Long Distance - I want to see him?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating someone long distance for 4 months. He was in a 10 year relationship about a year ago so he’s not ready for something serious yet. This past weekend I went to his hometown to have dinner with his parents and meet all of his childhood friends. His mom text messages me and wants me to move there. When I came back home I asked to see him in two weeks. He said it would be too much (he always pays for our trips including hotel and meals; he won’t allow me to pay lol). He said he needs to lay low and save up.
I want to see him in May. But I’m nervous to ask. Should I wait a few weeks then ask? Or hold off asking in general so I don’t come off as needy or pushy?

[LaNc3L0TT]

Long distance relationship, being with dude who was in 10 year relationship before you, I can feel that you are under pressure. But as you two are mature people in 30's I think you should take you relationship serious specially when you have met his mother. Taking all this I guess relationship like that shouldn't be under some "planning pressure" and for you to be in some kind of fear of calling him or making some plans. Just be open about it and try to be free of that fear...

[Asker]

Thank you for your thoughtful advice. I’m 31 and he’s 34. I feel like we are moving in the right direction, I’ve met his mom and siblings twice. And I met his friends this past trip, so I guess I’m not a “secret” haha
I feel like I need to take it very slow with him since he was in a 10 year relationship a year ago. I just get nervous asking him to hang out because my fear is that it will push him away. Should I give it a few weeks since I just asked him about hanging out in April?

[LaNc3L0TT]

I'm glad to hear that you are involved in his family/personal life. If he is feeling good spending time with you, you should never doubt in that and having some overthinking "I'm I too much for him", "will he get bored", etc. Like I said I assume that he knows what he wants, and that he is looking seriously on your relationship. So just go easy and don't put so much pressure on yourself and about that May think, if it will make you less worried go easy with it, wait a bit and ask. :D

[Asker]

I guess I’m confused about whether he is looking at me in a serious way. He did tell me he does not want a serious relationship at the moment because he just got out of a serious relationship 1 year ago. He said he has his guard up. But he has introduced me to his family and friends. Maybe he’s confused? Lol
Because he said he doesn’t want anything serious I don’t want to overstep his boundaries or put too much pressure on him which can scare him off. Am I making any sense? Hahah

[LaNc3L0TT]

Yea you do of course, haha :D And I "feel" you about it. Yea he is like lets say "broken" but he doesn't want to be. "Broken" stance is due to bad experience with relationship before and stance that he want's to move on is YOU. So yea I understand you and him also, just go easy with it and I believe it should be all good.

[In_Trance]

ask him

[Asker]

When? I asked him about hanging out in April last week lol so I don’t want to be annoying haha

[In_Trance]

What's wrong with asking rn?

[Asker]

He did say he is not ready for a serious relationship. Although he did have me meet his family and friends this past weekend. So it may be moving in the right direction.

I have this fear of scaring him off from being pushy and needy I guess

[In_Trance]

If he tells you that, it's code for he's not interested