How can I stop being so guarded in relationships? And is this normal/okay?

queenimpala
Hi guys. I've realized I'm just a pretty guarded person when it comes to relationships. My last one, we hit it off great first month. He cracked me completely, I was willing & open to show love, affection, go out of my way, was 100% in love. But as soon as things changed, and he went back to his own personality/stopped giving same effort, my walls shot straight back up.

My boyfriend was a serious guy & I'm not used to initiating much affection etc. He kept to himself a lot & was happy in the relationship. I know that this is unusual, but as soon as I sensed he wasn't on "same page/energy" as me, I became extremely & incredibly guarded? Like I don't know man, I just couldn't really "trust" him as much? Like I had opened up a ton, but as soon as I sensed his real personality, for some reason he felt "untrustable" and I immediately became guarded again.

How do I get over this? I am used to watching and reading people intently. I make sure all my moves are very intentful & I am very hesitant to get in close relationships unless I know the person well, am comfortable, & know the relationship will be successful. I tend to be a loner & I am very skeptical of casual shit & keep to myself.

I want to open up more but I am a very tough, serious, guarded girl. I am extremely serious till I can trust the other person. If I had been able to initiate affection/speak up, would have been, but I just couldn't. Most girls can say "babe, I need you to hold me, etc." but I couldn't. I don't know if this is me or him (trust shit etc.). I broke his heart bc I became so cold/distant at end, but at the same time he kept to himself the same, didn't do much, maybe we didn't click. Is this normal & how could I have done better in last situation? I don't know what to do.

I've been in a few relationships & used to taking care of myself.
How can I stop being so guarded in relationships? And is this normal/okay?
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