I’m 26 the guy I’m seeing is 41 as a parent would you be upset?

[Anonymous]

I’m nervous to tell my parents since they never really care for anyone and have super high expectations like buying me expensive things etc. (because that’s how they show their love to me) so like I just imagine someone being 15 years older they will be upset. He’s not married never was married …. has an 18 year old daughter that he co-parents. He has a house and stuff. I’ve been sleeping over most weekends and we hang on on weekdays when I can but our work schedules are opposite. TMI although I don’t think I was ready but was ok with it after having a discussion with him on pros and cons when I found out I was pregnant. Long story short I had a miscarriage so like he was there for that and it sucked. I actually told my mom when I went MIA and she didn’t ask who it was but I’m sure she’ll put the pieces together if I bring him around.

Updates

1 y

I forgot to mention that my parents are younger so they’re 46 which makes only a 5 year difference between them

[Avicenna]

Well, most parents won't like it if the age difference between them and the guy is that small. I had a 30 year old girlfriend when I was 46, her father was 50, and I'm sure he didn't like it. But at the end of the day, you're both adults, and it sounds like your parents would find fault with just about anyone anyway.

What would, however, bother me as a parent is that he had previously had a kid with a woman he hadn't married, especially with you getting pregnant by him. I would not want my daughter to be a single mom.

[Asker]

I feel like I always have to please them which I’m slowly working on since it’s my life but they will find fault in anyone like you said. Mmm yea my rule has always been I don’t date men with children and babies because it’s just too much to handle. Also I made it pretty clear to him my goal in life is to be married and he was fine with that he just wasn’t interested in the person he got pregnant when younger to marry her (not my business) . But I figured since she’s 18 and going to college at this point she’s an adult.

[Avicenna]

Yeah, I don't think it's a problem that he has a kid who's that age, just that I'd question his staying power in the relationship with you and that he'd actually marry you. My suggestion would be to specifically address that with him as far as a timetable if you're that serious about each other.

[bamesjond0069]

Im 35 and my girlfriend is 19. I've also dated other much younger women before as well. ALL y'all girls worry about the parents. Tbh every parents I've met have loved me. But thats assuming he's a good man and personable and treats you well. Some didn't care about the age at all. Some got freaked out at first and then were fine. The main thing I've heard them say to the girls is the surprise they say "wow i just never realized you (the daughter) was so mature to want to date a man like that"

Ofc if they freak out you have to stand by your man and they will accept it just fine. Age doesn't really matter. But good chance they will think nothing of it or think good things about it... like you're more grown up then they had thought.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Doesn't matter if it bothers them or not, if you are happy. When I was 21, I was with a 47 year old for six months.

Thing is the older you get the less it matters, it would more of a concern if your 19 with a 41 year old but it also depends on the guy.

The older guys are sweet as pie and wonderful, so I get it.

My family would, support anyone I choose... as it is not their choice it is mine.

[Youryeodongsaeng]

If I was your parent, I actually wouldn't mind. What am I gonna do? Call the cops because my 26-year-old daughter is dating a 41-year-old guy? That'd seem obsessive and obnoxious if I did that. What are the cops gonna do? Nothing. If you really love this guy and he really loves you as well, then I see no problem with this. You're an adult; you lead your life.

[atiquahbby]

If I was your parent, I would be extremely upset. The man has an 18yo daughter and you being much younger than him makes me question what he really wants in you. As a parent I would want my children to be in a steady long term relationship and usually smaller age differences makes it so that you both are on the same page.

[Anonymous]

If I was your parent I would be very concerned a guy that much older than you was using you only for sex and/or controlling (or even abusive). I'd keep my eyes on him like a hawk and do absolutely everything I could to find out how he treats you (not just how he treats you in front of me) and how he really feels about you. However, if he was a genuinely good guy who truly cared about her and treated her right I'd be very happy.

[Asker]

He’s not using me for sex I actually have a very high sex drive and he isn’t as crazy. Since you’re older I do have a question my mom can be a lot and she can be rude so I don’t say too much to her a lot. Sometimes we communicate better through text. But would you rather here it in person or discuss over text?

[Asker]

I don’t even know how to start it like hey mom I’m dating a 40 year old and I like him and want you to respect that

[Opinion Owner]

I don't really know your mom, so I can't properly answer. If you think she'll initially fly off the handle maybe sending her a letter before you talk to her would be a good idea. However I want to emphasize it should be a LETTER, not a text. Texts come across as lazy. A written letter comes across as a message that's important enough to you that you're willing to put forth the effort to make a handwritten letter. In the letter you can explain your basic feelings and hopes regarding your boyfriend, your relationship, your mom, and how they all relate. At the end tell her you want to speak more about this with her latter, but you want to wait a few days in order for it to sink in. THEN YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HER FACE TO FACE IN A FEW DAYS. DON'T SAY YOU WILL AND THEN DON'T

I'm sure there's a lot about your situation I'm not aware of, but, based on what you've said here, that would be my advice

[HighValue]

The part I wouldn't like is that he has a kid younger than you. I think dating an older person is fine as long as they don't have a kid within 15 years of the person they are dating.

[Asker]

Yea I get that I wasn’t too thrilled about it especially since we aren’t even 10 years apart. My rule has always been not to date men with children but she’s 18 so it’s like she’s not really a child

[slatyb]

I would be concerned if you were 19. At 26 I would just want to meet him.

[Asker]

I’ve been stalling it because I don't know how they’ll react but I plan on going on a vacation with him soon and I think he’s somewhat frustrated I’m hiding it from them …. at this point I’m going to have them meet since they’ll want to know who I’m going out the country with

[Britchie]

The age gap is fine at those ages. I would be more interested in his character and his ability to provide.

[Sparkie460]

My daughter who is 30 is dating a guy that is 46. At first we disapproved but then we got to know him. He's a nice guy and he treats her good. As long as they are happy, who are we to say who she should date.

[WhitneySnow]

If he’s 15 years older than you he can probably afford to buy you expensive stuff which will make your parents happy

[Youryeodongsaeng]

Why would she want him to do that? She doesn't need a lover that'll remind her of her parents.

[WhitneySnow]

@Youryeodongsaeng the asker indicated she was concerned with what her parents thought of her new boyfriend, and that they would be cool with it if he bought her lots of expensive gifts.

[VikingWarLord]

This age difference used to be NORMAL back in your grand-parents time period

[Asker]

Is it not normal now?

[JohnK123]

If u already told ur mom then u should be somewhat ok…
but I mean maybe u should’ve said more beforeeee u spent the weekends with him

[truthisthree]

women typical prostitute

standard stuff

[Asker]

Prostitute wtf? I’m very well educated miss me with that

[truthisthree]

no you are not
you believe in fairy tales

you do not even know what the sky is made of

[Asker]

Im really struggling to see where you’re coming from

[truthisthree]

the sky is made out of glass

did you not know that?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMr6Qb0_5kM

[KuriousityCills04]

it seems a bit too much of a gap