At what point in a relationship do you believe a transgender person should reveal that they are trans?

[Anonymous]

On the first date?

after a few dates?

never?

Jamie Wilson

Updates:

+1 y

What would you do if you found out the person you are dating is transgender?

[hellionthesagereborn]

Before they even go on the date. By hiding it the person will feel like they where manipulated and lied to and that's going to create a whole lot of animosity. In pretty much every case of a transgender person being killed it was because they lied about being transgender. The overwhelming majority of people will at worse walk away from him/her after hearing this and at best be friendly (and maybe even still be interested). But if you lie to them about this, and yes its their damn business because they are trying to enter a relationship with this person knowing that they are transgender absolutely affects them and the relationship, then your going to have some one who feels humliated and betrayed on multiple levels and that could end very poorly (Violently at worse, at best the relationship is done and they will hate you forever (and be disgusted with themselves).

[xkildy]

My take is if you want people to accept you. You need to first accept your self and not just give it a name or ask friends to accept you. You need to first tell your self I am this way and this is the way I want not cause of others or to get my way at work but this is me. Now if your going to take I would make sure to hit on the right gender lol... a straight person is that a person that is interested in the opposite sex not in the sex or gender that you chose to be but the opposite sex of them. that's what it means to be straight now if they're bisexual they may be interested if they're gay they still might be interested but straight means straight

[Mikayla3]

I think they should tell you on the first meeting because assholes have killed people for not telling them till after they slept with them. I feel like it is so wrong on both sides but not to murder a person for being a human. They have a different journey to life than we do... it’s a lot harder and they are just as man or woman and just as human as I am. I love transgender people and if I feel in love with one. I would not count that against them or feel weird. But, no every person is me. So, for their safety. They need to be open on the first meeting!

[Screenwriter]

I don't think it matters on the first date. It might not go well and you'll never see that person again. But I think it needs to be revealed somewhere down the line. Some people are anti trans and you don't want to be involved with that sort of person. They might not hate trans people, but may not want to date them. You need to find this out so you'll know you'll be accepted warts and all.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Immediately! As in before I even go on a date with said person.

No disrespect to transgender individuals, but just like they have a right to be who they want to be, I have the right to know what they were born as before getting to know them!

[Apope16]

If you meet them online Id say right away. If you know them id say before a date. If its a random meet situation at a bar or party.. id say after the first kiss. Certainly before sex. Usually the person can tell. But if I was attracted and didn't know, I would rather have kissed the trans person to see if it made me horny. Otherwise, if told I have to get into moral delimma headspace of how the transperson would feel if I made out or had sex based or exploration and discovery. If I wasn't sure I wanted to date a trans person, would they be offended with me asking to see what its like? I think so. So I'd rather make out snd get the sensual experience, find out, and then decide if I like it.

[btbc92]

The day that person tries to ask you out. That's why I do not date strangers because you don't know who your messing with or what your getting. Be smart people. It's not about judgement, its about protection against fraud. Especially if that is not what your seeking.

[OlderAndWiser]

I think it should be disclosed before the first date.

[sejla]

For the safety of the transgender person right away. And for the other person so they have the right to know so they can make the decision to even start or not. It isn't possible for all people to be ok with it.

[buuda1971]

DAY ONE should not keep that secret from a potentially partner they may not be able to handle it and it could get you beat or killed as it has in the past... as long as you honest things will work out as they supposed to don't be a shamed of who you are or chosen to be if you feel the need to hide it your going to be found out eventually and the consequence could cost you EVERYTHING the truth will only loss some one who wasn't for you in the first place... HONESTY IS STILL THE BEST POLICY!!! ... be you and be happy with it or Camacho you are!!!

[Trolloween]

Before any date. I made this point before and got a lot of flack but if you sleep with someone who thinks you are a different gender then it should be a crime. My example is if someone has hiv and doesn't tell you then they are committing a crime because they can physically harm you, I see little difference to the total mental devastation it could cause a straight person to be tricked into what they may consider homosexual sex. It isn't transphobic it's just people have preferences and deceit to bypass those preferences is morally wrong.

[angelface8]

I would honestly hope someone would tell the person they like up front that they are trans because to with hold that info is taking away that persons choice to chose you for who you are/want to be. Plus it puts both parties in dangerous positions because the person could react violently or snap it's just a lot to take in especially if the person comes from a strong religious background. Not to mention wouldn't a person want someone to get to know the real them (past and future desires), by not being honest with yourself and the other person your basically living a lie in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

I lost part of my leg. But I wear a prosthetic so its unnoticeable. I wonder the same thing on the daily. When should I let them know? Should it be soon or will I sound insecure about it? Should it be later or will they be angry I didn't mention it sooner?

Not to mention - its VERY hard to slip in casual conversation. But I do eventually find opportunities, within a week or two of chatting, and I jump on the first possible chance to say it. I always mention it playfully. If the guy loses interest, then he loses interest. If he finds it "cool" then we continue on as if nothing happened.

Since your case has to do with direct sexual organs, I would say follow my advice above if the person you are dating is in the queer or has a lot of involvement in the queer community. If this person is straight all the way, try to be honest as possible from the beginning so you both know what lies ahead and dont waste time.

[brennanhuff]

they should reveal like immediately, like upon first seeing someone they are interested in and that person seems interested in them. Someone who hates or wants a transgender hurt or hates such people is transphobic, but a person who only wants to date a person of the opposite sex, (meaning born that sex and no operation) is simply straight. A straight person does not want to be deceived and I'm sure would be mighty pissed and have the right to be if said trans person really looks like the sex they had operations to look like and straight person thinks it is the opposite sex.

[Sonorous]

I feel like it should be a crime to not tell before anything intimate happens. That could seriously mess up someone's mental state. It's a really selfish thing to do!

What would you do if you found out the person you are dating is transgender?

⬆️ I'm very good at picking up on cues so the likelihood of that happening is really low! But let's say they're just a good actor/liar, I would let them know that it wouldn't work out. I don't care how nice they are or how compatible we would be. I don't date trans people. Call me old school but that's just my preference. It would feel too weird since I'm not a part of the LGBTQ community and I have no sexual attraction towards men. I wouldn't be rude to them but I'd firmly let them now that what they did was not cool and I most likely wouldn't wanna be friends or anything afterward.

[CountessSarah]

It depends on the type of relationship and where they meet.

If it's in a bar or something, and maybe even only a one-night thing, then never - that sort of setting doesn't lend itself to the conversation and it's just a part of hooking up.

If it's a more committed relationship, then I'd say after the first date or so.

[ImHere4You]

They need to know before the first date. Some people don’t accept things like that so if they knew there wouldn’t be a first date. Some things should be known and that’s one of them. The person needs to know and be able to accept it before there’s even a first date because if they don’t they might run away.

[nicobruin8618]

First date, or perhaps even before if possible. Some people are into it or don't mind, but others aren't. If they aren't into it finding out at a relatively late date won't be a pleasant experience for either party. The other party would feel mislead, whilst the trans person would probably not enjoy the reaction he or she receives.

[Belgie]

It depends.
If your first date is basically a coffee because you guys know virtually nothing about each other, I'd say it can wait. You may decide after that cuppa that the other person is an asshole, and why bother giving them the intimate details of your life.
On the other hand, if you guys have been flirting a while, and your first date is a long night out date, (dinner, dance, drinks, back to someones place) then yeah, you should reveal pretty early on.

[acooke-13]

I think they should let you know prior, I would always let them know because I know there's so much stigma around it, you should be proud and if they like you and are a good person, they shouldn't care. Easy way to get rid of the people you shouldn't date I'd day!

[BCA6010]

Before the first date even happens.

Pretty much without exception- if that's going to be an issue, it's not going to matter how well they know each other; it'll very likely be a deal-breaker to drop that bombshell. By making it known beforehand, it avoids wasting everyone's time.

[foriWish]

First time talking. After that it kind of seems like manipulation which is just wrong. People have the right to know and it doesn't really matter if you're a great person and you want to show them that person first. Just no. They should know at the start period and if they are fine with it, then be the great person you are.

[PinkMichae]

If someone is showing a romantic interest then they should inform them. Some people aren't comfortable being with someone that was born the same sex. Its deceptive for them not to be forth coming when someone is obviously romantically into them. If it's just a friendship it's no ones buisness. Although if I was trans I would make it known to all connections friends or romantic ones.

[NyfikenSyd]

Before first kiss, or possibly soon after.
I'd be quite chocked, ask a lot of questions, and then decide to proceed depending on how I felt.
For a real relationship I'd probably back out since I want to have kids. For a sexual relationship I'd probably go ahead, especially if it was pre-op but during hormones.
All of this is of course assuming I find her attractive in other ways too.

[OnitheWanderer]

Absolutely, on the first date. PERIOD. There's no matter for discussion on this situation. They must disclose about this type of information before or on the first date (preferably before).
And If I found out that person I'm dating in a transgender... I would absolutely freaking out not only because she's a transgender but that she lied or failed to bring out this information about her. Honesty is the best policy. Everyone deserves that.