Which is the hardest to ask for & most bothersome to be rejected for: asking someone for a relationship, for sex, for a hug?

[VIVANT]

For me a hug bc I’m super uncomfortable confronting affection even in a relationship & I wouldn’t really want a hug from someone unless I liked them enough to want to be in a relationship with them yet I don’t want a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be affectionate. So a & c are kinda inseparable for me, but the hug is harder. Sex is easy. I don’t want casual sex but it’s not something I would feel bad asking for or being rejected for.

Relationship

Sex

A hug

[zeitgeist057]

I said sex, though I don't find it especially "bothersome" to be rejected for any of these. I don't want anything that isn't mutually desired, i. e. consensual. So I don't want a relationship with someone who doesn't want a relationship with me, I don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with me, and I don't want to hug someone who doesn't want a hug from me. All of those things sound terrible (with the exception of a rape role play with someone who actually wants to do it). So being "rejected" for any of them is a good thing.

But I still said sex, because it's hard to ask for with some people I'm sexually attracted to, because I usually am feeling this towards someone I have a connection with, and I feel the awkwardness of if they aren't into it, then the whole relationship dynamic is changed. We're not going to be the same kind of friends or acquaintances as before because honestly most people don't understand (or believe) my vibe. If I ask if you want to have sex and you say you don't, I stop wanting to have sex with you, for the reason I listed above: it's not fun or interesting to me if you're not interested. Why would I cook a meal for someone who gags trying to choke it down because they are disgusted? It doesn't hurt my feelings. I enjoy my cooking, if you don't, go eat somewhere else.

But most people won't get that. They think "oh, this guy, he asked me if I wanted to have sex, and I said no, but now he still wants to have sex with me. It's probably all he thinks about. I can't hang out with him anymore because I'll know he's just thinking about having sex with me and still wanting that." even though that is false. I get it, though. It seems like that's the typical way people react. They don't give a shit what other people want, it doesn't affect how they feel. If they want to be in a relationship with you, it doesn't faze them when you say you don't feel the same way. They get hurt, feel rejected, but they don't change their desires, they still insist they want to be with you. I think that's a silly (and frustrating) way to go about life.

[VIVANT]

I agree 💯 it’s not the rejection it’s the environment surrounding the rejection that makes everything wayward and unbearable I can’t go bc k to how it was bc There’s now “ suspicion” it’d be similar if I was gonna asl for a hug from someone (tho u didn’t imagine really doing this lol) and they think it means I want to date. I guess sex is easier for me bc it’s less likely a guy will be weirded out by it even if he’s not interested. And even tho I would not have casual sex many episodes so I can always claim I do not care to lessen the awkwardness.

But yeah absolutely I don’t want any of that stuff with someone who doesn’t want it so that’s not really the main issue. Like disappointing- yeah but once you know you can move on. ,

[zeitgeist057]

I've had lots of little crushes on classmates or coworkers that I just "didn't go there" because I didn't want the environment if they got weird about it. I also feel like if a woman doesn't give me some strong vibes then I'm not gonna bother. Which can be a hinderance since women tend to be indirect and non-confrontational with guys about stuff like that, so I'm sure I've missed opportunities. In fact, I 100% know I have, either from friends of friends telling me, or the person themselves years later saying "oh, I had such a crush on you!" but you wouldn't have known it from the way they acted around me, as nonchalant as possible. "Playing it cool" lol

[blondfrog]

oh wow good question. That's tough I feel they are both equally hard and will make you feel bad in their own way. If someone rejects your relationship it means they dont see you as good enough to keep around but will still have sex with you would still hurt.

2. If someone rejects you for sex that hurts too although I feel like sex and relationship go hand in hand. I mean I never heard of someone in a relationship with someone else and they always get denied sex.

3. Getting rejected for a hug is probably the lowest cause I feel like that's the worst because its indicating that person doesn't even like you have enough to comfort you and its also an easier way to tell someone they dont want to have a relationship with you either.

[VIVANT]

I agree!

[blondfrog]

:) great minds think a like.

[VIVANT]

lol or we have similar hang ups 😛😛

[VIVANT]

But yeah I think you thought it out real well 👍🏼

[blondfrog]

Oh yes I like your answer better because that makes me feel like I have shot with being your boyfriend ;). Just kidding. But yeah I did think this one out. I have a confession I have thought about this question in my head for yours I am not even joking.

[blondfrog]

*years.

[VIVANT]

I believe you I been thinking of it for years as well I mean it pops on the daily.

[blondfrog]

Yeah those are the worst questions cause by the time you get on GAG you forget it lol.

[VIVANT]

lol definitely.

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't think I'd ever be offended by being rejected for a hug, since I'm not a very physical person anyway. I always shy away from physical touch. If someone moves closer to me, I automatically try to create distance.
I'm not really philosophically AGAINST hugs, though. And I might offer one to someone if they look like they "need one.". But it would be a verbal offer. I wouldn't just randomly extend my arms and "attack" them. Lol. ... And if they said no, then it's no sweat off my back. Because the hug wasn't for me. It was for them.

Sex is the easiest, since it's irrelevant lol. I don't want sex, so I'm sure as hell not going to be asking for it. (Because why would you ask for something that you do NOT want?)

A relationship is the hardest thing to be rejected for, of course. Which is why I never even ask anymore. Lol. The last time I asked someone to be my girlfriend, I was 14.
Of course, I'm much older now and much more confident in myself. So, even though I wouldn't go LOOKING for rejection, I can handle it well enough if it happens. (With my limit being maybe once a month lol. ... In other words, if I get rejected, I will burrow in my cave for the rest of the month. 😆 Gotta protect myself lol.)

[Jamie05rhs]

By the way, for the record, @VIVANT, I would never reject you for a hug. 💛

I would never ask you for one.
But I would never reject you for one. I'm not a meanie.

[Lliam]

I like hugs, so that one isn't a problem for me.

I wouldn't be upset about getting a request for casual sex turned down. It's her choice.

If I had been seeing someone I really liked and thought we had a connection, I'd be bummed out if she turned down an invitation to be in an exclusive relationship.

[VIVANT]

Haha I like hugs ! I’m just really uncomfortable with that - liking them- so it stings more bc It reinforces humiliation I already grit in wanting a hug 👀 👀

Totally understand your perspective it sounds very normal ( in a good way) 😊

[VIVANT]

Oh did I say normal, I think I I meant healthy lol

[Lliam]

In my best Tommy Chong voice, "I don't want to be normal, man. That'd be a drag." 😎 😄

[VIVANT]

Yeah the normal was more a dig at me lol

& wasn’t trying to insult you I just meant that seems like a healthy sense of self 😁

[Lliam]

That was my point, sweetie. Normal is overrated. I'd rather be... out of the ordinary. :-)

[loveslongnails]

I don't believe you can actually "ask for a relationship" without somehow knowing in advance if you're going to have one. But with that said, I can see a situation where one person wants it and the other hasn't given enough signs that they want it, so you end up having to ask. Still, something about that scenario says to me "if you have to ask, you already know the answer".

[VIVANT]

I’m not sure why you think you didn’t ask. If two people are kind of going he k and forth snd ultimately one of them asks if the other wants to really try being together (I’ve been in this situation 😂 took years to put it out there clearly 🤦🏻‍♀️) then they really are asking bc they really dk the answer.

I think perhaps for people with experience or concurrence with their own feelings maybe it would be true if you have to ask… but I think for people where there’s a lot of push & pull bc of trauma etc, it’s not be necessarily indicative of no. In any case, doesn’t change the question of which would bother you most 😊

[loveslongnails]

Ok, I see your point.
In this case, asking for a hug would and being rejected would feel horrible.

[TonyMetal___86]

I wouldn't ask for a hug from a random girl whom i don't have feelings for and hugs comes without asking csuse it's a feeling where you feel that you want to be closer to that person that you love...

Now about sex, you do know that sex only comes after marriage for me or at least with a girl that i'm going to marry for sure because sex should be sacred and the couples have to be married and received the blessing of god and became a family and after that, sex becomes something very beautiful because it's done by a husband and a wife and nit something random or a one night stand!

Now about the relationship, well it all starts if a girl liked a guy and he shared with her the same feelings and they became a boyfriend and a girlfriend, personally i never ask for a relationship because a relationship comes by itself when there is a mutual feeling between a man and a woman...

Anyways, they have to take a plane so they be able to hug the skyscrapper girl 😂

[NathanDavis]

if I needed a hug and they say no... lmao

that would hurt, I think

[VIVANT]

Right? 😂

[Plinko]

Relationships and sex hurt equally in rejection, but for different reasons.

[VIVANT]

I guess I can guess but I’m curious if your reasons are what I’d guess if you want to elaborate 😊

[Plinko]

Relationships hurt because if I'm asking for that, it's because I can truly envision a future and see myself building a family and greatness with someone.

Rejection there means they can't see that with me, meaning the entirety of who I am, work ethic, morals, looks, finances... All of that taken together was just rejected. Makes you feel like less of a person.

Sex rejection is more often than not (general male experience incoming), "I would LOVE to have sex, but not with you."

It means that the attributes you can't change (height, race, etc) can't be overcome by the physical traits you've worked at improving. That, coupled with the frequency of rejections men face... It's an incredibly deep sting.

[VIVANT]

Yes, kind of what I thought but you put it far more eloquently than I could in my head. Thank you for explaining, real thoughtful response. For what it’s worth those things are fairly equally bothersome for me and I think most women. 😊

[Plinko]

Most men face a 80-90% rejection rate.

I do not think it's a feeling that can really sink in without experiencing it.

[VIVANT]

I don’t think rejection rates are very diff if the timing is diff. You can be rejected at any point it’s not just in the initial propositioning. Someone leaving you or being distant or not being attracted to you it’s all rejection.

[Plinko]

Probably a fair assessment.

[Alex8736]

A hug can be neutral considering the current situation ex. A family member can be hospitalized and someone is giving you a hug to console you

[VIVANT]

In terms of someone you like romantically. 😊

[Alex8736]

Do they feel the same about you?

[VIVANT]

Hmm let’s say they do what would your answer be?

And If they don’t? 😊

[Alex8736]

A hug or kiss on the cheek is 9 out of 10 times "your my friend"

[ChiTown33]

I wish I could understand where you're coming from. I get how how a hug is affection and asking for one is showing vulnerability. But I don't see how it's more vulnerable than sex. Unless sex is a power thing to you? And hugs are showing legitimate vulnerability. I mean. I get where you're coming from on the vulnerability and rejection part.

What did you mean a&c when you said, "a & c are inseparable for me".

Affection and?

[Juxtapose]

By far a relationship because it involves the most commitment.

[VIVANT]

I wish I saw it that way, but I know people can just exit a relationship anytime so on the one hand it’s be easy for me to ask, but I also wouldn’t expect much. People are so slippery.

[Juxtapose]

I'm pretty careful on who I date and when I go into a relationship I tend to be pretty committed. If I'm with someone I don't know well then I will be very cautious but I prefer to really understand the woman before getting in a relationship with her.

[Juxtapose]

I want to lead by example and show loyalty, love and commitment.

[Guardian45]

Much to my surprise, I've been told that my bearhugs are AMAZING. Relationships are the hardest, then sex, then hugs

[TheSpaceGnome]

A relationship.

I don't casually hug or fuck anyone, but when in a relationship, I don't even have to ask for those things, they are just expected of me.

[EaterPeter]

Asking for a hug or sex once you are in relationship

[EaterPeter]

Thanks for like!

[Guy13]

For me, it would be asking for sex

[VIVANT]

I kinda wish that was the case for me but if if it was I prob wouldn’t be saying this 🤔

[Guy13]

So yiu can’t do relationships ⁉️

[MysticDevice]

Technically it would be sex. Cause I'd have to ask for a relationship before I can ask for sex. And uh... yeah, its been pretty sparse in that area lol

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I would think a *Hug*

[Guardian45]

Why?

[VIVANT]

@Guardian45

I wonder if @goodguybreakingbad is similar green of mind to myself.

For me, it’s bc to want a hug (not necessarily to give a hug bc you can do that for someone not bc you want it yourself) it’s the most vulnerable. Sex you don’t even have to like someone and people get into relationship for all kinds of reasons and there can still be distance in relationships— but no one wants a hug unless they want affection. It’s the most emotionally transparent desire. You’re really putting yourself out there 💯 and i suppose that’s not a big deal for many but for me emotional vulnerability is the most difficult thing.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@VIVANT Thanks for the mention :-)

[VIVANT]

Of course! 💗

[Philyouup]

great question Miss Viv

[VIVANT]

Thank you Phil 💗

[Philyouup]

Your welcome Miss Viv. asking something from someone is difficult with minor stuff, for
me, big stuff and be a little stressing.

[Anonymous]

I don't do hugs but the other are interchangeablely difficult given they both, actually they all risk violating the MeToo statutes which are of course punishable by life imprisonment or execution

[Anonymous]

Hug, because it’s not something I do often, so when I do it, it’s pretty bad circumstances.

[xJayleenx]

I think relationship

[Guardian45]

Not with me!😍

[Guardian45]

🤣👍

[MountAverage]

Who "asks for" sex?

[VIVANT]

“Do you want to smash?”

Lots of people — if the idea of asking makes you too uncomfortable then perhaps that should be your answer 😛

[MountAverage]

Let me rephrase my question.

What normal people "ask for" sex?

But yeah, I know the answer: None. Only incels and complete douchebags do this. But you're right, there's many of them out there.

[VIVANT]

If you are casually into someone or dating someone it’s very normal to casually suggest sex — I have seen this plenty of times amongst my friends- I don't know why you think this is odd.

In any case “Asking” can also be non verbal. Initiating anything is equal to asking bc you are letting your interest be known and leaving open possibility of rejection.

If it helps you to think of it as “ initiating” then think of the question as ‘which is the hardest to Initiate & be rejected’

[MountAverage]

You and I are not talking about the same thing then. What you just described is an entire different world than some douchebag asking "wanna smash?"

[Deku2009]

For me personally it’s for a relationship

[ChefPapiChulo]

What