Why do men not want strong and intelligent women?

[UpdateGloomyNights_]

[abc3643]

This is a little complicated to explain but your question isn't quite right.
Much of what I am going to tell you is subconscious male thought; it's instinctive to adult males.

Men want PARTNERS.

I want to be clear about that.

Once we are out in the adult world for several years and begin to get life's real adult problems, then we want someone who is smart and capable of assisting us in solving those problems or getting through them. We don't want a weak damsel in distress whose only purpose in life is take money and whine, bitch, and moan about their problems and/or are stupid enough to make new problems that he has to bail her out of.

So, we DO want strong and intelligent women...

BUT...
AGAIN...

WE WANT ___PARTNERS___.

A strong and intelligent woman may not be a good partner because she is going to be headstrong and perhaps often at odds with the man. This is the situation I have with my wife. I do not like it.

There's more to it though.

He may actually feel threatened by her... Not only does he not consider a partner, but she BECOMES a problem - another threat that he has to worry about.

Also, though, males are somewhat evolved to be paranoid about threats... more so than women generally are. You can see that in the more competitive and violent nature of men while women are communal and cooperative.

Let me elaborate:

When you look at the universe, the first 9 months of your existence, Nature is building you inside your mother. But, after that, Nature tries to kill you. For example, if you don't eat or find water, you are dead - period. So, you need to work hard or fight for survival. The whole reason why we have technology and society is to get as much control over Nature (and each other) as we can to minimize the probability of those important to him from being killed. This is absolutely fundamental to male existence. But it is not for communal females. Sure they want to protect babies and such, but aren't as fundamentally paranoid about the world as we are at a subconscious level.

So, what is important about this is that the male will instinctively feel that his actions are best at protecting him, his woman, and his kids. So, when it becomes time to make a decision and act, he doesn't want a democracy... he wants a smart and capable partner to help him make that decision and act, but he doesn't want to get into an extended confrontation with her or "give in to her" because that actually threatens the family.

... which is exactly the kind of shit that is happening in my life. Just today, for instance, I told my wife "Turn onto Highway D". She says "Highway D goes nowhere; we won't see it again." Lo and behold, after 10 extra miles, we see the OTHER end of Highway D. So, we wasted time, energy, and money because she didn't listen to me. My wife is not a good partner because she does whatever the fuck she wants when she wants and doesn't tell me and gets us into more shit. Yet, time and again, I tell her stuff, but she doesn't listen and has to learn from The School of Hard Knocks. Thus, I am 59 and have no retirement savings.

SO, in summary:
1. Men DO want strong and intelligent women - that is, women capable of being good partners to help him do his job which, instinctively, is to take care of his family.
2. BUT men do NOT want women who may be strong and intelligent, but that are confrontational and obstruct him from doing his instinctive job.

Basically, we want to do our job - taking care of the family - and want a woman who can assist in that and be good enough not to make it more difficult.

Back to your question, with some men, they don't want to risk the smart and strong women who may be confrontational or a threat. So, those men avoid such women. Instead, those men go for the submissive wallflowers who may not be much help getting through life, but won't get in his way or question his ability or actions regarding his instinctive job: taking care of his family.

[bamesjond0069]

Its not men dont want "strong" (whatever that means to you) or intelligent women. Its that they dont care about "strong" or intelligence for romantic relationships.

Often women who focus on these things are lacking the things men actually care about.

Men like things like:
sweet and caring
Peaceful
Respectful
Submissive in nature
Loves kids
Sexually more innocent
Moral behaviors
Youth and appearance

Nowhere did i put "strong" or intelligent. I like women who can be those things but its like nice to haves, no amount of intelligence can replace respect or sweet.

My current girlfriend is a total dumb bimbo but she perfectly satisfies my must have list. So i really dont care. she's highly attractive for a romantic relationship, her suitability as a molecular chemist is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

I think they do want a woman like that, at least a good amount of them.

The thing is that the appearances are always hold with so much importance.

Doesn't matter if they say their type of girl is a strong and intelligent one. If her looks isn't of his taste/type he won't like her that way...

Same goes to girls as well.

Though it's not a beauty question, but a type and preference question. Sometimes even silly preferences.

But yeah, I pretty much think humans put a lot of importance to their partner's appearance before anything else.

Me, myself am guilty of this.

A guy can be the nicest and the most intelligent, but if I can't bring myself to find him attractive according to my preferences I won't be able to like him /be in a relationship with him.

[whirled_up_girl]

I think that word gets misconstrued, I know I think of strong as being the opposite weak, but when people hear or see the word strong when referring to women it's sometimes perceives as being bitchy or stubborn.

[Andres77]

We DO want strong intelligent women. We DON'T want mouthy contentious women that complain and bitch about everything.

To one ex wife that fought about EVERYTHING.
Hey, don't you know how to pick your battles?
Her reply, squeaky wheel gets the grease.
My reply, or gets replaced!
Divorce followed soon after.

It's supposed to be a PARTNERSHIP!
If both can't work together then you shouldn't marry.

[TheLoneTerran]

Well this is straight up untrue. I love strong women, personality, physically, and whatnot. Intelligence is also very much a wonderful trait. A fit woman is very attractive to a lot of people. Women who stick to their principles are attractive to a lot of people. And the whole trend of 'woman pretending to be dumb because somehow helplessness equaled sexy' died off for a reason.

[Anonymous]

there’s no such thing. There are a bunch of women who act like arrogant twats because they know they live in a world that protects them from all of their actions and what they say so they can come across like aggressive yet knowing that if a guy retaliate play the victim and get his life destroyed. And in regards to being smart it’s easy to be smart when the school systems are geared towards how you learn and grade you lighter and there is a bias to enforce quotas and other things to help women succeed.

[globetrotter22]

When you mean “strong and intelligent” do you really mean loud, overbearing, condescending, bragging, sometimes bullying, etc?

There is a difference between “strong and intelligent” vs. loud and arrogant. Men actually love strong and intelligent women but we get very turned off when we start hearing “oh look at me I’m a woman and I’m so strong in patriarchal society” bs. Some women have a very hard time distinguishing the difference.

[EyeKnowMeNahYou]

They're not men. That's like having a team full of weak players and considering yourself the best because they always count on you the score, but you can never beat the stronger team because you've only have weak players. Get someone great as yourself or one whom is better that's skilled and you can learn from. Perhaps they're afraid of being overtaken.

[Shamalien]

Fact: many women who think they are strong and intelligent are actually just strong and intelligent enough to be a pain in the ass and not a smidge more

that being said, there are many women who are actually strong and intelligent enough to make a good partner without letting it go to their head and being an insufferable, delusional narcissist. I’ve met both kinds on this site

[VanillaSalt]

Define strong and intelligent… I hate ditsy women. And I super hate women that are so strong I’m an option not a choice. If leaving is a choice then I’m not interested.

[Juxtapose]

The women who call themselves strong and intelligent tend to be anything but, same with men.

Strong and intelligent people don't need to tell you they are strong and intelligent, they show it through their actions.

[Avicenna]

We do, but we don't want women who think they're too good for all men

[slatyb]

Intelligent men want intelligent women. Insecure men are intimidated by them.

[exitseven]

Who says. My wife is very strong and intelligent. My ex girlfriend was too.

[NajemEddineBR]

define "strong intelligent women" because what you consider might be a basic bitch girl boss bullshit

[RandomGuy1030]

Strong as in having broad shoulders and thick abs? Because they aren't gay. "Intelligence" often just means overly critical and mean. Genuine intelligence is silent.

[notwoke]

as soon as I hear the words "strong woman" I'm sure that I'm dealing with an idiot and I treat them appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Men and women have very different definitions of beautiful and intelligent.

Shouldn’t they make up their own minds?

[xazo54]

I want to feel wanted. if she already accomplished so much in her life what am i there for?

[SignedAutographs]

They tend to want to be independent.. they feel as though they don't need a man, What man wants that

[Crankor]

When I hear "strong" about a girl it comes across as a bit snobby

[jasco]

I want someone who is intelligent and strong not someone whose stuck up, rude and a know it all

[KrakenAttackin]

Because "strong and intelligent" is really code for "loud, obnoxious, manly, insufferable".

[Slim57]

I definitely want intelligent women, those are the only ones I'll date seriously, strong women not so much I prefer feminine

[Berethor]

Because most men prefer feminine women.

[jahaims]

Do you have proof to back up those accusations?

[NorthwestRider]

Got married to one, she wears the pants

[ChrisMaster69]

Er we do

[MrSmithee]

not feminine