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Question

My ex-wife and I amicably divorced after 20 years of marriage. We are both remarried now, to different people of course. We sometimes see each other at family events, bitths, weddings and funerals.

A few weeks ago, my current wife and I attended the funeral of one of my cousins at a local church. My ex-wife was also there, alone. That was a bit of a surprise since she lives miles away.

After the funeral, we were all walking to the parking lot. My wife stopped to talk with someone while I kept walking to the car.

My ex-wife was walking near me and asked, "Is there a law office nearby? I need to investigate plans."

I pointed to the far side of the parking lot. "There's one right there", I said, wondering why she needed that.

Suddenly, she stopped walking and started to cry. She reached out to me and I instinctively hugged her. "What's up?", I asked her. She hugged me tightly. "I don't want to talk about it." I must admit, holding herdid feel good, and brought back some good memories. But that's all it was, an innocent hug.

Just then, my wife approached, saw us and kept walking towards the car.

My ex-wife saw her and pulled away. She wiped a tear from her cheek, looked at me, then slowly walked away.

I paused a bit, then walked to our car. My wife was already in the driver's seat, as usual, she does most of our driving. As I got into the passenger seat, she gave me this weird look but didn't say anything. In fact, she didn't talk to me for the rest of the day.

What do you think about this?

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

It seems that you and your ex divorced on amicable terms, otherwise she wouldn't have reached out to you.
When a woman is crying in front of you, and even when a stranger is crying in front of you, it feels natural to hug 🫂 and comfort them.

However, your ex knew that your wife was close by, so she didn't really get to tell you everything she needed to say.
I wondering if you are thinking 🤔 about giving her a call to see what she started to tell you in the parking lot?

I believe your wife was a bit jealous and a bit disappointed that the two of you were hugging - even though it was an innocent hug.

Your punishment for that hug from your wife was to give you the silent treatment.

Since your ex was at the funeral without her husband at her side, anything is possible.

Everyone needs someone to talk to when they are in need, and she chose you to talk to because, after all, she was your wife at one time, so she thought you'd be understanding towards her - which you were.

If it was my situation, I would call my ex to see if everything is okay with them. But that's just me.

Genie23 · Accepted Answer

I think you should really talk about what happened with your wife because she's hurt and the more she stays silent... the more it will cause problems in the future. Not expressing what's bothering eventually builds up resentment (happened to me). So, it's better to clear her misunderstanding, so she doesn't feel hurt or worried anymore.

What I think about your ex wife is- she wanted to share something with you and that's why she asked you that question hoping you'd ask her "what happened?" But in the end, she changed her mind after getting that comforting hug because she felt either too vulnerable or thought it would cause problems between you and your wife if your wife see you to talking to her.

But yeah, your ex wife needed that hug. Maybe she's having some problems with her husband and felt miserable and scared... needed someone familiar, someone who gets her to listen to her problems, and offer her a hug. Some people do that when they feel like like they're feeling they're lost.

Chazmatazz269 · Accepted Answer

Contrary to popular myth, women are extremely territorial. The average woman is significantly more prone to jealousy than the average man. You might thank your stars she let you live. I’m only slightly joking.
She was mad, and maybe rightfully so. If you haven’t already, you should consider how you might have felt to see her hugging on her ex; particularly during an intimate moment like that. More so if she managed to put the pieces together that your ex will be on the market again soon and you enjoyed hugging her.
If i were you, i’d pick up some flowers and have a talk with your wife about all of the things you didn’t talk about that night.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

Your wife is probably trying to balance two competing feelings/thoughts: her immediate response was jealousy and a sense of betrayal. Then, she realized that all of you were leaving a funeral, emotions were on edge, and that you were probably only offering some consolation.

She didn't lash out at you in anger so it would probably help to get this resolved if you said to your wife, "My ex was horribly upset about something and I instinctively hugged her in a platonic way. I appreciate the fact that you didn't respond with jealousy or anger and that is one more reason why I love you."

Shehnaz · Answer

You second wife is a great human being because apart from being quiet and not talking to you for the whole day she didn't create drama. Imagine when you were with you first wife would she have reacted so silently if she saw you hugging your ex? There is a clear cut difference between the two of them, life has given you a second chance to be with a better person, please don't throw it away just by hugging or being close to your ex-wife. If you are thinking so deeply about your first wife's tears that you had to come here and ask then her tears and sobbing has already impacted your thought process. Please stop caring about what might have gone wrong with your first wife and focus on your current family. As far as your ex-wife is concerned then she the second person that she has got married to might not have met her expectations. Till the time she was with you she thought you were the worst option she had chosen and that you were a mistake that's why both of you got separated in the first place, her search for perfection might not end her second husband or with you so let her handle her own life, You need to focus on your current wife and her emotional security because she is the one who provided you with emotional stability when you were drained out.

RavVid · Answer

I think it is safe to assume your current wife is pissed off you hugged your ex.

Your wife may feel it is ignoble to express that and is bottling it up. Your ex must have felt connection with your cousin to turn up.

The big question is do you need to address this with your wife or will you just poke the bear if you do? There is absolutely zero chance in hell your wife forgets about this. They never do.

You could perhaps express surprise your ex turned up and burst into tears and ask your wife what she thought at the turn of events of your ex going in for a hug.

It seems dangerous territory is my primary opinion.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

I think your fast feeling you had during the hug is normal. You must have had a good reason to marry her when you did so that's just being human. Your acknowledgement of it was mature and honest and not really saying you craved more.

Your current wife's reaction is understandable being she had no context for what she saw. I'm sure it's just normal insecurity that we'd all experience with a similar situation. I'm sure you'll be able make sure your current wife knows she's the one and not to worry.

Sorry for your loss. I hope you're ok

Shiprex · Answer

Current wife is anxious about the purpose of the hug and probably pissed you didn't tell her immediately why former wife hugged you. Since cousin is close to both, that's justified to reach out from shared past lives. It doesn't negate her feelings but at the same time Current wife could easily verbalise her feelings instead of using emotional manipulation to isolate you from her.

msc545 · Answer

I think your ex-wife is finally, after all this time, having regrets about that divorce. I'm not surprised at this. My ex-wife and I are pretty good friends, although she lives a long way away, and we speak on the phone a couple of times a month just to catch up with each other. She's expressed to me lately how much she misses me and misses our marriage and misses the good times we had together. It's pretty clear to me that if I wanted to get back together with her, I could probably easily do that, but it wouldn't be a good idea for us. Actually, I like being friends with her, and she makes a damn good friend at this point. I would also be fearful about us starting to fight again and breaking up and ruining the friendship that we've managed to create. This is something I would not want to lose at this point in my life. It's too important to me. I'm not in love with her anymore, but I like her a lot and I'd like to keep her as a friend.

exitseven · Answer

It must have been a little shocking to see you hugging your ex wife. Mau=ybe you should tell her exactly what it was all about.

Maybe your ex wife is dying and needs to have a will drawn up or maybe she is on divorce number two. Either way she is in a bad place and should not be judged too harshly.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Well your wife was obviously not happy with the events, but she probably felt like she didn't wanna assume anything and that it was a funeral.. I don't know, I'm just a fairly young, single Whipper snapper, but I would've told her "yeah she was looking for a law firm nearby and just started crying, I didn't wannabe insensitive so I just went along with it and let her have a hug.."

DavyJ · Answer

If it’s the case that you divorced amicably and are still in contact; then it’s far better than being involved in a mud-slinging match where the only winners are the lawyers. That’s what we’re hoping to achieve.

DonaldDarko · Answer

I can't imagine being around an ex wife, ex girl friend if you are with another woman. Your ex wife should be on the other side of the continent and long forgotten.

katiesmuff · Answer

Unfortunately Tom I think it is what happens to those with deluded MAGA minds when actually nothing is wrong.

SoccerPlayer99 · Answer

I think it would be natural for her to feel a way. I'd be worried about your relationship if she didn't. If you haven't already, tell her what happened and what you felt.

Flower7 · Answer

Your current wife is not happy about you being in an embrace with another woman.

Nikki1989 · Answer

What happened? Absolutely nothing.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I think she suspects something. Even if there's nothing to suspect.

LiamJHayden · Answer

People will often fill in the blanks with their worst imaginations. A hug at or after a funeral seems rather innocuous to me, even with an ex.

Staximus · Answer

Your wife does most of the driving? Are you going blind or have a bad leg, or is she a control freak?

Iron_Man · Answer

She might be having marriage problems and needs to get an attorney or get some document signed

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

It sounds a good plot for a movie 😂😂 What did you expect? Telling you: ohhh you look so good and fit together haha

Anonymous · Answer

My spidey senses makes me think you ex-wife just set you up. She turned the waterworks on and then turned it off like it was programmed to do so once it had achieved it's goal.

Cidknee · Answer

Why didn't you mention the incident. It, innocent as it was, should be laid out.

In_Trance · Answer

I think this is a colossal waste of time and you need to stop interacting with your ex

BCRanger10 · Answer

Did you explain the situation to her?

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe your ex wife wants you back...

Anonymous · Answer

Still looks suspicious...

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