How do you balance being who you want to be AND not playing games?

[Anonymous]

[Wsx2wsx2ws]

Who I want you to be? All I want is honesty.
Not sure if I ever played games. Just some times I don't even know what I want so I can't really communicate it since I don't know. That I am sure, comes across as a game. I am sure I am not the only one who does this. I have seen it in girls as well. I am understanding when I notice it.

[GreatnessBack]

Simple: be direct

[Anonymous]

By cutting out a lot of the bs that doesn’t matter. Controlling what I can, but disregarding the things I can’t. Also surrounding myself w like minded people who will help lift you up rather then push you down. Even if that means family members who are always negative, trying to say why they’re not where they want to be because of others.

[Gent207]

I'm confused by the question
Why would the two need to be balanced?
Sounds like
How do you be yourself and not play Halo? Doesn't make sense to me ether

[Asker]

I realize now that this was unclear! Thanks.
What I meant was that because I am emotionally intelligent, I almost-automatically suss out the best "Way to be" in most situations. I have to actively override the impulse to adapt, not the reverse. It's purely innocent, which I hope is abundantly clear. I just want to be liked and make others & myself feel good. I see the problems in that statement but it's honestly my intent. The problem I am having is that in the initial stages of dating I often catch myself accidentally living for the other person's perceptions more than mine. I've settled into this bad habit of trying to not look a certain way, because in the past I recall times where I wish i wasn't so ____ (e. g. wordy). Hence I strive to be a "better" version of myself through subtle tweaks that aren't identity-based. They are communiction-based. Indepedently none is so bad, hell I think it's often appropriate hence the question, but collectively they create an impression of me that I don't have control of. It is so ironic. Despite this wisdom, I foresee I will still struggle with this until I adopt some better practices all things considered. "Stop over-thinking" being one of them, but I'd love some other ideas too. I thought others would relate to this but I am beginning to see that's not the case

[Gent207]

So you are trying to figure out how to stop being a social chameleon and a relational Ditto (a Pokémon that morphs into it's opponent or in your case morphs into whatever pleases your S. O and yourself), am I right?

[Chazmatazz269]

Um… i’m not detecting a question of balance. When i’m being myself, i’m NOT playing games. Same side of the scale.

[TwiNshichamp1]

For real sometimes this over powers me. I still looking how I can stand on my rules. What I decided for myself.

[Asker]

Exactly. I feel like deciding all these rules for ourselves is kinda "playing games" but if we really want to be that way then how do we balance both facts being true

[TwiNshichamp1]

Lol I always break my rules 😭 I work on my personal control

[driven159]

If people would just be themselves stop trying to be something they are not then things would be much better

[Asker]

I think you misunderstood me. What I meant was that I am extraordinarily emotionally intelligent and can suss out the best "Way to be" in most situations. It's unconscious - I have to actively override this impulse, not the reverse which would be manipulative. I guess both are but it's not like I am trying to pretend to be another person. What I meant was that Basically I catch myself accidentally living for the other person's perceptions more than mine. I get a little lost in it sometimes which never happened when I was younger. I've settled into this bad habit of trying to not look a certain way, because in the past I recall times where I wish i wasn't so ____ *wordy* *quick to like someone on paper before getting to know them* *open/divulgent about personal things that I thought [inaccurately] I needed to share because not doing so would've make me look worse & left open questions with potential answers that didn't align with my identity* . Moreover I am trying to be a "better" version of myself by making too many subtle tweaks to quell my own anxiety that I don't know what is and is not appropriate. I'm sick of making the wrong "move" because I overthink things like this. Feels like I jump between detachment and infatuation. Blegh.

[Creampiekarl420]

Just do it.

[In_Trance]

I guess that would depend solely on how much you want to play games which would equate into who you really want to be

[Iron_Man]

By controlling my environment and doing what’s right for me

[JakeS00]

The atmosphere I'm in.

[Anonymous]

Not really that hard. I'm always me.