationship that lasted a couple years but all around my own age, but older guys seem different. Is this odd? I'm very cautious and aware of myself.

[20yearsolder]

No it's not odd, older gentleman are more caring, more experienced and typically aren't just trying to get into your panties. How do I know this because I'm one of those older gentlemen. I had a 2-year relationship with a 25-year-old woman. Give it a chance, you won't regret it

[Asker]

See how things go. I'll have to gently test the waters and see how he feels before anything

[ChrisMaster69]

it’s not odd also it’s not a huge gap in the scheme of things.

You may just prefer the stability they provide, or just their maturity.

could be a number of reasons and yes the authority side of things.

[Asker]

Thank you. Do you have or have you had younger partners?

[ChrisMaster69]

Yes I currently have and have had before.

A lot comes down to being compatible and having things in common.

If you have those then it’s tends to work out.

The dynamics work as well

[ChrisMaster69]

It also really depends what you want out of a relationship as well

[Asker]

Fair enough. For me, long term ideally but just experience and closeness and exploration with someone more well experienced would be good and someone who wants the same things and exploring of kinks in a monogamous relationship from an older guy while being romantically involved together is where I'm at but I'm not really looking for a life partner right now. Just go with the flow and finding that someone to be close to. You?

[ChrisMaster69]

Someone fun, with the energy to enjoy life,
Likes trying new things, pushes their limits
Interesting, confident
Also needs to be relatively fit, I do 5km and 10km runs and mountain biking

As for kinks, I’ve been in to lifestyle BDSM for over 20 years and that’s also sort of a thing to explore as well.

[Asker]

Yeah bdsm is something I'm wanting to explore. Mild and light experiences but someone seasoned in it. I feel like that is a key component finding someone who wants the same things and is healthy and experienced about it. Benefits the relationship when you both want that. Along with a close relationship foundation and mutual trust and respect I find being on the same page with sex and good communication and trust to be the biggest parts of a relationship and I haven't found that with any guy my own age.

[Asker]

I've had mild and light experiences with bdsm but would want someone seasoned and confident in it who would compliment the dynamic. I couldn't date a really vanilla person.

[ChrisMaster69]

Yes if you have moved in to the scene, dating vanilla can be a hard one.

Also trust and actual knowledge about the lifestyle is important.

Main thing is it’s your kinks not theirs.

The social scene (at least in UK) is really good and actually fun.

The harder bit is finding out what a persons kinks are, if they are in to BDSM etc without being straight out with it lol.

Also a subs are often Demisexual or very close to it

[Asker]

I feel like someone who wants a bedroom experience that is like 70% kinky and BDSM and 30% vanilla is alright for me. Sometimes vanilla is just fine but I'm mostly kinky. Mild and light kinks are all I've tried but I do like that and want a reliable, trustworthy and healthy partner who can provide that. A vanilla person dating a kinky person and who want different things sexually and have different sexual interests are a recipe for disaster. I'm based in the UK actually funnily enough.

[ChrisMaster69]

If based in the UK and are interested in the scene, I would suggest Killing Kittens.

With kinks and BDSM, vanilla etc, it’s all about being able to read the other person, their emotional state, their needs etc.

As a Dom it’s important to be able to recognise when actually vanilla is all that’s wanted, then other times it’s more than that.

Agreed with Vanilla and Kink, this is my first non full BDSM relationship in years.

With the scene, I really can’t stress the trust aspect enough.

Personally there also needs to be a very good emotional connection as this greatly enhances the dynamics within the kinks.

[Asker]

You're in a vanilla relationship? How does that dynamic serve you? Do you feel part of your identity isn't served and unsatisfied as a result? As I said I've only some mild and light BDSM but I find while I only want BDSM in the bedroom it's something I need in my life with a good and happily willing partner and it's part of me I don't think I could remove so being on that page the same would matter to me greatly. I was in a relationship for 3.5 years that was very vanilla the first year of dating and then when I was 20 we started trying kinks and stuff and I've never looked back. I've been single several months now and slowly getting myself out there again. I'm 23 now. I am fine with vanilla sex especially when things are new but BDSM and D/s in the bedroom is something I have found gives me release. As someone dominant like you said you are, how do you find dating someone vanilla compatible for you? Also thank you. I'm sure to safely look around and do my research. I tried fetlife but never met anyone from there. Seems a bit risky. Do you have an account?

[ChrisMaster69]

It’s a close to vanilla with some bits
Not going over everything in open lol
KK I mentioned are very much a girl focused and girl safe group.
It’s ran by women and it’s countrywide.

They have events predominantly London area but also north as well.

There will also be local Munches close to where you are

These are usually a good way to meet other subs and find out who to avoid on the local Dom scene

The biggest difference dating someone more vanilla (this can also apply to some kinks) is that there is no extra release to give. Also I’ve come from a background of Edge and CNC darker stuff lol to pretty much mild / vanilla

[Asker]

They're all things I'd be interested in slowly and steadily working towards. I do find kink and bdsm and bondage and power exchange and all that with a safe, reliable and healthy partner to be a very empowering experience in the bedroom but as I've said it's all quite mild for me so far but with a seasoned and mature guy who is confident and understanding and who I can grow with hopefully it will change. Mind if I message you?

[ChrisMaster69]

Sure go ahead

[masdee18704]

Girls mature faster than men. An given the small gap sounds more like its based on a maturity level. Think to that being 23 having to worry about life after school living with parents worries younger people an having an older mate softens this as they probally have experience there.

[CuriousMufuxka]

Because we have our shit together. Natural selection is real.

[SignedAutographs]

Daddy issues