Is there a chance of romance between my crush and I?

[Anonymous]

A while ago my crush broke up with her boyfriend and started flirting with me. I asked her out on a date and she stopped, telling me she wanted to be single and probably realizing she was flirting with me to cope with the break up. I still have a crush on her and she’s still single. She talks to me frequently and goes out of her way to support me and do things like send me job applications and give general career advice but we don’t talk as extensively as we used to and usually I’m the person starting conversations and asking to hang out. She lives super far away and I didn’t have a car for the longest time so I couldn't ever see her in person without it being very inconvenient. We only see each other once a year and whenever we do she appears to enjoy my company a lot but then when I leave it’s like “ok see you in a year, we would be hanging out way more often if you had a car :/“I have a car now so I can see her easier, I guess my question is do you think that her lack of communication is bc she’s just not that interested in me or bc she didn’t want to get emotionally attached to someone she never sees? I hope things change now that I have a car, I asked her to hangout soon and she just said “of course”. I don't know what to expect.

[Part2603]

You're a beta orbiter and an emotional tampon. All the flowery things she says about how "it would be nice." or "If things were different" is just bullshit fantasizing. The way to read those expressions, is "If only I were attracted to you, I'd put in more effort to come see you more often." "It would be nice if I could be a completely different person and be fulfilled by you."

Women suffer from crazy truck loads of cognitive dissonance. They build these false images in their mind of who they are. They pretend to want to be these noble creatures who want the fairy tale romance, because if they admit to themselves what they really want they'd feel like sluts. They've been told their whole lives that they're the most special person in the world, and they really feel entitled to just put their needs above everybody else's. They feel that they can just LIE, because "a part of me really does like you."

I'm sorry to say, but I don't see it working out for you, and even if it does I don't see it working out well.

My advice for you would be to put the moves on her next time you see her in person. Sexually.

If you can physically seduce her, if you can show her that you're a little bit dangerous and assertive, and you're confident enough to not idolize her then maybe she can be genuinely attracted to you. You would have to change. As it stands now, she's not attracted to you, and that's THE MOST IMPORTANT THING when it comes to women.

In fact, if you try to be sexual with her and you fail, you would probably be in a better position than you are now. You can fail, and come back later. But you absolutely MUST signal your sexual desire for her if you're to have any chance at all of having her love.

[Ehjoh1]

That she started flirting with you after the breakup is a HUGE red flag. It's a coping mechanism and not a healthy base of a relationship, it's very good of her to be honest with you and tell you she wants to stay single. This way she won't hurt you. It's best for both of you to both move on, she from her ex and you from her.

I had a girl using me after her breakup and I continued flirting with her for months to figure out if she's really interested, which wasn't the case. She's just an attention-whore who needed my approval.

It's not a nice feeling to be used like this so I'm happy that I can tell you this from experience before you really get hurt.

Be happy that you aren't in a relationship with her and don't bother to ever try it. Chase a girl that has moved on and is ready.

If you have more questions are want to talk, no problem.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you don’t want to, but I think it’s better to respect her wishes and move on. If she’s a really nice woman and enjoys your company/friendship, you shouldn’t take every action and wonder if there’s more to it. Asking her out over and over and getting the same response should tell you all you need to know.

[taraburtch]

well if she said of course then make a move. be a good friend to her don't pressure her into getting into a relationship