At what point in a relationship do you believe a transgender person should reveal that they are trans?

Question

On the first date? after a few dates? never?

hellionthesagereborn · Accepted Answer

Before they even go on the date. By hiding it the person will feel like they where manipulated and lied to and that's going to create a whole lot of animosity. In pretty much every case of a transgender person being killed it was because they lied about being transgender. The overwhelming majority of people will at worse walk away from him/her after hearing this and at best be friendly (and maybe even still be interested). But if you lie to them about this, and yes its their damn business because they are trying to enter a relationship with this person knowing that they are transgender absolutely affects them and the relationship, then your going to have some one who feels humliated and betrayed on multiple levels and that could end very poorly (Violently at worse, at best the relationship is done and they will hate you forever (and be disgusted with themselves).

xkildy · Accepted Answer

My take is if you want people to accept you. You need to first accept your self and not just give it a name or ask friends to accept you. You need to first tell your self I am this way and this is the way I want not cause of others or to get my way at work but this is me. Now if your going to take I would make sure to hit on the right gender lol... a straight person is that a person that is interested in the opposite sex not in the sex or gender that you chose to be but the opposite sex of them. that's what it means to be straight now if they're bisexual they may be interested if they're gay they still might be interested but straight means straight

Mikayla3 · Accepted Answer

I think they should tell you on the first meeting because assholes have killed people for not telling them till after they slept with them. I feel like it is so wrong on both sides but not to murder a person for being a human. They have a different journey to life than we do... it’s a lot harder and they are just as man or woman and just as human as I am. I love transgender people and if I feel in love with one. I would not count that against them or feel weird. But, no every person is me. So, for their safety. They need to be open on the first meeting!

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

I don't think it matters on the first date. It might not go well and you'll never see that person again. But I think it needs to be revealed somewhere down the line. Some people are anti trans and you don't want to be involved with that sort of person. They might not hate trans people, but may not want to date them. You need to find this out so you'll know you'll be accepted warts and all.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Immediately! As in before I even go on a date with said person.

No disrespect to transgender individuals, but just like they have a right to be who they want to be, I have the right to know what they were born as before getting to know them!

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I think it should be disclosed before the first date.

Apope16 · Answer

If you meet them online Id say right away. If you know them id say before a date. If its a random meet situation at a bar or party.. id say after the first kiss. Certainly before sex. Usually the person can tell. But if I was attracted and didn't know, I would rather have kissed the trans person to see if it made me horny. Otherwise, if told I have to get into moral delimma headspace of how the transperson would feel if I made out or had sex based or exploration and discovery. If I wasn't sure I wanted to date a trans person, would they be offended with me asking to see what its like? I think so. So I'd rather make out snd get the sensual experience, find out, and then decide if I like it.

sejla · Answer

For the safety of the transgender person right away. And for the other person so they have the right to know so they can make the decision to even start or not. It isn't possible for all people to be ok with it.

buuda1971 · Answer

DAY ONE should not keep that secret from a potentially partner they may not be able to handle it and it could get you beat or killed as it has in the past... as long as you honest things will work out as they supposed to don't be a shamed of who you are or chosen to be if you feel the need to hide it your going to be found out eventually and the consequence could cost you EVERYTHING the truth will only loss some one who wasn't for you in the first place... HONESTY IS STILL THE BEST POLICY!!! ... be you and be happy with it or Camacho you are!!!

Trolloween · Answer

Before any date. I made this point before and got a lot of flack but if you sleep with someone who thinks you are a different gender then it should be a crime. My example is if someone has hiv and doesn't tell you then they are committing a crime because they can physically harm you, I see little difference to the total mental devastation it could cause a straight person to be tricked into what they may consider homosexual sex. It isn't transphobic it's just people have preferences and deceit to bypass those preferences is morally wrong.

angelface8 · Answer

I would honestly hope someone would tell the person they like up front that they are trans because to with hold that info is taking away that persons choice to chose you for who you are/want to be. Plus it puts both parties in dangerous positions because the person could react violently or snap it's just a lot to take in especially if the person comes from a strong religious background. Not to mention wouldn't a person want someone to get to know the real them (past and future desires), by not being honest with yourself and the other person your basically living a lie in my opinion.

Anonymous · Answer

I lost part of my leg. But I wear a prosthetic so its unnoticeable. I wonder the same thing on the daily. When should I let them know? Should it be soon or will I sound insecure about it? Should it be later or will they be angry I didn't mention it sooner?

Not to mention - its VERY hard to slip in casual conversation. But I do eventually find opportunities, within a week or two of chatting, and I jump on the first possible chance to say it. I always mention it playfully. If the guy loses interest, then he loses interest. If he finds it "cool" then we continue on as if nothing happened.

Since your case has to do with direct sexual organs, I would say follow my advice above if the person you are dating is in the queer or has a lot of involvement in the queer community. If this person is straight all the way, try to be honest as possible from the beginning so you both know what lies ahead and dont waste time.

brennanhuff · Answer

they should reveal like immediately, like upon first seeing someone they are interested in and that person seems interested in them. Someone who hates or wants a transgender hurt or hates such people is transphobic, but a person who only wants to date a person of the opposite sex, (meaning born that sex and no operation) is simply straight. A straight person does not want to be deceived and I'm sure would be mighty pissed and have the right to be if said trans person really looks like the sex they had operations to look like and straight person thinks it is the opposite sex.

Sonorous · Answer

I feel like it should be a crime to not tell before anything intimate happens. That could seriously mess up someone's mental state. It's a really selfish thing to do!

What would you do if you found out the person you are dating is transgender?

⬆️ I'm very good at picking up on cues so the likelihood of that happening is really low! But let's say they're just a good actor/liar, I would let them know that it wouldn't work out. I don't care how nice they are or how compatible we would be. I don't date trans people. Call me old school but that's just my preference. It would feel too weird since I'm not a part of the LGBTQ community and I have no sexual attraction towards men. I wouldn't be rude to them but I'd firmly let them now that what they did was not cool and I most likely wouldn't wanna be friends or anything afterward.

btbc92 · Answer

The day that person tries to ask you out. That's why I do not date strangers because you don't know who your messing with or what your getting. Be smart people. It's not about judgement, its about protection against fraud. Especially if that is not what your seeking.

PinkMichae · Answer

If someone is showing a romantic interest then they should inform them. Some people aren't comfortable being with someone that was born the same sex. Its deceptive for them not to be forth coming when someone is obviously romantically into them. If it's just a friendship it's no ones buisness. Although if I was trans I would make it known to all connections friends or romantic ones.

JoseJr · Answer

First thing, as soon as possible. Dont be playing around. I personally dont believe that shit is correct. That my personal opinion. But Im not disrespectful or rude to anyone who does that. Hey you do you and I'll do me. Dont be surprised when you catch a beating or a case when I find out you've been hiding that.

sapphireruby · Answer

I can understand why a transperson would want to keep it a secret, buy you don't want to wait time chasing someone who wouldn't be interested in you. Trying to keep it a secret wouldn't feel right and would be exhausting. So it should come out on the first date or before.
I wouldn't mind dating a transman, but I would want to know early. If they waited a long time to tell me I would understand, but it would hurt my feelings that they didn't trust me.

Hai_tis_E · Answer

I knew my now ex boyfriend was trans when I first met him. I think it should be mentioned at the very beginning, not everyone is comfortable with the idea of dating a trans person and thats ok. But you should know what you're getting yourself into for your and their sake.

TCredo · Answer

I am friends with some transgender women who are beautiful women and you'd never know... they've told me it is very important to have the talk before things get started intimacy wise as some people can get very violent - it's scary stuff.

To the update for the question, I knew beforehand.

lightbulb27 · Answer

better do it first date or before that. thats a big problem for some.
I'd be disturbed... I'd handle it, but that not go well. I don't know who trans genders fit with... other opposite trans genders? As a male... I want a female, is that too much to ask?

Truth in advertising!

Киттйлинк · Answer

Day 1!
Why form a relationship based on lies and then get offended if the person rejects you after finding out and hurting them as well... it’s just awful. Wasting peoples time as we can’t get time back...

Anyway most times most people can tell right away but should still be said if you’re initiating anything with anyone on a more intimate level and such.

Thingman1 · Answer

I think it's fine to flirt up to the point it's about be physical in any way., holding hands hugging or kissing. Those things to me are in many ways as intement as having sex. And weather ot not someone is okay with it probably will not change down the road but they may be quite angry if misled. And now a days there are men and women who are into transgender folks. But a lie Is always going to blow up.

kittycat119 · Answer

First date. This idea a trans person doesn't have to tell a potential partner is dumb. It's deceitful and should be talked about as soon as anyone becomes interested in a potential partner. And I'd be fine with a trans partner as long as they are honest and tell me

sarebear2 · Answer

I think it's different for every person. Depends how long you've known who you're dating, if they are generally accepting etc. They should do it when they feel ready, but not leave the other person in the dark about it because it's an important thing to know. The sooner the better, preferably

Bman4907 · Answer

I think if you're getting to know someone, that it should be known towards the start. The great thing about this is that the person has to feel out the other person before they actually come out and say it. It's a scary moment for MTF & FTM to come out as say they are trans. Just for the fact people get the urge to yell and actually hit them.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

BEFORE !!! the first date.
Sorry to say it this clear, but: to many people (me included) dating a transgender is one ugly and disgusting thought.
I let 'them' be whatever they think they are; just leave ME out of that.
As much as THEY claim tolerance for THEIR position: I claim the same for MYSELF.
update:
What would I do? Never turn up again with no further comments. Brush my teeth.

CountessSarah · Answer

It depends on the type of relationship and where they meet.

If it's in a bar or something, and maybe even only a one-night thing, then never - that sort of setting doesn't lend itself to the conversation and it's just a part of hooking up.

If it's a more committed relationship, then I'd say after the first date or so.

ImHere4You · Answer

They need to know before the first date. Some people don’t accept things like that so if they knew there wouldn’t be a first date. Some things should be known and that’s one of them. The person needs to know and be able to accept it before there’s even a first date because if they don’t they might run away.

MissDawn7961 · Answer

no such thing as this person ! you are either a male and born with a penis or a female and born with a vagina ! no man can cut off his penis to become a female ! for he will bleed to death and no woman can get a penis and attach it to her vagina and become a man either ! things like the one in the center photo , suffer from an inferiority complex , mental illness and need to read their bible and talk to God too

nicobruin8618 · Answer

First date, or perhaps even before if possible. Some people are into it or don't mind, but others aren't. If they aren't into it finding out at a relatively late date won't be a pleasant experience for either party. The other party would feel mislead, whilst the trans person would probably not enjoy the reaction he or she receives.

Belgie · Answer

It depends.
If your first date is basically a coffee because you guys know virtually nothing about each other, I'd say it can wait. You may decide after that cuppa that the other person is an asshole, and why bother giving them the intimate details of your life.
On the other hand, if you guys have been flirting a while, and your first date is a long night out date, (dinner, dance, drinks, back to someones place) then yeah, you should reveal pretty early on.

acooke-13 · Answer

I think they should let you know prior, I would always let them know because I know there's so much stigma around it, you should be proud and if they like you and are a good person, they shouldn't care. Easy way to get rid of the people you shouldn't date I'd day!

BCA6010 · Answer

Before the first date even happens.

Pretty much without exception- if that's going to be an issue, it's not going to matter how well they know each other; it'll very likely be a deal-breaker to drop that bombshell. By making it known beforehand, it avoids wasting everyone's time.

foriWish · Answer

First time talking. After that it kind of seems like manipulation which is just wrong. People have the right to know and it doesn't really matter if you're a great person and you want to show them that person first. Just no. They should know at the start period and if they are fine with it, then be the great person you are.

VIVANT · Answer

Is there an amount of time to wait? It’s pretty Central. Most people already know how they feel About it pro or con. I don’t see why that should be withheld. Women make hot men lol

R4vedave · Answer

I'd say at the end of the first or the second date. You don't need to be immediately upfront, that's not necessary. Spend a bit of time with the person first, then put it out there

roflgun · Answer

Before the first date. When they start talking and showing their interest in you at all, bring up in that conversation that you are trans. They may not be okay with developing a romantic relationship with a transgender so don’t waste either of your time by being a liar.

NyfikenSyd · Answer

Before first kiss, or possibly soon after.
I'd be quite chocked, ask a lot of questions, and then decide to proceed depending on how I felt.
For a real relationship I'd probably back out since I want to have kids. For a sexual relationship I'd probably go ahead, especially if it was pre-op but during hormones.
All of this is of course assuming I find her attractive in other ways too.

Rippersavage · Answer

Ideally before the first date, or at the very least on the first date.

If I found out the person I'm dating is transgender I'd tell them that it was wrong for them to withhold that info but I do understand why. Also I'd effective immediately break up with them but we could still be friends if they were okay with it.

BeMuse · Answer

Withing the first 30 seconds. It doesn’t have to be the first thing you say, but it should probably be the second. You could probably say “Hi” for example before getting into that. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up for a dirt nap.

maihu · Answer

Preferably on the first date, maybe even before meeting if possible. If I find out about it later, they've been unfair to me, and I'll leave them. This is my personal choice. I'd respect a trans person more if they admit beforehand.

Anpu23 · Answer

Before sex, whenever that is. I believe in informed consent so before a sexual encounter happens one should reveal anything that would effect the decision to continue the relationship including gender issues and STDs

MrQuick · Answer

I don't see how "Never" could be a choice, but I think that the moment before any consensual intimacy happens there should be disclosure. Kissing, touching, groping, whatever. No straight dude wants to discover the hard way that they just kissed a "girl" that has male OEM hardware!

OnitheWanderer · Answer

Absolutely, on the first date. PERIOD. There's no matter for discussion on this situation. They must disclose about this type of information before or on the first date (preferably before).
And If I found out that person I'm dating in a transgender... I would absolutely freaking out not only because she's a transgender but that she lied or failed to bring out this information about her. Honesty is the best policy. Everyone deserves that.

Miristheiss · Answer

Before the first date.

Hey, why don't you go to the Highlands with me Saturday?

Sounds fun... you know I am transgender, right?

A. Sure, I have no problem with that...
B. Oh, I didn't know, that isn't my thing.

SexyAshh · Answer

These tranformation pics are nuts!! First date! “Check please” be getting called on my end real fast!

Anonymous · Answer

IMMEDIATELY upon meeting. I wish dating apps had a separate category for them.

I’m sure there is a segment of men/women who don’t care. By the VAST majority of us don’t want to date someone like this. I don’t care how much liberal propaganda bullshit you yell at us either.

chris0977 · Answer

Question rephrased:

What motivation does an individual have to hide the fact they are transgender, and why would they want to begin a relationship by keeping important secrets they know are extremely important and relevant to others?

updog45 · Answer

I dont know anything about post-op trans people, but it seems like you'd be able to tell? I mean wouldn't the bits look different in some way? I mean a dude trying to turn into a woman, wouldn't they have trouble getting their "vagina" wet for sex? If it got that far without anyone saying anything id catch a charge.

LordSnuggles · Answer

Before they go on a date. Preferably wheb things are moving in the direction. Really, you shouldn't be asking people out you don't know well. And that's a pretty big thing to know about someone. Like if they're gay or trans.

WalterRadio · Answer

On the profile before I make contact. To wait is to risk bodily harm.

bro25 · Answer

Asap its deceitful if you lead someone on thinking you are one way when you aren't because a date is supposed to be you giving your best self and so do the other person but if you aren't honest why are you there?

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

After they abandon the Trans lie and forsake Gnosticism and get therapy. And not a minute sooner. If they're that mentally sexually dysfunctional, the absolute last thing they need is validation of their search for that which leads to prolapse.

Randomawkwardness · Answer

I mean do they have all of the working bits? If so, it wouldn't really bother me. They should probably say something before anything happens between us but I wouldn't quit talking to them just because of that.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

How is this even a question? Anything other than "straight away" is a wilful deception

humanearth · Answer

Hell my wife knew about my crossdressing before we even had are 1st official date. It bettet to start fresh then start with a lie. Open and honest is key in relationships.

sparke328 · Answer

Ummm, IMMEDIATELY!!! NO way am I going to fall in love with a dude if he's actually a girl! Ew, and no thank you!

LoU_Hades · Answer

ASAP...  every word with a tranny is waste of his and my time

wankiam · Answer

straight away... its quite a major thing to many people

lettersletterswords · Answer

This is how the introduction should go in my opinion:

Hello, my name is blehbluhbleh and yeah I'm trans *insert big smile*

Never portray something you are not. Always be you from the go! Less drama, less heartache and more understsnding.

BarryMcKohkner · Answer

At the beginning. How would you feel if you were eating a hamburger and it was awesome, and then all of a sudden you were told it was a veggie burger? Sounds cruel, but think about it.

TacocaT6969 · Answer

After the first hello.  If anyone waits until they’re already in a relationship to come out as trans then they are untrustworthy filth.  Be honest or be alone.

ThisDudeHere · Answer

I'll have to agree with the logical people here and say that they have to be honest before the first date.

RedThread · Answer

Disclosure is important sooner rather than later. We still live in a society that's very dangerous towards trans individuals. Murder rates are much higher than average. Being honest just for the sake of safety is important.

At what point in a relationship do you believe a transgender person should reveal that they are trans?

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