Just a random thought?

[Anonymous]

My thing is, I get tons of matches online on any and every dating app. I also get lots of messages from random guys on Instagram. However when it comes to me making the first move I just don't do it. I'm terrified. I have confidence that I'm attractive inside and out. But I can never bring myself to make a move unless I get some level of confirmation that the other person likes me. For that reason I've never been rejected before. But now, I'm more curious. There's a guy at work *ik don't mix business with pleasure*, and he is sooo cute. I keep having dreams/fantasies about him. He doesn't seem to be interested in me and we've only talked twice, both about work. I just wish I knew if he liked blk women, and more importantly, if he found me attractive.. back in the day I would get a friend to ask, how do I do it now as a grown woman?😅😅

[Anonymous]

Okay, I know you emphasized you’re knowledge of the whole coworker dating scenario, but I would genuinely, strongly advise against you pursuing him. In my friend group I have two friends that have done this, and one of them has dated a man at 4 different jobs. Every situation not only failed, but backfired ridiculously. I’m talking sexual harassment charges leading to getting fired (this was just from a guy who she went on a date with and she wasn’t feeling it. So stupid!), and they’ve been fired over a guy in general. One got ran out of the job, another had her reputation smeared on social media, and the list goes on! Don’t put yourself through that girl, especially when you are having so many matches online. As for your inability to make the first move, maybe you’re in your head too much about it. Clearly these men are at least interested if they are matching with you, so there’s no need to fear them not liking you. And if you were rejected, it would suck yeah but it wouldn’t kill you. So you should be confident, brave and go for it!

[Asker]

Honestly I don't care too much about losing this job. Its only a temporary job for me anyway. But yeah I do hear a lot of stories about dating coworkers and it sounds like it can get pretty bad.

Also, when I'm speaking about making the first move I don't mean online. I'm fine making a move with men I know like me that's different. It's in real life that's the problem. If I don't know or you don't give me any signs I'll just have a crush on you and do nothing about it. But yeah, technically being rejected isn't the worst possible thing. It's just not something I'm willing to go through just yet

[Opinion Owner]

If it’s not a job you plan to put on your resume then that’s cool, but just be careful because you don’t wanna burn bridges, especially if you’ll need the job for reference (of course you already know this stuff though). Also I definitely get your thought process with the whole dating thing, maybe in a different way because I’m a shy person and not one to take the reigns. But if you really like someone, I do think they’re worth the risk. Because regret is super real, and it would really suck for someone more confident or willing to risk rejection swoops in and steals your opportunity. Then you’re left upset you missed an opportunity and hoping they break up so you get another chance lol which is no fun.

[Asker]

I appreciate the sentiment. I just don't think I care that much. Either that or I'm use to it. Actually yeah, I'm use to it. I've always struggled with social anxiety and shyness so for me missing an opportunity with a man because I couldn't muster up the courage is basically 1st nature to me. It's become less upsetting as the years go on. Do I regret it sometimes? Kinda. But like I said, I don't go for men if I don't know how they feel about me. So it makes no difference to me not knowing if they might've or not. And if they get into a relationship I'll be a little sad but who am I to really be sad about something I chose not to go after? Ya know? I don't know some women are just more confident than others and that's fine. Chances are I'll miss out on the guy at my work because I'm definitely not going to put myself out there for the first time and it be at my place of work lol. Plus I saw him flirting with some of the girls at my work yesterday and honestly, they are the EXACT opposite of me. So that kinda answers my question about what kinda girls he's attracted to

[Opinion Owner]

It’s funny hearing you say that because my thought process is very similar. Aside from shyness I’m a pretty proud person, so I’m not interested in putting myself out on a limb when there’s the risk of standing out there alone. However I do feel like if I’m interested in the guy enough, I can take the leap. Of course I’ve only been in that situation once, since I usually have the guy approach me. But that was actually one of my longest relationships, which is why my perspective now is feeling like if the guy feels worth it, so is the risk.

[Asker]

Awh that's so precious! I'm sadly not even close to being that confident. It's not even based off looks either. I just really feel like my luck is so shitty that any man I gained enough courage to ask out would probably be the biggest asshole about rejecting me