My partner is questioning being trans, do I break up with them?

[Anonymous]

I (F22) have been happily dating my partner (F19) for about 2 months. My partner came out as potentially being trans. I'm bisexual however have a strong preference for women and don't see myself dating a man.

I know the relationship is young but I don't want to let it go. Neither does my partner and npw they seem to have built a narrative now that they were happy being a woman, until a few people mentioned that they looked boyish or compared them to men. Apparently they are content being a woman and wish to explore it more.

But if I broke up with them, they would have likely explored being a man in their time or if I simply accepted at first, they'd have happily become a man.

Should I just break up with them? I don't want to force them to be something they're not.

Extra context: They were trans about a year ago and detransitioned as they didn't fit in socially and it was too much.

[Anonymous]

Have another discussion about it.

Transitioning is a big decision. Maybe they could start small like trying a masculine nickname or getting a different haircut—but ultimately if you know that their transition will be a deal breaker, and they know that transitioning is something they really want to do, well...

There are a lot of big decisions that cause breakups unfortunately. Changing your mind about wanting kids in the future, where you want to live, or what career you want to pursue could each kill romantic relationships due to creating incompatibility.

Maybe you could preserve the relationship by staying friends? That's always difficult after a breakup, but breakups caused by incompatibility rather than by offense or betrayal have the potential to end on much better terms. It sounds like you both still love each other even if you may not be able to stay together as partners, and if social pressure was what made them detransition in the past then having a solid supportive person (even if "just" a friend) could help them focus on whether it's actually the best decision for them, not just for those around them.

Good luck and I'm sorry things can be so complicated.

[Anonymous]

You don't need a mentally disabled crazy person as a partner. I'd leave if I were in your shoes..

Trans = severely mentally disabled.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

The one thing about people that are trans is that many trans people will hide the fact that they are. They act the way they think they should act. This is a bad thing. If you fell in love with the person they think they should be then a relationship won’t work. However if the person is the same no matter what then things can work. My wife loves me and we have a great relationship because when I was a boy and when I am a girl im the same person and act the same. The way I act, the way I think etc are all the same. Only the wrappings have changed. If my personality were different I could understand her not wanting to be with me because I would be a different person.

[Asker]

I understand, but to me I'm not really attracted to men and the way they'd present and behave would be different. I love them as a person and wish to give them as much support as I could but I feel so conflicted if they really are trans or not with how they're acting now.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

That’s understandable. I don’t think anyone would fault you for leaving them. I myself am only attracted to women. Men can be rough, hairy, smelly and unpleasant in their manners.
Feel free to DM if you’d like to talk more.

[HelpfulWoman]

Your partner needs therapy desperately. the history of trying and then cancelling transitioning should have told you both enough

[Anonymous]

Men are a thing.
Women are a thing.
Gays are a thing.
Lesbians are a thing.
Bisexuals are a thing.

Trans isn't really a thing.

Mental illness, however. . .

[Anonymous]

Potentially being trans?

How does that work?

[Asker]

They said they think they could be a guy. They're not certain.

[In_Trance]

Gtfo of there. What a shit show