He wants our first meeting to be at his house and then threw a fit when I said no?

[Gothbones]

he (40M) wants us to meet up for the first time at his house so I (23F) can “sleep over”. I have a lot of trauma that he’s highly aware of and turned him down on this offer because a boundary of mine is meeting someone in a public setting first. He threw a fit and said that I was calling him a “creep” and said I’m being childish and “if you’re going to assume I’m a creep then I can assume you’re a POS.” Then tried to justify it by saying “it’s kindergarten to go by stranger danger”. Is this a red flag or am I being totally reasonable? We’ve been getting to know each other over the past two weeks via text… and he’s using that as well to justify me staying at his house..

[SamIam96]

Several red flags!

First meeting is expected to be a sleepover. Let's assume he kept his cool. This alone would be a problem. It's awfully presumptuous. Certainly different from what "most people do".

Throwing a fit because you want something different from him. Is this the way a mature person solves the inevitable disconnects in life?

Assuming that your desire to meet under different circumstances is an insult (he's a creep). And, to return the insult.

Run asay. Block him. Be glad you discovered this after 2 weeks instead of 2 years.

[Anonymous]

If he's gonna throw a toddler tantrum over not wanting to meet at his place, I would advise staying far away from him. Maybe he does or doesn't intend anything bad, but he apparently has no emotional control or respect for boundaries.

Huge red flag.

[Ghen30]

Oof... Sounds like he wanted the cookie. That's a big red flag there. Your first meeting should be somewhere in public, like a nice diner or something. Or going for a drive together and getting to know each other. And maybe later on, a week or so down the road, he could invite you over, cook you food or something and then you guys can get frisky.

[Agape93]

What the actual fuck? Ditch this dude entirely and don't look back. If he's belittling you, yelling at you and demanding sex from you, he's a piece of shit and will be worse later. Makes it even worse considering he knows the trauma and how it affects you, and he still does it.

Massive red flag. Leave.

[hahahmm]

I'm paranoid. It's served me well in life. It means that no matter how thirsty I was in my younger days I was still able to recognize when some hot chick was about to set me up to get killed - no joke. She later admitted it to me. There's a long list of people who trusted total strangers or people who they should've known were 'off' and wound up dead. It's how it works. A lot of people go missing every year too. Do the math.

If I'm you I wouldn't even be talking to this guy. How desperate are you?

[PrettyPriya]

You are being completely reasonable and he is being 100% immature for his age. He should respect your boundaries and comfort level. That is not something you push on someone.

This to me is a gigantic red flag and a person to be avoided. Where will his demands stop in the future if he is already doing it now?

[Anonymous]

This is hard as there's a few possibilities, but bottom line, he's a creep and forget about him and never talk to him again I say.
While reading, I thought, ok, if she actually called him a creep (or was that just his interpretation?), then I can see his defenses going up and he'd get upset, and that is understandable, however, it's rare someone is comfortable enough to have a first date at their house. That's a VERY reasonable request and honestly to be expected. Or should be. He is the "red flag". Just because you've been talking online doesn't make him "safe". He may not even be who you think he is for all you know? No you are absolutely justified here and he's a creep (A*&hole lol) big time. Just ghost him and move on.

[SlothySlob]

"he (40M)..." You sure he's 40? That's some child like behavior.

[Gothbones]

I was thinking the same… it seems like a bit of an extreme reaction

[Daniela1982]

If a person had bad intentions he certainly isn't going to come out and say it, so you need to use your gut. So, this is a first meeting and you are planning on having sex with him, because that seems to be his plans. To me this guy sounds like a creep, but then I'm not the one making plans with him.

[HighlyVolatile]

That's a perfectly reasonable expectation for a first meeting and it sounds like a red flag to me if the guy is reading so deeply into this that he thinks you're calling him a creep simply for wanting to meet in a public place first.

[HighlyVolatile]

Also isn't it kind of common social sense that an invitation to a home alone and a sleepover is an extremely forward and intrusive thing to suggest on a first meeting? Regardless of the actual intentions, it seems socially clueless to me to offer that.

[yucychan]

If you don't feel comfortable meeting him at his house, then don't.
Don't let his childish insults goad you into doing otherwise.
It's so clear that there is only one reason why he is so insistent on you staying over at his place.

[TrueConfection]

His name calling is a manipulation tactic to control you. Run for the hills!

Stranger Danger is right!

[ChrisMaster69]

Yeah big time red flag and likely a danger, sounds like type of reaction from being called out and close to truth.

Any guy that does not recognise safety side of things is never worth meeting.

[Abholos]

I wouldn't trust it, trust your instincts instead. Some people are comfortable with what he's asking, and fine if that works for him. But there is plenty of reason to be cautious.
Honestly, if this is how he acts in response to stating your (very reasonable) boundaries and needs, he's no good for you or anyone.

[DaveJord]

Good for you don't do it, never met a guy at his house and the fact that he got mad about it means you did the right thing. Of course its a Red Flag run from this guy and never look back.

[AviatorTom]

A first meeting should be at a place where both people agree. If he can't accept that, it's time to forget about him and find another guy.

[Berethor]

You was reasonable, it make sense to meet in public first.

[fonduegirl]

Please don't hate me for saying this but issues like this are the reason we advise to date around your age. With wider age gaps, the relationship becomes more chaotic.

[Wise4myage]

Wise move on your part, he sounds like a real jack ass.

[Twalli]

It's 100% reasonable to want to meet un a public, well-lit place at first. Maybe say that you'd like to meet there and then based on how it goes you might be willing to go to his house with him afterwards

[Gloree]

Don't do it. He is too old for you, anyway. Do t go. I smell a rat. Run for your life. If at all you want to do anything, go out. Can't you meet at some restaurant? Good Lord!

[StrawberryShake]

Yeah he's creepy and his reaction with a huge red flag, but don't bring age into this. Who are you to tell her who is too old for her?

[Clsr2thedge]

Huge red flags all over this guy. Keep away from him for your own sake

[TacosRAwesome]

Red flag. If he's unable to meet you for a coffee, maybe he shouldn't be dating.

[zagor]

And you haven't met the guy in person yet? Yeah, STFA from that guy.

[Anonymous]

Red flag. Huge red flag. Back away and forget about this guy. Block him.

[slatyb]

Huge red flag. Don't meet him anywhere ever.

[StrawberryShake]

He sounds like a creep... block him.

[jamesgoldman]

He's definitely suspect at the very least

[driven159]

You need to move on red flags are waving

[007kingifrit]

no you're right that's nuts

[Luckycharms12]

Ya there reason he is still single

[romoney]

Run for your life sis

[ChiTownLov]

Big red flag. No go!