Is it strange for my ex to still message me when ever she gets home safely, leaves work or similar stuff?

[Anonymous]

Granted we just started talking again after she had a borderline abusive relationship with another dude. But I don't think you'd give regular friends updates like she does to me, unless there's still more there.

(Though she did also call me babe accidentally and said she misses me to.)

[HawkPerception]

So from reading the posts, it sounds like she left you, dated another guy and now you're the guy she always feels she can come back to and rely on. She clearly has intentions to move forward with you in the future, but I personally would feel like a cuck in that scenario and leave it.

[Asker]

I feel like the rebound dude is just someone her friends pushed her too, and she was never sold on him. But due to her problems, she went along with it. But she realized just how shit he was, and realized that I was a lot better than she realized. Always being there, making time for her and all that shit.

[HawkPerception]

Exactly my point. I wouldn't go back to her. It's her fault for not having a brain in the first place. You can definitely do better man. If you get back with her, you'll always have those thoughts of her being with another guy in between your relationship in the back of your head. Walk away and don't look back.

[Asker]

Eh, if it was a different ex from my past, I'd go with your view. But given our dynamic and all. I think I would take the risk

[HawkPerception]

Fair enough bro. Just want you to live your best life. If you think that's the way, I say go for it.

[Asker]

The connection we had from the start, before we started dating was something else, it just felt so natural

[HawkPerception]

And you won't ever get that back. Believe me. I've tried the same thing. Once each with 2 different girls. It eventually ended in breakups

[Itsok2behapp-e]

I'll give you my full answer if you agree to disclose key information that will help me to help you.

She is your ex. Why? How did she become your ex?

[Asker]

Well, the break up is mostly stemming from her own issues with intimacy due to prior traumas. Granted I have done dumb shit too, but despite my idiocy I always made sure to give her the support she needs. She’s the one who ended it, and we retried a couple times since. Didn’t work out but she didn’t really work on herself much, but now she seems to be taking it seriously. Other details of interest are in my replied to the others here

[Itsok2behapp-e]

Why would she work on herself? In her mind, you're there to accept her as she is, flaws and all. She'll not change as she'll not accept accountability for what has happened.

Are the words 'issues with intimacy due to prior traumas' her own?

[Asker]

She does know she had issues beyond the relationship that she needs to work on, and a lot tie into the relationship too. She already said she’s working on it, and I am giving her a nudge if she needs to.

And yea, she did say something to that affect in the past

[Itsok2behapp-e]

Her own words you say. Hmm. I interpret that as you're a safe bet, a nice guy. One who always has her back. However, you don't turn her on, not in that way.

One second you're together. Next second you're not. A woman will never leave a man in a split second. She will have met the previous guy whilst you two were still together. Once she's secured in her mind that it's safe to leave, boom! The next second she drops that bombshell that she's leaving you.

She can do this because even when she walks out she already knows where she's going. Over the fence, where the grass is greener on the other side, so they say.

Little does she know, it's not all that great as it was made out to be. The new guy is abusive. Who knew!

Who does she turn to? Him? Who? Someone she doesn't know? No. It's you, the safe bet. Mr Nice Guy.

Why else is she blowing up your phone? Dropping accidental 'babes' here and there?

She walked out on you. It didn't work out and now she wants back in, with you. Like nothing ever happened. No accountability whatsoever!

Take her back at your peril regardless of how much you say you love her. What she feels when she says those three words means nothing. It's just a fleeting emotion. She can love you one second and be gone the next.

You've already experienced that before. You broke up, she with you. No matter how strong you're as a man, every breakup hurts. Be honest with yourself. It hurt, right?

Therefore, if you take her back, you'll only hurt yourself again in the future. This is because once you open that door for her to come back it gives her the option to leave and come back whenever she pleases.

She'll know that she can hurt you like she has done so in the past and no matter what she does, you'll take her back.

You're her safety net. She can try different men until she finds the one she's been looking for all along. When she does, she'll leave you again, for good...

[Itsok2behapp-e]

...

Why go through the above? Don't do it. Don't even be friends. What do you gain by being her friend? Nothing! You'll just be her emotional support whilst she's being physical with another guy. How do you benefit from that? You don't!

You seem like a decent man. Don't waste anymore time on her. There are many more women out there.

One who'll truly appreciate the world you give to her. That's the one you want to focus on.

Yes it's strange the way she's behaving with these reminder texts. However, she's fully aware of why she's doing it. Not accidental in the slightest!

[Asker]

Honestly, I disagree with a lot of what you say.

Cause 1) She also said that I do turn her on that way aswell. Even from the first date she's weird about PDA and initmacy, even if she wants to do it

2) When she went to that other guy it was at a time where she was in a rough spot, and friends were pushing her from being with me.

3) She is legit strugling with what happened, and is iffy on relationships in general (she's said this before we reconnected in public reddit posts)

4) She is definitely thinking about what she's done wrong both with me, and mr asshole.

And just a lot of what youve said is making a lot of assumptions about her based off nothing. Especially since I know the opposite to be true for some of them

[Itsok2behapp-e]

Agree to disagree.

We can agree that in 8 months it'll be Christmas Day, not that I care. Therefore, give it 12 months, yes.

Come back in 12 months time, 25th April 2023 and let me know how this situation has worked out for you.

[Itsok2behapp-e]

Thank you for MHO :-)

[Xlaurax34]

Sounds like she wants you back.. your clearly on her mind a lot

[Asker]

I think she does. But she is definitely hesitant to and hurt from the other guy she was with after me, so It will take time in my opinion.

But she did ask why I accept her and some other stuff. Plus borderline apologizing for not being ready for a relationship again, and saying she's still working on communication and her fear of intimacy

[Iron_Man]

Sounds like she wants to get back together I never heard of that before Even if you were married

[Asker]

Its something we did all the time when we were together. Especially if it was a longer trip, but its definitely something that is stemming from our past

[Iron_Man]

find out what happens

[Asker]

I am, I did mention some stuff in a reply to the other answer. Feels a lot like she does want to go back that way, but is scared about being hurt in a relationship again

[Iron_Man]

Sounds good basically it’s up to you I would think long and hard on this one

[Asker]

I still love her more than anything, and would give the world from her. So I think its an easy decision for me to make

[Iron_Man]

Awesome go for It and learn from last time the things to do and not to do

[Asker]

a lot of why it failed before is due to her own issues and scummy friends. But she cut said friends out, and is trying to work on herself, so I'm cautiously optimistic about it. I feel like there's a reason we both comfort each other so easily

[Iron_Man]

Well I’ve got a girlfriend from the site that has a crappy friend I have to be very careful. The girl doesn’t even know me and she’s already telling my girlfriend to get rid of me.

[Asker]

Well, the two friends my ex had did shorty stuff to her too, so she cut them out comepletly

[Iron_Man]

I should show my girlfriend this question

[Iron_Man]

Bad friends are relationship killers

[Asker]

Eh, up to you. But it definitely can play a role. And even could lead to a shitty rebound too, since said friends of my ex pushed her to go else where and she did. The guy is absolute scum though, and hurt her idea of a relationship

[Iron_Man]

Hold on let me get her she just made a new account

[Ffhgffgffdd]

Hi OP, this is Ironman's girlfriend
So did your ex-girlfriend's friends tell her you're not a good guy and advised her to cut all contact with you? That's terrible

[Asker]

She didn’t tell them that, I think they just didn’t like me in general due to just how I am. And I met one when I was sick and feeling like crap. And I think that her friend used that as reason to urge her to push me away.

[Iron_Man]

Aww here she is

[Ffhgffgffdd]

So they judged just out of one day/bad interaction? That's terrible

[Iron_Man]

That is horrible

[Asker]

@Ffhgffgffdd Yep, and the friend also cheated on her boyfriend. And told my friend shit like her 3 languages as being a fun party trick and that she's growing at a snails pace, and some other shitty shit.

[Ffhgffgffdd]

Sorry that this happened to you.
Well, it's good that she cut contact with them now. I don't believe someone's friends or family should have a saying in who you're dating

[Asker]

@Ffhgffgffdd I mean, maybe they could have some insight, but it definitely shouldn't be the be all end all.

[Ffhgffgffdd]

Right I agree with you
I hope things work out this time
I wish you all the best

[Iron_Man]

Thanks for coming in my girl

[Ffhgffgffdd]

@Iron_Man you're welcome

[Asker]

@Ffhgffgffdd I hope so too, but only time will tell. But I am cautiously optimistic. I feel like a lot of it is that she still has feels for me, but is just scared after her scumbag ex and how he neglected her