(How) should I break up with my boyfriend?

Question

i’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year. i found out about him under complicated circumstances and we started dating after a few months of talking. the same year i moved to that school and he did the same only a few years earlier. i was having trouble making friends since i moved from a pretty far away place. i was having so much trouble adjusting and was practically friendless until we started talking. he was in the same exact situation. i was super attracted to him and the fact that he was going through the same thing made me feel like we were destined to get to know each-other. it’s been almost a year and im at my breaking point. he cheated on me in our first month and kept it from me for more than five (he refuses to acknowledge that he cheated). unlike me he has friends outside of school that he hangs out with so his social situation is a little better than mine. i’ve expressed to him countless times that i need him to be there for me a little more often than he is and he never really does that- it’s just a constant cycle of me begging him to act like my boyfriend. we have nothing in common and can barely talk to each other. we’re pretty much just together for the physical aspects of the relationship (him mostly), the fact that i help him w school, and to help our loneliness (me mostly). Being with him makes me feel lonelier but i just can’t find it in me to leave. i can't imagine him not being in my life atp. i know if we break up, no matter how i go about it we’ll be on bad terms which is the last thing i want. i’ve tried to break up with him countless times and he keeps promising the same things to make me stay. ik it’s my fault atp for staying but i genuinely don’t have anyone apart from him outside of my family:

kmg9150 · Accepted Answer

Just tell him that it isn't working out. Its not as though everything is on the positive side. You really dont need to explain what isn't working out, because chances are if you do, you'll be convinced to stay with him and hell change for a short period and then be back to normal. Its not as though its just one thing that upsets you which would be different and worth discussing. All relationships will have stuff that one does and the other may not like so much, like toilet seats up, dishes not going in the sink type shit but this doesn't sound like that. Your young, relationships come and they go.

You need to learn to be ok with being by yourself, learn what you want and dont want so you know whats tolerable. Im not sure why it is that your having a hard time finding people to be sociable with, but that is something you need to work past. Because if he's your source that fills that and the boyfriend void, your investing all your source to be happy in him. You shouldn't need anyone to feel happy, otherwise you'll often be sad. Its like a drug. Focus on you, your interests and do things that make might otherwise make you uncomfortable when approaching new people. Familiar=comfort=Repetitive cycles Unfamiliar=discomfort=New cycles

I've always preferred to face to face when possible. If you feel unsafe with his reaction then do any other way of communication.

SiberFox · Accepted Answer

I know this is rough but make girlfriends, hopefully they'll know at least one guy who can give you the attention that you want, plus you'll be able to break up with your boyfriend and have people to keep you company.