Is it okay to think this way?

Question

I think that I don't need men in my life. I am fine by myself, feeling confident in myself and will soon find a job and will live my life the way i want it to. Until now I haven't found a worthy guy and to be honest i don't see any in my country lol! Every time guys my age stare at me I give them an angry look these days because it's very very annoying... The way they stare is not okay it's very predatory behaviour. MOST guys here only care about sex and stuff... this does not interest me especially not on the first date like most of them want! Like who the hell do they think they are?

Mia-Wallace · Accepted Answer

"I don't see any in my country"
*knows every boy in her country*

"The way they stare is not okay it's very predatory behaviour"
*thinks and feels all boys stare at her*

"like most of them want!"
*knows what most men want*

You do you girly. But damn you sound delusional. I don't know in what kind of shithole you are, but I've been to a few real shitholes and this can't be true even in those places. If the majority of men are less than desirable in a place because of their behaviors, their women are just the same. If the woman or the man is truly a rare gem in a pig-hole, he/she doesn't reason like this.

On the whole, the worst thing about this delusional crock of crap that I just read is not just the generalization but the dehumanization of men as a group. Sounds a lot like a solipsistic shit-talker in the making rather than a truthsayer ranting. Those brainless girls who think they are the shit and spend their lives chasing a dream when they have nothing to offer themselves.

Newsflash: "Men" are not generic beings - NPCs that are just out there to look at you and chase you. "Men" don't even exist, individuals do. Each man is unique and struggling in his own way. Each man has his own story and his own life. Some of them speak and reason like you - they talk nonsense and reason like a 5-year-old. Some of them do a much better job. Knowing who's who all depends on having enough brain cells to sit, open your eyes and your mind, and *communicate*. Listen to their stories, feel what they feel, know what they know, see the world from their perspectives even if it's for moments. Transcend your crappy little self and connect to another human.

Not all of them want sex the same way or in the same quantity or quality. Not all of them want or need romance the same way. Etc.

I don't understand people who have no interest in getting to know other people but want to be in a "long-term" relationship (or worse, marriage) with an "understanding" guy or girl. People who claim they want "something more than sex" at the same time that they generalize and show a complets lack of interest in communication. Just get a dildo and name it Jared Leto. "Assume" it's the perfect guy in your head and done, you're all set for your "needless" life.

Hopelessromantic53 · Accepted Answer

Gurl i admire you so much already.
That's the spirit. Literally, I'm low key jealous. Haha I'm still not "an adult" , i know i know, but i already think you've got a really smart, independent and good mindset.
Yes, you're right. Most guys are all in it for the sex aspect. And i absolutely despise such men. But what can we do? Most of em happen to be that way.
Right now, you're at a really good stage of life. Focus on building yourself, queen. Many women aren't able to ever attain the state of mind you have, ie me lol. I'm so desperate for love and to love sometimes, it makes me cringe. But you have gotten past that and that's fantastic. Be proud of yourself for that.

Annddd to answer your question, no no no, it is NOT wrong to think that way at all.
God bless ya sis :-D

RavVid · Accepted Answer

Hi Marianna, took some time thinking on your question as it is quite a critical one and it seems to me the answer has escaped a lot of us if not most of use. So in that sense you are asking for advice from those who have failed. :).

You have just graduated and are as a butterfly that has just got wings and you should be trying them out. I know you have an artistic passion but is that your life passion? It took me a while to find mine and the hobbies I had at 18 weren't it. They were hobbies, though they could have become professions. My thought is that should be your primary focus at this point. It is better by far that our passion becomes our job and bedrock.

That is an answer in inverse. Where should your focus be at this stage in your life?

Now the tough part.

For better or for worse we are a pair bonding species, and it seems that most of us don't rest content without that. We have a strong instinctual inclination after all. From your comments you are not overly impressed by whats on offer. But then you only need one semi ok one.

I think a closely matching world view is essential cause you cannot work with each other without matching values. Say if I just wanted to work enough to get enough money together to go traveling again - I know guys who do this - that might be great for you at 18 but maybe not in accordance with your longer term plan of building a career and reputation and financial comfort.

Good luck! We all need it.

Aiko_E_Lara · Accepted Answer

That's one of the biggest lie you'll ever tell yourself. What made you think that way is because you're just living in the modern world where you get all the comfort you want that you just forget that there are men behind the convenience you get. At least give them some credit.

KelleyNice · Answer

It is okay to think that way. It is okay not to think that way. Either way, you can have a good and satisfying life. However, based on the high number of comments about guys from young women that I read on this site, it may be possible that you are like almost all young women. That is, you date the most desirable and best looking guys that you can date and judge men by your experiences with those.

Unless you are Kamila Valieva, there are guys out of your league. And, because you are very pretty, many and maybe most will date you because most guys seek one-night-stands with a pretty girl. However, if a guy is out of your league, it is sex he is after; not a relationship.

The fact is, guys date down for sex but they almost never marry down. It is also true that most young women will choose the hottest and most desirable guys they can date; that is guys that will date them for sex but not marry them, and reject less desirable guys that would love to have a relationship.

Basically, this is a rule that is pretty much universal. If you think you are doing well, it is sex he is after. If he thinks he is doing well, he wants a relationship and marriage. Any day of the week, you can go out and approach some guy that is a little below your league and he will jump at the chance to be your boyfriend. And, because he want a relationship with, he will treat you anyway you want.

I'm not suggesting that you do that. After all, what girl wants to settle for a guy below her league when she knows she can do better? However, I am suggesting that you shouldn't judge all men by the hottest and most desirable guys that will date you, if, in fact, that is what you are doing.

hypojoe · Answer

It is true the way guys look at girls almost like a form of herassment you just have not ran into that guy that is truly in love with and he might not be in your country all you can do is deman respect if they can't do that tell this fucktards to kick rocks because when it comes down to it , its all about you.. you first them second especially if they are holding you back. Drag life and dont let life drag you may have to roll over a few of them guys if they don't move because your coming move or get moved and definitely don't hang on to something thats always been gone there is a guy out there and he is looking for someone like yourself I hope you find him even if I don't know you

Rockstarrrrr · Answer

Yes it's okay... Many people today.. Guys and girls.. are kinda fed up with the hookup culture / short lived relationships thing that has been going on because what's the point in moving from one person to another and another.. And another... It's meaningless and you'll definitely feel like sh*t after a while... I think not being in a relationship is way better than being with someone you you don't really connect with... have fun and spoil yourself.. Don't lower your standards to please others... And hey, it seems like the people you actually like almost always come at your way when you least expect it...

Sonorous · Answer

I think it's good you're questioning your values. Because we don't really need intimate relationships. It's ultimately just a want. It's possible to survive & die happy while being single. But I will say to still keep your options open. Because many still have that goal (even if things haven't worked out) & it could give you meaning in life that could possibly trump all other. You never know who you might run into. They might end up being more compatible with you than anyone you've ever met! But yeah, definitely don't chase something that's not an important goal. Especially if the outcome could mainly complicate things for the worse. But when you find that it is a goal that you know you want, it may be best not to resist it.

Snsl153 · Answer

If you don't need men in your life, then you don't need them. At the moment I don't think I even know any men, apart from my two brothers who I hardly even talk to anymore (they're busy living their own lives). Everyone that I know in this town that I speak to on a regular basis is a woman, which is a bit surreal.

EmbraceThePain · Answer

Well, at your age perhaps it’s not completely out of the ordinary but I think you will change your mindset in the future. I think it’s great to work on yourself now and focus more on other things than being with men, because you can always meet the right man in the future which I think you will most certainly meet. I think you should choose your men carefully, specifically based on personality and character traits and always take into consideration your instincts on a man.

GingerGuy · Answer

The first part about being confident and happy single, yes. Just do that for a while, focus on your school/career.

Not many guys are looking to settle down at your age, so give it some time. But also don't make the mistake of assuming this is ALL, MOST, guys, or it's ALL they want (even if it seems that way, it's not necessarily true if you've never talked about it, because all guys would like sex regardless, and we're "ready" a lot quicker than women are, so it may SEEM like that sometimes. I think sometimes women are too quick to judge as well, and never really talk to the guy to find out).

Lionman95 · Answer

I think it´s understandable but also kind of sad at the same time because I feel like you have a wrong understanding of guys I can´t blame you for. If guys are just known for behavior weirdly around women and are all about sex than we truly have made ourselves obsolete.
I think it´s not the best way but understandable and leaves you all opportunities so give it a try.

NathanDavis · Answer

this is just your lack of experience in life... and some immaturity

things will change, you will change... it will get better

a good thing though, you do not need someone right now, you can focus on yourself and your goals... that is always good, just make it more genuine and make it about your well being, do not waste any time on making it about the ¨all men are the same and they are all bad¨ that is not healthy at all, lol

Th3ft · Answer

Lol! Yeah no you are fine! Honestly I wish more young adults had that perspective. Though don’t totally through relationship out for a career either. I know a lot of girls who were so focused on their careers that they missed out on relationships. Take pride in yourself and enjoy what you can. And I f a guy lives up to the standard then fuck’im like crazy!

corejjx · Answer

Actually, if i say we dont care sex, it will be lie. Sex is the part of life but its not including the whole life. For example, i really love to listen evgeny grinko and playing chess, thrash talkin with my gym budies , make a plan for future with my group ( we will play basketball at least we are 60 yo lol xD) etc. Its my whole life not sex. I care what you are thinking and i dont like to say somebody what she or he should do or shouldn't to it. Whatever, if you are happy now, you dont have to be with any guy. Live a life you will remember 😊

Reaper1985 · Answer

I honestly don't see a point in engaging in sexual encounters with someone I'm not in a exclusive relationship with. but that is mostly due to moral reasons and the fact I believe sex is meant as a tool to help couples bond on a deeper level. not saying they have to wait until marriage but they should at least proclaim each other as their partner first.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

As long as we have thought about it well enough - ANY thinking is ok.
Some of my own (well enough?) thinking: to rate someone ''worthy'' would require that I'm ''worthy'' myself. Am I? Are you?
Perhaps I misread you - but your statement does not sound much different from the stuff that a ''MGTOW'' (=frustrated individual) guy would say.
I think that you can do better :)

SaartjieJane · Answer

You’ll dodge heaps of shit guys trying to use you or break your heart I suppose. I kinda wish I was like this lol

TwiNshichamp1 · Answer

🤣🤣 also sex in 1 date is not right👎🏾 maybe if both of you agree. Even if personally better wait for 3 or 4 date.

Don't say you don't need men are you gay? Into women more? If not don't say that. In men everyone is different. So maybe you should focus on your goals and stop thinking about them. And you will get the one who you want. Or stay in Open relationship as you want.

B4852 · Answer

I think that's a kind of healthy look. Get things settled down and figured out. And when time and feelings change about wanting to share your life with someone you'll be ready. You're 18 so nothing to rush.

Apulu_Imback · Answer

No one needs anyone in their life. Life isn't all about relationships. It's just the some want to spend their life with their beloved ones and make family with them.

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

Yeah, totally okay.  You don't need a man. You don't even need to date if you don't want. Relationships are optional.

Girlygovroom · Answer

Are you saying men specifically or a romantic partner? Do you need the opposite sex in your life, no. Is it weird to exclude an entire group of people simply because you can't look at them as anything but a sexual interest, yes. Figure it out, gl

Cubus · Answer

I believe you will change your feelings in the future.

woman_2004 · Answer

Lol your not in America. The men here I meet are so kind, intelligent and handsome. 🤍

H8INCHES · Answer

Your life is yours to live as you wish, regardless of other people's opinions or desires.
Sex is a natural desire for most humans, but it is your option to engage or not.
Love and making love can be considered a different thing. This is the best form of having sex because the connection heightens the sensations.
No one can tell you how to approach this. You have the ONLY rights to your body and who gets to explore it.

Noodle_fan · Answer

yes , relationships and marriage is not for everybody compared to 100 years ago , people now are more content to be stay single because we have more options to be happy

AndrewAzul · Answer

It's hard to believe that ever guy who is interested in you is actually only interested in sex. I'm sure there are people who are interested in who you are as a person and what interests you have etc

loveslongnails · Answer

I think you're perfectly fine to think that way and you should stick to it! You're definitely better off alone! Men are no good.

Zolly99999 · Answer

Unfortunately this happens in every country i think. Most men are pigs these days. Keep searching I know you will find someone that will make you happy one of these days.. don't settle for less.

Anonymous · Answer

Most of it is fine but having an expection of privacy in a public space is absurd.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

It's fine to feel that way for a time. You will probably want to find a mate eventually, but don't bother pushing yourself to do something if that's not where you're truly at emotionally.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Live your life. No one here can stop you. No reason to even ask us

Berethor · Answer

So you are asexual, well in that case it okay for you to live a nun-like life. :)

JakeS00 · Answer

No, you’ve just realized you need to worry about more important things until you find a guy that’s genuine and worth having a relationship with. Let it happen naturally.

TallAnon · Answer

Sure, as long as you're not harming others, do whatever you want

RobEurope · Answer

Wow thats nasty of them. You have plenty of time to find someone if you like, if not also good.

RandomGuy1030 · Answer

Thats 99% of guys everywhere. you'll have to date some desperate old geezy if you want him to respect you.

msc545 · Answer

You probably should not have any interactions with men, as angry as you seem to be.

Preeti161101 · Answer

Change your attitude 😉

dolemite89 · Answer

such a sparkling personality 😂 i’m sure the boys are just lining up

crossdressingrihno · Answer

Your life. Do as you wish.

Mynameisbobby · Answer

That's awesome! You're thinking independently

SAMI_DABBAB · Answer

I guarantee it won't be like this forever

Wise4myage · Answer

Hey, more power to you sweetie.

Joker_ · Answer

I'm glad you're finally thinking this way

Sour-rose · Answer

Yes. Absolutely.

greenice27 · Answer

Which dishes do you like in Greek cuisine?

Frio33 · Answer

you are right

fonduegirl · Answer

You do you

mark000h · Answer

Please stay single and alone with that attitude.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Yes; it's okay.

JohnK123 · Answer

Oh yeah it is

Is it okay to think this way?

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