Is it morally ok for a senior girl to like a freshman guy?

[Anonymous]

So I’m 16 and my crush is 14. We met through a mutual discord (it’s a really small community and we’re all in this friend group). I’ve put a lot of thought into the age difference because I’ve wanted to do the right thing. Honestly I feel comfortable with it, I just get others will think it’s weird. I do think it would be tough to date with the whole graduating thing and I’ve acknowledged that. I just REALLY love talking to him, and he makes me feel so comfortable and understood. We have deep conversations, just talk, and I haven’t felt this safe or real with someone in what feels like forever. I talked to my friend about it and she agreed the 2 year age gap really isn’t that bad. Moral of the story, I really care about this guy and I want to make sure I do this the right way :))

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I liked younger guys all my teen years and never felt morally wrong for liking someone 2 years younger than me.

I felt morally wrong once, I was in my last year, was 17 and my teacher assigned a 3.5 years younger boy to me who I helped with studies and he was a tall basketball player, and was really handsome and looked like he was 16.

Even though he just turned 14. I felt morally wrong for liking him. But I think it’s only natural to like someone who’s handsome as long as you don’t act on it if they are underage.

It’s not the case for you, both of you are younger than 18 and the age difference of 2 years is just too small of an age gap.

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing some of your experiences! I’ve just gotten majorly judged by friends in the past for liking a kid only 1 1/2 years younger, (8th and Sophomore) and I guess I’m freaked out that’s gonna happen again yk?

I’m glad to know I’m not weird for this and it’s actually quite normal to develop feelings even with a 2 year age gap. I feel a lot better now :))

[caring__1]

Be his friend. There's nothing wrong with that. Just understand he has a lot of adolescence in front of him, so there's no way you can determine what he'll be like when adolescence is resolved for him. You've crossed paths on your own individual journeys. No one can tell if you are on the same path or different paths, so don't make it something it isn't or invest more than you're willing to lose. Don't rush anything or get ahead of yourself. Slow down and enjoy the reality of the moment, but don't lose sight of how your choices now might impact your futures.

[Asker]

Thank you!! This is actually really really good advice. You make a great point about how he may change over the years, a lot can happen I highschool (as I know). And I don’t know if I’m willing to invest more than I’m willing to loose, because I do care about him and cherish our friendship more than anything. Even though I’d LOVE a relationship I just want him in my life in whatever way that is. I’ll make sure to keep this in the back of my mind, thank you❤️

[caring__1]

Help him to discover what works best for him rather than spoon feed him or encourage him to be what works best for you. Help him open his eyes to see what actually exists rather than focus on fantasies or fears. Help him discover his talents and assets and learn how to make the most of them to become the man he can feel good about. When he explores his future, help him to see things he can do now that might make things easier for him in the future. For instance, there are tools he can acquire now, when there is no pressure, rather than wait till he needs the tools and then attempt to play catch up. Show him you want him to be happy and fulfilled... even if you aren't an integral part of that life. When he complains about his life, ask him to paint a picture of what he'd like to see. Then, ask him what he can do to influence the results or move in that direction. By focusing on what has worked for him in the past, he may see opportunities that might work in the present. By helping him to feel good about himself, he'll appreciate you and want you to remain in his life. No one can predict in what way he'd want you to remain in his life, but make the most of whatever it might be, rather than focus on what you believe should or could be.

[Asker]

You described this beautifully. I honestly cherish this message so much, and I completely agree. I’d never want to push him to be what works best for me. He’s his own person and I like that person, not some version I create. With every relationship all these are so important in order for both parties to grow. A relationship is meant to be one where you listen and help eachother through life. I wanna be able to support him and help him become who he wants to be, friendship or not. Like you said, I just want him to be “happy and fullfilled… even if [im not] and integral part of that life.”

[caring__1]

You've got a good head on your shoulders. Most parents indoctrinate their kids with their own beliefs and interests, while kids are much better off discovering the path that makes sense to them. Never accept vague/general statements. If he says he likes or doesn't like something, ask him to describe what it is he likes or dislikes about it and how that impacts him. If he writes these things down, he'll find it to be a helpful tool in discovering his identity, as he'll start to see patterns over time. Patterns provide more stability than extremes.

[Asker]

I completely agree! In order to grow as a person you need to have the freedom to do it. If your stiffled down by your parent you’ll never grow into your true potential!! And yes, he has always been big on journaling, he loves to write down all his thoughts and feelings:)) and we both communicate with each other a lot. If something is wrong we both make an effort to talk about it deeply and console eachother. I like that phrase “Patterns create more stability than extremes.” Thank you :))

[caring__1]

You're welcome.

[NamerOfStars]

It's morally okay for anyone to like anyone; it's actions that are moral or immoral, not desires.

Dating might raise an eyebrow or two, but a two year difference is NOTHING once you get out into the real world (look, youth has its perks, but right now, I could go buy a watermelon, hollow it out, and wear the shell as a helmet until it rotted off my head, and NO ONE COULD STOP ME; being a grown-up RULES), and you're not required to do anything sexual anyway.

I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for this (I loved the watermelon hat analogy😂). Your right, 2 years really isn’t that bad in the short or long run, and there really isn’t much need to worry. I needed this :))

[NamerOfStars]

Glad to help!

[Guy13]

Sounds like a friend rather than boyfriend? I get that too because I will listen and I’m the straight guy opinion 🤷🏻‍♂️. I don’t know…you know more than I. It seems kind of sweet to me🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

[Asker]

I mean we’re just friends rn! But we do flirt a lot and compliment either like ALL the time. I’m honestly fine staying friends or becoming more Bc I just care about him as a person either way. But I def like him a lot. Thank you for your opinion on it :))

[Guy13]

Best in your endeavors!!

[Asker]

Thank you!! You too!!

[DS_Madking]

meh the thing isi would like to say no because i find it weird if guys go for younger girls but the thing is im 16 and im only attracted for girls that are at least 18 so for them it would be the same exept the meaturing happening from 14 to 16 is bigger than from 16 to 18 but depends on what kind of 14yo he is and what kind of 16yo u are

[Asker]

Hmmmmm this makes sense! If I try to explain what kinda 14 yo he is and what kind I am would that help? I don't know how I’d explain it but I like the second opinion:))

[DS_Madking]

meh its like this if ure a fully devrloped women and also do stuff like going to housepartys and stuff (but it doesent seem like u are like that) and he's one of the 14yo dude beeing 150cm, still dreaming to be a football star its weird but i dont get this intention from what u said it seems like u 2 are mentally and physically at one level and if thats it it should be fine i think but as i said i have lack of information and in the end the desicion is up to you if u 2 fit or not

[Asker]

Ohhhhhhh yea I totally get where your coming from, that dynamic is hella weird LOL. But yea we both are mentally and physically around the same level. We both work jobs, are able to have deep conversations, and are able basically able to relate to eachother on an emotional level. In ways he’s more smart and mature than me sometimes haha. Does taxes already, grocery shopping, and even may graduate in 2 ish rather than 4 years :)) so yeaaa!

[DS_Madking]

then go ahead already sounds like a good relationship for me

[kinggeorge007]

Two years is nothing much of a difference when you are in your 20s or 30s. But I don't know how that feels when you are 16. I never wanted to date a two years old girl when I was 14. it's all about how you want to feel. Nothing else isn't that matters.

[Stevefiveo]

If you want him, then go for it. Don't let anyone tell you out of it.

[Asker]

Thank you 🥰

[Stevefiveo]

Welcome. My wife is 11 years younger than me and we've been together for 16 years.

[Asker]

Awwww congratulations!!

[Stevefiveo]

Thanks. Good luck to you and your future husband. ;)

[MountAverage]

Yeah, that's totally fine. You're both teenagers and only two years apart. Where's the harm?

[Asker]

My thought process exactly!!

[BarryLiverstone]

He sounds like a good friend. But do you all hang out and do things together or just talk online?

[Asker]

Just talk online! We like don’t have the ability to meet. But I’ve FaceTimed and stuff for saftey

[BarryLiverstone]

Then it’s no worries really. Sure you can have feelings of happiness and safety but if you two are not together irl then no moral issues. Would you ever plan to meet him?

[Asker]

I mean one day yeah! But it wouldn’t be till we’re older and able to. Parents and distance are sort of a restriction rn. Just in general a lot of people on the discord wanna meet someday

[BarryLiverstone]

That makes sense. And don’t worry about friends teasing you like when you liked the other guy who was younger than you. Often times they are either jealous or insecure themselves. If you like someone and they add value to your life, why would a friend disapprove?

[Asker]

You make a good point! The people who really care about me will see that he adds value to my life and support/be happy for me. I honestly really needed to hear this, and get confirmation I’m not some weirdo haha. Thank you😊

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. Did you feel like a weirdo? I felt like you wanted to be heard and that your feelings are valid. We can like people that we talk to online but what I’ve learned when it comes to romantic relationships best to see them irl to build one. Glad you feel better about talking to him. Do your parents know?

[Asker]

Yeah I felt like a weirdo for sure, just because in society there’s a lot of judgement for liking people just a little bit younger than you. I definitely wanted to be heard my feelings were valid, and I appreciate you doing that. I totally get that too, e-dating is a toughie so I don't know where this all will end up but I’m open to it you know? And my parents know of his general existence yes haha, but they don’t know I like him. If we were to ever date I’d be sure to ask how they feel about it first.

[BarryLiverstone]

Glad your parents are aware and agree if you and him met they would need to know. I’m not sure e-dating can really go beyond a good friendship but if people met it could be a solid beginning to one. Have you and him FaceTimed tho?

[Asker]

Yep!! We’ve FaceTimed a few times with our friends! Once for like 5 hours haha. And COMPLETELY agree. I don’t think I would feel comfortable meeting anyone online without telling my parents anyways.

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s awesome! Ha ha 5 hours of fun. That means there will be more in the future. Do your friends like him? Sorry I keep asking questions on your question. I’ll stop now or you can follow my profile to answer

[Asker]

Nono I love all the questions!! Here I’ll follow your profile to answer :D

[Asker]

Shoot not at a good enough level to message💀😂 but yessss 5 hours is very fun and I’m hoping there will be more calls in the future too! And yesssss my friends love him, my friend Meyshey and Sara are always talking about how amazing he is haha

[Anonymous]

Lol @ morally. You're both tadpoles. Stop worrying, you're probably going to lose interest in a few weeks anyhow.

[Asker]

I don't know dude, I’m falling hard😅but thank you

[Opinion Owner]

Well just enjoy the ride. 🙂

[In_Trance]

Morals don't exist

[Asker]

Lmaoooooo agree to disagree 😂