I settled and it worked?

[Anonymous]

There's this guy. He had liked me for years but I always thought he was ugly. After going through a rough break up though I reached out to him because I felt bad about the way I treated him. We made up and I realized he was everything a woman could ask for. He's romantic, he's chivalrous, he's trustworthy, etc. And even though he's not the most visually appealing he has everything personality wise. So now I'm puzzled. Why is it that the guy I wouldn't have considered seems to have everything I've ever wanted in a guy? I would've had to beg to get these kind of things from other guys.

[Anonymous]

"Why is it that the guy I wouldn't have considered seems to have everything I've ever wanted in a guy?" Well since you asked, I will tell you.

The reason why is because every guy puts in work for the girl they think is worth it or the girl they know requires work for them to attain her. Ugly guys know girls are not coming their way. So, when they get one (presumably out of their league) they will do the most to keep her. Guys who have options can be picky with who and to who not to put the work in for. Guys who lack options, can't. If you're not attracted to his appearance, then he has to find other ways to get you to like him. That's why he has everything you've ever wanted personality wise.

You may have felt bad and that could be one of the reasons you reached out to him. But the other reason is because you knew he wanted you. When you come from a previous relationship of feeling so unwanted, running to someone who makes you feel wanted puts you on a high that makes you feel great. However, You really want how he makes you feel packaged in a better looking guy and that is why you consider going for him as a "settle".

I cannot fault you for settling. If you're content with settling then it worked. I'm glad you found someone who makes you happy.

But if his lack of physical attraction continues to bother you, then it didn't work as well as you wanted it to because it will continue to bother you.

[FilmGuy93]

Well, you have to be careful, because the guy who makes a great friend isn't the same as the guy who would make a good lover. Why didn't you find him very attractive before, was there anything that changed?

[Asker]

I just found him ugly and weird. He's not as weird anymore though. We've been together for a 1-2 months now and he's really everything I've wanted aside from looks.

[FilmGuy93]

Do you want and like to touched by him though? You have to want to be touched by your partner, otherwise he's more of a friend than a lover.

[Asker]

Yeah I love cuddling with him and hugging him! He has rough hands so I don't really like holding hands but I like being touched my him. Especially when he gives massages.

[FilmGuy93]

It sounds like both of you just needed to grow as people before appreciating each other. Romance takes maturity!

[slatyb]

Live and learn. I still regret not dating a lovely woman because she had pretty severe acne scarring. I would have gotten over that very quickly.

[FreedMan]

You have to beg other guys to get said behaviors because they have options and are coming from a more equal position of power.

[Shamalien]

I would consider settling a bit but not too much…