Why do some guys put in mininal effort for a 1st date/meetup?

[Anonymous]

Today I was talking to a guy and we had some things in common. We both mentioned that we don't have plans tonight.. He then mentions that he will be going to a bar by his house for karaoke around 10 pm. First off the place is literally by his place, though we don't live far I would have to be the one to drive to at least meetup. I also mentioned that I quit drinking and he mentioned the food is good there.. Umm meaning I show up and pay for myself for bar food that may or may not be any good! I usually am in bed at this time, I never mentioned it. I had asked him prior if he wanted to go cycling, he didn't have a bike. Why such minial effort on his part? He didn't even offer a sooner time or to meet for coffee./tea prior.

[crossdressingrihno]

The first date is always about learning the person you're with deciding if you want to be with them longer and things like that

The first date should honestly reflect the person if you want the first date to function the way that it should which is letting you know more about the person you want to be with

For example I would much rather just stay home wear pajamas make a home-cooked meal and watch some TV and when I say home cooked meal I don't mean microwaved breakfast or whatever and also I don't mean that pre-made cake stuff for whatever you want to call them

I'm talking about pasta made with bow tie noodles with all of my seasonings I like to put in my pasta as well as the secret ingredient that I have and then of course you need a side dish in which case I would buy ice cream from the store specifically vanilla ice cream which can then have that chocolate stuff you find in a bottle poured on top mixed with sprinkles and maybe some homemade jam poured on top of that and that would be the food

As for the kind of TV I'd watch I don't know I probably ask her what kind of stuff she likes to watch see if there's anything we have in common with what we like to watch and if not we can watch a couple things I like in a couple things she likes and I'd be happy with that



I know there's The stereotype that women prefer going to a fancy restaurant or whatever but I'm more like the whole nice and calm stay at home vibe and I find cooking to be my greatest art form my best way of expressing myself so yeah

[crossdressingrihno]

Dang it I got off track again

Sorry I got off track again that happens every once in a while I have ADHD and I also get caught up in the moment I don't know if those two things are related they could be they might not be I don't know and I don't care because the important thing is is I got off track and I hate it

Anyway the moral of the story is you learned about him and what kind of person he is and so you can decide whether or not you want to date him again based off of that

[Anonymous]

Did you suggest any of those either? In my experience, women put in very little as well, or "expect" the guy to do it all. We like to see some "effort" also. It should go both ways. However in this case I'm assuming you felt he had little interest, and maybe he did, or was just really nervous? Or maybe it was more of a meeting in his mind vs a "date"?

[Asker]

No I did not offer those other options. Yes he wasn't that interested, from what I gather

[Anonymous]

Women generally bring nothing to the table but believe they are the prize.
Men are expected to play the female game and jump through bullshit hoops to “win her over”

Why?

She should be trying to convince him why she is worth his investment of time, money, and emotion.

[Anonymous]

Common sense. You don't want to set the bar too high at the beginning. Because then she'll expect that as the minimum for the remainder of the relationship.

[Nice222]

He was just letting you know his lifestyle. This way if you don’t fit his lifestyle then he is not willing to change for you.
I fell it is better off to decide it on the first date.

[HighValue]

You are meeting the type of person that drinks and goes to bars. Did you seriously expect to get a good quality mate that way?

[Anonymous]

Seems like a perfectly reasonable amount of effort. If doesn’t suit you then don’t go or make your own plans with him, it’s that simple.

[dolemite89]

putting in too much effort can come off as thirsty/desperate so he’s acting like he dgaf

[Sam_The_Savage]

Aww be with the guy who don't even loss half chance to take you out...😘

[JuanVelasco5]

If he doesn't make the slightest effort, it's because you're not attractive or you're old.

[ArtemisSilver]

Sounds like he's tired of simp life

[Anonymous]

Because he is not trying to impress you

[In_Trance]

Probably the guys you're choosing to go out with