Do you ever hesitate in pursuing someone or be with someone because you’re scared to get hurt/heartbroken?

[Pinay_ako]

[katestar]

I've tried that. My guy friend said that he can't date me and he can't marry me.

[Pinay_ako]

But he’s your friend tho. Did you express your feelings?

[katestar]

Yes. And yes

[katestar]

At least he told me.

[Pinay_ako]

Why can’t he marry you? Not date you? Are the feelings mutual at least?

[katestar]

Yes. But I like him.

[Pinay_ako]

It’s best to move on if he already told you.

[EndlessVoid20]

Let me think after what happened tonight... yes

[Pinay_ako]

What happened

[EndlessVoid20]

My jerk ex boyfriend left me for another bitch all because she lives closer to his house.

[Pinay_ako]

Aww sorry to hear that. How are you now?

[EndlessVoid20]

I'm ok now Hun (:

[uncleBobbyb77]

1st-you said "another bitch", thereby referring to yourself in the same context. I'm not trying to poke at you, I'm serious, why demean yourself in such a manner?
2nd-did you live an exorbitant distance away from him (not that that should matter if his feelings & his words were truly in harmony with his actions)?
Without needing an answer to either question I would say better now than later when you'd have been more vested into the relationship. At least now you have more time 4 priming your own self image because if you don't treat yourself well then others will believe it is OK for them to treat you in a similar fashion. Everyone falls short of their own ideals but that doesn't mean we should stop striving to attain them. Find someone whom accepts & appreciates you for you, respects your abilities, feelings, & potential for the future, & trusts that you will continue to be you & do what you do. Offer the same things in return. Those are 4 of the 5 gifts love is made of. They only require heart in their make up no thought. Thought is needed in the deciding of what role you wish or need a person to fill in your life & how you will choose to express these gifts to them. Like the giftwrap can change to fit the occasion so too can the roles people fill in our lives & how we choose to express these to them change without changing the gift itself. The 5th gift is really the 1st & it is mostly for yourself. If you can give the other 4 to someone correctly this 1 is unnecessary. It is Forgiveness.. forgive yourself for your mistakes, the things you didn't do, & the ways you have not attained the goals/expectations you may have set for yourself... yet. it is only failure when you give up not when you set it aside to work on something else that may help you attain that goal or if you find a better something to strive for instead. Learn from your mistakes, do today better than yesterday & you will find your way.

[Brendlolita2]

Yes, I‘m in this stage right now.
Deep down, I know I want love but everytime I even imagine of having a boyfriend or be with the man I like/love, the thoughts of me never being good enough due to previous treatment from men come up and I immediately shut these feelings and imagines down. I tell myself that I don’t need a relationship, a man or love because I‘ve never been treated other than an option, last choice, passionate fling or undesirable.
I‘m not a lesbian but I‘m def not attracted to the thoughts of a relationship with men anymore because of my experiences.

[Pinay_ako]

🥰 baby I am like that too

[Bklynbadboy12]

That's no good cause how does that help you. You can love you life in fear of failure if you do you'll never try

[melanieeeB]

No but I'm still scared, not about getting my heart broken broken, but more that the other person didn't had the best intentions in mind and truly didn't really care the way, I wish someone would care about me...
imagine being with someone for years and then finding out they are just for some stupid ass reason with you (money, not wanting to be alone, couldn't get someone better, etc ) and not because of you as a person... ughh the deception!

If it was truly a good intended relationship and ended for some solid reasons, then at least it was worth the heartbreak.

[Pinay_ako]

Hugs baby girl… I know what you mean

[melanieeeB]

Glad it's understandable 😅🙏🏼

[katestar]

I've been there. I've liked him since I was 14. Hang in there

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

I don’t think so. I’m always cautious about being hurt just like everyone but I think it’s important to endure and persevere through the doubts and fears. Through out all the pain and time wasted seems pretty worth it if it leads you to the person who makes you forget the rough times. Love is worth the pain.

[Pinay_ako]

Did you visit your mom yet?

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

I haven’t yet because I’ve been busy with work lately but I should take her out to dinner. Treat her and my sister to dinner as a family

[Pinay_ako]

🥰 🥰

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

I’m trying to be a good son 🤣🤣

[Pinay_ako]

😂 at least you trying right?

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

Definitely just my time is a currency that im trying to utilize properly

[Pinay_ako]

It’s the thought that counts. We still good kids to our parents and they know that 🥰

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

You’re right, on my lunch break I spoke to my dad on the phone to catch up with each other about things. We talk almost every week. How about yourself? 😇

[Pinay_ako]

I talk to my dad and mom every day. But my dad mostly. He my bestie 😝

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

Aww that’s really awesome

[BullShark]

All the damn time, even now. I'd be attracted to some girls every now and then, but I wouldn't usually do anything about it for the longest time. Not because I'm scared of rejection, no. But because I sometimes get this feeling that it may not work out, things seeming too good to be true, or they'll end up breaking my heart even further, or betraying me like how my ex girlfriend did back when we were dating.

You could call this a very narrow minded mindset and that not all women are the same, and I know that well and good. It's just that I'm not ready to trust anyone just yet, and frankly, I'm not sure if I ever will. Does that mean I might die single, or of prostate cancer because of no intimacy for the next 20-30 years? Quite possibly.

[Rania05]

Very much true, afraid of rejection is just an excuse I use to block others' mouths, I know it wouldn't work out even when I don't go for it.

Some call it a coward's move but the moment I realize my crush or liking in some boy I analysis their personalities and habits and evaluate it with mine and I know it wouldn't work out and I'm not willing to risk my patience for them as much as I know they wouldn't understand me even if I explain. Better cut mess from beginning by being thoughtful, "Everything is fair in love and war" is just something too ancient and profound to accept for me.

[BullShark]

@Rania05 totally agree with you there as well. Sometimes it's just better not to bother with the effort either. Some might try to, but most can't really understand and then they try forcing their way into your life which is even more annoying, and at that point, you can't even push them away for fear of hurting their feelings.

Tbf, they decided to hurt themselves when they tried to invest their time and effort in us, knowing full well we're damaged goods. Everything may be fair in love and war for some, but not everything is acceptable and reciprocated.

[itsalyssaagain]

Alllll the time. But I'll tell you one thing - people are actually black and white when it comes to relationships. They are either very clear with their intentions, make the effort and make you feel safe or they don't. If there is doubt, any doubt, then they are not right.

[Pinay_ako]

Not everyone is clear with their intentions… that’s the problem. That’s why people are on the fence if they wanna love again or get hurt again.

[itsalyssaagain]

If they're not clear with their intentions then they are not serious about being with you.

[uncleBobbyb77]

Or more direct communication is needed. Many people don't know what they want especially if they are too agreeable. The spend so much time trying to please others they forget to ask themselves. Plus you can't reasonably expect someone to be on the same page as you or to know anything you have not expressly discussed with them yourself. If there's a doubt about it, talk about it. After that you have real information to base your next decision on. But I do agree that you should find someone who wants the same things you do from a partner. Tough when all someone knows is disappointment and that discolors their perception of those completely unrelated to the disappointments. The disingenuous disguise themselves as genuine by saying similar things a genuine person would say in a similar situation but time always tells the genuine from the disingenuous. We each express ourselves in a unique signature fashion. How many real loves have we missed because we didn't take the time to learn how someone else expresses their feelings instead of assuming they would do it the same way we do

[itsalyssaagain]

@uncleBobbyb77 If they can communicate then that already is good. I mean people who can't communicate and leave you guessing about where you stand all the time because everything is blurry!

[uncleBobbyb77]

Agreed but often times recognizing the problem in the first place is the hard part. Other times it seems moving past the fact there was a problem to begin with and focusing on a solution is the frustrating issue as in my experience it's nearly impossible to remedy many issues without both partners willing to take personal responsibility for their own contributions to both the problems and the solutions instead of the "well if you wouldn't have done suchnsuch I wouldn't have had to do that even more terrible thing in response. You made me do it." game. The whole point of a significant other type partnership/relationship is to have a best friend, a mate, a partner with which to share the joys and sorrows derived from the experiences of life. You need to have enough in common to have something to talk about and share some activities outside of the bedroom. You have to keep those bedroom activities exciting too. That's extremely important and y'all have to be on the same page. Find someone who wants the same things you do. You don't want to be too much alike however. It's good to both be clean freaks but tough when one is obsessed with cleanliness and the others a pig. That being said having different strengths and weaknesses is extremely beneficial so that you aren't both defeated by the same situations. Your a team. if she's strong in the areas your not so much and vice versa then any problems can be overcome when you face them together. Also it's imperative to have differing viewpoints and to be able express them without namecalling or allowing your initial emotional response to prevent you from hearing and considering what is being said. Practice waiting until your other half has finished saying what their trying to say. Then follow up with "do i have this right? What your saying is.." and tell them in your own words your understanding of what was said. Don't be a smart@$$. Often the first time we say things the wrong words are used.

[uncleBobbyb77]

This will give your other half a chance to correct themselves in expressing what they want to say after which again you say it back but in your own words to show you care enough to take into consideration what they say and feel and try to attain a full understanding of it. Most likely they were feeling distressed because of whatever the issue was and this technique is calming and reassuring. It helps ease that anxiety which is much more conducive to working things out than the other alternatives we've all experienced before. Don't be afraid to privately call each other out. Never in front of others. Always maintain a unified front and support one another when others are present but if one or the other is committing some faux pas having someone who cares call you on your bs without being judgmental helps you become the better you day in and day out. It's gotta go both ways even if you don't 😉😉

[uncleBobbyb77]

"... and the others a pig it's tough and you'll drive each other crazy. That being said..."*

[Valso]

I don't hesitate at all, I simply don't do anything to catch their attention at all cuz it's pointless. And in the event I feel I'm about to catch feelings for them, I've developed a method to kill these feelings. It's not easy but it works most of the time. It's sort of a... firewall. The moment I realize feelings are about to appear, I try looking at them through the eyes of a bystander and see things that would normally push me away. Or, if that doesn't seem to work, I ask my best friend to tell me what he sees that I might have missed.

By using this method I've avoided a lot of hurt in the past 15 years.

[Twalli]

Not really, because you figure your soul mate will be out there. Finding that person is another matter, but you can't find your soul mate without taking chances. If you find your soulmate, you won't get hurt/heartbroken by them. They're meant to be with you, and regardless of what happens your love will remain strong.
For example, I've been with my girlfriend for over 4 years. We never really left the "honeymoon stage". Because of this I think we are meant to be together. We have yet to fight or have an argument. We've had 2 or 3 miscommunications. Essentially we are a perfect couple, plus we compliment each other extremely well.

[Prettysammie]

If there is one thing I believe in, it is love. And no matter how often I get hurt, how badly men treat me or take advantage of me, I refuse to do anything but love fully and completely. My entire life has been disappointment, pain, hate and abuse. I can’t let that win by giving up on love

[Pinay_ako]

aww honey… you’re rare

[uncleBobbyb77]

Bottom line is at the end of the day it's the things I didn't do, what I didn't say, the chances I didn't take I regret wwwaaaaayyyyy more than the things I did do. If you won't take the chance on something that could be great then it's guaranteed it won't happen and you'll never find what your looking for. If you don't put your heart in the race It can't win. And to me it's a win when you have the chance to try at all and take it. Everytime it's a win even when things don't turn out as expected. When do they ever? Never? So stop expecting certainties. The only certainty I know for sure is we will all die one day. May be 50 years, 6 months, or 5 minutes from now. You probably won't know when until right before it happens so love today like there is no tomorrow. No regrets from opportunities taken only in those lost

[Rose_84]

It's not hesitation but it's something I observed about them.

I will never pursue a flirty guy no matter how good looking or sweet he is, I just ran away when my crush showed some interest in me.

Being overly social, lying and flirty is a big turn off for me, I don't want to end up with attention seeking manwhores.

[Jennyjenjen_420]

I’d rather not live in regret by not pursuing something that may have had the potential to turn out to be the best relationship of my life. Therefore I go for it even if it could hurt me. I’d rather know than not knowing.

[Pinay_ako]

You go girl

[NathanDavis]

never have... but I am very selective about these things so, the possibility of ending up heartbroken or hurt is not even a thought to consider

I never leave it to chance or "see what happens, how it turns out"

very few, very well thought relationships, it saves me from trouble... lol

[Kreneman]

One time there was a stripper that I found very attractive and I wanted her but I kept telling myself that I was not going to pursue her because on what she does but really it was really fear of rejection. Furthermore what made it even difficult for me is that I have ran into this multiple times in different places. Lol

[Aimer07]

Well from a guy perspective personally I just never chase women... Surely they will give me hints and body language that will let me know they want me... no point imagining something is there If I don't see it. I could try anyway and get rejected to confirm this but then just move on... It's simple as that no point agonizing over it. If I get hurt doesn't really scare me because I know you life you can't escape hurt or rejection or stress on many levels at some point in your life.

[Andres77]

Its scary…and leaving one relationship to jump into another one…everyone else might say you’re stupid…so do you risk just letting go of the wondrous prize that might be what you’ve been looking for your whole life or do you immediately risk jumping into another relationship…again…because she seems to be THE answer to what you’ve been looking for for years?

[Phoenix98]

I was for the longest time until I met someone who made me not feel that way. And who’s worth it.

[Pinay_ako]

Sometimes, it’s worth the pain you know

[Phoenix98]

True.

[MrPickles13]

Yes I do, when I first started into the world of attempted dates I was already scared and hesitated as I didn't want to get hurt and well I also just didn't ever see it going my way. And well it's got worse as I've got older and tried dating more. I hesitate to even message someone from that concern and I'd guess also my anxiety and lack of self worth/esteem likely factors into it.

[Stevepro68]

Although I have taken chances and had some success. I have had as many misses paralyzed by fear of rejection, or loss of the limited relationship we have now. It is a very hard thing to overcome.

[katestar]

True. But sometimes we told someone that we like them. Someone turned us down.

[BlueScorpio]

Yes. A lot tines i would day dream what a relationship would be like with person instead of ever confessing. I think a lot people have experienced that because rejection is a big fear for many people.

[Marshymallow]

Yh I do that sometimes. Like I might have these feelings but I don’t act on it because I don’t think it’s worth it or I’m sure it wouldn’t work anyways.