How long does it usually take to get over a break up that lasted 2 years?

[mpwilke]

It's been a month since I broke up with the guy I thought I was going to someday marry, and I'm still waking up in the middle of the night having thoughts of him, and being in tears. Like tonight for instance. I just got done reading "It's called a Break Up, because It's Broken." It made me feel better for a while, and then tonight I've cracked, and crumbled. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It is by far the most and longest lasting pain that I have ever had to deal with. I'm supposed to forget the guy, but I am really really having difficulty doing so. He was the first guy I ever loved, he was the first guy I ever said I love you to. He was the one who always said if this ever ended he would have a the hardest time getting over me, and you know what he lost feelings for me, and I don't know how to accept it. I don't even know what is worse? If he had cheated on me, or if he just stopped loving me? I personally think it is absolutely crazy the way people do this. People who marry there high school sweethearts and have never been broken up with before are pretty much the luckiest people. Like my parents for example. I just don't know how people deal with stuff. I Know I never ever want to get into another relationship knowing that your going to fall really hard for someone just for them to forget about you in less then a month. I know I'm not supposed to want him back, and the sad thing is I'd take him back in a second. He broke up with me two days before my birthday, and didn't know if I'd ever see him again or talk to him again. He deleted his Facebook. It was a long distance relationship, we lived states away from each other, and saw each other once a month. And everyone says that is hard, and it is, and it doesn't make our relationship any less valuable then any normal relationship. I knew he loved me until the very last month of our relationship. The main reason why started having little arguments was the mere fact that he had to sign papers saying if he was or not going to stay in the coast guard for the next 2 to 4 years. I'm just heartbroken. I never ever expected to feel like this after a relationship like the one we had. But it wasn't even the papers it was because over the phone one day he just lost feelings for me. I know I shouldn't wait to hear from him one day, or for him to get back on his Facebook, but I'm secretly hoping he does give me a call one day saying he wants to be back together. And the other part of me is trying to move on, but can't. I've made out with someone, but I hated it. I've tried moving on, and I'm gonna try to meet other guys, but in the meantime, I've really only got hopes for him to come back to me. It's not like I'm waiting for him and only him. I just love him a lot. I miss him like crazy, and it's the wrong thing for me to feel. I just wish feeling miserable from time to time would end completely. I hate feeling this way. Advice please? Anyone.

[cherrydarlings]

Wow, our stories are parallel in many ways. Mine was long distance as well. We were together for 2 1/2 years. Our breakup was more complicated but included the "I've fallen out of love". I really thought he was the one. We talked about marriage and kids but never set anything in stone. I never thought it would just end like this.

Anyway, I know how you feel. It's been a month and a half since he broke up with me and I'm still crying. I've been trying no contact, but have been failing miserably. Today is day one again of no contact. If you can master not communicating with him, that'll be a step towards moving on.

As for dating, I'd suggest to put that aside for now. I've found it more hurtful because I size up every guy to him and they fail. It makes me feel even more that he's the one. So with that, I've stopped dating for now.

How long will it take to get over him? It varies for everybody. I know for me, it'll take at least 9 months. I say this, because we had plans up through next summer. New year's together this January. My birthday and international trip next March. 3-year anniversary in April. Apartment hunting in May. Etc. Once those milestones pass and he doesn't contact me, it will set in more that it's really over.

Right now, do your best to stay busy. It gives you another focus and helps time fly. I just signed up for a gym membership and volunteer organization. I may sign up for other things too. It's not easy getting over the love of your life. But you've gotta do it.

[mpwilke]

The crazy thing is, he is already moving on, and it just sucks because it's easier for him. His best friend makes the best wing man, and he has had a ton of practice. I just know it that he has moved on, so it seems. I just think it is crazy that the last time I saw him in October, I never thought it would be the last time in this life time. The funny thing is he got a gym membership and was trying to change himself from the last two years so he told me. But those are all good ideas.

[cherrydarlings]

I feel your pain. My ex lives with his brother, who is the ideal wing man, too. I just found out a few days ago that he has thrown away every item in his apartment (including photos of us) that reminded him of me. He's moving on, yet I still hope that he'll come back. Never thought our last visit would be the last too. It'll be tough getting past this, but time will heal us.

[cherrydarlings]

Feel free to message me if you want to. Maybe we can support each other through this.

[AlanHB]

Usually it takes 2-3 months to get over someone. However, it may be different for you because you didn't see him much anyway. If you don't see someone often, you'll drift apart.