Am I an asshole for breaking up with a guy who told me that he is transgender 4 months into the relationship?

[Anonymous]

Yes.

No.

Somewhat.

Updates

+1 y

Before anyone attacks me, I just want to say that he looked, sounded, and presented himself as any other biological male would. I mean, I couldn't tell.

[Xoxocutekitty]

I said yes only because I'm assuming you slept with him. Please disregard if you haven't already slept with him.

To me whether or not you've slept together/given each other orgasms/ clearly appreciated each other's bodies is the line where your attitude and your behavior aren't lining up.

I have this same stance with men who sleep with women and then immediately scorn her minutes after she mentions a boob job. If he genuinely thought the quality was the same (ie a natural boob) and enjoyed his experiences, why does it matter, and why does he assume negative character traits about this person without trying to understand her background?

The person with the modification (boob job/or trans), has done nothing different about their behaviors, actions, or personality. The only thing is that one person found out and couldn't handle the idea of being with such a person. They would choose this pre-existing attitude over their own positive experiences with this person.

If this person who happened to be trans had genuine character flaws or wasn't treating you right, then of course, dump him for that.

[Shamalien]

How tf is someone gunna have sex with a transgender and not know? I don’t think a girl to guy trans can even get hard without a pump or pills or something, and I don’t think they can ejaculate either

[Xoxocutekitty]

I don't know. I'm sure it's possible to get a penis added on? If they can do heart and lung transplants these days, how hard is a penis? I don't have any personal experiences here.

[Shamalien]

A penis can be pretty hard ;)

[Asker]

No. I haven't slept with him.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Not really.

I am Eastern European and might sound old fashioned to you all,

but I want a biological male, who was born with penis, balls and who is capable of producing sperm.

Isn’t that the whole reason why we date?

I mean, unless you are an exception, most of us want to reproduce with the partner we have.

[Asker]

You would be terrified of how people live here in Canada, then. I'm from Montréal, and the way we live is drastically different than how you would in Eastern Europe.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I mean, I support LGBTQ rights, have gay best friend as well, but I would not date a transgender man.

I want a man with one X and one Y chromosome, that’s the definition of a man for me and I will respect and befriend transgenders but can’t really date any of them.

[Asker]

Yeah. I do, too.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

How is it different in Canada?

[MCheetah]

No, not at all. These female lied to you and in some places, you are legally allowed to attack them if they coerced you into rape. These people shouldn't have to try to lie and trick others into being with them. If you're not gay, then you have no business being with another female.

[TheUniqueOne96]

No.

If anything, they're the asshole for not being clear about it.

Some people are cool with dating trans, whilst others aren't, so trans people should be open about it.

[WonderBell99]

Do not feel guilty. You have your preference and that's okay. I don't have anything against trans people, but I would not date them either.

If they lied to you for 4 months, that is a pretty good reason for you to have broken up with them. Why did they need to hide or omit the fact that they're trans?

[SnakeBoop]

No. Some people aren't into that and it can feel essentially like you were lied to.
I have no issue with trans people, but I will not want to date them.

[Asker]

Exactly my point. I mean, I still respect my ex completely, but I just can't be romantically linked with someone I know who was born as a female.

[dorksided1]

I fully support anyone decision to live as who they want gender wise, that being said he had a right to be upfront from jump. He put you in that position and no one has a right to make that decision for you, its entering a relationship under false pretenses, its plain wrong to do to anyone.

[lrina]

ofc you're not, its perfectly normal to not be ok with such a relationship. i would've done the same, and i don't see anything wrong with it.

[Shamalien]

No they are a huge asshole for deceiving you. Honestly all you cross dressers and trannies are fucked in the head if you’re not gunna be upfront with your romantic interests

[KatherineJ]

I don’t think you are an “asshole” for that. I think HE is the asshole for waiting for so long to tell you.

[Msputiton]

It depends.
What the reason you broke up.

The fact they lied to you for 4 months is a great reason to break up.

But if it was that even though you were happy with them but couldn't get past your hate. Would be a bad reason

[Berethor]

He/she/it was hiding an very important information from you.

[boggboss]

Nope that the type of info u provide pretty early on he was taking the piss

[JoyGirl]

No, you are not.
He should have told you from the very start.

[Seinna]

No, he's an asshole for not telling you from the start and playing with your feelings.

He was dishonest and deceived you, you trusted him based on the false image he purposely presented.

[lightbulb27]

how can you even ask that? what guilt trip he lay on you?

[MCheetah]

"What guilt trip *she lay on you?"

[lightbulb27]

@MCheetah I read it as it's a male who wants to be a female, so it's a he.

[MCheetah]

It was a transman. Biological female.

[lightbulb27]

@MCheetah👍🏼 Good lord, are we entering the age where early on, we have to check the crotch of the other person... to make sure what we've got? Maybe a birth certificate on 1st date? Feel sorry for this generation... this did not exist 40yrs ago.

[Asker]

MCheetah is right. It's a trans man.

[little_rose]

No, because he hid the absolute truth from you. When you have a romantic interest you have the right to know important personal details about the person before deciding whether to be with them or not in my opinion.

[FunkyMonkee]

Do you mean that he's going to become a woman or he WAS one and had a sex change?

[Asker]

He was a woman and had a sex change.

[FunkyMonkee]

That's what I thought. As I was gong to say, in that case, it depends on if you were planning to have kids with him, some day. On one hand, I can see why he wouldn't tell you up front but, on the other hand, he should've! Maybe he just didn't see it as a life-long thing when he first walked in and didn't see the point of telling you unless it was going to BECOME one but, at the same time, that hurts YOU because, you've invested so much emotion into it and, him not telling you up front is not the best idea in the world. Most of the trans people I'm friends with have told me that they'd tell whoever it was up front! If the love interest in still interested, THEN everything's okay to continue with the relationship!

[jshm2]

That must have been horrifying! I can normally tell those freaks a mile off.

[humanearth]

Nope, not one bit. They should have told you from the start of the relationship.

[altaboy]

No, you did the right thing. You should not stay in a relationship if you are not happy. Staying with this person wouldn't do either of you any good.

[zagor]

So wait, he didn't have a penis? Or was he looking to get rid of one?

[Asker]

I'm assuming he had a sex change surgery because I couldn't tell he wasn't a guy. A lot of people fell for it, too, apparently.

[Asker]

Didn't sleep with him, though. Thank god.

[JesseJayNeak]

No. It would have been more clement if (s) he would have told you from the beginning

[gabby100]

I have friends who are trans male and female. I find them great, to be with..

[Anonymous]

That's a pretty important piece of information you should've been told immediately upon meeting.

[Opinion Owner]

And even if you take that out of it and just look at the fact that it's been kept from you, which damages the trust. Naturally you're going to wonder "what else don't I know?".

[TheMajesticKing777]

No it's completely understandable in my opinion

[Anonymous]

Something tells me you don’t have much experience with men.

[driven159]

should have told you from the start

[KrakenAttackin]

Not at all. Get rid of him/her/it.

[Avicenna]

No, he’s the asshole for not telling you upfront

[Squaresquirrel]

No, this should be discussed earlier than that.

[Jouth]

I think that is very misleading on his part.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

I said yes but it was the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

He should have been honest from the start

[legalboxers]

you know what you want...

[xJayleenx]

I don’t think so you just have your standards

[notwoke]

he should expect a knife in the throat

[Fuentes]

No u good

[CuriousMufuxka]

Well more of a jackass. You totally made this up.

[Asker]

Whatever you say, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Dump liars.