Are you still considered to be “dating” if you don’t go out on dates anymore?

[Anonymous]

Been “dating” this guy for over 8 months, we used to go out on actual dates but now he just comes over and we’ll watch TV while ordering take out. Does this still count as us dating? We’re not official yet by the way.

Sure

Not really

Depends (on what?)

[BarryLiverstone]

You are not official so yes it’s dating as he could be dating others. Bigger question is after all that time why not commit to a relationship?

[Asker]

We’ve agreed to be exclusive after 3 months of dating but still wasn’t ready to make it official just yet. I’m actually asking the same thing lol, I’m finally ready to commit but he’s too scared to make the jump…

[BarryLiverstone]

It may not be fear on his end. He may feel trapped if he decides to marry you

[Asker]

Oh I’m not looking to get married anytime soon, so it’s all chill. He just said he’s too scared of disappointing me since all of his past relationships ended with his exes feeling disappointed in him.

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s not a good track record. Do you feel disappointed in him?

[Asker]

I’m not, he’s a great guy but he is complicated which makes it hard for people to understand him since he can be very closed off. I think he’s too scared of letting people in, which might explain why his exes walked away from him when he was the one pushing them away.

I can see his patterns tho, and I’m actively working against it - good news is that now he’s more aware of his patterns but he hasn’t fully overcome them yet. I don't know if I should wait or just leave him alone for now tbh…

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s less about him and about what your needs are. Are you happy not being taken out on dates? Happy settling as he works on himself? Have you asked him where you will both be in 2 years?

[Asker]

Wow I never really thought about it that way, I’m always worried about what’s best for him and what I can do to help him. Thank you so much for this, you’ve given me a lot to think about. You’re awesome!

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome