When dating outside your race and you get invited to the family dinner, is it awkward looking different than everyone else?

Question

What is your experience? Do you blend right in?

Smoke-n-Growls · Accepted Answer

God, it sucks. Esp if the other family is white. It's why I won't date straight white men anymore. There's just not enough common ground.

Y'know the worst incident?

My then-white ass suburban boyfriend (still all the other things, just now my ex) invited me over for a Chinese food night with his parents. They live in a suburb so white that most PoC in my city include "white" in its nickname. People on the bus there would panic when they saw me still riding past the local fast food chain because all their white asses thought I worked there (nope).

So, his fam buys orange chicken and some other staple dishes. It arrives. It has red sauce with the chicken - looks like sriracha, perfectly normal.

It. Was. Not. Sriracha.

It was fucking MARINARA SAUCE. With ORANGE FUCKIN CHICKEN.

That is why I refuse to order ethnic foods from a restaurant in a predominantly white neighbourhood. Or, on the rare occasion I must, I make sure to ask about spice levels. If the servers/cooks are fellow PoC, I'll ask if they do white person spice levels. If yes, automatically order extremely spicy. If they laugh and say they don't, I know I'll be happy with the regular spice level.

Which isn't spicy.

Oh, his mother also called freshly cracked black pepper "spicy".

They weren't overtly racist, but they definitely had some minor racism going on. I was often praised for being "articulate" and "forward thinking" - which is ironic because unlike their son, I speak both my country's official languages.

So, y'know, not really "articulate", just educated better than most monolinguals. And still treated like a foreigner fresh off of the boat by Boomers who don't realize I was fucking born here.

Telekinetic-Potato · Accepted Answer

I think it depends. On my experience, what you need to do is go in with an open mind. You are a guess in their house and it is your responsibility to acclimate to their customs so they don't feel bad.

When they see that you accept and enjoy them, they will take you in with open arms 9/10 times. Especially if you're a guy going tonwlthe woman's home. Be respectful and it will usually be returned to you.

MCheetah · Accepted Answer

I don't care about my race, or others, nor do I judge people based on race/skin color.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I have dated Oriental women, Hispanic women, and an Anerican Indian woman, but I never met any of their families.

sunflower00 · Answer

I haven’t dated outside my race - I’ve only had one serious boyfriend who is white (where I live is like 95% white people) - but if I was dating someone else I would hope they would feel comfortable around my family and that I would feel comfortable around theirs! Honestly this isn’t something I would ever think about if I was in a room with only black people for example, I wouldn’t think anything of it

FilmGuy93 · Answer

It's really the kind of thing that will only bother you if you think about it as a problem.

If someone at the gathering wants to make it a problem, it'll be awkward. Generally speaking, I haven't heard of people really caring, but I guess some people would make it an issue.

Debris1 · Answer

I haven't dated outside my race. There are only a few Asians where I live and very few blacks appeal to me and the ones that do are the elite guys that can pick and choose, and date cheerleaders, and pompom girls.

Anonymous · Answer

Inherently, I don’t find it awkward just looking different. It becomes awkward when the family of that person start treating you different or special, using that “us” v. “Them” mentality. Or snide comments, etc.

MaxQE · Answer

So like the white dads always give me that stink eye. Deep down they know that I'm getting deep into their daughter and it drives them mad. They be trying to act cool but I know they don't like it and it just makes me dig deeper ya know

DaveDavidson · Answer

I'm always the token white guy among my girlfriend's Asian family and friends. It really doesn't matter though, doesn't feel weird or anything.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

I’ve dated outside my race before, but it was in highschool and It never got serious to the point where I met their families.  but even if I did, I don’t think it would be awkward.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

As for me I look awkward no matter what I do so when it comes do dinner or dating outside of my race who cares different is better in my book.

AviatorTom · Answer

That shouldn't be a concern. Unless there's an identical clone out there, I look different from everyone else.

Avicenna · Answer

It can be awkward for lots of reasons other than race, such as not being comfortable speaking their language.

NamerOfStars · Answer

I've never had a family dinner in front of a mirror.

Jltakk · Answer

Never dated, but my best friend is a white girl, and always being the one black guy doesn't really mean anything to me. I'm treated like family, which is nice.

lofii · Answer

I never blend in. I'm the black sheep wherever I go

IsoUser · Answer

Unless it's a formal dinner occasion I dress as I normally do.

Xwr6gff · Answer

I dont fit in with my own families. I am mixed race. I dont fit in anywhere i go.

GatewayRealm · Answer

No because I Outlived my Family there all dead.

Dinklex3 · Answer

Not really 🤔

Anonymous · Answer

Thats why its best to stick with your own race.

When dating outside your race and you get invited to the family dinner, is it awkward looking different than everyone else?

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