Happy relationship of 2 years, boyfriend is undergoing a lot of stress and suddenly wants to break up? What do I do?

[Anonymous]

We are 22 years old and have been dating for 2 years. I am being honest when I say our relationship has been completely wonderful and we have both been very happy. My boyfriend has always worked a lot, but he always made time when he could to come over, to visit me at school (an hour away), to call me, text me, etc. He has always made me a priority among his other priorities.
Recently, I graduated from college and moved back home to the same town as him. He picked up another job and started school, so his days are very long. He works ALL day, or goes to school all day. Lately he has been picking up extra shifts at work that are overnight, making his work day 20 hours long. At first, I would get mad at him for being so busy and not trying to see me, especially now that I live closer to him. It was hard for me because I wasn't used to that- he ALWAYS made time for me no matter what.
He started acting distant as soon as school started, and I know me getting mad didn't help with the stress. I apologized and became more understanding. But over that next week, things started to go downhill.
I asked if we were okay and he said no. I called him and we talked for 2 hours. Basically, he was offered an interview for his dream job in a city 3 hours away. He always said that was his plan in the future, he even said last week he wouldn't take it now. He wanted to wait. But all of a sudden, he feels pressured, like he was to take this job now or he's never going to get it again. He's pressured to figure out his life and future all of a sudden. To cope with the stress, he is burying himself with work to distract himself and feel like he's doing something he "should." He does this when he gets stressed, he works too much, but it usually passes with him. He always works a lot, he always has during our relationship, but he always made time for other things too. Now, with the stress, he doesn't make time for anything but work.

Updates

+1 y

He also is acting like he isn't sure he wants to continue the relationship. I don't understand because we were SO happy. Just 2 weeks ago, he was calling me at night even though we were texting just to talk, we were talking about vacation plans for the summer, we had dinner with my family and he said he had a good time, he was posting pictures of me on social media about how proud he is of me and how beautiful I am. I just don't understand how he could not want that to continue?

Updates

+1 y

I told him I would be more understanding of his busy schedule and that I wanted to work things out no matter what. He said he wasn't sure we wanted the same thing even after I told him we did. He said he wasn't ready to move in together, even though he was the one that would sit next to me and look at apartments and bring it up on his own. He said he didn't know if he could see himself marrying me, when we casually talked about it before. I think his stress is bringing up commitment issues that

[madhatters4]

this is tough. i think there is more going on for his diving into work. perhaps because you have graduated he feels more pressure to accomplish... i'm not sure but it just seems like there is a little more to it.

i think you should talk to him and tell him you need to have a frank conversation. explain that you are concerned now that after so long of discussing or talking about moving in and marriage he is now stepping back from that. it's fine if he feels this way but he needs to let you know where you stand in his life then. you do need to be understanding, patient, and not add to the stress of his life in terms of his work schedule. that sort of it is what it is, but if he's too busy for a relationship then you also have a good reason to not feel satisfied.

i think you both have good reasons for feeling the way you do. i think now is a time to get on the same page. find out what each wants and how you can potentially go about making it happen for both.

[Asker]

I tried- like I said, we talked for 2 hours. Nothing was resolved after that. He was honest with me and told me what he is thinking, but I think his judgment of the relationship is clouded from his stress. He has always worked a lot throughout our relationship and we remained happy without hardly any problems. Now with the additional stress, it brought up problems. I want him to see when the stress goes away, things will be alright again but for SOME reason that I don't understand, he doesn't think so.

[madhatters4]

well then it sounds like you have to ask yourself are you both fighting to maintain the relationship. and if one person isn't, what are you fighting for.

[johnmichaei]

do you know that he works he does all this stuff or is it just a cop out for you

[Cmasterson]

Unfortunately its not really in your control, it sucs because when one person wants to break up and the other person doesn't.. the person who doesn't basically has no say. Its hard I know but you realistically have to state what you think and what you want and if he still doesn't agree there's nothing you can do but respect his decision. Yes perhaps at 22 he feels he's not where he should be, or that this future career can really jump start his future.

[Asker]

He is way above where he should be for a 22 y/o. He was in the military, and once he got out, he got a full time job doing what he loves and will be doing for the rest of his life. He actually has 3 jobs. He has so much experience because he has been doing this since he was 14. He just has to finish school to be able to fully do what he wants.

[Asker]

(CONTINUATION OF UPDATE) he has always had, but didn't feel throughout our relationship because he was secure and happy.
He broke up with me before, a few months after we first started dating so it was a very long time ago. It was the same situation- he got stressed out with life, worked way too much to focus on anything else, and then a few months later, he came back to me. I want to try and make him see this from another perspective- that the relationship CAN work out and the only reason he is doubting it is because of stress.
I asked if we were breaking up and he said he didn't know. He said he wanted time to think. We haven't spoken in 2 days. I REALLY want to give him his space so he will miss me, but I also REALLY want to text him and just have a normal conversation.
If things are THAT GOOD and suddenly school starts (aka more stress) and he starts acting weird, isn't it obvious the issue isn't with us, it's just the stress?

[Cmasterson]

So yes maybe he just does need time to think but you can't keep up with these games, if someone wants to be with you they will- even when stressed.. you should be the least stressful part of their life.