Am I low value?

[DanielDiaz]

This question is for both men and women, but I am more interested in what women think. I am a 38-year-old male. I graduated college, but could not find a good job with my degree. I still live with my parents. I don't know how to be funny or witty. I don't know what people want to hear and entertain them in a conversation.

I'm 6'3," but I have kind of a schlubby, slouchy build, and I try to stay in the best shape I can, despite my health challenges. One woman told me I look like Mark Ruffalo. I've never dated, even though I would like to, but socializing makes me anxious and drained. I only have one friend I've known since second grade.

I'm taking an online course in data analytics to learn useful skills that will, hopefully, finally get me out of my underemployment situation.

Does this automatically make me low-value, or a lost cause?

[quaranta]

Some women may tell you your concerns are false in order to encourage you, but to be real I think yeah, for your age, if you look for women who are 30-40, then you can be considered low value, by this description. That doesn't mean you're low-value for all the women anyway, and afterall you'll settle for one, not 100.
Let me tell you why I said this. A woman in her 30s or 40s, usually, is already at a stage in the life where she is not into random naive and spontaneous love, but has a solid vision of what she wants (most likely, co-living and following a certain lifestyle with the husband), and she probably has kids or other kind of responsibilities related to her career. Given that, she will most likely check how much the guy has his shit together, because the vision is to be mutual support and she knows the problems and responsibilities she holds already, and doesn't to get a guy to "fix", who looks like he can't contribute with readiness with the problems life brings. It's mostly a matter of "practical" compatibility than actual attractiveness, that would make you look low-value.
So I think you should aim to women who are 30-40 but have no experiences, like you, or 20-25 years old ones, who could be more into random blind love than having a specific vision in mind, where you can actually offer love, attention, romance, without caring about compatibility for next steps.
Surely some charm would help but that's something you develop with time as long as you get social experiences. I can't quite figure how you managed to stay from college to now without social experiences of any sort... Not even online friends, through gaming maybe? Probably you should consult a psychologist, not to develop social skills but to work on the cause, the root, that kept you so closed in your cocoon for so much time, in order to get a direction about how to start your social life, supported.
In any case even if some people could think bad of you, justify it to yourself that anyway if you are in this situation you had a reason, and still have, it's not like you're just "lazy". There must be an explanation that validates the current situation. And this is there a psychologist could also help anyway...
For all the rest (height, body shape) these are just secondary things really, but you have no experiences so probably you'd put more priority on those "intuitively". I'd say point more on putting your shit together and socializing, these are much more important for your age and will put the basis to take next steps in the life. It's just the right thing to do in any scenario, so keep going with your course and start of your career.

[DanielDiaz]

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my question. You were very thoughtful and diplomatic. I don't know why I can't build a social life, it's something that I have always struggled with. I tried therapy, but I went nearly broke paying for it and it didn't resolve my issues. I will seek therapy again in the future when I can finally afford it. Socializing with people makes me feel exhausted and confused. People expect an exchange of words that are funny and "charming," and I just can't give them what they are expecting.

Hopefully, this career path will finally be the one that works out. I don't know if I have any more emotional endurance to endure another failed career path and start back at square one.

[LazerBean]

Kinda, yeah.

If your degree can't get you a good job, it's worse than if you didn't have a degree in my opinion bc it says you didn't do your research on what was hiring.

Having poor health, unless you have some sort of unpreventable disease or disability that stops you from being at least of average fitness, is also a big negative.

Poor social skills are a huge negative and red flag.

[DanielDiaz]

Thanks for your honesty. I originally selected political science as my major, because it is typically the common placeholder for those who are trying to get into law school. I should have done my research on how hard the LSAT is, but I didn't have any other areas of interest at the time, so I relied on pure ambition. At the time, I didn't have a full grasp on how poor my social skills are, nor was I aware of my undiagnosed functional autism.

[Shamalien]

Well you have a degree and are 6’3 so that looks good. You need to think you’re high value for a woman to think that though. Get in shape and get your financial job situation sorted, get your own place and then you’ll be set

[LimitedBenefits101]

Down bad my guy, why do you need women's approval? get your shi together

[loveslave]

you are not a product. you are a human being. this question will set you up for failure. focus on your health, your mind, and your heart in whatever life endeavor you decide

[DanielDiaz]

Unfortunately, I AM a product. If a guy does not have qualities and features that women want, then he is considered a defective product that women do not have a use for.

[GreatnessBack]

You only as valuable as you see yourself.