There are many internet answers saying “the first date should be limited to 1 hour" or "30 minutes to 2 hours is best," but how long do you think a first date should be?
I don't think less than an hour is enough time to really get to know someone and know if you would consider a second date or not... So, maybe 1 hour or more?
Personally, my first date with my boyfriend lasted 6 hours, we did lots of activities, and got to know each other more than just the awkward surface-level introductions... So that time spent together made me 100% sure I wanted a second date, (otherwise I would have cut it short). Typically, I think that 6hrs is a bit long for a first date, but if it was just 1.5 to 2hrs, I think that would suffice. The 6hr long date signified that it was a good and enjoyable date.Is 1 hour enough? How long should a first date be?
I don't believe in rules. If the conversation is flowing and you're really hitting it off, why put a limit on it.
The first time I met my future wife, we had set it up through a pre-computer dating service. We met at a restaurant. We totally clicked. The conversation just flowed. At one point, something was bumping my foot and I realized that the waiter was vacuuming under our table. We looked around and the place was empty. We walked to our cars in the lot behind the restaurant and continued our conversation for I don't know how long. When we finally said goodby, we realized that the parking lot gate had been locked. I hopped over the 6' cinder block wall and got someone from the restaurant to let us out.
So I don't know how long we were there all together but it was nice. Oh, and she put her hands on top of my shoulders, rose up on her tip toes, and gave me a really sweet, tender kiss before getting in her car.
Addendum: I later found out from one of her friends that she thought I had been just like a super hero for hopping over that wall. LOL
Additionally, two days later, she called me up. I was surprised. She said a friend had offered her two tickets to see the Rolling Stones and REe Hot Chili Peppers. She knew I was into rock concerts. I knew she wasn't. Anyway, I said of course I was interested and we had a great time. After that, we started dating exclusively even though we were still members of that dating service and could have easily continued meeting new people.
I admired her courage and initiative in calling me up.
I don't have a set time for dates. Could take hours, could take minutes. The last one I was on before we went into the theater she rolled her window down to administer a litmus test. I failed hers, and I knew by the wording of the questions that she failed mine so the date was only three minutes in a parking lot.
Others have been nearly that short, mostly when I tell them I'm trans (if I'm in guy mode I won't let a woman get invested in me before I spring it on them). Still others have taken nearly the entire waking day. I once met a woman at 9:00 AM for breakfast at a Waffle House. First meeting so it was just going to be a 30 to 60 minute face to face chat to see if I held up as well in person as I do online. Basically I was interviewing for the first date.
She doesn't live around anyone I know so I told her I'm trans, then I got ready to pay the bill. Instead we stayed there until 10:00, then she asked me if I ever had a girls' day out. There it was, relegated to gay best friend at worst or one of the girls at best. But I hadn't, always wanted to, and after I ran home to change clothes, put on a wig, and strap on my prostheses I met up with her and her friends.
But instead of just being one of the girls I turned out to be HER girl, and we were together for a little over a year before her dad passed away, triggering a mental breakdown, which caused her to run off to New York to follow her dreams of being a modern day That Girl (an old Marlo Thomas show from the 60s or 70s that she was obsessed with). After sitting up with her and taking care of her between the passing and the night of the funeral I went home, caught a nap before work, and came home to a text message saying "I want to live like Anne Marie. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow. Don't try to find me."
So one of the most... I guess interesting is the best word for it, relationships I had started with a nearly twelve hour date.
If it’s a blind date, if someone has set you up, if you have met the person casually before, if you have met them online, if you have been talking to them for long etc.
It’s really dependent on things about how comfortable and well or not well you know the person. Or how much you may already like the person.
If you don’t, then make it a coffee / drink date to see how you two get on, if it’s going well then continue on with the date.
If you know the person, then depending on how well, if you like them a little or a lot, then plan what the date should be accordingly.
Personally I hate dinner dates for first dates. So formal and boring. I’d prefer something g that shows me who you are, what your personality is like. E. g. going bowling, mini golfing, a picnic and a walk, etc. it’s fun, interesting, shows imagination, thought etc.
my first date, which i didn't even know it was a date, was just us going "so, what shall we do next?" and we ended up doing so for 7 hours because we were just having fun and didn't want it to end. but other than that one, most dates, even if they are going well, last up to 2~3 hours. i think that if we spend 3 hrs together talking then we probably had fun and most times it ends because it is getting late, and not becuase we felt it should end. but if it goes not so well, most of the times it takes about an hour or less for one of the sides to cut it off. bottom line, it takes as long as it takes, but a general rule of thumb, 90% of the time it takes between 45m (at the worst) and 3h (at the best).
I usually invite a woman to dinner for a first date. That gives sufficient time for us to talk and explore our interest in each other. I usually have first dates at a specific restaurant because, after dinner, if the date is going well and I want to extend it, I can suggest that we move to the restaurant lounge for an after-dinner drink. But if I am ready for the date to be finished, I simply walk her to her car and say good night.
Why would there need to be a set time... A first date should be go with the moment kind of thing... Some dates that are going really well may last longer than an hour or two... Some that aren't going well might not even get to an hour...
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Anonymous
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My first date with my boyfriend was very similar to yours! We actually planned to just meet for coffee, but we immediately hit it off. Coffee turned into lunch, lunch turned into dessert, we walked around downtown. We both could not stop talking, which is really ironic because now that I know him more, I know we are both fairly quiet, introverted people. What was intended to be a one hour coffee turned into a 6 hour date. Our second date was ~10 hours (we hung out from noon until 10pm), and we've been joined at the hip ever since.
I guess my rule of thumb is... plan for a first date to be an hour or two (coffee or dinner, etc.), but if it's the right fit, it could easily extend beyond that.
I fad a coffee date recently with a guy. Who made me feel very comfortable in his presence. I think we met up around 7 and we didn't go home until 10pm. It was that nice we even kissed on the first date.
Since then we've met up two more times. But I'm worried that because we didn't get to have intercourse he's a little put off meeting again.
He was nervous and kind of couldn't, I didn't make him feel bad I accept things happen and I really like him. Who knows!
First Dates are about getting to know the other person. If you’re hitting it off with them really well the date could last all day. If they creep you out then it’s okay to dip out when you want. My point is to not set a personal time boundary for dates. It’s really all about going with the flow and what’s comfortable for the both of you. If I was on a date with someone and their little timer went off and they said “my hour is up for our date, nice meeting you!” I’d call off that relationship real quick 😆
It happened to a lot of people that they had a marathon long first date and by the end of it they were "full of the other person", meanwhile if they had done it in moderation, they would have still some interest left to actually want to see that person again.
If you’re bored or become uninterested with the other person because of a long first date then it really was the matter of time to be bored with them. Whether that’s after the first date or after a bunch of really quick dates. If they are meant for you then they will always have some level of interest from both parties.
Stay away from movies and fancy restaurants. Get some coffee or visit a book store together, something like that. Thirty minutes to an hour and go your separate ways.
You know, I can ask one or two questions right away, and if the person gives the wrong answer I'm politely excusing myself one minute later. If they don't believe in an Almighty God, I'm excusing myself. If they live like a whore, I'm excusing myself too. I'm a Virgin and I expect to date a Godly and moral person, not a reprobate.
@Paul09 I don't want any kids at least not in this lifetime. I have a Type 2 diabetes and also either bipolar disorder or schizoeffective disorder, so I don't want any kids to inherit whatever defective genes I might have t opass on to them so they can suffer the Hell I've lived through.
That's my moral responsibility. Do I 'want" kids. Definitely. Is it moral for me to have kids? NO, because I have not one, but two related genetic diseases. I did not have mental health disorders before I had the diabetic nerve pain, so it seems likely to mee that diabetes caused my mental health disorders.
You made the right choice. Right mindset. Too many Breeders also. Why do people who aren't in good health ever have kids, beats me. So they can suffer as their parents. So odd.
Tbh who ever says one hour or less fair enough.. to each their own. Personally if (any) date was only one hour I would think something went wrong and why so short.
I do agree however ‘ideal date’ probably about two hour or a little more for first date. But I’ve also had first dates that lasted as long as 6 (outdoors only) and ones that ended up at theirs leading to something long term. It depends on the individual and circumstance really
However usually let’s say you grab a drink or coffee and it goes well you talk an hour let’s say getting to know basics, then you might either go to a restaurant after to make it longer followed by a walk or another activity eg. Mini golf etc.
One hour maybe less. Anything more people really start expecting things. Once I went on some kind of date if we can call it that, for five hours. We went to a movie and it was confusing if he just wanted someone to hang out with. It carried over to this long walk and getting food and dancing. It was grueling but he expected to sleep with me. Then he got real scared when half my schools football team showed up and started high-fiving and hugging me mostly because I was cool in school nothing crazy. He ended up leaving me for two other girls and the club got maced.
I believe that putting a time limit on a date is probably not a good idea
Rather dates should just be natural where you just start one with whatever planes you got and then from there just let it happen whatever happens happens have fun with it who knows maybe your date will end in a bedroom maybe the date will end with you on a couch maybe the date will end with you being at home alone you never know where you'll end up the best you can do is make a good first impression and let things go from there
I have (had, to be more precise - because I'm now in firm but loving hands) my own dating procedure: ''Dating, to me, is not a selection and testing process, but rather the result of it. When 'we' go on a ''date'' then we already have a connection, and ''dating'' will consolidate and deepen our relation. I am aware, though, that modern days have altered 'general dating' more into a mating ritual.
Thus, my own date can be anything between 15 minutes, and a week.
For me, a "first" date is a coke and a hotdog! I can generally size up a gal in 15 to 20 minutes to determine if I want to get to know her better. Then if I do I invite her to my home and cook for her a better more fitting meal. The reason I placed First in quotation marks is I barely think of a first date as anything other than an introduction to see if we "click" or not. If we don't click all I am out is the cost of coke and hotdog! If we do click well ------ to be continued. To be honest, at 64 these days I am not looking for anything special and have not been out on a "first" date in years. For the average person, you should know within an hour if you want to see them again or not. Then again they may not want to see you again!
How long is a ball of string. Answer, i dont know. Its like this question. For me, it ranges from 25 mins. To nearly 3 days. Daft i know but it was like that. I met this guy on a ferry to Amsterdam, its was a mini cruise, so they say. I got on board dropped my stuff in the cabin , had a wash and change and headed to the resturant. I got my food , went to find a table, there was this guy there on his own , so i sat there. Half way through dessert he churps up, are you here on your own. I said yes, does that matter, he said dont normally get young ladies on their own here. The last time i left him was getting into my car 3 days later..
I completely agree with you... mine were four to eight hours long or something like that, it was just a great time together and time was never a thought crossing my mind... we just enjoyed our time together and till we had to absolutely wrap it up because it was late or we really had to get going, lol
if the time I spend with someone I am into is going to be limited, then it will be the circumstances that limit our time, but it would never be my choice nor by design
I did the same way you did with your guy, often 4+ hours. I also preferred to start it on our feet walking around and moving around than just sitting someplace.
I never wanted to do something as routine and short as a coffee date. I preferred a whole day spent at an amusement park followed by dinner and maybe even more fun things after like singing karaoke together.
I liked the first date to be an adventure of sorts complete with thrills, laughs, soulful moments, more laughs -- big fun! I figure if we're meant to be in the long run that we might as well make our first date very memorable.
As a caveat, I didn't see dating as a way to get to know each other. The women I dated were ones I already met and clicked with in person. I could see a short coffee or lunch date or something very simple like that as more suitable for an online/blind date -- but to me that's skipping something to date someone we never even met before.
A first date, or any date, should go as long as both parties are happy to be there. Respecting other commitments such as work and life responsibilities aside I see no issue in a date going for as little as 30 minutes or up to 3 hours, for example, if both are happy.
Twenty to an hour max. The coffee date should be only an introduction to see if both parties are interested in developing a relationship. It should be less than an hour, the main objective is to get to know them, what they like to read/watch, anything on their lifestyles such as school/work or any social events they enjoy. Later one date can be more for us I the party likes and not dislikes. If it pushes more than an hour they are a risk of too much information where it becomes difficult to decide on what to do in the future.
I'm really not into all these rules of what you should and shouldn't do when dating.
I'll say whatever feels natural. My second boyfriend, we met on tinder. And the first date was mostly us walking through the city talking, trying to find a place to eat - cause I felt the first place seemed too fancy (we ended up in Sunset). Think we walked for about 6 hours or so.
Why do people even look into it so much? It depends entirely on the two people, whether they click or not, work schedules, money, etc. I'm happy for a date to last 45 minutes, or the whole day, no point asking a question about it, kind of pointless since it differs for everyone and isn't a dealbreaker.
I would say 1 1/2 to 2 is a good one. Usually in a place where it isn't crazy expensive, public and interactive to have fun and get a feel for your date and see if the vibe is there. Then that way if it doesn't work out, you both go your own way and not only save money but still be in an environment where you can have fun.
As I only date people who I know in real life and we go on a date because something is there worth exploring, I'd say 2-3 hours. Preferably some activities, maybe a museum and a light lunch or coffee. If I did online dating, it would be a coffee date and a walk in a park. Coffee first, so I can get rid of them quickly if I have to. I would never go to a dinner date for a first date. For me, it is a more intimate thing to do when we already a few dates.
