I'm 23 and never dated in my life- I need unique dating advice?

[RetroReginald]

I'm 23 and never dated, kissed, or sex with a guy ever. The reason is that I'm an old soul and I discovered I like MUCH older men at an early age. I waited until I was an adult to date an adult (makes sense). Well I'm 23 and stuck. I'm attracted to men in their 40s/50s, and I'm not about the sugar daddy thing. I'm not crazy about sex right away I just want companionship, love and be loved and make his life better. Just simple living. I'm a fantastic saver. It's not about money. The only older guys I meet are either low-lives who do drugs, or are sugar daddies. And the "ordinary" men are already married with kids who are my age. It's really hard to only be attracted to men these ages. I don't know where to look. I'm 23 but I look like jailbait. Majority of men think I'm a teenager, so they're smart not to go for that. I don't wanna wear a pin that says, "I'M 23! DATE ME!" But I don't drink at all. I don't like any alcohol. You'll never find me at a club or bar, and that's not where I think I'd find my ideal guy anyway. I'm a concert junkie, I love music but even when I go to see artists like Elton John, Collective Soul, Kid Rock, Bob Seger, Steely Dan, Sammy Hagar, etc. they all think I'm a l'm a little teen going with her parents to the show. Yes, half the time I bring my parents along because they like that music. So you can easily see how people assume I'm a little girl. I don't know where to go or what to do to start meeting people. I can't walk around IRL with a bio like its my Instagram page. And online dating sucks for so many reasons :( Here's what I look like- I dress with variety. All photos from 2022.

https://i.imgur.com/afcI2PS.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/Z4OnrBs.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/JaAworK.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/OTOAVP3.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/4msmuYh.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/0VELYFv.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/wpCZX6d.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/tvU1elr.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/2o44OhY.jpg

So if you have advice for a weirdo like me, I'd be so grateful.

[Middleman]

As someone who is of that age (40s-50s) I can probably give you some pointers.
I know that you like music, but if you really want to meet guys of that age group and who share your interests you are going to have to expand your own set of interests to try and include them.

Guys my age are likely to also like stuff like computers or cars/mechanics or movies/comics so fairs and conventions for these places are a good place to start. Art galleries or classes are also some great places to meet and know people as is pilates/yoga/taichi/cooking classes. While I know you don't like drinking, bars, pubs and clubs are still popular places for people to hang out as is jazz clubs, record shops, hi-fi shops or theatres. If music is an interest, then I would also assume orchestral performances/sessions are also good options. Exhibits or fairs are also good places to go meet people. In the States the annual Burning Man Festival is another good location where people meet up.

If that doesn't work, then you could try to enlist help from your contacts. Do you know or have any friends/relatives who are getting married for example? If you are invited to a wedding, there are chances you could meet potential matches there.

Also I think when you are trying to date, while it's a great thing you're doing for your parents, but bringing them along may not be such a great idea if you want a successful date/match. At some point you're going to have to try meet people on your own or when out with friends.

[FunkyMonkee]

I was the same as you (except it was with a girl) until I was 3 weeks shy of turning 25!! One night, I got EVERYTHING in just a few hours!!

I don't drink, either. Music is my life!! Been collecting records since I was 2. Played drums in a band for 25 years and we have 2 albums out.

Except in the last two pictures, I don't think you look like a little girl at all! Standing next to me you sure would!! I'm 6' 9"!! You'd need a ladder to kiss me!!

[anon1903]

You're very beautiful. Why do you dress like a highschooler though? I dress like that sometimes, but it's because different body type. You're probably underweight, maybe dress up more maturely and men will take notice of you.

Since you've age gap preferences, you can use dating apps that allow messages from people of the selected age range. It's very flexible.

Good luck.

[RetroReginald]

Thanks. How do I dress like a high schooler though? I like to dress vintage and sometimes I wear t-shirts... everybody wears t-shirts. I don't see the problem but I'm not going to change my entire wardrobe to get a man. I am in my ideal BMI but I'm on the smallest side. At 93lbs, I can't wear most women's clothes, especially shoes. I have never find a heel that fits me. A size 5 is often too big in heels and so if I shop in childrens then it's, well, childish. A size 4 is too rare and no shoe is a guarantee fit anyway. So I dress the way I do. I love bows in my hair. I like to wear skirts and converse. I'm open to trying more but either the "fancier" stuff is too uncomfortable, hard to find or doesn't fit. I literally cannot find a size bra that fits me without the straps falling off, and if I go a smaller size then the cups are too small. It's just a disaster.
I hate online dating apps.

[anon1903]

I hear ya.

[anon1903]

You don't have to change your whole wardrobe, you can just get a few new outfits.

[LovingLoverReturned]

Try not telling people your age. And go to events that only obvious adults can attend. Doesn't have to eb a party. I don't really like parties and I do like older guys, though not that much older unless he looks young...

She is like 20 and he is 40

https://www.youtube.com/embed/HNtytX0C4pc

[RetroReginald]

Okay what events are only for adults that aren't just bars or clubs? I have been wondering this for over 10 years.

[LovingLoverReturned]

Certain sport, yes many sport don't involve moving 😂... archery, crafts, chess... oh and yeah clubs that aren't for parties...

[LovingLoverReturned]

Bird watching, animal rescue volunteer etc...

[RetroReginald]

Oh I see. I still like to hang with the music scene. Open mics, karaoke, going to concerts, performing piano... music is a universal crowd but still it's all I really like to do socially

[Jenny-Marie]

Your dress taste is a little old, perhaps adjust to a slightly younger style? May I also suggest you soften your look. The lipstick colour doesn't do you any favours and your glasses are definitely "in your face". Try going for subtle and more modern.

[RetroReginald]

But I like retro and I've always gotten LOADS of compliments on all my lipsticks. This is me. It's hard to change much. Dressing modern makes me wanna k! ll myself... that's why I like older guys, they don't GAF about the way a girl dresses usually.

[Jenny-Marie]

I get your point and right to dress to make yourself comfortable. However, I have a different slant on your situation. Why would an older guy want to date a younger lady dressing as an older lady? Surely an older guy wanting that look would go for someone older. Conversely, if he wanted a younger lady, wouldn't he want them to look and dress younger? I think your potential date pool is quite small because of that. Fingers crossed that you find your ideal guy, maybe on a dating app, with care. Just make sure that your wording is specific to attract guys that suit your personality and big smile.

[RetroReginald]

I don't know. Everyone just made me miserable for asking this question, and even more overwhelmed because it seems so demanding. I'm done with this question... thanks for trying to help though.

[Jenny-Marie]

Please don't be miserable, it is your smile that shows who you are. Read through the replies again and try to pick out things that suit your thoughts. It's our differences that make us and there will be a guy who's proud to have you on his arm. Good luck, many of us will be rooting for you.

[RetroReginald]

They all don't help or make me feel way worse and I wish I could delete this question. I hate this site. You can't delete anything, it makes sense. I'm logging out and maybe deleting my account.

[RetroReginald]

makes no sense*

[JPresidente]

I’d try contacts, work on your hair and get fashionable clothes. Then you could try various methods such as dating websites, references from friends, work or even meeting them at book stores or malls perhaps.

[RetroReginald]

Weird, I've been told a lot that my glasses make me look older.

[JPresidente]

I would change the frames then and make them a bit more hip. Give yourself the sexy librarian look.

[RetroReginald]

I look terrible like that. And I have no job and my insurance does not cover new frames. I just bought them in February.

[Aphrodite801]

Yes yes, finding a much older decent man who’s isn’t an unattractive creep to date as a young woman is actually hard. This should have been obvious. Maybe higher your standards and stop being weird? Thanks.

[RetroReginald]

Higher my standards? That would be even less helpful in me finding someone and my standards are quite high to begin with if I've still never even dated someone. Come on. And stop being weird? That has nothing to do with any of this shit. Everybody's weird. Look at yourself.

[Aphrodite801]

Your standards are quite low if you are willing to date a man that much older than you for basically no reason. And you’ve already stated most of the men around that age are not what you want. You make no sense, I honestly think you’re a troll account so I’m not gonna respond anymore lmao. Weirdo.

[RetroReginald]

I'm not a troll account. I have a legitimate website: https://retrosoulgirl.wixsite.com/hojnacki my name is Brianna and I do photography for the band Collective Soul. I also am an a longtime artist/animator and piano player for 20+ years and I post all my covers on my YouTube channel which shows my face: www.youtube.com/channel/UCq2dePRgpLLaZzNaQe5tfng
I don't know why you come on here and blatantly fucking insult me but if you're really 21 then it shows how immature you are that that is one of many reasons why I tend to make friends with people decades older than me. I'm not afraid to be who I am so if you think I'm a weirdo then more power to you. Better than being condescending like you. If you think I'm a troll account then why comment in the first place and then proceed to comment on other people's comment on an a post that makes you uncomfortable? YOU make no sense. I have plenty of reasons why I love older men but instead you choose to judge a stranger off the internet and assume that "nope, I love older men for basically no reason". Of course you think I love them for no reason, you also think I'm a troll and now you hate me for calling you out LOL! You approach people with lack of respect where as an older man (most) approach strangers with respect. Please, you have not once answered my question or have been helpful. So keep your promise and not answer back.

[Guy13]

Arts and 5 men around you all the time. No wonder no one has kissed you…. No one wants to get shot by the Family 😉

[RetroReginald]

What do you mean?

[Guy13]

I went to your page and saw your Family. 5 guys…protective guys like in that picture will kill anyone’s social life. 😊

[RetroReginald]

It's a meet and greet with my favorite band Collective Soul.

[Guy13]

I see. Then I have no reason why you are single much less never dated. You are an attractive woman. I know artists are quirky but definitely “Dateable” !!

[RetroReginald]

That's another thing. You thought that they were my family. Because I look like a bite sized 8th grader. Yet the man with the teal shirt is the one I want most. He's 59, we're 36 years apart and I'm so deeply in love with him. There's a LONG REASON why, so don't just assume it's all the surface things... this man legitimately saved my life, literally ACTUALLY saved my life and has helped me overcome so many HUGE obstacles in my life... for example I was too scared to see a doctor for 10 YEARS for chronic pain, and he convinced me and guided me to go this year and I successfully had a surgery to reduce the pain. But he is married. So I've respected that and tried to look for someone else. I know I can love someone else just the same, and I can let him go because I love him. I've already made him so proud. But my issue is not letting him go. It's the fact that I want a man around his age. Mid 40s to mid 50s at least. And everyone thinks I'm a his daughter in comparison to a man who is in his 50s with grey hair and more wrinkles. But I truly love people for who they are and the silver foxes DO turn me on. A man with an "aged" face and body just IS a turn on for me. I can't explain it. But the world will see us as father and daughter. That's not so bad as convincing men in the first place that I'm 23 and actively searching for a man decades older...

[WhitneySnow]

Try and cultivate an older look. That way you’ll attract decent guys in that age who wanna date a girl in her twenties.

[RetroReginald]

Do any of the photos I shared above help me look older? I'll start using them as a basline.

[ChiTown33]

If you've never dated a guy your age how do you know you only like older guys? It sounds like you're not really giving guys your age a chance.

[RetroReginald]

You don't know who I am or the interactions I've had with people. So why don't you give ME a chance?

[ChiTown33]

Because this is all a joke. This is your Alt account. And you're on here just to taunt guys my age. 🤣

[RetroReginald]

It's not my alternative account. Why are people not understanding this. I'm about to delete this question if I can. I feel like so people have just been so rude or harassing me here. I just asked for help. Nobody believes me. Everyone can just fuck off if they're not going to try to help.

[ChiTown33]

Well, best of luck to ya. 🙂👍

[Heolurt]

How about just go and walk anywhere, malls, bookstores, wherever and I guarantee there'll be guys wanting to approach you, also smile if you want to be approached or you could do the approaching, guys enjoy that.

[RetroReginald]

I'll try, I'm pretty fucking shy though, I can't even look people in the eye which again makes people think I'm a little kid.

[Berethor]

So you look like jailbait because you are very short?

[RetroReginald]

You have to see me in person. I look fucking 13 dude. Especially when I don't wear make up. I rarely do.

[Berethor]

I see, but at the same time it cute and feminine, and men like girls who are not slutty. :)

[RetroReginald]

Yeah my cuteness is the only thing guys said I have going for me :( What happens when I'm old as fuck and still single and looking? :(

[Berethor]

For someone so small and innocent you sure use the f-word a lot. Looking cute is better than nothing, even if you prefer to look sexy instead. What happens when you old? only men are allowed to be old? though you right, women have their value falling much faster than men when they get old, look-wise and fertility-wise, so you better find someone while you still young. Yea online dating kinda sucks but you should not limit your options, good that you not anonymous, you might even find someone on GAG. :)

[RetroReginald]

Some people think I'm cute but I'm not innocent. They don't always go together. I'm a rock and roll girl. My first concert at age 13 was Social Distortion- PUNK ROCK. Front row and went on stage.

[Berethor]

Never kissed is innocent in my book, so you learned to talk like that from punk rock? I see.

[RetroReginald]

I talk like this because because I fucking want to or someone is blowing a short fuse

[RetroReginald]

What does it matter to you

[Berethor]

Because I don't think that it fitting for a small girl like yourself to talk like that. :)

[RetroReginald]

You're definetely judgmental. Sorry you fit people into stereotypical categories like that. It's your loss to put people in a box.

[Berethor]

What I am losing? yea I might be judgmental but you can see it as an advice from me. :)

[RHK36]

Maybe you're not spending enough time with people near the age you're looking for. Also you'd have to look where older guys with a younger soul would spend time.

[Noodle_fan]

watch this video he will give you helpful insight

https://www.youtube.com/embed/C9ONWHXCsrk

[MikeInHawaii]

Don’t go out on even one date with someone you know you wouldn’t or shouldn’t marry.

[Cheerfull009]

You have uploaded your pictures, the guy who will like you after seeing your pictures, will contact you

[RetroReginald]

I want someone to like me for my personality not judge me by my face first. That's why I don't do online dating.

[Cheerfull009]

People say, face and body first, personality later

[RetroReginald]

SOME people *

[Cheerfull009]

No, most people

[Guardian45]

Try it now; thank me later!

Meet-Up

[shortster]

As a single guy. I usually go to the bowling alley or the game cafes.

[MrCommodore]

Happy to help if possible.

[RetroReginald]

Who can you help?

[MrCommodore]

Probably can share advice, a man's perspective if needed.

[RetroReginald]

Well how can I get a man in his 40s or 50s to see that I am:
- Not a kid. I'm in my 20s.
- I'm TOTALLY interested in men their age. Even if they're married, I'll jus be their friend. IDC. Most my friends are decades older than me,

[MrCommodore]

Well based on your pictures you are attractive looking. Are you quite small in terms of height or are those guys in the picture quite tall?

[MrCommodore]

I think a conversation would be enough to convince guys in that age bracket that you're not a kid. Flirting during that conversation would show that you are interested in guys their age.

Note: I've literally only turned age 40 a few weeks ago, so I can't really speak for all guys in their 40's & 50's. But I guess I can help you better understand the mindset.

[RetroReginald]

I'm 4"11 and these guys are around 6ft, some a little taller, some shorter but not much. To me that's TALL but I was told its not anymore :/ regardless, they're all a foot or more taller than me.
Yeah usually conversations give it away... if it's not clear I will literally tell them my age since they usually ask. But that's if we talk in the first place. When I worked in retail I met guys every day because they had to talk to me at the register. But not only was it sketchy because I worked in a run down area where most people were actually homeless and poor, but now I've been unemployed for so long and I have no car or license, so all I actually do is sit at home. Because of the lack of exposure, I'm EXTREMLY SHY talking to ALL strangers. I won't even ask a salesperson for help at a store unless desperate. I have a therapist and all she does is sit and listen. She doesn't provide ANY help. So I'm sort of stuck in a massive crisis with so many issues that lead up to me not having a boyfriend. And then not having a boyfriend fuels the fire because I know I would feel so much relief and comfort if I could just wake up and have someone to hold for inspiration but reality is, I've been unemployed for a year, I'm too shy, I can't go anywhere and I live in a shitty area, and so I'm lonely with no one to comfort me. Not even a friend. All my friends live in Atlanta. As if I will ever be able to move there.

[MrCommodore]

Ok, Well you will still meet someone, its just a matter of figuring out how to make it happen.

Does your shyness impact you talking to men? What do you find attractive? Like describe your perfect guy?

[dinojames22]

Don't worry too much about lack of experience

[panamared1]

We are all weird

[RetroReginald]

Exactly my point... I'm trying to explain this to a girl above who's 21... she makes me ashamed of my generation. Where's the eye roll emoji?

[panamared1]

Have you tried adult friend finder

[panamared1]

Love your pics