I’m in love with him but does this mean he just wants sex and no relationship?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing this guy since October and we have been through a LOT together, a LOT. We say we love each other everyday and we have a close bond. Recently I feel as if he’s being really distant from me like he hasn’t seen me in a certain amount of time so I finally confronted him about it.

He’s told me he isn’t in a rush for a relationship right now and that he dosent know what sort of relationship he wants but he wants one with me at some point and hopes that that happens

. But he just doesn't put in much effort anymore? He says he loves me and he thinks about me all day everyday. I sound naive but I believe it I can always sense his energy. I respect him for telling me the truth but is this basically saying he does not want a relationship?

He always calls me and message me when I wake up and how much he loves me and wants to see me but he’s scared I’m getting too attached? When I do stop speaking to him he doesn't like it though? I don’t wanna hurt myself by seeing someone who wants to play the field and sleep around? What do I do here?

It’s my fault he has the reputation of being a player and with loads of women but I only found this out recently. I know I sound naive but I do believe him that he maybe will wanna settle down at some point? We do have great sex though and he always asks to see me for that and loves having sex with me but he feels like I’m expecting a relationship too soon. He says he would always put me first above the other hoes he sleeps with but I don’t understand why he’s sleeping with them when he knows they’re hoes? He’s 25 so I expected him to want a mature relationship? Do I just stop speaking to him?

[Anonymous]

he's like a lot of guys. He wants sex from you but not a relationship. It's the classic friends with benefits scenario a lot of women allow themselves to get into. The guy doesn't want a relationship at that moment or just not with a certain girl but does want regular sex so is more than willing to use a girl (or girls) longterm wasting her twenties until he's ready to settle down with a girl he believes is marriage material or has found a girl he considers marriage material.

This actually happened to an aunt of mine. She allowed herself to be strung along for a decade by this very charming tall handsome successful man who would never really committ to her seriously but when he turned 35 & she turned 30 he dumped her and was already dating a 22 year old girl who was better looking than my aunt, thinner, better educated, wittier all together just better. He married her and they had kids together. My aunt was absolutely heart broken. Funny thing is my aunt dumped a boyfriend who wanted to marry her for that guy because he was a tradesman, 15 years later that guy is seriously wealthy married with kids. Meanwhile my aunt wasted her youth, has put in a few pounds and can't get a date with a high quality man or just average guys other than for a quick pump n dump.

[Katierose]

I was in a similar experience, in the end I had to end things because I was just being used and he didn’t actually want anything serious with me. From what you’ve said, he seems like he’s just using you for comfort and sex. I know that sounds harsh. I’m sure you’re a beautiful girl with a big heart, but he is definitely leading you on and filling your head with hope and possibilities and expectations that will never happen. It shouldn’t take him this long to decide whether or not he wants something serious with you. If I were you I’d end things completely with him. I know it’s harder than it sounds, but he is doing you no good and you can find someone better who will genuinely love you and want something serious with you.

[Travi186]

I think deep down you know the answer to this question but you refuse to accept it. Really ask yourself this question. “Why should i place my time and effort into this person who is not willing to do the same”?


There are red flags everywhere in your statements. He doesn’t know what relationship he wants but tells you he hopes its you? A bunch of whispering sweet nothings to keep you hopeful for nothing. You said it yourself he's a player and has other females he talks to. Dont you think he’s saying the exact same thing to them?


And just because he messages you in the morning doesn’t mean your the “main one” it takes not even a minute to send the same message to other people. Stop fooling yourself thinking your more special than the other ones he talks to. In reality your just falling in the same trap as the rest of them.


Time will fly by very fast. Make better decisions with who you want to be with or you will become stuck and confused.

[RespectfulGuy]

After I read your details, the words "cognitive dissonance" came to my mind. But I was not sure.

Then I read the opinions before mine. And I'm sure.

And my opinion is trust your gut. Don't give in to cognitive dissonance. And I think you're in danger zone for a serious heart broke.

[Wise4myage]

I think he just wants to be friends for now and see how things go. But don't find yourself waiting around for him forever.