How can I become my own person and do/ be the things that I want to be?

[Anonymous]

Im in my early twenties. I am having difficulty coming into my own. My older sister is married and has a child and my little sister has friends and does things with her friends. I used to have friends but my friends and I have drifted apart we are no longer compatible. I feel like I am living in the shadow of both of my sisters. I try to do everything with them and be a part of there family activities and feel like a loser because I don't really have a life of my own. I don't have friends and I don't date. I went through a lot of childhood trauma and early adulthood trauma. I have issues with intimacy in friendships and romantic relationships. I never have been much of a dater but now I can wholeheartedly say I would like to have a serious boyfriend ( many guys have tried but they never succeeded because of my issues with non sexual intimacy). I struggle with being affectionate towards the opposite sex. Its always the guy trying to be close to me and get to know me and be affectionate and I am always pulling away even if I am head over heels for him. I graduated from college a year ago and I work full time at a bank. I plan to go back for my masters. I am really talented ( I have a lot of talents such as singing, dancing, fashion hair and makeup, acting, hosting, ). I'm interested in dj'ing as a hobby.( I am a big lover of music ) I am also really adventurous, at least I used to be. I guess I'm just very lonely. I want friends that I connect with. I used to do so much extracurricular activities when I was younger. I feel like I'm filled with a lot of good characteristics and talents and I'm just waiting to burst out and be my true self. I grew up in a strict household that frowned against anything creative and romantic relationships.

Updates

1 y

My mother didn't believe in dating or having boyfriends but now my mom is saying that I am ripe for marriage and I should be looking to get married soon. When I ask her what I should look for in a good partner (so I can be in a healthy relationship) partner. She can't tell me because she has no dating experience. She was in an arranged marriage. My parents marriage was horrible. I remember being such a free spirit when I was younger but as time has passed I have been so calculated, jaded and I

Updates

1 y

I don't want to be anymore. I want to experience the best that life can offer me. I want to break out of my shell. It's difficult because of the emotional damage my childhood brought me. I find it hard detaching myself from the things my mom constantly said to me growing up. I want to be free and feel free to be all that I am without always thinking about the things that I have struggled with my parents. Thank you all in advance for your advice.

[SueShe]

Unfortunately, you are taking the full blast of your childhood's restrictions of your upbringing and that strict upbringing has left so many scars in your soul that you are now uncertain about yourself.

Your statement about an arranged marriage leads me to believe that you could possibly be from India or the Middle East where, in the countryside, those arranged marriages were (and perhaps still are) the rule rather than the exception. Now, your parents are pressing you to get married and you feel the pressure increasing on you.

You need first to change how you perceive friendships and intimacy and for that, you need the help and counseling of a specialist. It will be difficult without assistance to achieve the same result by yourself. Act upon it before the entire situation leads you to fall into a depressive state and a full fledged depression.

Never compare yourself to your siblings and their achievements and never let yourself be pressured into doing something you don't want, just to try to be like them. You have your own personality and character.

Only by getting help will you be able to get over your trauma and start living a harmonious life but you have to act upon it. Good luck.

[Changiis07]

You should start trying to do the things you love again. It can start of slowly with someone you did not imagine hanging with. Even if you have one person that you can plan things with do so, but of course that requires getting out there more and such. Try to volunteer and meet people there or go on meetup. com and meet new people just be careful of course. As far as you not being so affectionate that comes with time. I'm kind of like that as well but slowly you can try being more affectionate when you do get a partner. It's also not good to be so affectionate in the beginning as you want to know for sure that they are not going to run away

[Anonymous]

Be yourself and stop comparing yourself to others.

[Iron_Man]

You’re young yet just work hard

[In_Trance]

Stop comparing