My boyfriend doesn’t call or text me at night. Is this normal or should ask him about it?

[Anonymous]

I just started dating my boyfriend recently. He is my first boyfriend. He never calls me and doesn’t message me all night. He only message me at day the time mostly work hours and when I’m busy. I understand he has his own life but sometimes I would like to hear his voice and talk to him at night when I’m not busy. Is it okay to ask him about it or it would be too much?

[PrettyPriya]

Absolutely it is okay to ask him about it. Maybe suggest setting aside some time throughout the week to be able to talk. I prefer phone conversation over texting personally. Speaking of texting, I have learned that (most) guys are not big into texting.

My fiancé isn't really. It is hard to get him to text me back sometimes. I don't take offense to it. He just doesn't like to text. I prefer calling anyhow. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

As you pointed out, you are both busy and have things to do. Maybe his evenings are busy as well with friends and family. That doesn't mean he shouldn't make time, especially in the beginning of a relationship.

If this is a new boyfriend, you are probably still figuring each other out in ways. Good way to do that is just by talking. Communication is important in a relationship and I think you should bring this up to him.

[Asker]

I appreciate your advice. I also prefer phone than text. Will asking him about it will look like needy and clingy? I understand that we are both busy but I just wonder sometimes why he doesn’t communicate with me at night. I’ve always make time for him.

[PrettyPriya]

No, I don't think it is needy or clingy. It is also all about how you approach him about it. I will give you an example. You could say:

"Why don't you ever want to talk after work?" - sounds needy right?

or

"Hey, I really like when we have free time and get to talk. Do you think we can get into more of a habit of spending just a little time during the week talking on the phone?" - Not needy (in my opinion)

So, it is how you present it. The first way sounds like you are complaining about it. The second sounds like you are suggesting and putting the ball in his court. What is he going to say? "No"? Of course not. He will have to respond to that and in a positive way.

[Asker]

Thank you for helping me out. This is my first relationship so I wasn’t sure if this is how things should be. But I feel like it shouldn’t be.

[PrettyPriya]

You are most welcome. I'm happy to help or answer any questions if you have more. I agree that it should be more, especially in the beginning. The start of a relationship is supposed to be fun and exciting.

I think what you may have on your hands is a guy that just isn't a big talker/texter. If that is the case, you are going to have to deal with that sort of personality. That doesn't mean he can't or shouldn't meet you in the middle though.

[Asker]

Exactly. I would like to get to know him more but I feel like our communication is very limited. We both have work on day time so I would like us to talk at night since we’re less busy. And would also like to listen to his voice. Sometimes it also makes me feel I’m not in a relationship

[PrettyPriya]

I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do. I talked to my boyfriend (now fiancé) all the time in the beginning of the relationship. If it were like yours where you didn't have communication, I would be asking him to remedy that.

Communication, along with trust, respect and the other usual things, are what make a relationship strong. If you cannot communicate, it is going to be rough. That is why I think you need to bring it up to him in a way that isn't so much complaining but encouraging to change it.

[Asker]

I also like to talk and ask questions. I will definitely talk to him about it while it’s still early in the relationship. I thought of just letting it go and wait for him to do it but I doubt that’ll happen if he doesn’t know my side about it

[PrettyPriya]

I think you are making the right decision. Good luck to you and I hope you can make a breakthrough.

[PrettyPriya]

Thanks for the MHO 🙂

[DancingQueen16]

I don't think you should be worried because my boyfriend sometimes does that too

[Asker]

Thank you. He never called me and been noticing he only texts me on day time. To me, it looks like we are on schedule or something

[slatyb]

Have you been to his place? Maybe he’s living with someone else.

[Asker]

I haven’t. He’s been asking me to but I’m not comfortable going over to his place yet. He lives with his parents

[slatyb]

It does seem odd that he doesn’t text at night at all. How often do you see each other?

[Asker]

We see each other twice a week. We live and work in different cities

[Guy13]

Not normal if over 21.

[Asker]

We’re both 23

[Guy13]

Yep, that's fishy especially withe hormones at our age...

[Asker]

Is talking about it to him reasonable from a male perspective?

[Guy13]

Yes, sounds like someone who has a wife or S O to me. At least the 40 year olds are like that?

[Asker]

I would understand if he’s older and if we live together but we’re just starting our relationship and would like to talk to him when we’re less busy at night

[Guy13]

Maybe his parents are too much in his Business?

[Asker]

I don't know the way he described his parents is that they’re cool people

[Guy13]

I don't know... just not right!

[Asker]

I know, I’ll have to talk to him

[boobliker]

only ask if it bothers you if he love you then that's ok

[Asker]

It does bother me. Sometimes it make me feel I’m not dating

[FilmGuy93]

That sounds like a good thing, honestly. As you get older, you'll realize that there is a moment in your life where unrequested late night communications become annoying. If you want him to text you at night, just tell him.

[In_Trance]

Talk to him

[Asker]

I will but will talking to him looks like I’m needy and controlling? I just want to get from a guys perspective when stuff like this are put on the table.

[In_Trance]

That depends on what you say and how you say it

[maximumpower]

You're too needy.