So what happened with him? Confused?

[CaliladyinTexas]

Okay so he chases me pretty heavily, and then we finally start talking. And it was just talking. After a couple of weeks we went on a date. The conversation was amazing totally got along. He moved here from Venezuela. So we saw each other four times. Each time the conversation was amazing We literally talked about anything and everything. He's a bodybuilder and a fitness model. He's also younger than me. But very career and goal oriented. The last time I saw him was 2 months ago everything was fine there was no red flags no anything bad at all. We had great conversation once again. And he hasn't spoken to me or seen me since. He hasn't unfriended me or unfollowed me on any social media He's still watches all of my stuff. But there's been no further contact or no further dates. So I'm a little bit confused on what happened?

[Staximus]

You're getting played by a player, wake up. Any guy that's a bodybuilder and fitness model is either queer as a 3 dollar bill or a fucking narcissist. Why are so worried about such an image-conscious guy who most likely has a few other girls on the side or is a closet case?

[CaliladyinTexas]

Well I wouldn't say that I'm worried about it per se. More curious as to WTF happened. I've never had that happen to me before so it was definitely puzzling.

[CaliladyinTexas]

Oh and he is sexy AF so there's that

[Staximus]

Yeah he's got 10 other women like you waiting on the side

[Staximus]

He's probably looking for one to dupe into making him a US citizen

[CaliladyinTexas]

Oh I'm not waiting... just wanted clarification on his disappearance

[Staximus]

If you stay in your league there's less disappointments

[CaliladyinTexas]

Oh wow... He came after me dude! And the only men who hit on me are ALL body builders! Been that way my whole life! You seem bitter AF!

[Staximus]

So you like narcissists, but are still surprised when they treat you like you don't matter. Bodybuilding and fitness modeling are not careers. That's shit bums do when they can't get a good job

[CallmeTheKnight]

Don't get your hopes up. It's been two months and realistically speaking, if he's amazing to you, then he's amazing to others.
Initiate contact first and if he doesn't reply or call back, just cut your loses

[CaliladyinTexas]

Oh my losses are already cut without having to reach out to him whatsoever. I'm not reaching out to him, I wasn't so much posting this because I want to try to fix it or get him back. I was posting because it's perplexing how everything goes from seemingly fine one moment to poof he's gone the next. But as far as trying to resolve it or reach out to him no no and no! I'm good.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Ohhh ok. My mistake for jumping the gun on that.
I wouldn't worry about that at all. When you try to figure out why someone's actions, you'll become obsessed and linger in the past to where you get stuck on trying to understand. See him for what and who he is and understand he did what he wanted to do.
Everything can always seem so fine at first until it isn't. That's because it never was.

[CaliladyinTexas]

Yes I'm beginning to see that what I had seen from him in the beginning was all just a lie and an illusion. So it is what it is. Lesson learned won't do that again.

[ethanallen]

Mary Mother of Jesus. Just ask him. If you don't believe the answer then he has dropped you or doesn't have the confidence to confront people (not just women) about uncomfortable topics. Good looks doesn't always mean good upbringing.

[Anonymous]

We can't say (only he can), but I'm guessing you didn't show enough interest back, or he's questioning it. You know how some women will wait for the man to initiate? He might be waiting for you (to show interest).

[CaliladyinTexas]

Well before he went ghost, I did initiate a few times but didn't really get much back for a response so I stopped initiating.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh (?). Maybe he just wasn't feeling a connection, and just let it fade naturally, being that nothing bad happened and it was going that way anyway? Hard to say.

[CaliladyinTexas]

Well that's just it, when we were spending time together the conversation was great everything was great we totally got along, but when we weren't around each other it was like there was very little to no communication from him and when I would try to reach out I would get like a one sentence response and that was it. And he was saying things when we would spend time together like if I want to make you mine how do I go about doing that and you know maybe we can run his business together etc he's a personal trainer. But then when we weren't around each other it was like crickets. Very confusing

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe he's bipolar? lol

[CaliladyinTexas]

I am beginning to wonder LOL I mean I'm 49 and this was the most confusing situation I've ever been in normally I can figure them out okay he's not interested or okay he's a player or whatever this guy it was like that Katy Perry song Hot then cold up then down in then out I was getting whiplash

[CaliladyinTexas]

I just remembered one other detail, as we were not seriously dating or committed, I made mention that I had a date on a particular night and he made sure that they did not happen. He showed up to my house on that evening completely unannounced and would not leave. And he kept asking do you have plans are you going somewhere do you have plans and I was like well not now... And so if he wasn't interested why would he show up on that evening to my house unannounced so that the date did not happen?

[Avicenna]

Only he knows. Maybe he's not that interested in dating right now or in commitment.

[CaliladyinTexas]

I mean I can understand that not being interested in the commitment. But communicate that. We weren't even talking about commitment actually I take that back. He asked me what it would take for me to become his girl. So he's the one that brought up commitment

[Avicenna]

Yeah, OK, well, he obviously is talking to multiple women

[CaliladyinTexas]

Most likely so

[Pejtu]

He tested the water and thought to himself meaby u are not worth the ammount of effort required

And he moved on

[CaliladyinTexas]

Probably.. most men these days want the easiest option and don't want to put in effort when it comes to relationships.

[Gangactivities911]

They don’t want to be made to jump through hoops for ur entertainment and they definitely don’t want to do that if u were easy for other guys. I know imagine that

[CaliladyinTexas]

I don't really think that putting an effort is jumping through hoops. Listen I'm not one of these younger entitled 20 or 30 somethings okay I'm in my 40s. I know how relationships work I know that it's equal effort on both sides I'm not some polyprincess that expects men to jump through rings of fire well I do nothing. I know that's not how it works. I don't think that expecting someone to be communicative or plan an actual date or Express themselves is asking them to jump through hoops.

[Anonymous]

"everything was fine there was no red flags no anything bad at all."

Not looking from your side, anyway.

[CaliladyinTexas]

Well considering that he wasn't talking to me about any issues that there were and I only really have my side to refer to, then yes I mean I have no way of knowing his side unless he communicates it which he didn't.

[Opinion Owner]

In my experience, it's not worth discussing red flags that pop up. If there's something that's a problem and you discuss it, she'll cover it up in the interest of getting you to commit, but it'll pop back up later because it's just part of her personality. Or possibly she'll turn it right back around on him and make him the bad guy for it. So a smart man doesn't debate these things, he makes a decision based on them.

[CaliladyinTexas]

Well if a man is going to be that cut and dry and non-communicative, then let's hope his closet is empty and he's perfect himself

[Opinion Owner]

What would your reaction be if he brought up a personality trait he didn't like about you?

[CaliladyinTexas]

Considering that I'm a very open-minded person I'm also in my 40s so I'm not some inexperienced 20 something. I realize I'm not perfect I realize I have flaws everyone does. I mean I would have no problems discussing that with him but then again like I said I'm in my 40s I realize that communication is 90% of a relationship easily. Without communication you will never have any relationship with anyone!

[Opinion Owner]

We're not talking about a mere flaw, here, we're talking about a core personality trait or maybe a strong belief that doesn't mesh well. Or possibly a lifestyle preference that's incompatible with his future plans.

You're an adult. He's an adult. If you're incompatible, then forcing it is a recipe for disaster. You can't fix or alter major character differences, you can only hide them, and they'll resurface eventually.

[Iron_Man]

The balls in his court if he wants to contact you he will

[CaliladyinTexas]

Yes thank you, I gathered that. I'm not contacting him that's for sure.

[Iron_Man]

Good job

[Jamie05rhs]

What happened is he was casually interested and then he moved on.

Don't sweat it. It happens.

[Guy13]

Maybe he is gay?

[CaliladyinTexas]

Why would he make out with me and ask me out if he were gay?

[Guy13]

Bisexual would have been a better choice of words... He sound effeminate and you might fill his emotional needs that his other "party" is not fulfilling. He at least is seemingly exotic?

[CaliladyinTexas]

He's from Venezuela so he is very exotic looking, so yes to answer your question. And you're right sexual I've never thought about that.

[Guy13]

If the kiss was as hot as the conversation then he would likely still be around. Most people are that way... it is clear that enjoys your company but he has to "happen stance" into a committed relationship with all the chemistry things hitting at the same time. Brazil, Venezuela, and Argentina women are really that way... at least before COVID. CULTURAL DIFFERENCES probably :-)

[CaliladyinTexas]

It went farther than making out.. and it was totally hot 🔥 he still watches all my posts a likes them etc... bizarre

[Guy13]

Sexual acts equals natural committed for you and those are the lens you are using. It;s bizarre when he can have me why he just wants to digitally voyeur... It is friendship to him... for some reason he did not whimsically happenstance into committed with you. The sex does not mean the same thing to both Parties.

[CaliladyinTexas]

Oh trust me at my age believe me I do not think that sex equals any kind of commitment. I am long past living in that delusion. It's just usually before a guy will ghost you or take off or whatever you kind of get some kind of clue some kind of inkling something they say something they do what kind of tip you off. And honestly there was nothing like that with him which is why it was so confusing. I can usually pick up on that kind of stuff and with him there was nothing that would indicate he would up and go.

[Guy13]

The hot sex has tinted your lenses... you can't figure out why he "ghosted you physically"...

[CaliladyinTexas]

Probably so.. I guess I will chalk it up to an oh well move along...

[Guy13]

Yep... or you will let it drive you crazy..._At least i would ;-)

[CaliladyinTexas]

I haven't tried to contact him. I don't like any of his posts I don't comment on anything he posts. I've gone ghost myself. So I'm letting it go.