Old people: do you ever feel sad about aging?

[shaysh87]

Im specifically asking folks who are 40 or older. There are old peole out there who look irrecognizable at 45 compared to 25. Do you ever get depressed when you no longer like what you see in the mirror?

[Anonymous]

Wow, I guess 41 is actually 'old'. I just gave birth to twin boys, so I can't be that old. Haha.
I actually don't feel bad about getting older. In fact, I think things have gotten better. First of all, I have done really well at exercising and eating well, so I'm in good shape health/fitness wise. I also still feel like I have a lot of energy.
Beyond that I think I'm in a much better place now than I was when I was younger. I've got a secure and established career as a relator. I'm much more financially independent/free now (both because of my money and my husband's money). I'm married to an amazing man who is much better than the idiots I dated in my 20s and 30s. Believe it or not I have better sex and have sex more often now than I ever did when I was younger (the TV shows make it look like you hit your sexual peak when you're young, but that's not my experience). Raising my children is an absolute joy. I also have 2 teenage girls (from a previous relationship) who help as well as my husband (which makes things much easier as when my girls were young I was basically a single mom with no other support). I've got a much better understanding on who I am and where I'm going in life.
I think a lot of what makes my life better now is having a foundation I built up when I was younger. Consequently, I feel like I'm able to reap a lot more benefits now than I ever did when I was "young" (not that I feel like I'm old. Haha)

[shaysh87]

40 is typically when people lose their looks. Another fact is, vast majority of women can't get pregnant at 40. So no, you aren't young. You might not be mentally old but you are physically old.

[Opinion Owner]

I got pregnant about 2 months after my 40th birthday and gave birth to healthy twin boys 9 months latter. Moreover, I wasn't even trying to get pregnant. It was a (very happy) accident and completely unplanned (although, again, I'm overjoyed it did happen). If I can get pregnant with healthy twin boys that easily I can't be too old. In fact, I've got to be at least decently young, right? Haha

[shaysh87]

Sweetie, nobody is gonna agree with you that 40 is young unless theyre a 70 yr old senior citizen. Vast majority of us young people see you as old. Im 26

[Opinion Owner]

Most people see it as middle aged, not old. Also, I look younger than I actually am and I keep myself in really good shape (and I just had twin boys).
You can think what you want, but I'm pretty confident that physically I'm "younger" than 40.

[shaysh87]

vast majority of 40 yr olds are infertile or have inferior children. quality of offspring tend to decrease as you get older. Kids born to older parents tend to grow up to be more prone to mental health problems, more health issues, less resilient in life, less intelligent compared to if you birthed them at age 28. There are 45 yr olds who have birthed children. But it doesn't mean they're young.

I don't even understand why so many old people can't handle aging.

[shaysh87]

Nobody cares about how "young" you look. Because you are 40 regardless of whatever way you look. We , youngsters, will see you as old regardless. You've been around for a long time.

[Opinion Owner]

What if I have a lot of energy and am always up for doing something?

[shaysh87]

I wouldn't call you a senior citizen type of old. But one clear thing is : you're no longer young.

Even if i were 40, i wouldn't classify myself as young.

you're 40 regardless of however you look or however you feel.

there are 70 yr olds who say they feel 30. nobody cares how you "feel". you've been around for 70 years. you're fucking old.

[shaysh87]

40s is the age where people lose physical power and stamina along with looks.

I see nothing youthful about that.

[Opinion Owner]

I know this sounds vain (and I'd never say this outside of the internet because of that) I still get men way younger than me checking me out/hitting on me all the time (including my husband, who is 15 years younger).

I guess I may be chronologically middle aged, but I look, feel, and (in a lot of ways) act like I'm a lot younger.

[shaysh87]

just because you look and feel younger, it doesn't mean you're not 40. Trust me, 40 is the age where people start physically going downhill. If it hasn't started now, it will get to you in just a few years.

[shaysh87]

Just cuz you feel 25 , it does not mean you are 25.

A 40 yr old can't birth as healthy offspring as a 25 yr old can, it does not matter if the 40 yr old looks or feels younger.

[Opinion Owner]

It's certainly statistically less likely, but my twin boys are very healthy. In fact, they're just as healthy as my two daughters were when I gave birth to them in my 20s.

[shaysh87]

its very funny how old people think that their bodies are the same as younger people's bodies.

No hunny, your offspring is inferior compared to an offspring of a 25 yr old. You are at much higher risk of things going wrong during pregnancy and birthing too.

[shaysh87]

@Opinion owner,

even if your twin boys are healthy. they are more likely to develop mental health issues when they get older. Research has been found that kids born to older parents tend to be at a higher risk of mental health issues. And a lot of learning disabilities aren't discovered until the kids hit elementary school. They don't tend to be as smart / physically strong as kids born to younger parents.

[shaysh87]

give it a few years. you will find that you can't run as fast as folks in their 20s.

[Opinion Owner]

You can think that if you want, but the truth is both my sons are just as healthy as my daughters were when I gave birth to them.
I'm sure I'll have a certain level of energy decrease as I age. However, I've always been very physically active. I also just naturally have a lot of energy. I could be wrong, but I think the energy decline will be a lot slower for me than it is for the good majority of other people my age.

I'm also sure I'll progressively look older as I get older (although I've always looked quite a bit younger than most people my age). However, my husband (who is 15 years younger by the way) will always think I'm sexy
And (I know this sounds vain) a lot of other guys think I'm pretty attractive to. I'm sure that'll decrease as I age, but I think there's a good chance quite a few guys (including ones a lot younger) will still be hitting on me/checking me out as I get older (the amount may be lower, but I think there's a good chance it'll always be there)

[shaysh87]

you're old. your offspring is inferior to mine. I am stronger than you. I am faster than you. I will still look great within the next 8 years, you won't. I can still birth for the next 14 years, you won't be able to. I don't give a shit if you're 50 years old and say you feel 24. You're 50.

[shaysh87]

I'm pretty sure I can run faster and stand longer than you right now.

[shaysh87]

[And (I know this sounds vain) a lot of other guys think I'm pretty attractive to. I'm sure that'll decrease as I age, but I think there's a good chance quite a few guys (including ones a lot younger) will still be hitting on me/checking me out as I get older (the amount may be lower, but I think there's a good chance it'll always be there)]

lets see how disappointed you'll be within the next 10 years.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, the only thing that really matters is if my husband thinks I'm sexy. haha

[shaysh87]

Large age gaps tend to have bigger declines in marital satisfaction than marriages with smaller age gaps. Do you really think a 45 yr old man would be happy being married to a 60 yr old senior citizen with no sex drive? do you really think a 60 yr old would be more appealing than a woman around his age?

[shaysh87]

I don't mean to be condescending. You do what you want. But I'm just letting you know your husband will not find you appealing forever. His marriage with you wouldn't be easy, especially as you approach 60.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m well aware of our age gap. However, I'm still super confident it's going to work out well for us long term. Firstly, there’s actually quite a few positives about being with a guy a lot younger (at for me) I need a guy who can keep up with my level of energy and adventure, is open minded/not intimidated by my professional/financial success, is supportive of my professional/financial ambitions, is optimistic about the future of our relationship (guys my age/older often have baggage that makes them cynical in a way that I think hurts the relationship), and is just plain fun to be around (also, sexy/muscular bodies, bigger sex drives more compatible with mine, and being able to get harder/last longer/recover faster are super big positives as well). I think my husband being so much younger is a major reason why he’s able to be/contribute being all those things in a relationship with me (and why the guys my age/older I dated before were few, if any, of those things).

[Opinion Owner]

In terms of the age difference I don’t think it’ll end up being a problem (especially specifically regarding what you talked about regarding him continuing to be sexually/physically attracted to me). From the very beginning my husband has always expressed a super high level of attraction towards me. In fact, at the very beginning (before we got into a relationship together) he was constantly flirting with me and expressing how insanely attractive he thought I was. In fact, for a fairly long while he had to do all the pursing as I wasn’t even considering him a remote possibility as a potential romantic partner due to how much younger he is/was. He chased after me quite a long while before I became even decently open to giving him a decent shot. Moreover, the entire time he was relentlessly flirting with me and pursuing me there were a ton of girls his age (and younger) that were constantly expressing interest in him. He had (and still has) plenty of other options of girls his age/younger who were/are very interested in him. However, he was/is the most interested in (and attracted to) me (the woman 15 years older).

[Opinion Owner]

Moreover, on a sexual/physical sexual level he’s constantly expressed an enormous level of physical/sexual attraction/desire towards me. I won’t go into detail, but just know it doesn’t take much for me to make him horny on an entirely new level. I’ve had many men lust over me in my life, but I’ve never been a man who wants me sexually nearly as intensely as he does. His level of lust specifically towards me is through the roof I don’t think I’ve had any other man have towards me. Sure, at the beginning there were guys who were just ravenous about getting in my pants. However, even in my long term relationships their level of sexual desire towards me went down over time (including my long term relationships/former marriage. All of whom I was younger than (typically by 7-10 years)). However, I’m pretty confident his sexual desire for me has only increased over time (and as I’ve gotten older by the way). I’ve got a strong healthy sex drive where I want good quality sex about 3-4 times a week (sometimes 5 if I’m especially frisky). However, if it was up to him I’m pretty sure we’d be having sex at least every day (if not more). He’s always gone absolutely bonkers whenever I wear something sexy. He goes bonkers over my body when I’m in lingerie or a bikini on an intensity level no other guy has. I’ve never had anyone look at me with such fathomless sexual ravenousness and lust as my husband has in his eyes every single time he sees me naked (and I think it would be hard to find even among other men with their significant others) ravenous level as he has (and has basically always had) towards me.

[Opinion Owner]

Furthermore, if my husband ever wanted to bang a woman his age (or younger) he absolutely could. There are a lot of women I know are more than interested in him and would be absolutely willing to get naked and have sex with him (again, these women are his age or younger). When we first got together I was really worried he would get bored of me and leave me for some hot much younger woman. However, I’ve never had a man whose had a more ravenous unending sexual desires towards me than him. There’s quite a few times I’ve felt like I can’t keep up with his enormous sexual attraction and appetite for me. Maybe he’s just a really horny guy, but I’ve never seen him look at other women (including ones his age/younger) like that (including incredibly attractive ones). I feel very confident saying he finds me way more sexy and wants to see me naked/bang me far more than any of the (often very beautiful) women his age who would be very interested in him.

[Opinion Owner]

I get that I'll look different as I age, but if I continue to keep myself in as great of physical shape as I always have (and keep myself up like I always have) I think I'll still be looking pretty good (I know it sounds vain, but I'm aware of it). Maybe I won't turn as many heads of guys in their 20s (although I think there’s a strong chance I’ll still look pretty freaking amazing). Also, as I'll age he'll age. He'll be 45 (not 25) when I'm 60. The girls his age will also be 45.

On top of that I am very aware of what drives him wild (in a good way) sexually (other than the obvious of me being naked). I know which positions he likes, what exactly I need to do in those positions, where exactly to touch him, what he enjoys me doing, what exactly to say to him, etc. to give him max sexual pleasure on another level in a way women who don't know him nearly as well as I do could never do. That'll be true now and it'll be even more true when I'm 60 and he's 45 (as we'll have had countless more rounds of sex by then)

[Opinion Owner]

I can't know for sure how my sex drive will be affected when I reach menopaused as I've never experienced it. I do know my sex drive has actually only increased as I've aged (I was much hornier in my 30s than my 20s and much hornier now than when I was in my 30s). That could mean something. Some women's sex drives actually go up after menopause. But even if mine goes down and even if there's some issues we'll need to work out in the bedroom afterwards I'm completely confident we'll be able to do it. There are ways women have gotten their sex drive going again after menopause. It may take some time, but if I need to I'll do the same thing. I'm not going to just be in a sexless marriage. There may be some bumps in that area, but I'll figure it out if it comes (and maybe I'll be one of those women who get a higher sex drive after menopause).

[Opinion Owner]

. For one thing we get along super well, love each other deeply, and have a super strong emotional connection/attachment to each other. We know the age difference is there, but the only time we ever really notice is when other people are pointing it out to us (and unless they're aware of our specific ages most people have no idea the age gap between us is as big as it is). Also, he's always had plenty of women his age or younger who were and are interested in him. He's hot (and has a chiseled muscular body). He's attractive in many other ways. However, he still picked me over all those girls his age (or younger) who he could be with. In fact, at the beginning he did all the pursuing (and he did a lot of it) and had to work really hard to convince me to give him a real shot (The age gap was a big concern for me). Fortunately he won me over.

[shaysh87]

you're not gonna be 40 forever. men are not gonna check you out forever, hun. By the time you're 60, he will find other women to be more physically attractive than you. When he's 45, he still may be chiseled and have women checking him out. I can guarantee that you won't. You will still be attracted to him, he won't be attracted to you.

[shaysh87]

you're acting as if you're gonna have a high sex drive forever, you're acting as if you will look the same 15 years later. sweetie, nobody is 40 forever. At some point, you will lose your sex drive while your husband still has his. At some point, you will no longer have the energy to keep up with your husband. At some point men will ignore you for younger , more attractive women.

[shaysh87]

“Women are also particularly dissatisfied when they're married to older husbands and particularly satisfied if they're married to younger husbands.” That initial satisfaction erodes rapidly, however, after 6 to 10 years of marriage for the couples with a big age gap between the partners.

www.colorado.edu/.../spousal-age-gap-affects-marriage-satisfaction-over-time

[shaysh87]

That initial satisfaction erodes rapidly, however, after 6-10 years of marriage for the couples with a big age gap between the partners, say researchers. “Over time, the people who are married to a much older or younger spouse tend to have larger declines in marital satisfaction over time compared to those who are married to spouses who are similar in age,” McKinnish noted.

www.hindustantimes.com/.../...3BdRQMVvjSB2wjP.html

[shaysh87]

Reduced sex drive becomes much more common in women starting in their late 40s and 50s.

www.menopause.org/.../decreased-desire

[shaysh87]

I think you need to quit dreaming that your 45 husband in the future, will find 60 yr old senior citizen more attractive than a 35 yr old woman. And no, you won't have a higher sex drive at 60 compared to 40. You're just gonna look like an old grandma

[Opinion Owner]

Firstly, I'm pretty sure that (before my husband and I ever got together) you'd probably have told me that there's pretty much 0 chance an incredibly attractive guy 15 years younger than me who has a chiseled, muscular body that makes every straight woman swoon would ever have any interest in a woman 15 years older than him. There's plenty of women his age and younger who are very interested in being with him. You'd probably say at most he'd bang me a couple times (if he's got some older woman fetish) and leave me for some younger/super hot woman after he got bored with me.

[Opinion Owner]

To be honest I was super afraid of exactly what you were pointing out when I realized I was super attracted/into him/really wanted to be with him. "“Why would he want me? My body’s older. I'm getting more wrinkles. What will he think of my c section? What if I don’t look good naked? What if he compares me to his super hot much younger exes and gets super disappointed/looses all interest/attraction towards me? What if he looks at me one day and thinks, Why am I not with somebody younger?” were fears that I constantly thought about over and over again. In fact, it wasn't until three months after we were officially dating that we had sex. That's not because I didn't want to have sex (I always wanted it). It was because I was super scared he'd take one look at me, get super disappointed at what he saw, and think 'I could get plenty of girls my age who have way sexier bodies who'd get naked with/have sex with me. Why am I wasting my time with this old woman? I can do way better/get someone way hotter' and just leave me. I was kind of terrified that was exactly what would happen.

[Opinion Owner]

In fact, the first time we had sex I vividly remember silently panicking that all my fears might come true. However, once I got naked it became clear that none of my fears were going to come true. In fact, the exact opposite of my fears was happening. I won't go into detail here, but I will say I'd never seen any man get bigger than he got right then. That same desire was equally reflected in his eyes/how he was looking/lusting over me. During the sex he spout out a ton of pretty hardcore dirty talk all about how sexy I was/how much I turned him on/how badly he wanted to do me. It gave me a dramatic confidence/ego boost. It also let me know that even though I'm 15 years older than him (and there are plenty of hot girls his age/younger who'd be more than willing to be with him) he was obviously extremely attracted to me. That has not changed at all in the 3 (almost 4) years we've been together. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's gone up (and that's including after I gave birth to twins)
However, I'm sure that if I'd talked to you before any of that happened you'd probably say there's no way that was ever going to happen and that my fears were far more than likely to come true.

[Opinion Owner]

With that being said I am well aware I'll become less conventionally attractive as I age. It happens to all women. I do think it'll probably happen to me a lot less/significantly slower in comparison to other women my age as I keep myself in far better shape than most women (and have always been consistent in doing so), but I'm sure it'll still happen to me (but probably at a much slower rate). I'm sure I won't have nearly as many men checking me out or hitting on me then (although maybe I'll still have a few). However, I'm pretty confident he'll still be attracted to me when I'm 60. I know this sounds cheesy, but our attraction/love/bond is based on more than just vanity (although that doesn't hurt. Haha). Although we have a pretty great sex life right now most of our relationship isn't about sex. The deep love/bond we have is a huge deal, and that really does significantly factor into sexual desire. I can't prove what's going to happen in the future and you're more than free to doubt me, but I'm pretty confident we'll both deeply love each other for even longer than 19-20 years from now. I'm also pretty confident he'll keep wanting to bang me for much longer than that too.

[Opinion Owner]

Also, it's not like his body won't change too. There's a good chance he'll still have quite a bit of sexy muscle, but he also probably won't be as chiseled then as he is now. There's a chance he'll loose most of his muscles altogether at that age too (although I like to think he'll keep it/think there's a good chance he'll keep a lot of it.). So yes, I'll physically age over time. However, so will he (and I'll still love him/be attracted to him while he ages).

[Opinion Owner]

Furthermore, there's a lot more to good sex than just having a young sexy partner with a smoking hot body. Different people have different ways they get sexually aroused/turned on/experience sexual pleasure. Figuring out how exactly to touch your partner, what to say to your partner to arouse him (especially regarding dirty talk), what positions your partner likes/loves, your partners sexual kinks/fantasies, how exactly to move during sex, the foreplay your partner gets the most turned on by, how exactly to do that foreplay to arouse your partner the most, etc. (and probably more stuff I can't think of right off the top of my head) are all big factors in having the best sex possible with the person your with. Consequently, since I'm easily know more than any other woman alive about how to give my husband the best sexual experience possible for him I'm pretty confident he'd have dramatically better sex with me than some woman his age/younger who was not at all familiar with what he gets really turned on by during sex (even if she did have a killer young body that hasn't been affected with bearing 4 children or reaching 41 years old)

[Opinion Owner]

As far as menopause goes it's not a for sure thing my sex drive will decrease. In fact, about 30% of women report having just as strong (or even higher) sex drives after they go through menopause. However, that statistically does mean there's likely to be some challenges in regards to my sex drive when I reach menopause. However, I'm pretty confident we'll be able to make it through that. Even before menopause having a great sex life does take some work.

[Opinion Owner]

Consequently, sex has to be important to you and your partner if you're going to put in the work. Having a good sex life requires a lot of communication, a lot of creative new ideas (otherwise it gets boring), constantly trying to figure more and more out about what exactly makes your partner sexually tick/aroused/excited (beyond the obvious), and just making having sex a priority. So far my husband and I have done that. There have been times we've noticed the sex got a bit boring or that we weren't making sex the priority we wanted it to be. However, we've always put in the work to fix those issues. We're also constantly trying to figure out more and more how to give more/better sexual pleasure to each other. Consequently, our sex life has typically been pretty great (easily the best I've ever had, and he wants it even more than me). There's a decent chance menopause will be a hurdle in my husband's/my sex life. However, if we keep working at sex/making sex a priority the way we've thus far always done in our relationship we'll still be able to have a quality/fulfilling sexual relationship after I go through menopause (and even long after that). There are plenty of articles explaining that the idea that women loose all sexual pleasure/desire/have no chance of having good sex after menopause is an absolute myth. Moreover, an expert in one article I linked bellow stated that "In general, women who have a good sex life before menopause have a good sex life after menopause, she says. “This research indicates that if sex is important to a woman before menopause, it’s important after.” If that's the case sex between my husband and myself should still be good even after I go through menopause.

www.everydayhealth.com/.../
www.cwhwichita.com/.../facts-and-myths-about-sex-after-menopause

[shaysh87]

[ It gave me a dramatic confidence/ego boost. It also let me know that even though I'm 15 years older than him (and there are plenty of hot girls his age/younger who'd be more than willing to be with him) he was obviously extremely attracted to me. ]

you're not gonna be this way forever. by the time you're 60, your sex drive will not be nearly as high as your husbands. There will be times where he will want to have sex while you don't. You will look like a grandma while he is still ripped and still has women checking him out.

YES, 45 yr old men can still look ripped but I have never seen a 60 year old hot grandma.
You're not gonna look the same forever so forget about your husband being attracted to you forever. Eventually your husband's desire for you will lessen.

You're a newlywed and in the honey moon phase, of course things are exciting and passionate. Every marriage starts off passionate. Just wait until 20 years later when the honey moon phase is over and long gone. Things won't nearly be as exciting as before. You clearly don't have any marriage experience. The "infatuation phase" or the excitement eventually fades as the years go by. Especially if your spouse starts looking unattractive or starts struggling to walk or move.

[shaysh87]

[ It was because I was super scared he'd take one look at me, get super disappointed at what he saw, and think 'I could get plenty of girls my age who have way sexier bodies who'd get naked with/have sex with me. Why am I wasting my time with this old woman? I can do way better/get someone way hotter' and just leave me. I was kind of terrified that was exactly what would happen.]

He only married you because you still look good. Like you said, men check you out all the time. Do you think he would've married you if you gained 75 pounds? do you think he would still want to have sex with you if you looked like a 60 yr old grandma? Looks don't matter? they do, much more than you think.

the only question is, will your young husband check you out anymore when you turn into a grandma? Will your young husband still check you out when other men have stopped checking you out? If you weren't attractive right now, your husband wouldn't be with you.

There will come a day when your husband will STILL BE RIPPED while you look like an old lady.
Things will change. One day your husband will still have a very strong sex drive while yours can't nearly keep up. Eventually your vagina will become extremely sensitive and lose its ability to lubricate itself. Eventually you will lose your ability to get into your favorite sex positions for your husband. This is what happens to the vast majority of older women.

[shaysh87]

[That same desire was equally reflected in his eyes/how he was looking/lusting over me. During the sex he spout out a ton of pretty hardcore dirty talk all about how sexy I was/how much I turned him on/how badly he wanted to do me. It gave me a dramatic confidence/ego boost. It also let me know that even though I'm 15 years older than him (and there are plenty of hot girls his age/younger who'd be more than willing to be with him) he was obviously extremely attracted to me. That has not changed at all in the 3 (almost 4) years we've been together. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's gone up (and that's including after I gave birth to twins)]

do you really think your husband will still be saying the same sexy things to you when you're an old grandma? would you say the same sexy things to a 65 yr old senior citizen who lives at the elderly home?

[shaysh87]

[ I can't prove what's going to happen in the future and you're more than free to doubt me, but I'm pretty confident we'll both deeply love each other for even longer than 19-20 years from now. ]

All marriages start off happy. But 40% of all US marriages end up in divorce. If you both weren't happy , you both wouldn't have married. But almost HALF OF ALL MARRIAGES end up in divorce.

From my experience over many years, it is the YOUNGER SPOUSE that experiences a significant drop in marital satisfaction, not the older spouse.

I have seen a lot of married women advise me to not marry someone too much older, telling me that they regret marrying someone too much older. By the time they realized they've made a mistake, it is already too late. They are 45 years old, already have invested too much into the marriage to leave. They have a house, assets, kids , life insurance , and getting remarried in 40s is not an easy task.

He love you but he might eventually realize he would've been happier being married to someone else. He might never tell you but it happens. My mother said this about my father. She said that if she were young and to do it all over again, she would've married someone else. She still loves my father but deep down in her heart, she knows she would be happier with someone else.

[shaysh87]

Many women who married significantly older spouses have also said this to me.
I asked one lady if it is a good idea to marry someone significantly older.

She replied : "DON'T DO IT. what is hot at 40 , may not be hot at 60".

She still loves her husband and has no plans on leaving him. But she seems to regret her decision of marrying someone so much older. I'm sure she will never say it to her husband though.

And its very easy to understand why divorce rates are higher for big age gaps. I can imagine a subpar marriage if I were 45 year old being married to a 60 yr old. There are so many things I want to do. I want a life partner who can keep up doing things with me such as traveling, having sex, dancing, going out late at night. I'm not interested in being a nanny to my husband, escorting him to the doctor, reminding him to take his medication or making sure he doesn't fall in a walk in the park.

You can't grow old with someone who is already old. Eventually you will find yourself being married to a senior citizen.

He might love you but he might not be excited about having sex with you. Just wait until the day you cannot catch up with him in a walk in the park. He has to slow down for you to catch up. Or you can't move the way you used to, so you can't have the insane sex that you used to have because your knee is not working very well. You can't get into the sex positions that you used to.

Just wait until the day your husband is constantly escorting you to the doctor and reminding you to take your medication, while all he wants is to visit 3 countries, ride motorcycles, have crazy sex, go partying. All you want to do is to go to bed early and stay home.

These are all reasons why larger age gap couples tend to divorce more and experience a bigger decrease in marital satisfaction than same aged couples.

[shaysh87]

you're always talking about whether or not your husband will love you. There is a good chance he will love you forever. but he won't necessarily be fulfilled being married to you forever. There are a lot of married people who love their spouses very much but aren't necessarily fulfilled by the person they are married to.

If you think "love" solves all your marital problems, you're naive and clueless.

[Opinion Owner]

My sex drive isn't as high as my husband's now. That's something we had to figure out. However, even though we have different sex drives, we've figured out a sex frequency that works really well for both of us. Menopause may change my sex drive in the future, but it's not something we can't figure out. You're talking about menopause as if it's the complete death of sex for women who go through it. The articles I attached go over why that's a total myth. Sure, my sex drive may decrease (although it may not. About 30% of women experience no sex drive decrease after menopause. Some even have an increase). However, I'm confident we'd be able to work out a system that worked well for us. Why am I so confident? Again, we've already done that as he wants more sex than me. However, we've already figured out a system where we're both sexually satisfied and enjoy each other sexually (despite sex drive differences). We can do that exact same thing after I hit menopause.

In terms of marriage experience I actually have been married before. The guy is the father of my two girls. It did start out pretty great, but within about a year or two things got rocky. It mostly got worse until we divorced 10 years latter. So I'm very aware of how the honey moon phase ending can have a bad effect on the marriage. One of the most hurtful things about that marriage is that he lost interest in me/grew bored with me. He cheated on my with other women he found much more exciting/attractive. Our marriage was basically sexless after 4 years and completely sexless for the last 3. A lot of this is because interested in me sexually. For a while I still wanted too (up until I was too hurt by him to want to keep sleeping with him (for a variety of reasons, not just this)) Also, he was 7 years older than me, so me being younger didn't help keep up interest.

[Opinion Owner]

My husband now is way more interested in me sexually than my ex was. Moreover, the honeymoon phase ended for us quite a while ago. We've been married for 3 years and dated for a year before that. Honeymoon phases don't last for 3 or 4 years, and we're no exception. On top of that we've always had 2 daughters living with us and we just got two new children last year. If you think that doesn't effect how long honeymoon phases last than you've clearly never had children.

What gives me such great confidence it'll work is that we've constantly put forth the effort to keep a great marriage even after the honeymoon phase ended for us. Keeping a great sex life going has taken quite a bit of work from both of us (but oh boy has it been worth it. haha). If we keep doing what we've always been doing I see no reason why we can't continue after menopause. Sure, intercourse might be more difficult, but I can get lube. Also, we could also do more oral sex and/or handjobs. Again, as quoted in one of the articles I linked bellow ""In general, women who have a good sex life before menopause have a good sex life after menopause, she says. “This research indicates that if sex is important to a woman before menopause, it’s important after.” "

[Opinion Owner]

As far as energy goes marrying someone younger is actually a huge plus for me. I have a ton of natural energy. Moreover, keeping in great physical shape has given me a lot of energy as well. Men my age usually can't keep up with me. However, my husband can (and I think the age is a huge reason why). Will I loose energy as I get older? Sure. But I'll still probably have a lot of energy for someone my age. My husband's energy level will decrease too as he ages. Consequently I don't think 'not being able to keep up' is going to be an issue (in fact, as of right now, even he sometimes thinks I go too fast. Haha)

[Opinion Owner]

There's a couple parts of this article I want you to read

"Women who do date younger often criticize and question themselves, too, says Winter. “Why would he want me? My body’s older. I have wrinkles. What if I don’t look good naked? What if he looks at me one day and thinks, Why am I not with somebody younger?” says Winter. “God forbid a woman age. Then you can’t be sexual or you’re not desirable. But younger guys don’t have a problem being with an older woman. People assume it’s for sex, but they never assume that maybe I could be loved.”"

[shaysh87]

You seem to be obsessed with "how things are going on right now". Sweetie, you won't stay 40 forever. THings won't be the same as "right now " forever. You clearly have no marriage experience and are still in the honeymoon phase.

[In terms of the age difference I don’t think it’ll end up being a problem (especially specifically regarding what you talked about regarding him continuing to be sexually/physically attracted to me). From the very beginning my husband has always expressed a super high level of attraction towards me.]

During the beginning? We're not talking about "during the beginning". I'm talking about "IN THE FUTURE". Do you really think you would look like "in the beginning" forever? We are talking about whether or not your husband will be happy being married to you 20 years from now. We are not talking "in the beginning" when we were still young , hip and full of energy.

[He had (and still has) plenty of other options of girls his age/younger who were/are very interested in him. However, he was/is the most interested in (and attracted to) me (the woman 15 years older).]

Thats only because you said look younger than your age. If you looked 50, trust me, he wouldn't be going for you. Neither would he be saying sexy things to a senior citizen whose knee doesn't really work.

[shaysh87]

[I think my husband being so much younger is a major reason why he’s able to be/contribute being all those things in a relationship with me (and why the guys my age/older I dated before were few, if any, of those things).]

Its not about what your husband can offer to you. Its what you can offer to your husband that DETERMINES your marriage satisfaction. You seem to be obsessed with what he can offer you , not what you can offer him when you're 60 years old while he's still full of life at 45. What can you offer him when you're 60 ?

[shaysh87]

[My husband's energy level will decrease too as he ages. Consequently I don't think 'not being able to keep up' is going to be an issue (in fact, as of right now, even he sometimes thinks I go too fast. Haha)]

Your energy level will decrease more SIGNIFICANTLY more than your husband. Sure, your husband's energy level will decrease but not as much as yours, hunny. Your husband will still be full of life at 45 while you're just a grandma. how much energy does a grandma have? Your looks will change. You won't look 40 forever. Your husband won't want sex from you forever. I'd say your husband make a mistake and he will regret it 20 years later.

By the time he's 45, he is gonna be having sex less than once every 3 weeks, married to someone he is completely not physically attracted to, someone who cannot catch up with him energy level wise. For vacation, you want a quiet cruise while he still has the energy to explore 3 countries. You want to stay home while he wants to go hiking or ride motorcycles (there is a good chance he will be doing most of that alone).

He will be escorting you to the doctor, reminding you to take your meds, making sure you don't fall while he watches his friends having sex, going on vacation with their wives.

No type of love will make sagginess and wrinkles sexy. There are plenty of people married to spouses that they are completely not attracted to. The reason why you're saying that physical attraction doesn't matter is because you are still in the honeymoon phase , which will eventually fade over the years.

[shaysh87]

typo

[[I think my husband being so much younger is a major reason why he’s able to be/contribute being all those things in a relationship with me (and why the guys my age/older I dated before were few, if any, of those things).]

Its not about what your husband can offer to you. Its what you can offer to your husband that DETERMINES HIS*** marriage satisfaction. You seem to be obsessed with what he can offer you , not what you can offer him when you're 60 years old while he's still full of life at 45. What can you offer him when you're 60 ?

[Noreason432]

But 40 isn't really that old though, just middle-aged

[shaysh87]

Thats when people usually start losing their looks

[abc3643]

No not really.
In fact, in some ways, it's a relief!
Why?

Ever heard of the penalty "Life in Prison"?
That's a typo...
It's really "Life IS Prison".
And you get paroled at death.

So, the older you get, the more you realize that your parole date is coming sooner.

[EnglishEuropean]

It's pointless to be sad about the natural process of aging. The best you can do is watch your diet and try to stay in shape. I'm still better off than younger people who are severely handicapped.

[Anonymous]

Ill answer that in about 15 years time.