My boyfriend doesn’t understand me well, I need advice?

[Anonymous]

I just need some advice to get him to know me better, I feel like i can’t talk about my favorite shows or music stuff because then we argue and it sucks, we’re complete opposites and we don’t have much in common.

[caring__1]

You're saying you want him to understand you, when it appears you actually want him to accept and appreciate you as you are. You'll generally be happier by choosing a partner who likes what he sees in you rather than choosing someone you like and then expecting that person to like you, also. Expecting others to change for you will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Accept that this is who he is. If you want something different, find it elsewhere.

[Asker]

As I have said before, He has offered to change for me and I had told him I want him to stay as he is.

[caring__1]

You say you want him to stay as he is, yet you say this sucks. He doesn't accept you as you are. I know society says opposites attract, yet similarities tend to be more stable over time. Never choose someone to fill your voids rather than learn how to fill those voids yourself. The more you rely on others to meet your needs, the more you'll question your ability to meet your own needs. It's not about your perception of what people should be or do, but accepting this is the person they choose to be. If I say you should put Putin in his place, would you do it?

[Asker]

It does suck, I feel like he is emotionally unavailable. Also yes having similarities is probably the better choice, we used to have a lot of similarities but our personalities have changed over time and now we’re different. I’m not using him to fill my voids, I’ve chosen to be with him because I really like him (i’m not going to use love because I don’t know exactly what that feels like yet since i’m still a teen) But I do know I like him a lot. I meet my own needs as a person, but everyone has things they can work on, I to too.

I’m not saying he’s a bad person or anything like that, i’m just saying I wish he was more emotionally available.

[caring__1]

You just wish he were something he's not. Either accept him as he is or move on. Any changes he makes for you will be temporary and/or conditional.

[Luggit]

If you don't have much in common, more than likely it's not going to work. They claim opposite attracts, but that's not true as you're experiencing it right now. Find someone who likes a lot of things that you do, it helps.

[PrettyPriya]

If you are constantly arguing over things you enjoy, I hate to say this but dump him and move on. You also mention you don't have much in common.

To me, this seems like a recipe for a failed relationship. You are young. Focus on things that are more important in life right now. Boys can wait until later in life, especially when the one you are with is a chore, as it seems to be.

[Asker]

It’s kind of a rollercoaster story but to shorten it up, we used to be best friends, i told him i liked him, i didn’t know he had a girlfriend, he told me he would break up with her after i found out, and he never did and i found out a month later, we broke up and were friends for 2 weeks and then got back together and we’ve been together for 1 1/2. Ever since we got back together i’ve noticed him changing and he doesn’t like to share our relationship out to the public much and thinks it should just be between us. Maybe it’s just my trust issues showing but it hurts when he says that.

Recently, we almost broke up and he told me he would change his whole personality just to fit mine, and i said no he should keep being himself. It feels to me more that he isn’t emotionally ready for the things i need, and i feel like maybe i get too hurt over things that are little.

[PrettyPriya]

I don't think you are getting too hurt by little things. There are some rather big red flags. You mention he began this relationship with you while in another relationship. That is not a good start. I understand he broke up with her, but the fact he was even in a relationship and courting you is a bad sign.

Then there are the trust issues. I don't blame you at all there. He was deceitful and then follows it up with not showing affection in public. That would shake my trust as well.

Lastly, put those things together with the fact you argue and don't have much in common and I think you start to get the picture this is not a healthy relationship. My opinion would be to move on as I don't see this getting better, only worse.

You were also right to say don't change who he is. No one can really do that and most definitely will revert back to his natural personality.

[Asker]

Yeah, he said his ex was manipulative and couldn’t break up with her, and i understand what he was going through but i feel as if that isn’t a good enough excuse to date two people at once. I feel like i’ve been trying too hard for his affection for over a year and it isn’t going anywhere. I get a lot of people have been wanting me to break up with him, but it’s very hard. There are some really good things about him though, I just feel like I shouldn’t have to ask him to be more affectionate or do this do that etc, I just think he should do it. And he says he’s not a mind reader when I tell him that, and i’m not asking him to be.

He says he’s trying his best at the emotional things, and I can see that. But i’ve also been trying to work through the trust i have with him and stuff.

[PrettyPriya]

I think you need to take some time and really think if it is the right match and worth it right now. That is a personal decision. Maybe even suggest a break to get some perspective for both of you.

I wish you nothing but the best and hope no matter what happens you find happiness.

[Asker]

Thanks so much for your help 💞

[PrettyPriya]

You are very much welcome and I hope things work out for you. I wish you all the best and enjoy your weekend! 😊

[PrettyPriya]

Thank you for MHO 😊

[Asker]

yw :)

[TheMajesticKing777]

It's a very childish relationship, y'all should accept each other's opinions

[rocksongwriter]

You argue over shows and music?

[Asker]

Yeah, I like mainstream pop music, and Kpop stuff. He thinks it’s all basic and he hates the music industry. He thinks all idols deserve the hate they get. I have my own opinions about it too, and that’s the reason we argue over it. I don’t think it’s really healthy though because them I feel like I can’t ever say what I like.