What do you think happened?

[Anonymous]

Things were going well, started dating for about two months, had 4 dates, had a little argument but all was forgiven. One evening, had a great night and then it led to us getting busy. The next morning I get a text essentially saying, “I had a great time but I usually move slower, I don’t want to complicate things”.. I responded and then we went on from that as we usually do with texts. Within the coming days, texts start to slow down (person has a hectic schedule which is understandable, but things became different). So I send a text and ask if everything’s okay, they explain they have a lot going on. So I apologize if things moved too fast. Fast fwd to now, I let some time pass to give them space. Sent a text to check on them, got a response, but after I responded again, no response.

So I gave it a few days, nothing. So I ask upfront, what went wrong and got no response but they still continue to watch my social media posts & stories, every time I post.. I feel ghosted slightly and this has never happened? What do you guys think is wrong or happened?

[HollyK21]

I really hate to even say it, but this looks like a case of the guy getting what he really wanted, and is now ghosting you. He’s using excuses such as being very busy to try and make himself look like less of an as*hole, and I say excuses because he is no more or less busy than he’s been all this time, it’s just that now he can use it as a crutch or scapegoat. If I were you I wouldn’t reach out anymore, and I can’t even suggest trying to have a conversation, because you plainly asked him what’s wrong and he gave you his answer.
I’m sorry, that has to be the worst feeling especially after having sex because if you put a lot of value behind that action then you’re probably feelings used and that sucks a lot. All I can really say is to try and make a better choice with who you date next. Be upfront and ask what he’s looking for from the beginning (if you don’t do that usually), that way if he isn’t looking for anything serious then you can make a knowledgeable decision as to whether you should pursue him or not.

[Asker]

I appreciate your feedback. What do you think made them come fwd the next day and say they wanted to move slower because they wanted to get to know each other better but things happened fast.. why say that if your intentions were to just bang?
Then say sleeping together complicates things?

[HollyK21]

Tbh I think that was the first step to him pulling out of his relationship/connection with you. Him wanting to move slower and etc, has always been a factor for him — always. He just wasn’t upfront about it because if you’re the type of woman who wants a relationship, then you would’ve been done with him from the start and he knew that. Guys know what to say and how to act to get what they want. It’s selfish and disgusting, but it happens all the time, as with this. He wasn’t going to make himself look like a jerk by just flat out saying he wanted sex — it is extremely rare for that to work in a guys favor and the girl be on board with it too. He had to butter you up first.

[Asker]

Interesting and would your opinion be the same if it were a female who did this?

[HollyK21]

Yes, because women are just as capable of this as men are.

[Asker]

Definitely, true. I appreciate your thoughts!

[Guy__]

Didn't like something about you when you were busy?
Why'd else he say "I usually go slower" makes no sense.

[Asker]

I didn’t explain that in this post. The person stayed sex complicates things.

[Asker]

Stated*.
That is why they would have preferred not to do that first before getting to know each other better but it happened.