How long does it take to get used to sleeping alone again?

Question

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a week ago. Ever since the breakup, I toss and turn all night. I've been going to the gym during the day, running, riding my bike, hanging out with friends and staying physically active. Usually by the time my head hits the pillow I feel exhausted but I still struggle to fall asleep. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and I was laying in my bed horizontally instead of vertically bc of how much I toss and turn and move. My ex-boyfriend used to sleep next to me every night for a little over a year. Also I had a dream that he was with another girl, I kept going to see him in my dream to talk with him but everytime I did he'd be with this girl and it made me feel heartbroken. I'm just wondering if others have experienced this before and how long did it take you to get used to sleeping alone again?

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

So here is the deal, for me, the longest it ever took me to was maybe a week or two... not very long honestly. Now, I have dated a people and broke up with them for good reasons, or what seemed like good reasons. It's usually the ones where honestly, the things were not that bad, but they were 100% unwilling to talk about it or were unwilling to compromise in any way. So that is what made the breakup bad, their unwillingness to compromise r even have a conversation... but despite that there were a lot of things they did do that were seriously very sweet and nice. I did not really realize how much I missed those things until they were not there anymore.

So that is what you are going through, the relationship ended for reasons. You had yours and he had his. But now that he is gone, you are reminded of that all the little and nice things he did... and then maybe like me, you have to ask yourself did you really ever appreciate him for the things he did do that were sweet and nice?

Was whatever he did or regardless of whatever the reason was for ending the relationship... was it really that important or did you just overreact?

Was there something you could have done better to resolves it?

For me if the answer to those questions is NO, I am confident in my reason for ending it, and I did all that I should have done, or been expected to do... and the other person was not compromising or trying to be productive within the relationship... I usually have zero issues with sleep.

The ones I lose sleep over are the ones where the whole thing exploded over some pretty stupid stuff. Like you have a big argument, and you think back, like maybe I could have done better here and there, and now you have some regret about it. Or you think back and realize that despite this one thing, that I got really upset about... compared to the all the really nice things, was that one bad thing really that bad or could I have put out a better effort or been more understanding?

If there is any YES, or doubt in you as far as if you have any regrets at all... that's when I lose sleep.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

People vary in how much they allow their life to depend on their partner. I am engaged and have lived with my fiancee for two years, but I encourage her to do things on her own, such as visiting friends in her hometown 80 miles from where we live, and I have some activities in which she doesn't participate. I have encouraged her to take a month to return to China to visit her family; while she's gone, I'll miss her, but I won't feel lost.

In some relationships, both parties are open to a fairly high degree of dependency and, as long as everything is somewhere between hunky and dory, it isn't a problem. But when there is a problem. . . there's a problem! Instead of focusing on the immediate problem of getting some sleep, perhaps you should spend some time contemplating how interdependent the two of you were, whether that caused problems for the relationship, and whether it would be advisable for you to consider a different approach the next time around. . . and there WILL be another relationship in your future! Good luck!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

That’s a tough one. I sleep better with someone else next to me than I do by myself anyway and that whole sleeping alone thing after a breakup is particularly hard. I don’t know how long it will take you to heal. That absence next to you in bed is a nightly reminder. When I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years, I had a horrible time. My best friend stayed with me the first couple of days and she slept in the bed with me and that helped. Someone staying with you helps the loneliness. After the initial shock wore off, I bought one of those long body pillows and I would hold onto that and it helped me get to sleep. You might try that too. I’m sorry this happened to you.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

I did not sleep with the last guy I dated and I was never alone with him in a room either but when we first broke up, I felt very lonely every night, as if I was colder then usual during bed time. I think it's my body's physiological response to a broken emotional bond and part of my genetic programming too. I don't believe broken bonds hurt forever but if we did not bond with others, we would not stay loyal to each other, so our body makes us believe the person is more important than they are as an evolutionary way to maintain family boundaries.

_Maya_ · Answer

There is no set timeframe for any one person. Everyone deals with that differently. I can't say it is going to be a month or two or just a week. While you are doing all the right stuff by staying busy that doesn't mean that you are over the breakup and used to a new routine. Just give it however much time is necessary. It will eventually get better. For me to say it is going to be 10 days or 23 is just going to be guessing.

Dinn3r · Answer

Good job on staying active during the day, that will help you a lot in your process of healing from this break up. It’s hard to go about your day let alone sleeping alone so kudos to you on that. Yes it is possible for you to get used to sleeping alone, but it will take time as it seems like this person was very close to you. You will heal at different degree every day, week, month, and year. It’s hard to put a time on it as everyone heals differently. You are doing great with being physically active keep it up and I think you should be able to see huge difference in at least 2-3 weeks. The first few weeks is the toughest.

Anonymous · Answer

You’re still processing the breakup. Like any other breakup, you need time to move on. Thats all it is giving it time. Definitely keep doing what you’re already doing (staying active and spending time with people you care about).

sheikalana · Answer

It takes a few weeks. You'll feel a bit better in a few weeks.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

It depends on the circumstances of the breakup.  You sound like you miss him, if thats the case why did you break up? Did he cheat on you?

Juxtapose · Answer

You have to give it time and eventually you will get sick of thinking of someone who does not love you.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

I don’t know about breaking up with or losing a partner, but I developed a mild case of insomnia after my cat died. Going on 2 years now and it hasn’t really gotten any better.

hardboiledink · Answer

Half the time you were with them. So if 4 years, 2 years

scentoflavender · Answer

Get a body pillow. Put it behind you as you sleep. It'll help

RingOfFire · Answer

😥 I just broke up with a girl and I hope she isn't going through that. She said she has had bad dreams about me being with someone else. I don't want her to hurt.

Unit1 · Answer

People in "rich countries" don't sleep alone? Other than the married ones and cohabiting boyfriends and girlfriends i mean.

Alex-Snow · Answer

I'm only 18 so I have only spent the night with a girl in my bed a few times. Does masturbation help? Try it!

loveslongnails · Answer

That would depend on if you really wanted the person out of your bed, or not!! LOL If you did, I'd say about it takes about a New York second!

Iron_Man · Answer

I’m not sure how that would go if you’re not used to it

BLP11520 · Answer

It takes a few weeks and may feel odd at first

jjj101010 · Answer

Is it just the presence of them there or the intimacy?

Nikki1989 · Answer

It varies from person to person.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Took me about four minutes.

Hardworkingguy · Answer

It took me about a year

jimmy2 · Answer

Took me 2 years after 36 married years

How long does it take to get used to sleeping alone again?

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