Guys are so confusing?

Question

I’ve been talking to this guy, at first he was gunho to date and be official and I was the one who wanted to take things slow and be friends. A month in and after being somewhat intimate, when I asked for us to be exclusive he has become hesitant and has asked to be friends and take things slow. It is as if the roles reversed. Anyways I made it clear to him that I don’t need anymore friends and that I cannot be a friends with benefits. Plus after being romantically involved with a person it’s hard to be friends. Thus, I discussed with him about taking a break. He told me to think about it, which is odd but anyways, I instantly replied saying “yeah I think it’s best for us to do since you’re the one that want to take things slow and it’ll give you time to think things through”. He asked me how long is the break, like.. what? I just don’t understand why he is trying to persuade me to stay. I just feel like it’s similar to past situations where a guy has multiple girls and I don’t have time to be hurt again.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

This is me, I’m currently in the same situation except I’m just like the guy in your situation. I can’t tell you what’s going on in his head but I can tell you what’s going on in mine and maybe that’ll help you understand things better from a different perspective.

So we’ve been dating for 7 months and I was finally ready to make things official, he wasn’t but he wanted to still have me around. Tbh, I felt rejected and I started overthinking (maybe I’m not good enough? Maybe he only wants to use me? Maybe I’m just a placeholder for him?).

So I waited and gave him another 5 months - he still isn’t ready. That got me spiraling down and I started questioning what I wanted and his intentions bc I thought 1 year was already long enough for him to know if he wants to make things official or not. I became unsure about him bc I felt like he was just stringing me along so I needed some more time to take things slow to see if I still wanted the same thing as before.

I guess I’ve been waiting for too long to the point that I’ve already given up on the idea of being together and I’m not sure if I even want it anymore (even after he told me that he wants to commit).

Truthatanycost · Accepted Answer

You can avoid all of this by making boundaries that you enforce. Your boundary was that you wanted to take things slow, but you broke it by being intimate. Therefore you demonstrated that not only do you not enforce your own boundaries, but your word doesn't really mean anything. When this occurs, the guy won't trust you enough to be exclusive. You are all over the place and this comes from not knowing exactly why you're even dating or looking to be exclusive, and not knowing your value, or what you have to offer. At your age that's normal but also suggests that instead of dating and trying to find another, instead you should be trying to find yourself.