Why is it hard for women in their 30s to date?

[Anonymous]

30 years old is not old at all. 30s is your prime years (I’ve heard). Majority of the 30 year olds I’ve come across look really good. I know I’m talking out of emotion rn but it rubs me the wrong way that once a women hits 30, she’s considered undesirable & her dating pool gets smaller.

WHY? I’m convinced some dudes don’t want to deal with a real woman and prefer to shape a high schooler (who isn’t even fully mentally developed) into the “perfect submissive” girl they fantasize. And it be men in their 30s+!!!

I honestly hate thinking this way. I sound bitter as hell and don’t wanna fall into the “I hate all men” category. Can someone please help me think about this in a more positive way? If possible

[JSmuve]

Is it hard for women in their 30s to date, or is it just hard for you to date?

I imagine women who find it hard probably are used to things being a certain way. They're used to attention and having so much choice and now that it's over, it's kind of like a rude wake up call. They're not used to this reality, which is one that guys know all too well. They still expect to have the same sized dating pool so they can hold onto the same (or higher) standards. Everyone's dating pool shrinks when they get older.

And the people who say 30s is your prime years are just saying that to cope. My guess is those people are in their 30s and when they're in their 40s, they'll say that 40s are your prime. Fact is, "prime" is relative. It depends on their person and what aspect of the person you're talking about. Most people's physical prime is late teens to early-mid 20s. Look at the ages of most olympic athletes. Most of them retire sometime in their 30s at the latest. Financial prime might be your 40s but for a relationship, for women, your peak desirability is your late teens up to mid-20s. Unless you were fat and lost weight, you will not be more physically attractive then when you were in that age range, despite all of the 30 year olds who look "really good" (they used to look better).

That means that you have change your standards and level yourself up in other ways. By this age, you should be the type of woman that guys want. You should know what they're looking for emotionally and be able to complement them. Unfortunately, a lot of these women don't know what guys want, aren't any more emotionally intelligent than when they were 19, and have too many masculine qualities about them but try to pass it off as saying "some dudes don’t want to deal with a real woman". No, they don't want to deal with a masculine woman who doesn't complement them and put in the effort for them.

Guys would much rather deal with a younger, more attractive woman who hasn't learned bad habits and who can grow with him. Women say confidence is attractive to them. But I'll let you in on a little secret, compliance and cooperativeness are attractive to men. Younger women tend to be more compliant and less argumentative than older women. And, as you said, "30 years old is not old at all". So there should be little issue with guys going younger.

If you want some advice, I'd say you might have to be more proactive with guys than you were in your 20s, reevaluate your standards, work on your body, and you should become more familiar with the emotional needs of men in their 30s+. A woman who's attractive both physically and emotionally is a rare thing. Most women have one of them or neither of them, few women have both.

[DaveJord]

Well I think you are not all wrong with your analysis. So at 30 plus women to me are far more desirable, and I say that because at 30 most women are over all the games and bullshit they endured in their 20 years. And yeah, 30 plus and 40 plus women are still very sexy and desirable to me. But 30 plus ones don't seem to give older men any opportunity.

Sure you can blame guys, but as a women you can not discount the level of responsibility women have to take in this process, its not all on the men. So in my experience women in their 30s still have some inflated egos. See they want a man with the maturity of a 40 year old, but the body and looks of a 28 year old. Most men that are like that are not looking serious commitments if they are still single and never married at that age, and not about feeding a women's ego or playing games.

Younger men or even men that are still available in their 30s don't want the same things out of life... they don't want to settle down, get married or have kids yet. Most the men that want to do that have been snatched up in their mid to late 20's or early 30's. So the men that are still in their 30's and never married still have the looks and bodies to pull younger women, who might be wanting the same things out of life without the serious commitment.

But being in your 30's as a women is like the rubber match age group, women in their 30 tend want more serious and committed relationships... and guys in their age group are not ready for all that. Divorcees like me in their 40's may have already had their kids in the 20's and don't want to settle with a women who wants marriage and kids. I mean I am just coming off of divorce and not looking for marriage and kids... but let's be honest most women in their 30's think they can still pull what they pulled in their 20's so they aren't looking to give a guy like me a chance. And at 40 years old I know I can't pull what I pulled in the 20's and am not trying to impress some 30 year old that isn't over herself yet.

So at the end of the day if a women that thinks she is all that, but still single in her 30's has to ask herself if she is really all that she thinks she is. Might be time to do some self reflection and really make changes about yourself and approach to men that would make her the best version of herself possible... because single guys deep into their 30's and 40's can see through all of the games and bullshit. So men who are serious about women at that age are looking for women who really know how to treat a man right, and they want women who are serious about being a good women.

[BlackBeauty90]

Let me be clear. VERY clear.

Women in their 30s DO NOT find it harder to date MEN. By this I mean actual adults. Males who have decent jobs, decent careers, are educated, etc. Men that will, in time / if it works out, will actually contribute to a household, to raising children, etc. Men that would make for husbands and fathers, and less likely to be the cowardly douchebag that runs away when things get serious.

The people who say that women have it harder to date in their 30s are **NOT** men.

They are boys trapped in adult bodies. They often have little to nothing to offer a woman looking for a steady partner, someone that be relied on, a potential father & husband. They are the typical boy-men who jump from woman to woman and run away like cowardly douchebags whenever things get serious.

These NOT-MEN say that women have it harder in their 30s because they are TARGETTING younger women to give in to having sex early, having relations early, etc. knowing that these NOT-MEN would have little chance competing against actual MEN.

They use the claim "oh you won't be so lucky when 30s, it'll be hard for you, etc., etc., etc." as a form of abuse, bullying, and peer pressure to make YOUNG WOMEN do things they may not necessarily want to do believing that they won't "get better" later on.

That's all it is.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

A man is considered desirable if he's 6 fit tall, with muscles, status, and makes 6 figures, right? A woman isn't only desired by her looks but also by her fertility (which her looks are meant to reflect that but not always. That's why in many cultures having rosy cheeks and wide hips is considered attractive for a woman). Also, most people don't want a partner who will complain and argue with them, especially after they come from work tired, man or woman, it doesn't matter. Which is also a reason why men tend to like "submissive" women.

[jennifer_bloom]

I’m confident and stable in my 30s and had dependent issues in my 20s so I’m better now. Like when I was younger I always needed attention from others and now I’m fine without it.

[Chazmatazz269]

Two words: THE WALL. When you realize your internal valuation exceeds that of others’ valuation of you. There are a variety of factors to consider. First, by 30 many women are already jaded about dating, relationships and sex. Younger women are still very enthusiastic in love and relationships. Second, some of the things women prioritize in their youth are meaningless to many men. If you spent your youth expanding your education, getting a “good” job and making lots of money, you’ve invested nothing into attracting a high quality man. You have a fair chance of attracting a woman though! Let that sink in. Third, you might look “good for 30” but a 30 ‘10’ is a 20 ‘6’ and a 20 ‘6’ will likely be less ridiculous in their expectations. Fourth, MOST women expect their fellas to earn more than them regardless of how much the woman earns. If you’ve invested years of your life to become a high earner, say $100k/year, you probably expect your man to make $150k/year. (These are mostly random numbers, don’t get all caught up in the minutiae.) Meanwhile, that 20 ‘6’ is making $30k/year and delighted with the guy who makes $70k/year.
Yeah, you COULD lower your standards to increase your chances, but will that actually provide happiness, or just resentment? Keep in mind that none of this was men’s choosing. We’ve merely adapted to the world that women insisted upon. Welcome to the world feminism created!

[bamesjond0069]

1. "30 years old is not old at all." For life... you're right. For mating, yes its very old.

2. "Majority of the 30 year olds I’ve come across look really good." And thats why men will readily have sex with them. Its a relationship that requires more than good looks.

3. "I’m convinced some dudes don’t want to deal with a real woman and prefer to shape a high schooler (who isn’t even fully mentally developed) into the “perfect submissive” girl they fantasize. And it be men in their 30s+!!!" I mean in a way you're right. But you miss many key points. Such as women also prefer this!!! Just not 30 year old women who want 30 year old men, a small but vocal segment. 30 yo women who date 50 yo men are like fuck yeah thats normal. It also assumes your definition of a real woman. A real woman according to you is basically infertile has a higher body count and wrinkles debt and feminist. My definition is ultra feminine, so very fertile virgin youthful no debt traditional... thats a real woman and thats what im attracted to.

4. Final point, im 35 and my girlfriend is 19. We been together over a year. She went out seeking men 30+ to date. Id have messed with her no matter her age, she would have not moved forward if i was under 30. So who was the one seeking this situation out? Not me. I dont see you upset at women for wanting older men.

[Anonymous]

Men in their 20’s have little to offer and most are perpetually single. I think 1/3rd of guys under 30 are now virgins. So they either fail out of life or buckle down and work on being successful. When a guy gets into his 30’s, he’s more mature, his looks are more refined, he has a career and assets. Sometimes even a house- though these days that’s more rare. These are things that women who are looking for marriage typically look for so men in their 30’s have better luck dating. This is the age that men either casually date girls in their 20’s or pick a girl in her 20’s to marry.


Many women these days typically have it pretty easy right out the gate. They typically don’t get kicked out of the house, most don’t have issues dating, partying, and improving their social status while typically going to college or working. By 30, they’ve typically had their fun and are looking to settle down while guys their age are just starting what they went through in their 20’s. They’re often jaded, have high expectations, have had lots of relationships, are opinionated, have their own money and apartment or house. These aren’t things that typically attract a guy their age.


This isn’t an absolute rule, but it’s just the way things are these days.

[Anonymous]

It's just nature at work. Women are at their physical prime when they are in their 20s. They are most desirable during those years because that's when they are most fertile and most physically capable of bearing and raising children, and mother nature has genetically programmed men to be most attracted to women at that time.

Men in their 20s on the other hand tend to be less emotionally mature, less stable and their careers are typically not very advanced until they reach their 30s. The things that nature programmed women to be attracted to in men are only beginning to show in most men around age 30, and they just keep increasing with age for years after that.

That's why women hold all the cards in dating in their twenties, and the tables turn around age 30 (give or take) and men suddenly have the power thereafter. The problem single 30-something women face is that, because women tend to be attracted to older men and men tend to be attracted to younger women, women in their 30s are in a sort of "gap" because 30-something quality single men essentially have their pick of 20-something women.

The truth is all of this is no more or less "fair" to one sex or the other. It just depends on timing. The cards are stacked heavily in women's favor when they are younger, and then they are stacked heavily in men's favor after that. The key is to be aware of all of this and have a good strategy for finding a life partner when you are in the best position to do that. For women, if they are wise, it usually means finding a good man before age 30.

[WindAtMyBack]

I don't think it's a matter of being harder to date. It's just that so many guys are already taken, and arguably the best guys are taken. The women are probably more busy than they were in the past, with less time to get out and meet people. Very likely they aren't around as many people which reduces their chances. A lot of women are less desirable - with baggage, kids, etc. Being a little older, they would need to change their approach to fit their age (the entire relationship is likely to be different than when they were younger)

[FilmGuy93]

Well, there's two sides of dating, right? There's the men, who I can promise you will not become any less attracted to women physically after the age of 30, and then there's the women who as they gain experience with men, become more refined and selective in their tastes.

If women in their 30s are struggling to date, I can guarantee you it's not a question of her not being able to get men who are interested. It is ALWAYS without fail, that the women can't lock down the caliber of man they want to meet their standards. And the reason for that is simple; the man she wants isn't the settling down type and he never will be.

[Jamie05rhs]

You have to think of it in more practical terms. It's like a mathematical equation. The issue is not her age per se; it's the age of her cohort. Most people are likely to be married by that period of life. That means that most of the good ones are taken (because the good ones always get taken early. That's just how things work. It's how it works with animal shelters as well as grocery store produce departments. And university classes.). So, if there are less good men available, then it's naturally harder to find one.

Also, by age 30, you have had more time to experience life and do things. And chances are you may have made some mistakes or some intentional choices that will be unattractive to men.

[MikeInHawaii]

First of all, one reason your dating pool has gotten smaller is about half the men your age are married. Many of the single ones are single because other women didn’t want to marry them, either.

Women also seem to accumulate emotional baggage. Some project everything, every other man has ever done to them on to any man who takes them out on a date, oblivious to his uniqueness. If the ex was an alcoholic who can’t hold a job, and lives with his mother, and I’ve been supporting myself since I was 19, never drank, and have a master’s degree, maybe we’re not the same person!

And, one of the biggest turnoffs to me and many other men is striking up a conversation that sounds like a credit check.

[Anonymous]

It may be young when you look at it age wise but when you look at it from a dating perspective most men don’t want that. Women who are younger, in their 20’s don’t seem as bitter which could be because of men as to why older women are bitter. To me I feel like they appreciate more, they’re spontaneous. Chances are they don’t have kids like someone who’s in their 30’s. They’re at an age which is considered most fertile. I think once a girl hits her 30’s that boats almost set sail as far as dating. Sometimes I wonder why isn’t she married or w someone by now? What’s wrong w her? Abusive? Menso disorders? Issues? Baggage?

[Anonymous]

It's the same for men but happens in reverse. When a guy is younger, he has less interest from women overall, but generally this increases as he gets more mature / older. Who would you rather spend time with? an unsure, immature, less experienced man or a slightly older confident, more mature, experienced man...

In general men value fertility, youth, femininity and submissiveness over experience, age, confidence and maturity. The way to remove your bitterness is to simply accept nature and biology because it doesn't care about how we feel. I accept the nature of things...

[Lionman95]

Because the guys that are desirable from a woman's point meaning charismatic, good looking and good communicators are mostly taken. The older people get the more specific their standard will get more specific and raise (That works for guys and women alike). Though that's not necessarily wrong, it makes you even more selective.
Because many guys rather tend to choose women younger than older, finding a good partner is harder hence the guys are the guys that were rejected by other women.

[FictionalCharacter]

Here’s what I’ve seen through different social platforms. Young guys on Snapchat like older women, college guys on tiktok cheat on women, guys here on GaG are still living with their parents and have social anxiety that fetishize anime and young girls.

[Anonymous]

Mainly because as 16-29 year olds, most women act like shallow entitled asshole brat children who treat males like they are garbage. They fuck scumbags, look for “bag boys”, get dug out by endless “chads”, use men for money, have zero class or dignity and then hit the wall at 30, start realizing they can’t get through life on their looks as easily and start panicking and look for “a real man” or “a nice guy” who wants to settle... aka get her through life after it stops being handed to her simply for existing.

[dragoblack]

I honestly look for women around my age (I'm 30) but the issue is honestly dating culture has become incredibly garbage and filled with people who only want to get in relationships after hooking up with the person first. The "get to know them" dating is honestly near extinct.

[Avicenna]

LOL, it's definitely not hard for women in their 30s to get a date. However, they are less likely to be single than younger women and are more likely to be single moms.

I haven't used a dating app for a few years, but when I did there were relatively few women in their 30s on there, but lots in their 20s, 40s and 50s. And women in their 30s is the age group I was most interested in dating.

[Jaguarsxr051]

It's not hard that's a lie woman have a ton of options but yet they still want the top tier guys guys who's 6 feet and makes 60000 per year and looks like brad Pitt himself and drives and Porsche 911 and have a house. And yet she have nothing of those things. All woman have plenty of msgs in their dm but they ignore it because they Chase false dream

[Zolly99999]

For some reason in today's society most people think that once you hit 30 men or women you should just go to a forest and never come out. It drives me crazy too.. and trust me is the same for men too.. it sucks for men too.. i'm in my 40's and here is what I found. Girls in their 20's only want men in their 20's... Girls in there 30's only want men in their 20-30's and women 40 and up want men in their 20's... Men in their 40's are only good for sugar daddies...

[LimitedBenefits101]

30s is your prime years "🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 old women are hilarious...

30 is when women HIT THE WALL.

Women prime years is 18-25
26-29 is still debatable
30+ bye bye.
And its always funny to see 30+ women lose it and starts the blame game and attacks men and women under 30🤣🤣

[driven159]

first off 30 is young and it's just a matter of time till you find your guy go to events like 4th of July is coming up you might find your dream boat then go to concerts put yourself out there so guys can see you if you hide yourself than they can't find you

[bootieclapper9000]

30s is the start of the decline thats all it is

each year she will start to get worse looking

some girls can hold it longer than others

and its usually Asian girls for some reason

[Berethor]

Men tend to value looks and fertility above all, it's the men get old, women get replaced trope.

[Adronicus]

Biology. Say whatever you want but woman are less fertile in their 30's+ & men subconsciously pick up on this.

[lofii]

By 30 women are usually bitter and unfun to be around.

That's why men look for younger women because they are more carefree

[RuthlessAggression]

Cause they're not getting younger. and the whole point of life, is to keep it going, right? TO REPRODUCE!

[Creampiekarl420]

Look at it like this everyday after 18 or 21 you be come more more more and more unattractive 30 is the tipping point for most women

[Twalli]

Most people want kids and having kids after 30 increases the likelihood of developmental disabilities.

[StickStickity13]

If a woman is good, she can still be dateable at that age

[Anonymous]

It's hard for everyone as you get older and the older you get (us too!).

[Anonymous]

I want to date a fellow virgin and few if any women over 30 are still waiting for marriage.

[Anonymous]

Just Google it because you won't liking the honest answers here.

[Smallboobsgotohell]

Becoz ur vagina is not tight anymore

[Anonymous]

Because most don't accept their marketability.